


How the other half lives

by taj_mahal



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Characters are OOC (but that's why it's AU), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Falling In Love, Family Feels, First Meeting, Gay relationships (F/F as well as M/M), Lots and lots of emotional baggage for all of them, M/M, Maribel is a singer, Mirka is a professional WTA player (still), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rafa and Roger have both dropped out of professional tennis, Rafa takes care of her, Roger is her manager, Sibling Rivalry, Slow Burn, Songfic (Sort of), Underage Drinking, heavily inspired by the soundtrack to "A star is born", unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2019-08-28 08:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 177,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16719675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taj_mahal/pseuds/taj_mahal
Summary: ### They are broken characters, failures beyond repair, all of them in their own way - but somehow, maybe because of that they fit together perfectly. ###In a different life where Rafa and Roger have both dropped out of professional tennis and are now taking care of the respective women in their lives, they encounter each other in a chance meeting, as do the female counterparts playing a major role in their lives.Everything changes from here on out as new relationships are formed and they start changing each other's lives.





	1. The stage is set

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is something that came to me after watching "A star is born", which is probably the best movie I have seen in a while.  
> It has stuck with me and somehow this is the fruit of the inspiration it has given me.  
> I have no idea if this is a good idea, I have no idea where this will take me and I'm not sure it's any good.
> 
> I highly rely on feedback PLEASE and I would also appreciate a co-author and/or a beta if anyone feels up to it.  
> I have a couple of ideas for this little (or large) plot bunny but if nobody likes it I will simply keep it a Oneshot and leave this little AU scene with you like a glimpse into another life.
> 
> Please, please, please - tell me what you think!
> 
> <>°O°<>

*Melbourne, Australia - 2008*

It's always a little like having a box of chocolates with the descriptions on the back missing... He never knows what he is in for. Actually that is not true. He knows exactly what he is in for. It's usually some sort of fight because his sister is not a morning person. The fact that she has been an internationally recognized, famed and hyped superstar since the age of 14 doesn't help matters one bit. She loves him, he knows she does, but that doesn't mean she respects him and it certainly doesn't mean she will be nice to him. So when Rafael enters his sister's hotel room that morning and calls out to her, she immediately reacts defensive. 

“Mari, are you up?”

“Bedroom. Stop yelling!”

Over the years he has become very good at reading his sister's mood from the sound of her voice. She is not still sleepy, she is not hungover. She is simply annoyed and not in a good mood. She wants him out of the room, wants to stay in bed and wants to have no argument with him. When Rafael enters her hotel bedroom – even though he knows there will be hell to pay for doing it – he finds his sister still in bed in a shirt that actually belongs to him and a pair of panties, her hair a mess and the expression on her face sour. She is about ready to scold him for intruding on her privacy like this, but Rafael manages to get to her first and he has some scolding to do of his own.

„What are you doing?! You have to be at the concert hall in an hour and a half for rehearsal and you're not even dressed yet.“

„Get off my case, damn it! I'll have a shower and breakfast and then I'll be ready to go. Order me a doughnut or something, will you?“

„I'm not your servant, Maribel.“

She doesn't like it when Rafael calls her out on her bratty, diva-like behavior and of course she immediately pouts and then retaliates. She might be an internationally recognized star singer but that gives her no right to disrespect her family. Unfortunately the family relation has never bothered her one bit. She disrespects him anyway – time and again – and today is no different. She feels entitled and after years of trying, Rafael has given up on making her see that she is not. He has learned when to stay quiet – for both their sakes.

„No. You're the guy who's supposed to take care of me. So go and do your job. Take care. And order me some coffee while you're at it. 

While Rafael – begrudgingly – leaves the bedroom and goes to order room service, Mari slips out of bed and into the shower. She takes her sweet time – the food and coffee having arrived already when she finally comes out of the bathroom dressed in only a bathrobe and with a towel wrapped around her wet hair. She eyes the contents of the ordered breakfast and nods in approval. On her way to the table however, Mari stops at the minibar, pulling two miniature bottles from the side door of the fridge, both of them holding a golden liquid. Rafael isn't quite sure as he can't read the labels but judging from the color they either have to be whiskey or rum. 

He's not quick enough to stop his sister, who pours herself three quarters of a cup of coffee and then adds the majority of the content of one of the miniature bottles into the coffee mug as well. He has long since given up on trying to actually, physically intervene. The one time he has tried, his sister has completely lost it... He still has the very soft lines of scars on his lower arms from where she has scratched at him with such viciousness that she has drawn blood... And he has a recurring muscle problem in his lower back from where she has pushed him against the railing of her hotel room balcony on the eighteenth floor of her room that fateful night when he had tried to move in between her and her 'happy juice'. He has learned that day never to do that again. But it doesn't stop him from at least trying to make her see the error of her ways with a couple of choice words. 

„Dios, Mari... It's eleven in the morning!“

„It's four in the afternoon somewhere around the world.“

„You're 17 years old!“

„So what?! Are you worried about my growth or something?“

They aren't having this conversation – this fight – for the first time and Rafael is pretty sure it will not be the last either. It always ends the same. Maribel makes fun of him worrying about her, she is condescending and spiteful, she raises her voice, he does the same and in the end they indulge in a yelling match that usually ends with her saying something vicious and hurtful that shuts him up, because he is not willing to hurt his sister in the same way she is willing to do it to him. This morning is no different from any other time. 

„I'm worried about your health!“

„You're only worried about covering your ass and a way to explain my behavior to our parents. Well newsflash, bro – I'm more grown up than you will ever be. I can take care of myself. I don't need you to look out for me and I don't owe our parents an explanation or a justification. So either shut the fuck up or get out of my room!“

It's not really a choice she is giving him. Or maybe it is in her eyes. But Rafael knows all too well that he can't leave Maribel alone, especially not if she is drinking. He can't stop her, he can't make her see reason and he can't change her ways. But he can look out for her and make sure she is safe. So he does not leave – even though that is exactly what he wants to do. Instead he does the other thing. He shuts up and sits down, watching as his sister takes a first deep gulp of her alcohol infused coffee. She grins at him but there is no humor or affection in the reaction – only spite and glee. 

„Wise decision.“

*#*

*Melbourne – that same evening*

They are in the car on their way back to their five star hotel and Roger still can't stop staring at his girlfriend. She is positively glowing with pride, now even more so than she has done earlier out on court or in the newsroom with all that reporters asking her stupid questions. He has been there through it all, has seen the match, has held himself at the ready in the back of the news room during the press conference, has picked her up from the locker room afterwards and now he is here in the car with her. But even now he has a hard time actually grasping what has happened tonight... He couldn't be any prouder of Mirka. 

„You won...“

„Don't sound so surprised.“

He grins back at her to take the sting out of the situation because Mirka sounds just a tiny bit insulted. This win has given her the confidence and self-assurances she tends to lack so bitterly sometimes. It makes her a little more aggressive and confrontational as well though. Roger doesn't mind. After all he has a very good reason to explain his surprise. It isn't really his own- he has always believed in her. And he's glad he can tell her he was right all along. 

„Only repeating your own words back to you. I told you before I was sure you were going to make it through and win this thing. But you... You said before the match that you could never beat her, not in a million years. That it would be better to withdraw and not play the match at all, to safe yourself from the heartache and embarrassment... Your words, not mine.“

„I know. But luckily then the drugs kicked in and I started seeing reason.“

The smile falls from his face the moment Mirka mentions the anti anxiety meds she has a special exception for and that she usually takes before big matches like that. He hates it when she talks about the medication like this. Like they are a crutch to her, the sole reason she is able to function out on a tennis court. They are not. She is talented and great at what she does all on her own. The simple fact remains however that she herself doesn't believe in that little fact of life – no matter how many times he tells her. 

„The medication didn't make you win. You did that all by yourself.“

She smiles at him but it couldn't be easier to see that she doesn't believe him. It's just like every other time when he tells her that she can manage very well without the help of the medication. By now Roger is almost sure it is more habit than need that makes Mirka take that stuff. But tonight is not a night to argue about this. Tonight is a night for celebration, a night to bask in the happiness and glory of the semifinal win at the Australian Open. He acts a little like one of those stupid journalists, giving her a scrutinizing gaze but keeping the grin on his face and his tone of voice teasing. 

„So you have just won the semifinal of the Australian Open, you will be playing the final on Saturday and everybody around is adoring you and praising you for your talent, fighting spirit and never-say-die attitude. You're a star tonight and you deserve a treat. What do you want?“

„I want her.“

The car has come to a halt at a red light and – following Mirka's outstretched finger – Roger finds himself looking at a poster advertising a couple of concerts, one of them taking place tonight, the other tomorrow. They are two shows of a Spanish pop singer with an international repute. There is a fierceness to Mirka's demand and there is an ambiguity to her choice of words that Roger isn't sure if he likes. 

Mirka likes the teenage girl's music. The fun fact and curiosity to the young woman is that – even though she is Spanish – she has never recorded a single song in her mother tongue. All of those songs that have made her famous all over the world are English ones. She is certainly talented – even though it's not exactly Roger's kind of music and he doesn't share his girlfriend's enthusiasm – but other than that Roger knows little to nothing about her. Of course they had known about the coincidence that has his girlfriend – the fan – and Isabel – the star – in the same town at the same time although they usually live half a world away from here. 

There has been no chance to get concert tickets and Mirka had been okay with that – though she certainly hasn't been happy. But now he has opened a door for her and the confidence she has gained from her victory tonight makes her a tiny bit cocky. This is what she wants. She want this girl – wants to see her, meet her. Isabel... Roger assumes that when you are this famous – way more famous than his girlfriend and Australian Open finalist – there is no need for last names... He doesn't dwell on the thought. There is nothing he can do to fulfill Mirka's wish and she has known that from the start. As much as he wants to make Mirka happy, this is simply something he cannot do. Unfortunately it's not an argument Mirka accepts. She shrugs her shoulder, resolve sounding in her voice, leaving no room for argument.

„She's an international super star and all of her Australian concerts have been sold out months in advance. You know this. So how on earth do you propose I do this?“

„I don't care. It's not my job to figure it out. You're my manager. Manage it.“

*#*

*The next morning – 10:30 am*

Roger has spent the entirety of last night and the better part of the morning going through his contacts, talking to team members of other players – especially the Spanish ones – and finally, mercifully he has found somebody on Tomeu Salva's team who is somehow an old friend of somebody on the support team of the Spanish pop singer. There is a friendship going years back and a family relation on the singer's side but Roger hasn't asked any additional questions. He's simply glad he has found a way to make things happen for Mirka.

When he calls the number he has been provided with and is greeted in Spanish, his heart sinks for just a moment. He doesn't know anything to say in Spanish except how to say 'Hello' and 'Goodbye', 'Please' and 'Thank you', count to three and order a beer. None of that will be exactly helpful. So he tries with English and he is in luck. The reply he gets is with a rather heavy accent but it is definitely English. The man on the other end of the line is nice to listen to and Roger immediately feels sympathy towards this unknown male. 

He is reluctant at first but as soon as Roger mentions the Australian Open and tennis and finally Mirka, something seems to shift. Suddenly the other man is a lot more open to Roger's suggestion and in the end they come to an understanding and Roger is told to be at the concert hall at around 11 am and to bring Mirka along with him. He has succeeded and he can't help the stupid grin that appears on his face when he hangs up. Now all he has to do is surprise his girlfriend. 

He meets her in the hotel restaurant at breakfast. She has been there while he has claimed to sleep in – all the while trying to procure the phone number and a way to make her dreams come true. When he comes downstairs, she is just about finished and Roger asks her to come along with him for a little ride about town. She is reluctant at first but when he tells her it will be worth her while with a wide grin on his face, she smiles back and agrees. They aren't on their way for more than five minutes though, when Mirka seems unable to contain her curiosity any longer. 

„Where are we going?“

„It's a surprise.“

They go about town - a drive that takes no longer than twenty minutes - and Mirka seems completely oblivious to where they are going until they actually arrive at their destination. Even then the first thing she does is gape and stare and then draw in an almost shaky breath. There is disbelief in her eyes when her gaze shifts from the large building to her boyfriend and Roger can't help but grin in satisfaction, silently congratulating himself for a job well done.  

„This is a concert hall!“

„It is.“

„You... You actually managed? You did it?“

Roger neither denies nor confirms his girlfriend's suspicions, but ushers her out of the car. It is only a couple of minutes to 11 now and the last thing he wants to be is late. After all this hasn't exactly been an easy task to accomplish. Mirka is smiling, looking like a little girl who has just been offered the biggest lollipop in the candy store. She follows him happily and she seems almost more excited than she has been after her semifinal win yesterday. 

„Come on.“

Somebody is waiting for them at the side entrance, smiles at them and seems to know exactly who they are and why they are here. The second the enter the main hall, music can be heard and both their attentions are drawn to the stage. And there she is – Isabel – the teenage, Spanish pop-star, in a pair of black stretchy pants, a white top – with no bra underneath it Roger notices immediately – her dark hair pulled into a messy pony tail and her eyes half closed as one of her band members plays the piano and she sings the lyrics going along with the melody. 

_I'm alone in my house_  
_I'm out on the town_  
_I'm at the bottom of the bottle_  
_I've been knockin' them down_  
_I can't get back up on my feet_  
_See the lights all on the street like stars_  
_But look what I found Look what_  
_I found another piece of my heart_  
_Just layin' on the ground_

They stop halfway through the song and there is laughter and an animated discussion going on on the stage as the musician discusses the finer points of the melody with her band members. The rehearsal is life and even though Roger can appreciate the raw talent, the music still does little to nothing for him. Mirka however seems completely in awe and can't take her eyes of the stage and the young singer. She is whispering to him.

„She's amazing...“

„She's good, yeah.“

„Good?! You truly have no ear for music. And no eye for beauty... You... you think I could meet her, talk to her?“

Mirka sounds almost a little timid. No longer like the Australian Open finalist, but more like the fan in awe of the musician she adores. Which is exactly what she is. Roger doesn't like the idea of intruding on the teenage girl's rehearsal. But he has gotten them this far. Stopping now seems kind of pointless. Mirka will probably never get as close to the younger woman as she is right now. It's the best chance she will ever have for a meeting. Roger gives a soft sigh but then nods. 

„I'll see what I can do. I'll be back in a moment. You just enjoy.“

*#*

Walking up to the stage Roger has no idea what to do, now idea how to achieve what Mirka asks of him. He feels like an intruder already even though nobody has tried to stop him so far. When he reaches first row and has a full view of the stage, he catches sight of a young man – probably a little younger than him – standing to the side of the stage, his gaze focused on the teenage girl performing her songs and talking with her band. There is a certain resemblance between this man and the singer and Roger assumes it means they are somehow related. The younger man is definitely... attractive and Roger feels himself frown at the thought. Attractiveness is not something he usually detects in other males...

Something deep inside himself is suddenly very sure and tells him that this is the man he has spoken to on the phone. Rafael, he remembers. Courage he had no idea was dormant inside of him, grabs a hold of him and makes Roger quicken his pace and put a smile on his face as he steps up to the stage, climbs the few stairs leading up to it at the side of it and approaches the younger man who has crossed his arms in front of his chest and is looking at him with a soft frown on his face. 

„Hi... You're... Rafael, right? We spoke on the phone?“

„We did.“

Roger decides not to start this conversation with a demand. After all the younger man is the one who has made it possible for Roger to fulfill Mirka's wish and make her happy. He owes the Spaniard thanks for that and that is definitely a better approach to the rest of their conversation than to simply demand from the other man to help him out yet again. The smile on Roger's face widens without any initiative or conscious thought from him. Hos gratitude is genuine when he addresses the younger man again. 

„I owe you one, man. Thanks so much for making this possible. My girlfriend... she would have had my head if I hadn't found a way to make this possible for her. You saved me, you really did.“

“You came up here to show your appreciation?”

Judging from the frown on the younger man's face, he has a hard time making sense of Roger's actions. Roger feels a tug deep inside his heart, asking himself what kind of a life the other man leads where he isn't used to receiving appreciation and a thank you for an effort made on another person's behalf. Somehow Roger assumes working for somebody like Isabel – a very young, yet very famous teenage girl – appreciation and gratitude doesn't come naturally to the younger man... But it's his decision to do this kind of work after all. No need to feel sorry for him. Roger decides now is the right time to ask what he has come over here for in the first place. He can practically feel Mirka's eyes boring into his back. 

“Yes. That and... well I actually wanted to ask another favor. A big one.”

“Of course.”

The younger man's face falls and disappointment – as well as a certain show of defeat, of knowing this was going to happen – is written all over it. Roger feels bad at the sight. The younger man had been happy about the nice words, about the show of friendliness and appreciation, even though his voice and expression had mostly betrayed confusion. But Roger is sure the Spaniard has appreciated it... only to have it thrown back at himself and realizing it has only been pretense to get him to agree to yet another favor. But as bad as Roger feels about it, he isn't deterred. He owes nothing to this man he feels so strangely... drawn to. He – however – owes something to his girlfriend. He smiles at the younger man, hoping to take some of the sting out of the situation. 

“My... my girlfriend, the one I asked you to allow in to see the rehearsal?”

“She wants to meet?”

“Yes. Do... do you think it's possible?”

“I'll ask.”

The answer is quick and matter-of-factly and then the younger man simply leaves him standing where he is and walks up to the teenage musician. He interrupts her mid-song and judging from the annoyed expression on her face, she doesn't like it one bit. Their conversation takes place in hushed tones but judging from her expression and the rather harsh tone to their words, Roger is almost sure the two are fighting... The argument stops the moment the other man points to Mirka sitting in one of the front rows and Roger can see a smile spread on the teenage girl's face at the sight of Roger's girlfriend. A smile that looks almost predatory... The younger woman gives Mirka a nod and then signs to her with the use of her index finger of her right hand to come closer. 

Mirka almost trips over her own feet as she hurries to follow through on the invite. Luckily she follows the same path Roger has taken and as she has to walk past him on her way to the teenage girl, Roger gets a chance to follow her. He keeps a couple of paces behind Mirka and realizes – out of the corner of his eyes – that the other man, the younger Spaniard who has retreated a bit after his sister has signaled to Mirka to come up to her, is following them as well. Mirka only has eyes for the teenage girl... who is very much flirtatious in her approach to Roger's girlfriend.

“Well... aren't you a sight for sore eyes. What's your name.”

“Mirka.”

“That sounds nice. Exotic.”

“Thank you?”

Mirka actually blushes and Roger tries hard not to grin. It certainly will not help his girlfriend's confidence if he grins. The younger woman seems to have no such problems though. She laughs, shakes her head, shakes her index finger at Mirka as if she has been naughty and then explains the meaning behind her words. 

“It was meant as a compliment and I don't give those freely. You can ask my brother about it. But you deserve them. You are gorgeous... I think I like you.”

“I like you too. It's why I wanted to come here...”

Mirka still sounds like an overwhelmed teenager meeting her idol, though age wise it is pretty much the other way around. Roger doesn't exactly know how old the Spanish singer is, but he is pretty sure she and Mirka are at least ten years apart. The girl however seems to have no problem with the age gap. She enjoys the flattery. And she freely speaks out an invitation to Mirka. Her brother – as she has just revealed that that is who the younger man is - however tries to curb her enthusiasm somewhat. It doesn't exactly go over well.

“Maybe you want to come again? Tonight, to the show? Or maybe you want to stay? Have a drink with me?”

“Mari...”

“What?! I'm hosting our guest. Stop interrupting. It's rude. Get back to your corner where you belong.”

There is an uncomfortable silence as the teenage girl uses the harsh words and even harsher tone to put her older brother in his place. Roger expects the other man to retaliate, to tell his teenage sister to show some respect or at least make it clear to her she can't talk to him this way. But nothing of the sort happens. It is in that moments of silence that Roger detects a bottle and a glass of some sort of alcohol on the bar stool standing next to the teenage girl. It looks like liqueur, something fruity maybe... and the bottle is half empty. Roger finds himself swallowing. Suddenly the other man's attempt to get his sister to give up on the idea to invite Mirka for a drink makes a lot more sense. The siblings have engaged in a staring contest and the younger one of them – the teenage girl – finally wins. Her brother retreats, Mirka stays and agrees to the drink and the invite to the show, giving Roger an apologetic look in the process, and then Roger follows the Spaniard and leaves his girlfriend with the teenage pop star. 

He and the girl's brother meet at the edge of the stage again and the atmosphere between them is still a little bit awkward. Judging from the way their short fight has ended, it's not the first time the younger woman has been rude and somewhat condescending to her older brother in the presence and company of other people. He seems very much used to it and still he is here, willing to look out for his baby sister. It's a decision Roger decides not to question. Instead he decides to pick up on their earlier line of conversation and actually show the appreciation he feels the younger man deserves for making this chance a reality for Mirka. Of course the fact that the younger man is attractive, that Roger feels sorry for him and that something deep inside him tells him that he likes this man has nothing to do with his decision.

“They will be busy for a while, I guess.”

The younger man doesn't answer, doesn't seem to trust his own voice. Maybe he is not as okay with his sister's behavior as Roger has initially assumed. Or maybe he is simply unwilling to trust a stranger. But he isn't being rude – unlike his sister, who, and Roger only realizes that right now, has never even asked who Roger is or what he is doing here – and in the end he simply nods in reply to Roger's statement. The older man shrugs his shoulders and smiles at that. 

„Well, As neither one of us is needed here right now... How about lunch?“

„Excuse me?“

„You asked me if I wanted to show my appreciation? Isn't that what you just said?“

„I... I did.“

The confusion the younger man had displayed earlier is back again and this time Roger actually finds the reaction endearing. Something like this has never – ever – happened to him before. He has never felt drawn to somebody like this, has never wished for a chance to get to know somebody, simply talk to somebody like this. At least not in years. Not since Mirka... But that is something entirely different. He shakes the thought off, focusing on the proposal he has made. This time the younger man smiles a genuine smile and nods his approval.

„So, how about it? Lunch and maybe a drink?“

„I would like that very much.“


	2. Commonalities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Rafael go out for lunch to give the girls some privacy.  
> They find out they have a lot more in common than just demanding women in their lives...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised to **OneLastThought** here is the update and I thank you once again for your beautiful, encouraging review!
> 
> This idea has kept growing and growing in my mind and it simply demands to be written.  
> The soundtrack keeps inspiring me, new ideas keep randomly popping up and so far the story outline is for about 30 to 35 chapters.
> 
> Not a lot of people have read this unfortunately, but I hope more of you will find their way here as the story grows.  
> I think it's one of the best I have ever written and I'm not willing to give up on it even with a lack of feedback.
> 
> Enjoy - I sure do :)
> 
> <>°O°<>

Roger wants to tell Mirka about his plan to take the younger man out for lunch to thank him for having made this meeting possible, but his girlfriend is already engrossed in an animated conversation with the teenage girl and – probably brought along by one of the other members of the band or on staff – a fresh glass has appeared in Mirka's hand and is half filled with the golden liquid that the bottle held. The teenage girl holds on to her own glass, taking small sips whenever it's Mirka's turn to keep the conversation and next to Roger, the younger man – Rafael – tenses visibly. 

Roger decides not to intervene and disturb. Mirka will probably be occupied – and happily so – for quite a while longer and both him and the Spaniard have cell phones on them. If she will be looking for him, Mirka will know to call. She is not lost without him and he is sure he can leave her in the company of the Spanish teenager. Mirka will be happy and glad for the chance to extend this meeting and Roger has plans of his own. He turns to face Rafael who tries very hard to ban the emotions still flashing on his face and force a smile on it instead. He is trying to be polite... and utterly failing at it. 

“Let's go then. I haven't had a proper breakfast. I'm starving.”

“Don't you want to tell your girlfriend?”

“She knows how to get in contact with me. I don't think she needs me right now anyway. She's... occupied. How about you? Don't you want to tell your sister?”

“No.”

There's no further explanation to the younger man's denial and Roger doesn't ask about it. Judging from the earlier – very sour and almost angry – expression on the younger man's face, he and his sister aren't exhibiting what the Swiss would call harmony among siblings. Then again no relationship is perfect, not even among family members. He decides to let it go and follows the younger man off the stage out of the main concert hall and out of the building. They take the car that he and Mirka have taken and that has been waiting for them, and the Spaniard directs the driver to a restaurant near by. 

It's a diner more than an actual restaurant and they serve a wide variety of food, none of it sounding particularly healthy. Roger finally opts for a sandwich and fries and the Spaniard picks a salad. It's not exactly an exciting meal choice but it's not like they are here for the cuisine. Roger is surprised though – because the place is packed with locals. He has not expected the Spaniard to be able to pick a restaurant close by with a good reputation. After all he and his famous sister have only been in Melbourne for a couple of days. Roger is curious about that. So he asks. Is as good a way to start the conversation back up as any. 

“I hadn't thought you would know your way around the city enough to be able to choose a good restaurant. Haven't you guys only been here for like five days or something?”

“We have been here over a week. My sister can't just hop on a stage, sing her songs and leave again. There's preparation involved, press events, fan meet and greets, stuff like that. And it's not the first time I've been here.”

Rafael doesn't volunteer any more information to explain why this is not his first trip to Australia. Roger however has learned quite a bit about the younger man's teenage sister, because Mirka had been excited and in a talkative mood last night, telling him everything and anything about the girl, whether Roger wanted to hear it or not. In all of those tales, Roger is pretty sure Mirka has not mentioned anything about Australia. 

“I know little to nothing about your sister but I'm pretty sure in the three years of her career this is the first time she plays concerts in Melbourne.”

“It is. So much for you not being informed.”

“I'm not. My girlfriend is. She told me.”

Roger smiles at the younger man and Rafael mirrors the gesture though his smile looks guarded instead of genuine. Roger doesn't exactly blame him though. He has only just met the younger man and this far the only thing Rafael knows about him is that he is good at extracting favors from other people. They know nothing about one another and for the Spaniard there is no reason to tell Roger any details about his life. They are here for a meal after all, not to exchange life stories... But having a meal together is a lot nicer and less awkward when you actually have something to talk about. It's the main reason the Spaniard decides to explain his knowledge about this particular place. 

“I wasn't traveling with my sister the last time I was here.”

“Holidays?”

“No. Grand Slam tournaments. I played here in '04 and '05. I managed a respectable 4th round participation in 2005.”

Roger knows he is gaping – probably looking like a fish on dry land – but he has yet to make sense of what the younger man has just told him. It's simply too much to be a coincidence and Roger is pretty sure the younger man wouldn't lie or make fun of him. So here they are – two former tennis players, both of them dropped out of the sport, both of them traveling with the woman that plays a major role in their lives and both of them sitting in a small dinner in the city of Melbourne half a world away from their homes... Roger swallows the lump forming in his throat and still feels he sounds like an idiot when he tries to confirm his suspicions. 

“You played professional tennis?!”

“That's what I said.”

“And you've been playing in Grand Slam tournaments? Just three years back?”

“I said that too.”

It seems what little initiative the younger man has felt to actually keep the conversation going has evaporated. They are further interrupted by their meals arriving and while Rafael picks up the fork, Roger simply doesn't feel like eating any more. It's almost comical to watch though, how the younger man looks at him expectantly and finally puts his fork down again. Quite obviously Rafael doesn't want to be rude and start the meal without him. Roger opts to use the chance and asks additional questions about what he has just found out about the younger man. 

“How old were you?”

“Eighteen.”

“That's very young.”

“I guess...”

Rafael tries to sound humble at Roger's statement but he doesn't exactly manage. A smile has spread on the younger man's face. A proud one that stretches into a grin – lighting up his whole face at the memory – when he reminisces about what he wants to tell Roger. It's the first time since they have met and decided to come here, that the Spaniard actually sounds both excited and happy. Though there is a barely detectable melancholy to the look in his eyes, one that almost passes Roger by and the information the younger man has for him, washes his slightly awkward feeling away and leaves only awe and disbelief. 

“I also won one that year.”

“A tennis tournament?”

“A Grand Slam.”

This time Rafael doesn't even try to hide how proud he feels about his accomplishment and how happy the memory makes him. For Roger it feels like he has been struck by lightning. He has never fully given up on keeping himself informed about the ATP circuit and suddenly the name rings a bell and Roger can put a last name to the Spaniard's given name. With the name comes a memory and a whole conundrum of feelings that had invaded him when he has seen a highlights reel and the result of the tournament that day three years back. Joy for the player's achievement, awe at the fact that he managed the feat at such a young age... and jealousy that a promising prodigy on the rise had managed something Roger would never again be able to do. 

“Rafael... Rafael Nadal! That's you, is it? The kid that won Roland Garros?!”

“That's me.”

“What happened?!”

Roger is truly curious and interested in finding out what has happened that has caused the Spaniard to completely drop out of the sport. He knows what has done it for him and he is pretty sure it's been the same for Rafael. The younger man does give him an answer but it's not a satisfactory one. Actually it's no answer at all. It's a deflection and of course Roger sees right through it. Being with someone like Mirka – who needs pills to deal with her anxiety and to be able to get out on court and play her tennis – Roger is used to deflection. 

“Life.”

“You don't want to talk about this...”

“No, not with you anyway. I don't even know you.”

For some reason the younger man's statement hurts – a lot more than it should. He's not wrong after all. He is simply stating the facts. He and Roger have only just met today and the only thing they have in common is that both of them are former professional tennis players... and that they take care of very demanding women playing an important role in their lives. Maybe there is more, but they certainly won't find out if they don't talk about it. And even if the initial idea was to simply have a meal together, Roger feels drawn enough to the younger man – both physically and on an interest level – to actually try to get to know him better. Rafael however seems to have no such intentions. Roger tries with a grin and a teasing tone but his attempts to woo the younger man into compliance fall utterly short. 

“Aren't we here to remedy that?”

“I thought we were here to give my sister and your girlfriend some privacy.”

There is a tiny bit of sharpness and contempt to the Spaniard's voice and Roger decides to change the subject. He hasn't even told the Spaniard until now and hopes, the fact that they have something in common will make the younger man more lenient towards giving up some more private information about himself. It's not for Rafael's sake and benefit alone though. Roger is no different from the younger man. Reminiscing about tennis always brings a smile to his face, too, even if it is a bittersweet one. 

“I played also, you know.”

“Tennis?”

“Yes. Never managed a Grand Slam title though. I was twenty when I had to stop.”

“Had to?”

Roger grins and tries to coax the younger man into talking to him some more about his own experience, but his teasing tone of voice does not have the desired effect. Instead of smiling back at him or telling him what a childish idiot he is – two things Mirka would have done if it was her sitting here with him right now – Rafael simply frowns at him and denies Roger any chance to keep the conversation about tennis any longer. 

“I won't tell if you won't tell.”

“No, thank you.”

The finality of Rafael's statement makes it difficult to pick up the conversation again and Roger decides not to try. The younger man might be interesting, he might be nice to look at and have a lot to tell about his past if he actually decided to do so. But as Rafael doesn't want to do any of that, Roger decides to do what they have come here for in the first place and eat. Finally they dig into their meal and by now Roger's fries are no longer exactly hot or even warm. Other than that the food is good though. Rafael has made a good choice and for some reason that makes Roger feel guilty about his persistent attempt to get the younger man to open up. He looks up from his meal and is surprised when he finds Rafael looking back at him. Roger gulps down the mouthful of food he's still chewing on and decides on a more... careful approach this time. 

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“Putting you on the spot with your sister like this... She didn't seem to like it.”

Roger could curse at himself for his own idiocy. Yet again he manages to say the completely wrong thing, reminding the younger man of that awkward situation and the fight he has had with his younger sibling. It's no surprise the Spaniard reacts defensive, though it only shows in the fire in his eyes. His tone of voice and his posture are one of utter restraint as he tries to stay both patient and polite. 

“Do you have any siblings?”

“An older sister.”

“Do you always get along well with her?”

Roger realizes where this line of conversation is going and he can't help but realize that Rafael has managed to maneuver him into a situation where he can only lose. It's tactics in talking and for a brief second Roger wonders if the kid has been like this on court back when he still played the sport. He decides to check out that French Open final at some point to go and see for himself. For now all he can do is say no to Rafael's question – thus proving the younger man's point. 

“No.”

“This is a demanding job she does, a demanding life. It's only natural her patience slips easily. I'm used to it.”

It's a lame explanation and excuse, Rafael offers for his sister's behavior, and it is on the tip of Roger's tongue to tell the other man that he should neither be used to nor content with the way his sister treats him. But he has no right to say that. Actually he doesn't even have the right to that assumption. All he has seen is a glimpse into the siblings' lives. That doesn't mean he knows anything and it certainly doesn't mean he has any right to judge. Once again he decides it's better to change the subject than to yet again say something that will either annoy or insult the younger man. 

“You think they'll be alright together? That they'll hit it off?”

“It seemed my sister liked your girlfriend. She wouldn't have invited her to stay otherwise. They will be fine and I'm sure they will have a good time.”

There is a bitterness to the younger man's tone of voice and Roger feels a hard knot form in the pit of his stomach as he remembers the half empty bottle of alcohol on the bar stool next to the young singer and how quickly a glass full of that liquor had found it's way into both Mirka and the girl's hands. Something is definitely going on there, something Roger knows better than to ask any questions about. Instead he tries to be both polite and casual. 

“That's good to hear.”


	3. Look what I found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys find out what Mirka and Mari have been up to.  
> Roger and Mirka go to Maribel's concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a day... Usually Fridays are slow days for me as I only work half days but this one...  
> Nothing went as planned and after work I spent close to five hours with errands and Christmas shopping.  
> I feel about ready to drop into bed, but I promised a new chapter by the beginning of the weekend - so here it is.
> 
> Thanks to everyone of you who left feedback on this story.  
> I'm so happy to hear your thoughts and to know that you like it so far.
> 
> Here is chapter 3 for you (and I promise Maribel will be less of a brat at some point... but not today :P)  
> A couple of interesting developments starting here and the first song of the fic.  
> The link to the song to go along with the lyrics is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUOLhjvmdh4)  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

Roger doesn't meet Mirka until an hour past midday back at the hotel, and he is pretty sure she only shows back up here because she has a practice session scheduled for 2 pm in the afternoon. No matter how nice and engrossing her meeting with the young Spanish singer has been, she certainly wouldn't miss a scheduled practice for it. Mirka is too much of a professional to let that happen. Apart from that she knows very well that only practice – the repetition of hitting the little fuzzy yellow ball over and over and over again – gives her the calm and confidence she needs to go into a match. That and her medication... 

For Roger, his meal with Rafael has ended just as meeting him has started – with awkwardness. They have spent the rest of their meal as well as the drive back to the concert hall in silence. Roger has watched a short exchange between Rafael and somebody on staff at the hall and then the younger man has come back to him to tell him Mirka and his sister are still talking and that it would be a while longer. Roger has decided to leave them. They have said their goodbyes and – despite the obvious attraction and the interest he has in hearing more about the other man's past – Roger is pretty sure it isn't goodbye but farewell.

Back at the hotel he has enough time for a lengthy shower and half a movie before Mirka actually shows up. When she does, she is positively radiant with joy. There is a bright smile on her face and a skip in her step Roger has never seen her do ever before. Obviously Rafael's assessment has been right. Mirka has gotten along great with the Spanish singer. She has had a good time and of course Roger is curious to hear all about it. 

“How did your drinking date with _Isabel_ go?”

Roger know he shouldn't pronounce the singer's name like this. He sounds condescending doing it, maybe even a little irritated and Mirka frowns at him. He can't help it though. Rafael's words are still very fresh in his mind and as much as he tries, the Swiss can't get over the fact that the girl's own brother told him he is used to being insulted and disrespected – especially in front of other people – and that the teenage girl deserves leniency because her life is difficult and demanding. To Roger, the girl is simply brought up badly and both rude and selfish in her behavior. He won't tell any of that to Mirka though. His girlfriend adores the little brat – now more so than ever. If she is actually preoccupied by the emotions playing on his face, Mirka doesn't let it show. She chooses to ignore them instead. 

“Actually her name is Maribel. It's short for Maria Isabel, which is her full name. She asked me to call her Mari.”

“You're already on nicknames? That was quick.”

“She calls me 'Mimi'...”

Mirka sounds a little embarrassed and there is a soft redness creeping onto her cheeks as she tells Roger about the nickname Maribel has picked for her. Roger is horrified at the choice. Mimi sounds like the girl has tried to name a cat... She has probably meant well, though her track record when it comes to dealing with people nicely isn't exactly the best one. It's probably the reason why Roger can't keep a bit of sharpness our of his tone. But it seems his sarcasm is utterly lost on his girlfriend. 

“That's... cute.”

“I think it is.”

Mirka's glowing smile is back full force now and Roger doesn't want to curb her enthusiasm. Even for a professional athlete, being star struck can still happen – even with someone who is barely more than a child as of yet. It has happened for Mirka today and Roger certainly doesn't plan on belittling how much this means to his girlfriend. He's glad this has turned out as such a positive and enjoyable experience for her. However Mirka – as preoccupied as she was – is not unaware of Roger's own activities while she has met with the Spanish teenage singer. 

“Its not like I'm the only one going on a date with one of the siblings. You went and took her brother for lunch, I have been told...”

“I did and it might have been a lot of things but it certainly wasn't a date. We simply had lunch and we talked a little.”

“About what?”

Roger has it on the tip of his tongue already to tell Mirka about the fact that he and Rafael have something in common. But he stops himself and he isn't exactly sure why he does it. He trusts his girlfriend of course, but this is something intimate not only for him but for Rafael too. This is something they share, a fate that has affected both their lives. And Mirka – being a professional and successful player herself – can never understand what they are going through on a daily basis. So Roger decides to simply not tell her. 

“How did this conversation suddenly veer off and get about me? Tell me about your time with Mari.”

“She offered me VIP first row tickets for the show tonight and I accepted. I got a ticket for you, too. You will come with me, won't you?”

Going to the bratty teenager's show, whose music he doesn't really like and whose singing qualities are certainly good but no eye opener for him, is actually the last thing Roger wants to do. But it is what Mirka wants and maybe – just maybe – he gets a chance to see Rafael again... Roger puts a smile on his face and responds with way more enthusiasm than he actually feels, before getting back to questioning Mirka about the meeting. 

“Of course. So that was it? You talked about the show tonight?”

“No. We talked about a lot of things.”

“What kind of things?”

“I don't know. My tennis, her songs, hobbies, favorite food... stuff.”

Roger is sure there is a lot more the girls have talked about and maybe Mirka doesn't want to volunteer every last piece of the conversation and repeat it back to him. Roger doesn't mind. This has been Mirka's wish, her dream and she gets to keep as much to it to herself as she wishes. Roger is just glad he could make that treat she had wanted for her semifinal win a reality... Though he has had a lot of help getting it done. Mainly from Rafael... For now however he takes the credit. 

“Sounds like the meeting was a full success then.”

“Definitely. It was... great. She kissed me.”

Mirka doesn't look at him when she tells him about the kiss and the redness on her cheeks gets a shade darker. All Roger manages to do in response is frown. Mirka is by no means old but Maribel is definitely young. She is a teenager still, just seventeen years of age and a thirty year old woman with a lot of life experience to herself should know better than to allow a teenager to kiss her... The way Mirka tells it, it doesn't exactly sound innocent but Roger still hopes against hope, her embarrassed and shy reaction is because of her initial surprise, because of her awe for the star and because the girl is so young. He probes for an answer and does not hear what he wants. 

“Like a goodbye kiss on the cheek?!”

“No. Like a real kiss... On the mouth...”

Roger hears himself gasping and it's mainly because of the age difference, he has to admit. It's not that he would mind Mirka doing this if it was with someone her age. But this... is wrong. And he doesn't like it one bit. Probably because he doesn't like Maribel one bit... But he and Mirka have agreed early on that either of them can experiment when it comes to the physical nature of love... as long as they are both honest about it and always ask the other one about their opinion and for their permission beforehand. Mirka is being honest with him. But she has definitely broken the two other rules... and Roger doesn't like that one bit either. 

“Are you trying to make me jealous?!”

“No! I simply want to be honest with you. It was nothing really. Just an innocent little kiss really... It didn't mean anything. She's barely more than a child and I... am not.”

Mirka refrains from calling herself old and Roger would tell her to stop with the nonsense if she actually did it. Compared to Maribel she is definitely not a teenager any more. But it doesn't mean anything. Still this full frontal kiss compared with the age difference doesn't sit right with him. Still Mirka has told him and judging from the way she talks about it she is not looking for a repeat. She definitely feels uncomfortable under Roger's scrutinizing gaze though, which is probably why she tries to change the subject. 

“No kissing with the older brother than?”

“He didn't offer.”

“Sounds like you would have liked that.”

Roger has to think about that for a moment. Would he have liked it? Would he have kissed Rafael if the other man had offered? He honestly can't tell. From a purely physical point of view, the younger man is definitely attractive and somebody Roger feels drawn to. But there is just so much melancholy, so much emotional baggage and the younger man is too closed off for his own good. None of those qualities appeal to Roger... In the end all he can do is say that he has no idea how he would have reacted to such a proposal. He shrugs his shoulders. 

“I don't know. Maybe. Neither one of them is unattractive, that much is for sure.”

“Yeah, that much is definitely certain.”

*#*

Rafael's interaction with Maribel after her meet up with the Swiss tennis player is very much like the one Roger and Mirka have, though of course Rafael doesn't know that. And it veers off into a different direction rather quickly... and viciously. Because the moment Maribel enters her hotel room, she is radiant as well, but for completely different reasons. Her cheeks are flushed, her movement is uncoordinated and the grin on her face is a stupid one. She has been drinking, more than just a little. And it shows.

Anger bubbles up inside of him immediately and he gets up from the couch he has been sitting on, crossing his arms in front of his chest and stepping into the path of her trajectory. Rafael has to admit he has no idea how the fuck she even made it through the lobby, to the elevators, up to the top floor, down the corridor and into the room using a key card. At least all of that shows incredible coordination and willpower... and that's where the good news end. 

“You're drunk...”

“Rafa, I didn't know you would be here...”

It's only when he addresses her that his sister even notices he is in the room and slowly and carefully lifts her head to look at him. Maribel is grinning a wide, fake smile at him and Rafael's first instinct is to go over there and strangle her... or at least shake her until all this stupidity and utter disrespect for the people in her life trying to take care of her has fallen out of her. He does neither of those things though, but he doesn't swallow his anger either. He allows it to seep into his voice, giving his tone a cutting edge that Maribel completely fails to recognize. 

“Where else would I be?”

“Still out with that older guy?”

“Don't deflect, Maribel. It's not working. I won't forget what I said and it's blatantly obvious anyway. You are completely wasted.”

“Am not!”

Of course she tries to deny it, tries to defend herself and it is fucking ridiculous is what it is. Even a blind man could see that she is drunk off her ass. Rafael can smell the alcohol all the way across the room. He hates that she never listens, never admits to her faults, never accepts responsibility for her failures. It is always others who have to dig deep, do the dirty work and help her out when she should be the one doing it for herself. He is so used to it by now, it's sickening... But he does it anyway – because she is his sister and, despite everything, he loves her. Right now however, he loves her a little less. 

“Your eyes are glazed over, you need your hands to support yourself and your speech is slurred. You want to lie to me again and tell me you're not drunk?”

“I have been drinking. I am NOT drunk.”

“You promised me, Mari! You promised, never before a show!”

She has actually done exactly that on a desperate day two and a half years back when she has stumbled and slurred her way through a disastrous show only to throw up for about half an hour backstage right after the show had ended. She had been miserable because she had been severely hungover and she had promised him there and then never to touch a drop of alcohol ever again before the night of a show. Today she has broken that promise and of course she tries to justify it and rationalize it away. 

“Today was a special occasion. Meeting that Swiss tennis lady was nice and I wanted to celebrate. I like her!”

“I wonder how much she will like you back when you stumble out on that stage tonight and puke down on first row!”

“Oh shut up! None of that'll happen. I'll sleep it off. I'll be fine tonight. Just let me lie down and rest for a little. Stop nagging and just go. Get out of my room.”

The moment Rafael decides to go on the offense in this discussion, his sister retaliates. There is no venom or fire to her tone of voice but a lot of viciousness. She can't muster the fire because she is too damn wasted for it. For once all she tells him is to leave instead of hurling insults at him and telling him what a failure he is for something that is neither his fault nor has ever been in the reach of his control. It's not his fault he can't be a successful professional tennis player at the peak of his game any more but only the musician superstar's failure of a brother who has nothing better to do but to travel the world with her and look out for her safety and fail at that time and again as well. Even the thought of his shortcomings makes Rafael even more angry. 

“Lie on your side, will you? That way you won't choke when you throw up all over yourself.”

“Mind your own fucking business, Rafael.”

*#*

Mirka has gone through six wardrobe changes before finally deciding what to wear and Roger is about ready to simply get back into his pajamas, find a comfortable position in bed and order pay per view and room service. But just as he is about to do exactly that, Mirka emerges from the bathroom and there is no denying this has been worth the wait. She looks absolutely stunning. She is wearing a night blue dress, her hair is cascading down her back and she has that radiant smile on her lips again. Roger can't help but nod in approval.

“You look amazing.”

“That's what I was going for.”

They take a hotel issued car to the concert hall and Mirka is talking animatedly and way too fast for the entire 20 minute ride. By the time they enter the building, Mirka is fidgeting like a little kid on Christmas Eve. Roger found her endearing for the first ten minutes but by now he is a little annoyed. After all it's only a concert. And it's not like it's a megastar or some classical rendition of the most beautiful music ever made. This is a teenage pop star singing her songs... For Mirka however it is like a revelation – the best thing ever to happen to her. 

“I'm so excited about this.”

“I know. You told me. Like a hundred times...”

“I'm sorry...”

“It's okay, babe. I'm happy if you're happy.”

They settle in their first row seats and there are two things Roger immediately realizes – one: they are thoroughly overdressed with her in her cocktail dress and him in his dress pants and dark dress shirt, and two: they are severely raising the average age of the audience. Mirka doesn't seem to realize or mind either fact and Roger decides not to ruin her mood by pointing it out to her. It's another twenty minutes before the lights go out and the whole concert hall erupts into cheers. And then, a single spotlight shines a light on the stage. 

The cheers get pretty much unbearable to tolerate the moment Isabel steps onto the stage. The first thing Roger realizes is that the teenage girl looks completely different now from this morning at her rehearsal. For the most part she looks older. She is wearing a pair of very tight dark blue jeans and a sparkly shirt with glitter and rhinestones on it. Her hair is cascading down her back, there is heavy make-up on her and she wears quite a bit of jewelry that only adds to the bling... 

The concert gets underway and Roger has to admit seeing the teenage girl live adds a whole other dimension to what she is capable of. Those are still not exactly the songs he favors, but she is definitely talented. Her singing voice is great and above all else she brings a passion to her interpretation that is rare, even among elite musicians. It isn't until after the first song that she greets and welcomes her audience and it is at this point that Roger's attention slips.

Somehow his thought's return to the girl's older brother in this moment. He is sure Rafael is there, somewhere to the side of the stage, watching his sister perform. Roger is sure the Spaniard also knows Mirka and him are here tonight as well. He hopes to catch a glimpse, hopes to see the other man again but no matter his searching eyes canning the stage time and again as the concert progresses, he is never in luck. The almost two hours of the concert pass by in no time and Roger has to admit he is actually enjoying himself. Mirka next to him – he is sure – is in heaven... When the concert comes to a close, Isabel disappears and when she reappears on stage she is wearing her messy rehearsal outfit from this morning, her hair a mess as well and no more make up on her face. A murmur goes through the crowd and for the first time since he has entered the hall, Roger's focus is fully on Maribel as she explains herself to the audience. 

“Before we bring this show home with the final song, there is somebody I would like to dedicate this song to. She is someone special, somebody who has stepped into my life only today but who has already managed to brighten it. She is special to me and she is here in the audience with us tonight. To commemorate our first meeting, I decided to reenact it as I met her during the rehearsal of this song. So in honor of her and the unique, beautiful, amazing person she is, I returned back to my rehearsal outfit and only a piano for company, as we did earlier today. Enjoy the show, ladies and gentlemen. Light out, spot on.”

Next to him Mirka gasps because they both know Maribel's praising words are about her. In the very next moment the teenage girl's words become reality. It happens just as she had asked for, the lights go out, the spotlight is on her very natural and more childlike appearance and the piano starts playing. 

_I'm alone in my house_  
_I'm out on the town_  
_I'm at the bottom of the bottle_  
_I've been knockin' them down_  
_I can't get back up on my feet_  
_See the lights all on the streetlight stars_  
_But look what I found_

_Look what I found_  
_Another piece of my heart_  
_Just layin' on the ground_

_Another foggy day_  
_I'm looking for a light_  
_And my only prayer_  
_Is working tonight_  
_I can't get myself out of bed_  
_Hear these voices in my head like a song_  
_But look what I found_

_Somebody who loves me_  
_Look what I found_  
_Somebody who carry_  
_'Round a piece of my heart_  
_Just layin' on the ground_

_When I met you I was blown to pieces_  
_Heart all over the floor_  
_Ever since you put me back together_  
_I can't believe it, can't believe it, uh!_  
_Look what you found, yeah, baby_

_Look what I found_  
_Someone who carry 'round a piece of my heart_  
_Look what I found, woo, c'mon_  
_Look what I found_  
_Somebody who loves me_  
_Look what we found_  
_Someone who carry 'round a piece of my heart, heart_  
_Just layin' on the ground_

The song finishes, the spotlights veer off to the sight and it's then that Roger finally catches sight of who he has been looking for, for the entire evening. The light has never hit the side stage in that angle all evening but now it does – right at the end of it all – and there is Rafael, his intensely focused gaze right on his sister, who is still bowing to an audience that can no longer see her. 

The light plays on his face for just a second, illuminating his features, highlighting his high cheekbones and chocolate brown eyes and then the spotlights fade away. Next to him Mirka is grabbing his hand, awe sounding in her voice. Roger's gaze is still focused on the spot where Rafael has just disappeared back into the darkness. He barely recognizes what his girlfriend tells him and when he does, his reaction has nothing to do with the thing she is talking about. 

“She's amazing.”

“Yeah... Amazing.”


	4. A change of plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirka and Maribel tell the respective men in their lives that they will all meet again at Mirka's AO final.  
> The reactions differ widely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been another week.  
> I'll try to update more regularly but there simply aren't enough hours to a day at the moment.
> 
> Hope you like this new instalment.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

*Melbourne, Australia – Saturday*

Mirka is still sound asleep next to him when Roger wakes up the next morning. She has been in a different world all together when they had returned from the concert and of course she hadn't been able to sleep. The fact that not only had Maribel dedicated her final song to her but had also recreated the circumstances of their first meeting has flattered Mirka to an extent that words alone simply can't grasp. 

She has needed time and Roger has given it to her. So while his girlfriend has gotten out of her stuffy dress, has taken a shower and has been humming the melodies of the songs Maribel had been playing and singing during the show, Roger has snatched some earplugs and has gone to bed. He has no idea when Mirka has followed him but he decides it is best to simply let her sleep. She has the final in the late afternoon and that is the one and only thing of import today.

He goes for breakfast and when he returns he can hear sounds in the bedroom and decides to check on Mirka. The curtains are drawn back when he enters the bedroom and the late morning light is cascading in through the window, illuminating the beautiful woman he loves, sitting on the bed in her white night gown, making her look like an angel with a halo. She has her phone in her hands and judging from the smile on her face, she has received a very satisfying text message. Roger can't help but pry.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Mari.”

“Again?” 

Roger knows he sounds annoyed and it's probably not a good way to start this day. He knows better than to say anything to upset Mirka on a day such as today. This is probably the most important match of her career so far, with a chance to win a Grand Slam title, and here he goes bitching about the teenage girl Mirka adores so much. If his girlfriend actually minds, she doesn't let it show though. There is a simple reason for it. She has done something behind his back and plays nice to get his approval.

“I invited her to the final tonight. Her and her brother because everything else seemed rude to me. I want them to sit in my player's box with you. Is that okay?”

Admittedly Roger doesn't like the idea of Maribel being there one bit. But having Rafael right next to him – somebody who actually understands the sport - is an idea that is very much appealing to the Swiss. Of course it is not just because of the Spaniard's understanding, appreciation and passion for tennis. It's more than that, more than Roger is willing to admit. He wishes for another encounter with the Spaniard, wishes for another chance to talk, another chance to simply look at the younger man. It makes it all the more easy to say yes. Maribel he can ignore... and Rafael certainly more than makes up for it. 

“Of course, hon.”

*#*

Once again Rafael goes in for his bitter box of chocolates and goes to Maribel's room on the morning after her show. It's past ten already, they have a flight scheduled at 2 pm and so far his sister has yet to make an appearance. His own bags are packed, the same goes for the rest of the band and in a couple of hours they will be on their way to New Zealand... if Maribel ever makes it out of bed, gets her stuff together and they get to the airport on time. Rafael is here to make sure of that. That's his job... or at least it's a part of it.

Using the second key card he keeps on his person, he enters Maribel's room and finds the same disorganized chaos greeting him as yesterday. Everything looks exactly the same and Rafael can't help the very frustrated sigh escaping his lips. Maribel hasn't even started packing yet and the fact that the main room is empty tells him she is still in bed yet again. No matter what she says to him this time, whatever insults and profanities she hurls at him, he will not simply give up and walk away. This time his little sister is in for a fight. 

“Maribel!”

“You're yelling again!”

His sister's voice sounds from the bedroom – being a little muffled through the closed door – and judging from her tone of voice she doesn't like his approach to addressing her one bit. Rafael couldn't care less. He's not always in the right when they fight and he is very well aware of that fact. Sometimes he is hurt, sometimes he is simply annoyed at his sister but today he has a legitimate reason to yell at her and he will not be deterred. He opens the door to the bedroom and of course he finds his sister in bed, hair a mess and wearing his damn clothes for sleep just like the morning before. 

“Why are you still in bed?”

“I just got a very interesting text.”

“That is your excuse?! You should be packed and ready to go. Our flight leaves in four hours!”

Maribel simply shrugs at him in response and it takes a lot of conscious effort to restrain his own swirling feelings and not yell at her full force. There is little Rafael hates more than when Mari reacts with indifference to his scolding. What he hates even more is the fact that he has to point out facts to her she already knows. She always – every fucking time – claims she doesn't want to be treated like a child. Today however she leaves him no other choice.

“You are supposed to perform in Wellington in three days.”

“But we're not going to Wellington.”

“What?”

Rafael is actually stunned by what his sister has to tell him. It doesn't happen to him too often. He has been traveling with her for three years now, has been there for and with her through all the good and the bad and he has been pretty sure he has seen it all and that there is nothing his sister can say or do that would still surprise him. Today however she manages that feat and for a moment he is too perplexed to say anything useful. Maribel seems to like that look on his face, the dumbfounded expression as he realizes she has changed plans without consulting him. She grins. 

“I will stay here. I will watch Mimi's final.”

“Who?”

“Mirka. The woman I met yesterday? The tennis lady?”

“You call her Mimi?!”

“She likes it.”

Rafael blinks at his sister and tries hard to hide back the hysterical laugh that threatens to fall from his lips. Mimi is probably the most ridiculous nickname he has ever heard and he has no idea how a thirty year old woman with a couple of WTA titles and a chance at a Grand Slam victory to her name has managed to keep a straight face through his sister making up such a ludicrous nickname. He himself has a very hard time keeping the laughter from both his voice and his face and that is mainly due to the anger he still feels at his sister's arbitrary and stupid decision to simply stay here in Australia even though she very simply can't. 

“I highly doubt that... Anyway it's not the point! The point is that you can't just not go to Wellington. You have made a commitment, you have responsibilities there. You have to go.”

“I won't.”

“Maribel, damn it! Don't make me argue with you and don't make me tell you things you already know! You have concerts in New Zealand for fuck's sake! Tickets have been sold, people have paid good money to see you, organizers are relying on you. You can't just not go!”

“Funny. Because that will be exactly what I will be doing.”

“You can't!”

He is repeating himself and as much as Rafael hates doing it, Maribel definitely hates it even more. The smugness that has been a prominent feature on her face ever since they have started arguing has vanished and has made space for a darker, more hostile expression. She is annoyed and she is sick and tired of this argument. The very same thing goes for Rafael. But where he tries to stay calm and get something productive out of this pointless conversation, Maribel simply snaps and yells at him in a cold and sharp tone of voice, obviously believing she is making herself abundantly clear if she only yells her wishes out loud enough. That play however is not going to fly. Not with him. Not today.

“God damn it, Rafael! You are no fun! Why don't you pull that stick from your ass and get on board with the company line. I am NOT going to Wellington and that is the end of this discussion.”

“The hell it is! You can't just cancel the shows!”

“I'm not. You are.”

That statement shuts him up effectively. It shouldn't and it shouldn't come as such a surprise to him. Maribel has always left her dirty work to him. Picking up the pieces and cleaning up her messes is all he has been doing for the past three years. Why should today be any different? The difference is that today he simply isn't willing to play ball for the sake of her winning an argument she has no right or reason to win. Just once in her life his sister needs to hear the word no. 

“The hell I will! You can NOT do this, do you hear me?!”

“Of course I can. I can do whatever the hell I want. And you will make it happen.”

“No.”

Rafael expects the yelling to grow in volume and pitch now but instead Maribel gives him a very strained smile as she tries her hardest to stay calm. She is thinking – thinking of another solution, he can tell. She finally decides to try a different tactic. The plan she comes up with is nothing short of obscene and it's fucking ridiculous is what it is. Her playing the family card on him has to be the most idiotic thing she has ever tried to do. It opens up a unique chance for Rafael however as she has never played the little sister card on him before. It leaves him with the unique chance to tell her what exactly he thinks of their family relations... 

“Your my brother are you not? There's nothing you wouldn't do for family. So do this for your baby sister. Do it for family.”

“The fact that we are related has never ONCE stopped you.”

“From what?”

“Disrespecting me.”

The silence that follows is so complete, Rafael can actually hear the soft creaking of the mattress as well as the rustling of the crisply white sheets when Maribel shifts her weight on the bed. The look in her eyes is dark, her tone of voice icy cold and calculating. There is not even a speck of love and understanding to her tone, all that family relation she has tried to gain something from suddenly gone and evaporated. Instead she plays her star status and this time she actually manages to say something to him, Rafael has never heard before. It is not exactly a good thing. 

“I take you along. I give you the chance to travel all over the world. I let you be a part of all this. I pay you a great deal of MY money to make sure you can live a good life. And you actually have the audacity to tell me I am being disrespectful?!”

There is silence in response as well, because Rafael has no idea how to fucking react to the insults and threats Maribel is throwing his way. She has rarely ever done this before, has rarely ever threatened his very livelihood like that. But she is doing it now and it gets even worse, because obviously his sister has decided that threatening his very existence is not yet enough. She does something she has never done before in all the time they have been doing this, have been traveling together. She tells him he's a failure – right to his face. 

“You know what?! Go to Wellington. Be a good little boy. See how far that'll get you without me. You – my dear brother – are nothing without me! Fuck off. Right now. Get the hell out of my room! I can't stand to even look at you! Get the hell out! Out! Right now!”

Even in her frantic and emotionally loaded yelling, Rafael somehow manages to stay calm. After all what else could she hurl at him that would hurt more than what she has just said to him... He retaliates – coldly, calculating and with the utmost intention to hurt her. It is something he has refrained from ever doing before but there is no damn doubt in his mind that she deserves it, has never deserved it more than in this moment. All in all his reply is pretty tame compared to what his sister has been throwing his way.. Still he catches her by surprise. She gapes at him and probably for the first time ever he manages to stun her into silence. It's a win and Rafael takes it, turning to leave. For once he manages to have the last word in one of their vicious arguments. It feels good.

“Have a drink, Mari. That'll calm you right down.”


	5. A complete difference of opinion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Rafa and Roger lose an important argument with / against the respective women in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a week... But I found a quick minute for an update before I'm off to work.
> 
> Thanks to my beloved reviewers - it's so good to hear from you :)  
> On that note - a big hug and thank you to **roger_that** , who helped with betaing and made some excellent suggestions.  
> Thank you for the help and input!
> 
> Next update hopefully by the end of the weekend - but no promises.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

When there is a knock on the door to his hotel room a couple of hours later, Rafael is very much surprised. He doesn't expect anyone, quite frankly doesn't want to see anyone and briefly debates simply acting like he isn't here and the room is empty. It has been a difficult morning for him so far, and that is putting it mildly. After the fight with Maribel, Rafael has called ahead to the airport to cancel their tickets and to the concert organizers in New Zealand to let them know the shows will be postponed. He has done as Maribel has asked of him even though it's the last thing he has wanted to do and there is no denying that he feels very much... dirty. 

He has rarely been closer to raiding the mini bar of his own room but with Mari as a living example of what alcohol does to a person right next to him day in day out, Rafael hasn't had too much of a hard time to restrain himself. Still he is not in the mood for visitors or conversations. He assumes it's one of the band members – who he has informed only by phone that their schedule has been pushed back and they won't be leaving for Wellington after all – trying to coax some information out of him and find out what the hell has happened that has them stuck here for another couple of days. It's not a conversation Rafael wants to have, but he can't very well ignore his unwanted visitor. When he goes to open the door, he is in for a surprise – and not one of the pleasant variety. His visitor is Maribel.

She is dressed now, but in a casual way – in sweat pants and yet another one of his shirts, that briefly makes Rafael question how the hell she has gotten a hold of it because he cannot remember lending any of his stuff to her – and not at all ready to leave the hotel. Her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, she has no make up on and she tries for an apologetic smile when he opens the door on her, that never quite reaches her eyes. She wants something from him, that much is clear to see. Rafael is definitely not in the mood. 

“Go away.”

“No. Let me in.”

“Never. Not in a million years.”

“I paid for this room, you know.”

“Great. You can have it then.”

It's not the reaction Maribel has expected. She has been sure to force her brother into compliance with her statement of facts. Rafael however is sick and tired of having her throw it into his face that she is paying for the life he lives while he travels with her. It's not like he is in it for the money. He is here because Maribel needs him to be – whether she wants to admit to that fact or not. If she wants to be a little bitch about that, he is willing to let her be. He has neither the energy nor the fire in him to fight with her yet again. 

Sometimes he wonders where the sweet little girl has gone that he has grown up with, that has always looked up to him, that has always wanted to be by his side and has wanted to follow him around, even when he had met up with his friends and Maribel had not exactly been a good addition to the mix. But he had always taken her along, had always looked out for her. He wonders where the shy little girl has gone that had been right there when he had won his first – and only – French Open title. There is a picture of the two of them together, after his Grand Slam win, with Maribel sitting in between his legs, his arms resting on her back, both of them smiling at the camera... 

He remembers that particular moment like it has been yesterday. Maribel hadn't wanted to do it, he hadn't wanted to force her and in the end it had been their mother, who had put her foot down, had told them to get over themselves and do this as it is a nice memory for the whole family. It had been less than two months after that, that he had been told his promising career was over and Maribel's had taken off... It's a bittersweet memory and one that makes him wonder how things would have turned out if he had been able to keep on playing tennis and Maribel had never been offered that stupid record deal. Maybe they would be happier for it... Maybe not.

As he tries to move away – out of the room to give her what she demands even though it is not what she wants – his sister steps into his path. She is younger than him, smaller, not as strong and Rafael knows he could bodily move her out of the way if he wanted to. But he doesn't want to. Especially now that Maribel resorts to the one thing he has always had a problem with not to fall for every last fucking time she does it. She pleads with him.

“Rafa, please...”

“No.”

“I'm sorry?”

“What for?”

“For the things I've said.”

Maribel's reply is careful and guarded and it is for a reason that very much manages to make Rafael's blood boil in his veins. She isn't even aware of what she has done, of why the words she has thrown at him are hurtful. Maybe he is being spiteful, maybe he is being childish and vindictive, but he doesn't care. He likes to tell himself he has given up on changing Maribel; that he loves her enough to simply take her hurtful insults in stride. But he is really not... and at some point she HAS to realize they can't go on like this. Of course Maribel is unwilling to budge even a millimeter and instead of giving in and showing sympathy, she lashes out.

“What did you say?”

“Stop, okay? I don't want to play this shitty, passive aggressive game! I'm not your lover or your wife. I'm your sister. We don't need to talk about our feelings and we don't need to work on our relationship. Just spit out whatever the hell is bothering you and then we move on.”

“Don't ever threaten me again.”

“I wont. I promise.”

It's a hollow promise and they both know it. It's been hard enough already to tell his sister what she is supposed not to do, knowing fully well it means nothing to her. All she wants is for him to be appeased enough to finally agree to help her out with whatever it is, that has brought her to his room. She is lying to him and he is willing to let it slide – all for the sake of peace and quiet... Of course Maribel will do this again the next time she feels angry and wronged by him like that again... It's always the same with her. For now, Rafael decides to let it go. It's of no use anyway... 

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to come along.”

“Where?”

“Australian Open women's final. We have been cordially invited.”

If she has believed that offering him a chance to see a tennis match of this caliber will better his mood and make him feel more lenient towards her, she is sorely mistaken. She should know that, but of course she doesn't. She probably hasn't listened at the time... or she hasn't cared. Quite frankly Rafael is not interested in finding out which one of the two is the truth. His answer stays the same anyway and it's with no small amount of glee that he denies his sister her wishes, even though she has seemed so sure of herself, having found something she can bait him with and make him say yes to. It's nice to see her face fall as she realizes she has been wrong. 

“No.”

“What do you mean 'no'?”

“I mean it exactly like that. No, I will not go.”

“But you have to!”

Rafael actually laughs at that, but it's very much a humorless laugh. It is ironically funny to hear his sister – of all people – talk about things he has to do, talking about commitment like that. Especially on a day like today. He knows he will be in for a harsh reply, he knows he will be starting another fight with her, but he can't help it. The sarcasm is bubbling inside him, right underneath the surface, and it needs a way out. Either that or he is sure he is simply going to explode with all the negativity backing up inside of him.

“You had to go to Wellington.”

“Don't start again. Wellington will still be there in a week! This is different, it's a one time thing.”

“The final is once every year.”

“Don't be like that! You know exactly what I mean.”

He knows. This is about the tennis player Maribel has met only yesterday and has taken such a liking to. The one she has invited to her show last night and has even dedicated a song to. She has never done that for him... It's not like Rafael is jealous. In all their disagreeing, fighting and bickering, Maribel always asks his advice when it comes to the creative process of her work. But she would never sing a song only for him, let alone write one dedicated to him. It's just not how their sibling relationship works... 

Right now however he wishes she would be more like that with him... and he is not willing to do yet another thing for her, he will get no show of appreciation for and that Mari would never do for him if the roles were reversed. At some point, he has to stop crossing oceans for someone who wouldn't cross a puddle for him... Maybe today is that day – especially as he has promised himself, never to get near professional tennis in any capacity ever again. Seeing Mirka yesterday – knowing who she is – has been more than enough already. He doesn't need yet another reminder of what he has lost. And Maribel as almost grown-up and very much headstrong and independent. She doesn't need him for this. 

“If it means so much to you, all you have to do is go there.”

“It does mean VERY much to me and I don't WANT to go alone. I want you there with me! Why the hell would you say no to that?! Do you hate me that much?! Are you that angry with me?! Do you want to punish me?”

“Not everything in this whole fucking world revolves around you, Maribel!”

“What then?!”

The fact that she has to ask is hurting him enough already. It's not like they have never talked about this. In the aftermath of the doctor's visits that had sealed his fate and had ended his career – back in the days when Maribel had still been his shy, awestruck, loving, little sister – he had told her how he felt about the devastating loss in his life. But this isn't the same woman as back then right in front of him here and now. This version of his sister has simply forgotten how he has poured his heart out to her... or maybe she simply doesn't care enough to remember what they have talked about three years back.

“You know but you probably didn't listen, I guess... I've told you before but I'll gladly remind you. You know that I never want to be a part of all this again. I never want to set foot in a stadium like that again, I never want to see a match again.”

“Why?! This is what you loved doing! What you were good at – great actually – and what everyone around you told you you were destined to do since you were four years old! Why would you give up on it without so much as a second glance?!”

“Because it's too painful.”

“How can it be painful?! It's just two girls in short dresses hitting a little yellow ball around.”

The way Maribel simplifies the game, the competition, the tactics and raw power of it all, is insulting all on it's on. She can never understand the passion he has for the sport, just like he can never understand how putting down words on a piece of paper and finding a melody to go along with them can be so satisfying for her. But he is a part of her life, of her creative process, of her songwriting, giving her feedback, helping her out when she feels unsure. Maribel has never extended the same courtesy to him. It's ridiculous to expect that to happen now. And still he can't help the fury bubbling up inside of him... He doesn't even try to hold it back. Not this time. 

“You truly have no idea what you're talking about. Not even a fucking clue... But how could you...”

“I don't care. I won't go there on my own. It will be boring and - you're right - I won't know what the hell is going on. You will come with me. You're my go-to guy, my caretaker, my protector and above all you're my family. You don't want to disappoint me again, do you?”

“I didn't disappoint you before.”

She doesn't want to hear him defend himself and her facial expression darkens and is marred by a grimace of anger when she loses her patience with him. Her hands ball into fists and her voice rises in pitch and volume. The fact that she is yet in the frame of the door, has never fully entered the room because Rafa hasn't let her and they are having this very intimate fight pretty much in public doesn't seem to bother her one bit. She yells at him anyway – trying to force him back into line. 

“Damn it, Rafa, don't start like that again! I'm not in the mood for another fight. I told you before, I'll tell you again – just this once – fucking get on board with the company line and do what you're here for. Otherwise you can go back home, you can run back to Mama and you can tell her how you failed to keep your promise and simply ran away because things got a little dicey. Run, bro, it's what you're good at. Mama will not be surprised. A failure is all she sees in you these days anyway. But when you go, make sure that you stay the hell away from me for the rest of your miserable, depressing, little life because I won't ever want to even see you near me ever again of you don't do this. And I certainly will no longer waste any of my damn money on you! Are we clear?!”

She had promised him. Has promised not to threaten him again. Her promise has been good for all of 15 minutes and all Rafael feels in that moment is defeat. A bone deep, heart crushing, debilitating defeat that leaves him unable to continue this godawful discussion any longer. It's plain and simple. He hates her in that moment, more than words could ever describe. He hates her for the way she blatantly hurts his feelings without a second thought. He hates her for breaking her promise, hates her for belittling him yet again and above all he hates her for the truth of it all, because he knows she is right. A failure is exactly what he is. 

“I'll pick you up at noon.”

“That's a good boy.”

*#*

The locker room at Rod Laver arena is exceptionally quiet, which is not that much of a surprise given the fact that it's the last day of the women's tournament and there are only two competitors left. What does carry through the catacombs are the sounds of the crowd bustling outside in the arena... But even that is somehow muffled and toned down in here. It's like they are in their own little world, a tiny bubble just made for them and it is a miserable one at that. 

Ever since they have come here in preparation for the final, Roger has been at Mirka's side and his girlfriend has grown more and more restless with every passing second as the clock ticks closer to the final starting. Roger hates seeing Mirka like that and the feeling has never abated - no matter how many times he has seen her like this – nervous and frantic and so fucking unsure of herself and her abilities and talent. Today it is especially cruel to watch, because this is a final, a grand Slam final at that and it only helps to amplify Mirka's anxiety. He tries to stay calm and supportive for her sake, but it isn't easy – it never is. 

“I can't go out there.”

“Of course you can. You have done it hundreds of times before.”

“This is different! This is a Grand Slam final!”

“That changes nothing, hon. It's still a court, a ball, a racket, a net, a couple of lines and an opponent. You can do this.”

Roger tries to be light-hearted, tries to joke to take the severity out of the situation. Mirka looks at him for a very long moment and Roger almost gets his hopes up that he has managed to reach her and his words actually have an impact on her. But then she shakes her head and casts her eyes down and it feels like a piece of his heart is just breaking off, burning to ashes and the dust is blowing away. It's exactly how it happens every last fucking time he tries to convince her of the special person she is. And every last time he fails. Today is no exception. 

“I don't think so... The semifinal was a fluke... I can't pull that off again. I have no business being here in the first place...”

“Of course you have. You have every right and reason to. And you will do great. I know it.”

“How?”

“Because I know you.”

Roger gives Mirka a warm, fond smile telling her how much he believes in her, telling her how much she means to him. But it's the wrong thing to say. Because she can't see herself the way he does. She doesn't see anything positive or admirable in the words he uses. To her it is simply another testament of her inadequacy. She makes a decision from there and it is exactly the one thing Roger has wanted to avoid. Mirka does what she always does when she feels unsure or scared – she goes for the crutch, the support she knows will help her. 

“Where are my pills?”

“You do NOT need the pills, Mirka.”

“Of course I need them. Look at my hands!”

Roger follows through on Mirka's demand and takes a look at her hands that she holds out for him now. They are shaking and the Swiss tries hard to hide back a sigh. Of course her hands are shaking. She is nervous beyond believe. Anyone would shake like a leaf, feeling the way Mirka does right now. Roger takes a small step closer, wraps both his hands around hers, squeezes softly and gives her another encouraging smile. 

“That's just nervousness, hon. It'll pass as soon as the match starts.”

“How can you be so sure?!”

“I have played Grand Slam tournaments myself...”

“Not in seven years.”

The words are out and hanging in the air between them like an executioner's ax. Roger has to let go, has to break the physical contact with Mirka and has to put some distance between himself and her, deliberately taking a step back. She hasn't done it but she could just as well have slapped him in the face instead of saying this awful thing to him. Her face shows the emotion of pure horror and regret the very moment she realizes what kind of words have just fallen from her lips. She hasn't meant to, Roger knows that, but she has still managed to hurt him – badly so. She apologizes immediately but it only has a marginal effect on his feelings. 

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean it... It's just the damn nerves talking... 

“It's okay.”

“No it's not... It's never okay to say something like that to you. I know how hard giving up on tennis was for you. I can relate... I wouldn't know what to do with myself if the same thing happened to me...”

She doesn't mean to add insult to injury but she does it anyway. Mercilessly pushing salt in the wound by reminding him of what he has lost and how damn hard it has been to get over it all, how much it still pains and affects him even after all those years, is not something Roger appreciates. Mirka's eyes widen as she realizes she has been going about this all wrong. She closes the gap between them, puts both her hands on his forearms and takes in a shaky breath, tears actually brimming in her eyes when she tries to defend herself for her inconsiderate words.

“See what my damn nerves do to me?! Please just let me have the pills!”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Roger hates every last of his movements as he frees himself from Mirka's grip, takes two steps to the side, bends forward, picks up her purse and rummages around in it until he finds the little orange plastic bottle holding the anti anxiety meds. He takes them out, hands them to her and watches with a growing feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach as Mirka shakes out two of the pills and swallows them dry. The smile on her face when she is done is one of calm composure. It's a feeling Roger simply can't mirror. Watching her like this feels like a loss before the match has even started.


	6. The final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirka plays her final.  
> The girls make plans for the future.

Roger leaves the locker room to go to the player's box, from where he will be watching the match, with very mixed feelings. Mirka has been calm when he has left, relaxed even but it is not her own achievement. It's the medication working it's magic. A chemically induced emotional balance that does more harm than good. At least it is how Roger feels about the whole thing. Maybe he hasn't played a competitive match in seven years but that doesn't make him oblivious to the obvious facts. One needs the anxiety, the emotion, the passion and the nervousness to be good at this sport, because only passion can carry you through a difficult task such as a Grand Slam final... But his opinion means nothing to Mirka, not with this particular thing. She relies on the chemicals rather than relying on him and the support and expertise he can offer her... It's not a good feeling.

When he reaches the player's box, he is surprised to find two of the seats occupied. His last piece of information is, that Maribel hasn't gotten back to Mirka about the invitation to come and watch her play her final. It is one of the reasons she has been so nervous. She has been looking forward to having the Spanish singer here and she has been fretting and going on and on about how yesterday's meeting and the invitation to the concert have been a one time thing and the girl has simply forgotten about her already. It's all the more surprising for Roger to see Maribel here and it's an even bigger – albeit more pleasant – surprise to realize she has taken her brother along. Rafael however looks very much like he would rather be in any other place in the world – no matter how unpleasant – than sitting here right now. Roger knows he is expected to be a good host, to welcome them and tell them he is happy to see them... but he is too perplexed to be polite. 

“You're already here... I didn't know you were coming. You never got back to us.”

“There was a bit of a debate whether we would be here or not. It was a last minute decision but the tournament officials have been very... accommodating with us. And here we are.”

There is a reproachful undertone to Maribel's voice and the look she shoots her brother is one of utter contempt. Rafael however doesn't react to her at all but gives Roger an apologetic smile and a shrug in response. He has yet to say anything but maybe – given how uncomfortable he looks – he doesn't actually want to talk to anyone. Maribel however seems to have no such restraints. She is very much interested to hear about Mirka. Just that she doesn't call her that and hearing the young Spanish teenager use that ridiculous nickname to refer to Roger's girlfriend, is enough to make his toes curl. He still can't shake the image of a big, fat, black cat curled up in the sun when he hears the younger woman say the nickname. Roger actually has to concentrate to look past it and answer the question. 

“How is she? How is Mimi?”

“Nervous. But she will be fine. We should settle. It's just a couple of minutes now.”

*#*

The match is only about twenty minutes old and true to what she has expected, Maribel is already bored to tears. She likes Mirka, likes her a lot actually, and watching her in those nicely short and tight tennis dress adds to the attraction she feels towards the older woman. But it doesn't change the fact that she simply has no interest in the sport and that sympathy for one of the players doesn't change that one bit. It has been the same with her brother. She remembers the day of the French Open final two and a half years back with vividness. That had been three and a half hours of her life she would never get back and it had been her own brother fighting for a chance at the title... She simply can't bring up the same interest and passion for it as Rafael does and back then, the fact that her parents had made her go, had not helped matters one bit. 

The fact that Mirka is already two breaks - she had to ask her brother about it, who has volunteered the correct term with annoyance to his clipped tone of voice - down and not exactly doing well. The score is 3:1 in favor of Mirka's opponent and the other woman is on serve as well. It seems like a pretty straightforward thing... one she could have saved the time to go and watch. Funny enough, the two men occupying the player's box with her, show two completely different reactions to the match. Roger – Mirka's boyfriend – looks anxious and almost like the score is physically painful for him. Rafael however seems very much intrigued, betraying his own words of not wanting to be here. 

Maribel could call him out on it, but this is neither the time nor the place for an argument. She decides to tap into his expertise instead. After all he knows what is going on down there on the court all too well. She lowers her voice, acutely aware that her talking too loudly will not be appreciated mid match... Still she manages to make her brother wince and throw her a look that clearly tells her to be quiet when she addresses him. It's just a quick glance though before his attention focuses back on the match below and Maribel is pretty sure he won't answer her. To his surprise he does – in a hushed tone of voice and without ever once taking his eyes off the court again. 

“Is she any good?”

“She's very good. Not as good as her opponent though.”

“I can see that by the score. What do you think? Will she lose?”

“I don't know. It's not about talent alone. Talent can only get you so far.”

It's a constant point of friction between them because Maribel believes in talent and Rafael believes in a strong work ethic. It's the main reason she does rehearsals in the first place because her damn brother keeps scheduling them for her. She knows she is talented, has been born with a special gift and if it were up to her she would simply go to her shows, perform and go back to her hotel room and celebrate yet another successful evening. Rafael isn't having any of that and it is one of the rare things he has put his foot down about and has insisted on. So Maribel does it – time and again – albeit begrudgingly. 

She had never understood the reasoning behind her brother's demand because he himself has been born with a special talent, something he has been exceptionally good at. But still he has always been a strong believer in repetition, in practice, in trying to improve something that is already very good. He is adamant about the fact that perfection is nothing anyone can ever reach but can only strive for. Their opinions on the matter couldn't be further apart and it pertains to their every day lives just as much as to this tennis match they are watching right now. Maribel doesn't know much about the sport, but she knows enough about people to be able to tell Mirka is talented. Rafael however sees every last flaw in the older woman's game and he attributes it to a lack of trying to better herself... It's a notion Maribel wholeheartedly dislikes and it's the reason her response is a lot harsher than it has to be. 

“Of course you would say that.”

*#*

Roger has only been vaguely aware of the whispered exchange between the siblings and he has no idea what the conversation has been about but judging from the angry expression on Rafael's face and the icy stare he gives his sister at the end of it, who is wearing a smug grin on her own face, it hasn't exactly been a nice exchange. For the moment Roger couldn't care less. Mirka is not exactly doing well. The damn anxiety meds take the edge, the fight right out of her and they are about to cost her the first set. 

True to his assessment Mirka loses the first set in 32 minutes at a score of 6:2. She looks very much devastated and at a loss as to what to do to change this and turn this match around in her favor when she settles on her bench on the changeover in between sets. Roger wishes there was something he can do for her, some way he could help her, assure her and make her see she still has a chance to win. But he can't. He can however try to calm his own nerves by distracting himself. Remembering the earlier friction between the siblings, he decides to save Rafael from his sister, even though it's a belated rescue attempt. He turns to face the younger man, knowing fully well the Spaniard will have an opinion about the match. After all he knows what he is talking about. 

“And? What do you think?”

“Something is off about her.”

“Why would you say that?!”

Roger can't help his defensive tone of voice even though it's uncalled for. It's not like Mirka has done anything forbidden or illegal. She is allowed to take her medication. It's more because of the fact that Roger hates her taking those meds because he feels they dim her shine. Rafael is the first to ever pick up on the fact as well and Roger's strong reaction only seems to confirm the Spaniard's suspicions. Rafael gives Roger a frown and a knowing expression appears on his face.

“What did she do?”

“She has a special exception from the WADA rules. She is allowed to take certain... medication.”

“Something to calm her?”

“How the hell would you know that?!”

Roger is actually surprised how easily Rafael picks up on what exactly is the problem with Mirka. Her taking the medication is a well kept secret, because – of course – it gives every last of her opponents an edge, knowing about the need for the anti anxiety meds. Maybe it's because Roger has witnessed it so often but he has been sure it isn't that blatantly obvious. Then again Rafael definitely has an in depth view into the game and the sport... He explains his observations easily enough and Roger is inclined to agree with him. It's the main reason he hasn't wanted Mirka to take the pills in the first place. It's just like he tried to tell her – she needs the emotions to bring fire and passion to her game. Right now she can't and Rafael is very much aware of that. 

“Because she lacks intensity. It's why she lost the first set.”

“She took two of the damn pills... Usually she only takes one.”

“Hopefully the effects wear off before the second set is over.”

There hopes are in vain. The medication does not simply wear off, at least not completely, but it seems the dulled senses that have cost Mirka the first set because of the chemicals running amok in her brain and bloodstream, have dulled down somewhat. In the second set the score is closer now, with no breaks for either of the two competitors. But then the score is at 4:4, a most crucial stage of the game, and Mirka's opponent manages a break on the Swiss' serve. Whatever resolve Mirka's has build up to this point simply withers and dies... Her opponent serves the match out comfortably and Mirka's chance at the title slips away. She is left the runner up of the tournament – the loser forced to stay out on court while her opponent – the victor – gets to bask in the glory of the title and trophy. Both men feel for her. Maribel is just happy the boring part of the afternoon is now over. 

*#*

After the trophy presentation is done and the stands of the arena clears, Roger asks Rafael and his sister to wait for him and Mirka in the player's lounge. He accompanies them there, though it isn't necessary. It might have been three years but Rafael would still find his way around the arena blindfolded and in the dark. Nothing about this place has changed... He's glad it's the day of the women's final already and there are very few players still around and of the ones still playing nobody recognizes him. Still he feels anything but comfortable and safe in the strangely familiar surroundings. 

He knows it will be a while. Mirka has responsibilities to attend to now – despite the loss – and she will abide by them because that is what is expected of her. She's probably in the shower already, has a press conference yet to get through and only after that will they meet with her. Rafael isn't quite sure what for. It isn't like there is anything to celebrate. And they certainly don't know Mirka well enough to lend comfort or support. Maribel however has insisted on it... and so they stay. While his sister settles on one of the couches in the lounge, Rafael is dealing with too much pent up energy to actually sit down. He chooses a path walking up and down right in front of the couch Maribel sits on, his sister's eyes following his vigil. The third time he passes her, she addresses him, the softest of smirks on her face. 

“You look uncomfortable.”

“I am! I told you I was. This place... it brings back memories...”

“Bad ones?”

“Bittersweet ones.”

Maribel doesn't question his words or asks for any further explanations and Rafael is glad. He doesn't want to have to explain to her how he feels. She could never understand anyway. He's glad she doesn't care enough to even try. This once he is happy for it. Being here hurts enough already, explaining it to her – and having to fear her being insensitive and hurtful yet again – is more than he can take at the moment. Maribel has pulled up both legs onto the couch, one crossed under the other, and shrugs her shoulders at him. 

“You did enjoy the match though.”

“You did not.”

“No. But I didn't come here for the tennis, I came here for Mimi.”

“And I came here because you forced me, too.”

Repeating his earlier misgivings to his sister is probably not a good idea but Rafael does it anyway. He still isn't happy about being here and it is still very much Maribel's fault. She has left him little to no choice to say no to her, not without yet another massive, ugly fight. Funnily enough the fact that Mirka has lost and Maribel will be meeting the – probably emotionally distraught – woman in a little while, makes her a lot more lenient and less interested in picking another fight, getting into another argument with him – even if she, most certainly, feels in the right. 

“Not now, okay? I'm not in the mood. I'm worried enough about that touchy feely comfort stuff. I'm not great at that.”

“You don't say.”

“Stop being an ass!”

“Stop giving me incentive.”

She glares at him and for the first time since they have come here, Rafael actually grins. He knows he is being childish and spiteful and quite frankly the ass Maribel has accused him of being but he couldn't care less. He hasn't wanted to be here, his sister has forced him into compliance, using the harshest tone and words she could come up with and Rafael simply feels glee and satisfaction at the chance to get back at her. They are childish and emotionally stunted because that's what it has come down to with them. Maribel definitely has a sharp reply already on the tip of her tongue, but she stops herself when Roger reappears with Mirka in tow. 

The older woman is pale, there is a soft redness to her eyes and it doesn't take a genius to realize she has been crying. Rafael can relate – and he is sure Roger can too and has tried to lend his support to his girlfriend – losing sucks, always, no matter how big or small the tournament. It is an aspect of the sport he definitely doesn't miss. Maribel almost stumbles over her own feet when she gets up from the uncomfortable position she has put herself in on the couch. There is a small, shy smile on her face that makes her look younger than she actually is. 

If it is the smile or the sight of the girl Mirka seems to adore so much, Rafael cannot tell. He can however witness the result of Mirka coming face to face with Mari. It's like a dam has broken inside of her. She sobs softly, her shoulders shaking, a tear running down her cheek and then she crosses the distance between herself and Mari with two long strides and pulls the younger woman into a bone crushing hug, sobbing into her shoulder. It takes a moment before Mirka calms down enough again to pull back and when she does, Maribel has an honest, open, sympathetic smile on her face and shakes her head at the Swiss tennis player.

“I'm so sorry...”

“What could you possibly have to feel sorry for? You did what you could and gave it your all, I'm sure of it. My brother here always tells me it's not about the win, but about the competition, about the will to fight until the end. He also tells me losing is part of the game. So there is nothing for you to be sorry about or feel ashamed for.”

“I wanted to... I wanted to do something special, like you did for me at the end of your show last night...”

“You don't have to do anything special for me in order for me to adore you. I do that anyway.”

There is open affection in Maribel's voice and Mirka blushes again despite herself. She wipes the tears from her eyes and the smile on Maribel's face widens into a grin. Her flattery has helped the older woman to calm down and stop crying. Next to Mirka, Roger uncomfortably steps from one foot to the other. He is grateful for Maribel's intervention and her ability to help Mirka get her feelings back under control. 

But he simply can't get used to the flirtatious, almost promiscuous atmosphere that seems to linger around those two whenever they meet in person. It simply feels wrong to him. Maribel is so young, Mirka is such a seasoned player and the age difference between them is simply too much for there to be anything more than a bit of attraction and a star struck crush. It's wrong in all kinds of ways and still it is happening... He risks a quick glance at Maribel's brother and judging from the closed off, restrained expression on Rafael's face, he feels very much the same about this interaction. All either of them can do though is watch. 

“Thank you. That means the world to me.”

“You like me, don't you? You like spending time with me? Being with me? Kissing me...”

“All of the above.”

The two women act a lot like they are in their own little bubble, shielded from the rest of the world, when in truth their respective lovers and family members are standing right there next to them, listening. It's uncomfortable to say the least – for Roger to hear Mirka show affection to somebody else so openly while he – her boyfriend – is standing right there next to them and for Rafael to see his baby sister, who is yet still a teenager, to flirt with a woman almost twice her age... But the two women are completely oblivious to their discomfort. 

“Would you like to see me again?”

“Yes. I'd like that very much.”

“Then we will make it happen.”

Mirka nods at Maribel's proposal and a smile plays on her pale face. The younger woman grabs both of her hands, squeezes them and then leans in for another, softer hug this time. Maribel might have said 'we', but Rafael already knows he will be the poor slob to make Maribel's wishes come true. On the other side, Roger will be the one forced to tolerate this sudden third person in his relationship with Mirka... and Rafael knows from first hand experience how hard it can be to tolerate Maribel... Both men share a look and they can immediately tell what the other is thinking. Neither one of them likes what is happening here.


	7. Hurtful truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Roger and Rafa share their dislike and disagreement, about the new plans made, with the women.  
> It doesn't exactly go over well.

Ever since they have parted ways with the siblings in the player's lounge at the tournament side of the Australian Open, Roger has been exceptionally quiet. It's not usually like him and Mirka isn't quite sure what to make of it. She has expected him to try and comfort her, has expected him to talk and talk and talk until she tells him to stop, tells him she feels better and that she will get over the loss and will try again to be better at the next tournament. But none of it happens. 

She has to work way too hard – especially on a day like today – and Mirka doesn't like her boyfriend's attitude one bit. She offers to go for an early dinner but he says he doesn't feel in the mood to go out. He agrees to room service, but when room service arrives, Roger tells her to go ahead without him and he leaves her alone. Mirka eats on her own because her boyfriend claims he isn't hungry. She is pretty sure it's a lie. She has never felt more lonely than she does in that twenty minutes when she gulps her food down and she decides there and then she simply won't accept Roger's silence any longer. 

She only eats half of her meal before she makes up her mind and goes in search of them. With the hotel room only consisting of two adjacent rooms and a bathroom, it isn't too difficult. She finds him out on the balcony, settled in one of the deck chairs, enjoying the warm evening breeze and staring out into the night where the skyline glitters in the evening sky. She settles herself on the second chair next to him but even her presence, the way she looks at him from the side, doesn't coax Roger from his submersion. It's not until she addresses him that her boyfriend actually looks at her. 

“You have been very quiet...”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Tell me what is on your mind.”

Roger looks away again and Mirka is almost sure he actually plans on ignoring her. She is wrong though. He simply takes his time to find the right words to say to her, to explain what has him in such a foul mood ever since the final has ended. When he does there is both spite and venom in his voice and Mirka has a hard time not to physically recoil from the harsh words he throws at her without ever even looking at her. 

“You are too old for a crush.”

“Excuse me?!”

“And she is too young to be anyone's lover.”

Mirka gasps as the sudden realization hits her what this is all about. Admittedly she and Maribel could have been a little more discreet around the respective male confidantes in their lives but it has been an emotional moment and the last thing Mirka has wanted was to hold back. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was selfish, but it was what she needed. It seems Roger hasn't liked it one bit though... and he has entirely misinterpreted her intentions. Or maybe he hasn't. Mirka isn't exactly sure herself. The one thing she knows is that she likes Maribel and that she doesn't want to miss her in her life, even if it is against her boyfriend's resistance. 

“This is about Mari, isn't it? She isn't anyone's lover and certainly not mine. She's a friend!”

“Really? I've seen the way you look at her...”

“Stop being ridiculous!”

“So it's not true? I'm imagining things? You don't like her?”

“Of course I like her.”

“Case in point.”

Roger obviously feels like he has won the argument, but there is little triumph to his voice. Only sadness and defeat. But there is a soft smugness as well and Mirka can't help but feel angry at it. She has just told him, all she feels towards Maribel is affection – not love, not attraction, though that one might not be entirely true - and he goes ahead and twists her words so they fit into his little belief system. She can't stop herself. She retaliates in kind. 

“Jealousy doesn't look good on you.”

“I'm not jealous! You just told me there was no reason to, because she is not your lover but your friend!”

“She is!”

The righteous anger Mirka feels, leaves her unable to stay seated next to Roger for even a second longer. Getting up, walking, using that negative energy for something other than to yell at him, actually helps to calm her back down a little. At least enough to make one last ditch effort to have a useful, productive conversation with her partner. So far nothing has happened, that Roger needs to be worried or jealous about. He has to know that... even though it needs her reminding him. 

“Look, all we planned for is to meet again sometime soon. What's the harm in that?”

“The harm?! The harm is that she is a child, you are a grown woman and you like to hug her and ogle at her and kiss her! You should be very, very careful...”

“Why? Will you keep us apart if I don't?!”

“This is not about me. This is about you and her and the lives you both live. You risk everything with the way you throw your affection at her. Are you truly sure it's worth it?”

The attempt to have a conversation quickly goes sour and their exchange veers off into a rather ugly argument. Mirka feels misunderstood, threatened even and even though she knows everything Roger says has a truth to it – a bitter and hard to deal with truth, she simply can't accept it. He has basically just told her she is taking advantage of a minor, has called her too old for a relationship like that and has threatened her very career as well as the one of Mari all in a single sentence. Nothing he says is wrong. All of it hurts and every last fiber of Mirka's being tells her to get back at him for it. 

“You're one to talk! I've seen the way you look at her brother!”

“Neither him nor me are internationally recognized musicians or athletes.”

Roger's statement sounds matter-of-factly but it really isn't. It's hard for him to admit to the facts and displaying weakness like that in an emotionally loaded situation such as the one they are in right now, it's a thing he shouldn't have spoken out loud. Mirka picks up on it immediately and she uses it to her advantage – without thought and without mercy. She does it simply because she is angry with Roger beyond belief and because she knows this will hurt him. She does it because she wants to win something today, if only it is this argument. 

“No. You are not. Not any more.”

*#*

A couple of miles away it's a different hotel room and a different kind of relationship between two different people but very much the same argument. But unlike Mirka and Roger, Maribel and Rafael are actually sharing a meal together. It's early by their standards, but Rafael doesn't care. He's just happy Maribel hasn't ordered wine or something even stronger along with the meal. There is a reason for that though. She is too drunk on her own excitement to want any alcoholic beverage to add to the feeling.

He knows what he is in for ever since he has listened to the exchange between Maribel and Mirka. These two have plans, plans that don't remotely coincide with reality and Maribel will demand that he will fix the problem, because that is what he does apparently – solve her problems. Rafael has no intention to make it easy for Mari though, even if that means fighting with her yet again. At some point in her still very young life she will need to learn responsibility. Keeping to her schedule and honoring her commitments is a part of that and he at least wants to try to make her see that. He holds out little hope for success though.

“We need to change my schedule.”

“Your schedule is planned six months in advance.”

“I know that. And now I tell you to change it.”

Rafael gives Maribel a questioning look even though he doesn't really need to. He knows of course, because he has been there for the confirmation. But he wants his sister to say it, he wants her to tell him that she is willing to risk and maybe even ruin her career because she feels the need for an older woman in her life to hold hands with and kiss from time to time just because she feels like experimenting and for some reason the Swiss tennis player has the same inclination towards Maribel... Of course Maribel doesn't make matters that easy for him. 

“Why?”

“Because it's what I want.”

“Is this about Mirka again?! About your unrealistic promise you made to her this afternoon?”

“It's not unrealistic. We can make it reality.”

“We?”

“You know what I mean!”

Maribel is growing impatient – as she always does when she doesn't get what she wants – and she is quickly losing her temper on him. Everything happens exactly as Rafael has expected it. He could take the easy way out now, could nod his head, could be her good little errand boy and do as she pleases. He would spare himself a lot of heartache this way. But this isn't about him and about the easiest solution. It's about doing the right thing and it's about making his sister see how... dangerous her plans are. He needs her to think this through!

“I will not do this.”

“Of course you will. Stop with the hollow threats will you?! Twice in one day already. It's getting ridiculous!”

Maribel is not exactly wrong and it takes the wind right out of his sails. He has told her before that he will not do as she pleases when she has pleaded with him to come with him to the final and in the end he has relented. Maribel knows exactly how to play him... and she knows she will get what she wants in the end. The problem is that there is nothing Rafael can do about it. When push comes to shove he will always do what is best for his sister. Arguing with her right now however is exactly what is best for her. So he tries – and promises himself it will be the last time. Like that is actually going to happen... 

“You'll ruin her career along with your own. Is that really what you want?”

“Stop being so fucking melodramatic. I know you're an expert on ruining your career, but just because you washed out of the sport doesn't mean she will as well. She's a strong woman and she will be all the stronger for somebody who likes her and cares for her in her life.”

It takes only two sentences for her to insult him three times and she goes right to where it hurts him the most. It feels like acid being pushed into an already bleeding, gaping, weeping wound. At least that is how much it hurts on an emotional level. It's willpower and pride alone that keep the tears at bay, because Rafael doesn't want to give Maribel the satisfaction. The way she hurts him doesn't leave bruises, but it sure as hell leaves scars. Still this is not about dishing out insults. It's about her safety and future. Rafael tries his hardest to stay on topic. Maybe - somehow - he'll find his way through to her. He doubts it though. 

“She already has somebody who likes her and cares for her in her life.”

“Who? That boring boyfriend of hers with the bouncy hair and the stick up his ass?! That's a joke, isn't it?! They have nothing in common at all. You two however would make a perfect couple – two former athletes, chasing former glory, feeling miserable about the hardship life has dealt them and both having a serious case of martyr syndrome and the biggest stick up their asses anyone could find. You're perfect for one another.”

“Shut up.”

The demand is out of Rafael's mouth before he can stop himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind he briefly wonders how Maribel knows about Roger's former tennis career. She certainly hasn't made an effort to find out. Maybe Mirka has told her at some point... It doesn't matter though. He doesn't want her to throw them together like this, because there is no denying that there is indeed something there, something that goes beyond simply liking each other and having things in common. Maribel however is the last person Rafael wants to be aware of that. It's too late though. A triumphant expression has already appeared on her face and she holds up a finger at him as she realizes, she has hit the nail right on the head with her assumption.

“Oh my god! I hit a nerve, didn't I?! You like him!”

“This is not about him or him and me! This is about the way you talk to me! The way you insult me and humiliate me time and again and you don't even notice you're doing it! I'm not your punching bag or your errand boy our your damn servant and slave! I have feelings god damn it! And you hurl your insults at me like that doesn't hurt me or makes me feel awful. You don't care!”

It has been meant more as deflection than anything else, but once Rafael has started telling his sister how he feels, how she manages to make him feel useless and needless and small time and again, he cannot stop himself. All of that negative emotion pours out of him, all those times she has said something utterly cruel to him and him openly admitting to the fact stuns Maribel into silence for quite a while. The look on her face is one of barely contained guilt and horror. It feels good to see it, it feels good to land a punch as well sometimes... She needs a moment to catch herself and of course she immediately denies any ill intent behind past actions. 

“Of course I care! You're my brother! I only meant to joke.”

“You're not funny!”

“That's just because...”

Of course she tries to explain, tries to argue and rationalize her own viciousness away. Rafael however is not in the mood. He doesn't want to hear any of it. All he wants is to get the hell out of the room. If Maribel wants to ruin her life over the Swiss tennis player, so be it. He has tried. He has done his best to convince her otherwise, has been hurt in the process yet again and now he is done. Rafael gets up from the table they have been sitting at for their meal and walks away from her. He turns by the door. Leaving the room after saying what he has to say to her has rarely ever felt so satisfying.

“Shut the hell up and stop trying to defend the venom you spew at me every time you open your mouth. I have no idea what the hell I ever did to you that has made you so vicious and hateful towards me. I don't care though. Just tell me what you want and I'll try to make it happen. Like I always do. Get a list together or something and simply leave it by my door. But – please – just stop talking to me. I'll be happier for it.”


	8. Memory lanes and nicknames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari wants to do something nice for her brother.  
> Rafa and Roger go out for dinner and talk about the past.

It's not really a victory but Maribel actually does what Rafael tells her to do and puts the places and dates she wants for her revised schedule on a piece of paper and slips it under the door of his hotel room on that same evening just as she was supposed to. Rafael doesn't take a look at the slip of paper until the next morning though. He feels he has dealt with his sister enough for one day. When he does take that look the next day, the new schedule includes Chile and Mexico, which is exactly where Mirka will be with the WTA circuit, playing tournaments in February.

It's not like Rafael has expected anything different and even though he still doesn't like this idea one bit, he gets right on getting yelled at by event organizers and other sponsors and business people for canceling concerts that have long since been planned and are completely sold out. It's not a pleasant morning for him and he decides to organize the new schedule on another day. For today he has had enough of cleaning up his sister's messes, making her life easier and his a whole lot more difficult in the process. 

He goes out to a sushi place for lunch by himself. Maribel would probably like to come along as well but Rafael could care less what Maribel wants. She has imposed on his life enough with the things she wishes for. The sushi place is great and even though eating on his own is a little lonely, it's also a very relaxing experience. When he returns to his hotel room there is the business card – crimson writing on a black background - of a fancy restaurant stuck to his door. There is a time written on the back of the card with a white marker and it's undoubtedly Maribel's handwriting. Rafael however is not in the mood for games. 

He takes the card and for a brief second Rafael debates simply throwing the thing out, forgetting about the whole thing and going about his business. But he has to admit the card has managed to intrigue him. Even if this is just one of Maribel's games and this is her way of telling him where she wants them to go for dinner tonight, it's still a pretty unique way of getting the information to him... In the end curiosity wins the better of him ad he walks to the staircase, walks up the two floors to the penthouse and instead of letting himself in with the second key card he has, he knocks on Maribel's door. They are not exactly on good terms right now and Rafael decides it's better to be careful. 

Maribel is quick to open the door and when she finds her brother standing in front of it with the business card of the restaurant in his hand, she smiles at him. It's a soft, guarded smile and there is a shyness to her expression Rafael hasn't seen on her face for quite a while. She almost looks like the little sister he remembers, the girl he has been missing so sorely... Maybe it's just his imagination but it almost seems like his sister has taken his emotional outburst from last night to heart and is trying to do right by him. But Rafael knows better than to get his hopes up just yet. He shows the card to her and tries to keep his tone of voice neutral. He doesn't quite manage. The words that come out sound harsher than he has intended. 

“What is this?”

“I called Mimi, got her to give me her boyfriend's number and called him to ask Roger to take you out to dinner tonight. You said you liked him...”

“I do.”

Rafael is still guarded in his reaction. After all Maribel has made fun of how good he and Roger fit together just half a day ago... Right now though it sounds like his sister has tried to do something nice for him, but he isn't quite sure he is interpreting the facts in the correct way. He simply isn't used to his sister doing something for him just because she can and without getting anything out of it for herself... Once again a memory of the little girl she has once been stirs – a little girl who has given presents to him from time to time for no apparent reason. Maybe it's just wishful thinking but it seems she has reverted back to that behavior. If he hasn't been sure until now, Maribel's reaction confirms his suspicion - the smile on his sister's face widens into a grin. 

“Great. Go on then. Have dinner with him. He'll meet you at the restaurant entrance at 7:30 pm. Have a good time.”

“Are you actually trying to do something nice for me?”

“Yes!”

Maribel sounds just a tiny bit exasperated at the surprise in her brother's voice but she is still grinning at him and finally a certain calm and assurance settles in, as Rafael realizes that he has been right from the start. Maribel has done something selfless for him, something to better his mood and make sure he is having a good time. She has done something to show her appreciation and to let him know that she feels sorry for the way she has treated him and wants to apologize for it. It's just a small one, but finally he mirrors his sister's smile. 

“Thank you...”

“No problem, big brother. Enjoy your evening.”

*#*

Roger has been more than just a little surprised when he has heard from Maribel. He usually doesn't pick up on unknown phone numbers and when he had heard the younger woman's voice on the other end of the line, he had been inclined to simply hang up on her for just a moment. He simply hasn't been in the mood for even more difficult conversations. As it turns out the conversation is easy and rather short. Maribel asks him, practically pleads with him, to take her brother out for dinner and make sure he will be having a good time. She has already made a reservation and all Roger has to do is dress to impress and be there at the appointed time. 

It's the first good thing that has happened to him all day. After his ugly fight with Mirka, he had packed a little bag, had taken what he had needed down with him to the lobby and had asked for a separate room. Mirka had pleaded with him to stay, had pleaded with him to talk about this and make things better between them, but he had denied her the chance. He had simply left without another word and has spent the whole day in his lonely new hotel room. Mirka hasn't come to see him... and she has yet to apologize to him... 

He has used his time wisely today though, has made good use of the hotel's room service and has spent quite a bit of time on the internet until he has found a replay of Rafael's French Open final. Including the warm-up and the trophy ceremony it have been four hours to watch and it is no lie that Roger has enjoyed every last minute of it. Watching the match has left him with a certain feeling of melancholy though. The 18 year old version of the man he has only met two days ago is so drastically different from the person Rafael is today, that Roger has a hard time believing he's the same man.

He wonders where that energetic, determined, headstrong teenager with the never-say-die attitude and unlimited power to himself has disappeared to. He wonders where the happy, innocent smile has gone and when the younger man has stopped wearing his heart on his sleeve like that, openly crying with the joy of his victory for all the world to see and making no secret out of the emotions that had threatened to simply overwhelm him that day. Roger has only met Rafael twice but it seems there is little to nothing left of that version of him... And then there is the nickname. The commentators in the replay Roger has seen, keep referring to the Spaniard as 'Rafa'... He decides to ask the younger man about it tonight. The dinner they will share is as good a chance as any to ask that particular question. 

Roger is a little late to arrive for dinner and Rafael is already waiting for him in the lobby of the place. Roger needs a moment to even detect the younger man, simply because he hasn't seen him like this before. It's a fancy restaurant after all and they both knew that before coming here. There is no denying Rafael cleans up very nicely. The combination of black pants and a dark gray dress shirt he is wearing suit him very well. When Roger walks up to him and greets him, the younger man gives him a once over and a frown appears on the Spaniard's face. 

“You look like you had a rough day...”

“Right back at you.”

A waiter interrupts their bit of friendly bantering and takes them to their table. They order drinks and are provided with the menus, but this time it is different from their lunch at the diner. Roger doesn't feel as awkward around Rafael as he has done the first time. He wants to talk to the younger man, wants to answer his initial question and he wants to tell the Spaniard what is bothering him. And of course he wants to talk to Rafael about the French Open final. For now however he settles on talking to the younger man about last night. 

“Mirka and I had a fight last night.”

“What about?”

“Your sister, if you need to know.”

“Yeah, she's good at that. Causing arguments. Funny she doesn't even need to be in the same room any more for people to have an argument because of her.”

Rafael doesn't sound as condescending as the words make it sound. There is actually a bit of fondness to the younger man's tone of voice and the hint of a smile on his face. But Roger knows it is simply because Maribel has done something nice for her brother and he is sure the teenage girl has not done it without ulterior motives. She has achieved her goal, that much is for sure. Whatever has happened between the siblings last night – and Roger is simply sure there has been an argument at least – Rafael has forgiven his sister for it. 

“I take it you and your sister had a fight of your own about her and Mirka and the plans those two have made?”

“We did. It's why she asked you to... take me out. It was her way of saying sorry. She said some harsh things...”

“So has Mirka. She has yet to apologize though...”

Melancholy threatens to grab a hold of them and that is something neither Roger nor Rafael wants. They aren't here to reminisce about the respective women in their lives and how they have hurt them. They are here to have a good time, to spend a nice evening together. They both have the same thought, but Rafael is the first of the two of them to actually suggest that they concentrate on the here and now instead of dwelling on the past. 

“Let's not talk about them anymore. For just one evening I want to forget about my sister and the way she constantly manages to make my life a misery. Why don't you do the same?”

“Gladly.”

The waiter interrupts them again and brings their drinks – and it is not lost on Roger that unlike him Rafael has opted out of having any alcohol with his dinner – and takes their meal orders. The small break in their conversation is actually a welcome one. It gives Roger the time and chance to come up with the right way to tell the younger man that he has watched the Roland Garros final Rafael has won. He isn't sure whether the Spaniard will appreciate that fact. He had been proud telling him about it back at lunch... but there had been a dark and sad undertone to it all as well. Roger decides it's worth a try and true to form Rafael smiles at first only to dip into melancholy right after. 

“I watched your French Open final from three years back. You were... unbelievable.”

“Little good it did me.”

“Maybe the aftermath of it all has been... devastating. But that day... You were amazing.”

“Thank you.”

The smile returns when Rafael thanks him and Roger is happy to see it. Maybe it's not exactly rapport they are building here but it's easier to ask the younger man stupid questions when he is in a welcoming mood. Right now his thoughts definitely linger on that final and not on the things that have happened afterwards and that have cost him his career. That's good – this way Roger can ask about the nickname, without receiving a sour look and a raised eyebrow in return. 

“My commentary kept referring to you as 'Rafa'...”

“Yes.”

“A nickname?”

“Yes.” 

“Do I get to use it?”

“If you want to.”

“I'd like that very much.” 

They are both grinning now and as painful as the realization is, Rafael has to admit to himself that it's probably the first time this entire year he has a stupid grin on his face... Life has not been exactly easy, not for a while now. But he has just promised himself not to dwell on the past tonight, to be happy tonight. Roger however makes that increasingly difficult for him. Because he is curious – which is okay – and he asks about stuff Rafael rather would not want to be reminded of. 

“Well then, Rafa. What happened?”

“When?”

“ '05. After Roland Garros.”

“Life. I already told you that.”

“Hey it's me... No need to deflect. Tell me. I can relate, believe me. I already told you – I played myself and just like for you... life happened.”

Roger has an open, honest smile on his lips and unlike back at the diner, Rafa is sure Roger will tell him what has happened to him even if he decides not to extend the same courtesy to him. He is trying to build on the fact that they are very much alike, that they have stuff in common and can relate to what the other one is going through... It's not that Rafa wants to keep what has happened to him a secret. It's no use anyway. A thorough search on the internet would most definitely provide Roger with all the answers he wants and needs. But this isn't just about satisfying curiosity. Roger wants to hear about his life, wants to hear his story and he wants to hear it from Rafa himself. The younger man sighs softly... and decides to give in. 

“It's a congenital problem.”

“What does that mean?”

“It's a defect to one of the bones in the bridge of my foot. It's malformed and putting too much strain on it – like I would have done playing professional tennis on a daily basis – would only make it worse. There was nothing – short of a surgery with a very unsure prognosis – anyone could do. So I stopped.”

“I'm so sorry...”

“Why? It's not your fault.”

“You know what I meant. I sympathize.”

Rafa hasn't looked at him once while telling his little tale of misery. Roger wishes he would. It would be so much easier to have this conversation if he could actually see the expression on Rafa's face. The defensive way the younger man has reacted to his show of sympathy tells Roger a lot though. The younger man hates talking about it... Maybe it would be best to stop right there, but there is one thing Mirka has told him about her conversation with Maribel that has stuck with him ever since he has heard it... mainly because the same thing has happened to him right after his own career ending injury. 

“Your sister claims you've been depressed ever since.”

“I was for a while. I'm over it now. I have... adjusted. This is my life now.”

“Try that again and this time sound happy about it.”

Finally Rafa looks up at him again and there is an almost pained expression on his face when he shrugs his shoulders in response to Roger's proposal. It's disheartening to see the younger man like this and Roger feels very much guilty. After all he has come here with the task and intent to make sure Rafa will be having a good time. It looks a lot like he is thoroughly failing at that. It's no wonder though – given the grave topic of their conversation. 

“Why should I? My life isn't exactly a bed of roses.”

“Welcome to the club.”

“So what about you, Rogi?”

Rafa changes the subject and manages to catch Roger by surprise with it. Not because of the change of topic or pace to their conversation but because he shows some initiative for intimacy and comes up with a stupid nickname of his own. In that moment the family relation with his sister clearly shows. Both siblings have absolutely no talent for picking proper nicknames for people. He has to think of Maribel calling Mirka 'Mimi' and combined with Rafa naming him 'Rogi' it brings a chuckle to the older man's lips. The mood is definitely lightened – that much is for sure. 

“Rogi?!”

“If you get to use a nickname, I get to do it too.” 

“Okay...”

Roger doesn't like the nickname one bit but he has to admit the way Rafa pronounces it, it has an endearing quality to itself. As much fun as he is having with the younger man in the slightly silly mood he is in, the topic Rafa has picked – or more so has turned on him now – is not an easy one to talk about for Roger either. But for him more time has passed and even though time definitely doesn't heal all wounds, it dilutes the pain and makes it easier to talk about the past. 

“What happened to you that pulled you out?”

“Car accident. I broke my right leg in four places. It's more metal than bone these days and it never fully healed, at least not enough to ever go back to the competitive circuit... It hurts sometimes and on wet and cold days I even have a limp...”

“That's who we are then – two wash-outs, two cripples with weak bones, eh?”

Rafa's voice is dripping with sarcasm, a tone that actually manages to send a shiver down Roger's spine. He has rarely ever heard anyone sounding so damn bitter... He can't agree with the younger man either. He has lost something important in his life – they both have – but he is neither invalid nor helpless. Most of the time he can live a normal life and so can the Spaniard. They are no athletes any more but they are no charity cases either. 

“I would never call myself a cripple.”

“You're not exactly shipshape either.”

“Who is these days? My girlfriend has an anxiety problem, your sister has one with alcohol and our bodies are broken beyond what can be repaired to enable us to live the life we want. We fit perfectly together. A bunch of melancholy misfits...”


	9. Unconditionally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari overhears her brother talking to Roger about how he feels.  
> She decides to do something nice for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't heard from anybody in a while and was wondering if people are still interested in this story?  
> I wouldn't bother continuing it if nobody wants to read it anyway. Just drop me a quick line, please - a simple 'yes' will suffice.  
> Just as a little pick me up to keep the inspiration flowing. Thanks.  
> *#*  
> The link to the song to go along with the lyrics is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68SnNp_xgD8)

*Viña del Mar, Chile – February 2008*

Devising a new schedule according to Maribel's needs and wishes has been a lot easier than Rafa has initially anticipated. Maybe that is because he is actually looking forward to the tour changes now, to the chance to travel with his sister and for the chance to see Roger again... He likes the older man, there is no denying that and he has missed him these last couple of weeks. He and Maribel have managed to use the friendly terms her nice gesture of getting Roger to spend time with him at dinner has given them to come up with a compromise. 

Maribel and her team have gone to New Zealand after all to play the four concerts – two in Wellington, two in Auckland – and from there they have gone to Hongkong, Shanghai and Singapore before going back home, adjusting to the time difference, enjoying a bit of R&R and putting the finishing touches to the new tour schedule. This way Maribel only misses six concerts and the idea is to not cancel but to postpone them until the end of the year when the WTA circuit has it's off season.

Right now they are in Chile, have arrived here two days ago and they have yet to actually find the right time and place to meet up with both Roger and Mirka. Maribel has been in a sour mood because of the scheduling problem and the missed chances. She has been drinking a lot more these last couple of days and she has been pretty much unbearable to be around and even worse when it had come to talking to her. 

The discussion has been about the concerts she had agreed to play here. Rafa practically begs her to add a couple of Spanish renditions of her songs to the play list in order to make the local fans happy and Maribel stubbornly refuses. She says she isn't in South America for fan service but because it is what serves her purpose best. Rafael tells her it isn't all about her and that she is threatening her career enough already with the way she handles her schedule and skips out of commitments without a second thought. She tells him to fuck off. 

It has ended in a really ugly, really loud fight about something this stupid as a list of songs and the argument has been majorly blown out of proportion. Maribel has yelled and cursed and even thrown things – though Rafa solely attributes that to the alcohol – and in the end she has started sobbing and has thrown him out, telling him not to come anywhere near her for at least a day if he doesn't want to risk her jumping at him and strangling him or throwing something hard and heavy at his head. 

Luckily for Rafa the next morning he has a text message from Roger who asks him if he can come over to his hotel room to see him, spent some time together and have a chance to finally talk in person again. Rafa can only assume Mirka has offered the same to Maribel and maybe that will finally brighten her mood. He doesn't dwell on it though. Right now he really doesn't want to think about his sister. Of course he agrees to Roger's proposal and they meet later that day – in the privacy of Rafa's hotel room – to talk and simply bask in the joy of finally getting a chance to be together again.

Meeting up after almost a month apart is awkward for all of five seconds and then Roger takes the initiative first and pulls the younger man into a hug. It's all fine from there on out. They settle in the balcony, Roger with a diet coke, Rafa with a bottle of water and enjoy the midday sun in the shade of a sun blind. They are on the top floor and up here there is a soft breeze coming from the ocean that makes the midday heat almost bearable. 

They talk about casual things at first. About what they have been up to, how they have been doing, what their schedule has been like and how much they have both looked forward to a chance to meet again. It's pleasant and nice and relaxing to sit and chat like that without having to fear an insult or a sudden argument and Rafa lets his guard down just a bit. It is only when the conversation veers off a bit and they talk about the respective women in their lives, that the mood between them darkens a bit. 

*#*

“Are you and Mirka on speaking terms again? I just realized, I never asked.”

“We are. She did apologize when I came back from dinner that night in Melbourne. Apparently she knew about it because your sister had told her. She came to my room, she told me she was sorry and we... made up.”

“Ah.”

Rafa doesn't need to hear any more. He knows exactly what Roger is implying and strangely enough hearing him talk about having sex with his girlfriend, sends a stab of jealousy through the Spaniard. It's an irrational feeling, one he can neither explain nor make sense of. After all Mirka is Roger's girlfriend and he is just a guy the Swiss has some stuff in common with and gets to meet on a very casual basis from time to time. Jealousy is completely misplaced here... and still that is exactly what happens to Rafa. 

Roger seems to pick up on his discomfort or he is simply aware of the fact that maybe talking about his girlfriend and the physical relationship he shares with her is not something he should do with a casual acquaintance. Because that is all they are to one another after all... The older man takes a measured sip from his diet coke and decides to give the subject a rest – for both their sakes. His change of topic however is not exactly a pleasant one. 

“Your sister told Mirka you had a fight with her...”

“We did.”

“About a song list?”

“Yes.”

Hearing somebody else say it like that, it sounds even more stupid than it actually was. Fighting about a song list... Sometimes it seems to Rafa like he and his sister simply bicker and argue among themselves just for the sake of fighting with one another and having a chance to yell and insult each other. Half the time he barely even knows how and why they started in the first place and the other half of the time they fight over the most stupid and trivial of things... Maybe they have overstayed their tolerance for one another... He really has no fucking idea and Roger asking him about it does not make matters easier one bit. 

“Why?”

“Because she was stubborn and I was even more. She didn't want to listen and I didn't want to give up on my ideas... It was a... potent combination.”

“Potent? That is putting it mildly. She said she threatened to strangle you...”

“Not like she would ever succeed if she tried, but yes. I don't understand though... Why would she tell Mirka all of this?”

Rafa is truly curious about the answer. He can only imagine that Maribel has talked to Mirka to pour her heart out to the older woman and tell her what an awful brother he is. She has most definitely complained about him and the fight they have had and quite frankly Rafa doesn't want to hear that repeated back to him. But what Roger has to tell him actually surprises Rafa. He is pretty sure it isn't true, that maybe the older man has misheard things or stuff has gotten lost in translation. 

“From what I gathered she was sorry...”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Why?”

“Because in all the years I have been accompanying her she has apologized to me exactly once and she didn't even use words to do it.”

Maybe he is over exaggerating, maybe he is making more of a misery out of the strained relationship with his sister than there is, but Rafa is pretty sure he is telling the truth. He hasn't taken the time to think about it before the words have slipped out, but now – in retrospect – he truly can't remember a single time Maribel has apologized to him. Sometimes – when they are back home and she acts more like his sister than the internationally recognized superstar she is – they hug and tease and laugh together. Everything is better then. Home makes a different person of Maribel... But when they travel – it's a whole different thing. Roger seems to realize rather quickly what Rafa is talking about. It's no surprise though – after all the Spaniard had told him that night that them going out was more than just that, that it was his sister's way of saying sorry just the same. 

“You mean with that dinner in Melbourne.”

“Yes.”

“How many times has she done something that would have warranted an apology?”

“I don't know. I stopped counting at some point...”

“I'm sorry.”

It's a bleak thing to admit to and Roger can feel the small, sympathetic smile fall from his face. He cannot even imagine living his life with Mirka like that – always in close quarters, always traveling and constantly fighting about even the smallest of things. In Mirka's demanding every day life, the two things she needs most are stability and harmony. Roger would have assumed it's the same with Maribel. But he is wrong. Rafa doesn't react to Roger's friendly words, he's too deeply lost in his miserable thoughts to actually appreciate Roger's sympathy. He simply continues on the trajectory of his line of thinking, unable to look at the older man, his voice low and full of regret. 

“It's irony really... The year her career took off and she became that international superstar... My own career burned to ashes right in front of my eyes and there was nothing left but dust and shadows... and a miniature Coupe de Mousquetaires that brings tears to my eyes every time I look at it... It seems only one of the Nadal siblings was destined to radiate and shine while the other drains and withers... and dies.”

“You're not dead.”

Roger replies with a vehemence that actually manages to catch Rafa's attention. A sad smile plays on the younger man's lips for just a second before he looks away again. Roger feels dread settle in the pit of his stomach and his heart clench painfully. He has never been confronted with somebody dealing with debilitating emotions such as this. Apart from himself that is, because in the beginning – right after his accident – he had felt exactly like this. But Mirka has helped him through and these days he is mostly happy with his life. Not always of course, but who can claim that for himself? 

Rafa however – with less than three years between himself and the loss of what he had felt was his destiny, his special something in this life – has not reached that point yet. Hearing him talk like this, hearing the desperation, the utter defeat to his voice, Roger isn't sure the Spaniard ever will... Roger can't help it – this feels like something he should hear nothing about. It simply feels like too much. They might have a lot in common, they might feel very comfortable around one another and have an easy time conversing about even such difficult things such as this, but they are still not friends. They barely know each other still. Rafa seems to have no such misconceptions. Now that he has started talking about this, he doesn't want to stop.

“I feel that way sometimes though. Cold, left alone, lost in the dark and pretty much useless... I could have been so much more. I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be the special one... But Maribel stole that from me... She never meant to, but it happened anyway.”

“You are. To me you are both special and so much more than you could ever believe you are yourself.”

“Don't say something like that to me.”

The words bring a smile to Rafa's face but still the younger man shakes his head and Roger can feel himself blush. The words – the fierceness with which he tells Rafa how he feels about him, how much the younger man means to him even only after such a short time of knowing each other – are out of his mouth before he has made the conscious decision to say them. Roger is glad Rafa doesn't give him a confused or even condescending look. He appreciates the niceties, but he doesn't want to hear them. That cold hard knot in Roger's stomach tightens. He is pretty sure he knows why Rafa doesn't want him to say something like this to him, but Roger asks anyway.

“Why?”

“I can't handle it. I handle rejection, harsh words and insults better.”

“Yeah, because you believe them.”

Roger watches Rafa nod in response but the younger man doesn't trust his voice enough to actually form the words and confirm the older man's suspicion. It is true after all. Ever since the day he had been told he would have to drop out of the sport for the sake of his own health, ever since that dream had burned and evaporated, it had been way easier for him to believe in somebody telling him he is a failure instead of telling him he is special... Roger next to him fidgets in his seat. There is something else on the Swiss' mind apparently. Rafa looks at the older man – questioningly, guardedly – and it takes another moment before Roger reacts. The question comes out of nowhere and even though he is most definitely out of line, Roger is simply too curious to not ask. This time Rafa actually looks confused, but now that Roger has gone the distance, he wants to follow through.

“Do you hate her for it?”

“Who?”

“Maribel. For her success?”

Rafa doesn't even have to think about that question. In all the misery he sometimes feels over the fact that his sister is a difficult person to live with and even more difficult person to please, he has never – not even once – been jealous of her accomplishments. She's his sister after all – his family, his blood... Of course he reminisces sometimes, of course his own loss saddens him. But none of that is Maribel's fault. He is proud of her, he worries about her, but he would never hate her for being the special one out of the two of them... 

“No! Of course not!”

*#*

The vehemence of Rafa's reply carries into the hotel room through the glass sliding doors leading to the balcony, where the two men are seated, and it causes the yet undetected visitor standing by the hotel room door to wince. Maribel has come to let her brother know she has... had a change of heart. It is mainly Mirka's doing, who she has told about the fight with Rafa the previous day and who has told her in no uncertain terms, that she needs to at least try and make things better with her brother, even if she feels he is in the wrong. Mirka has told her to be the stronger one of the two of them, to go and talk to her brother and tell him she hasn't meant the things she has said. It's mostly a blur anyway and even though the fact that it has been the alcohol that has made her vicious and very much aggressive is not an excuse, she still wants her brother to know she hasn't meant the awful things she has said to him... She has been out of line.

She has expected Rafa to be alone, even though she has known Mirka's boring boyfriend has to be around somewhere. Of course these two would find each other, spend time together and bask in each other's misery about lost opportunities. At least that is what the spiteful side of Maribel has told her. Stepping into the room – with the second key card she has – she feels angry at first, at the sight of Roger and the two men talking so intimately. All that anger evaporates though when she catches a glimpse of what exactly it is they talk about. She stops dead in her tracks then, the world around her seems to fade and she simply stands and listens.

They have no idea she has been standing here and they are even more oblivious to the fact that she has been listening in on their conversation ever since her brother has told the Swiss that in almost three years of traveling she has never once said 'I'm sorry' to her brother... And she has been hurtful and out of line and simply wrong plenty of times. And yet Rafa can't remember a single time she has apologized to him. It wouldn't sting that much if Maribel herself had any recollection of ever apologizing for wronging her brother or hurting him. The other way around Rafa has apologized to her plenty of times... or has simply given up on fighting with her, has retreated and has allowed her the win of the argument. When it comes to her though, she can't, she can't remember one fucking time she has said sorry, not if her life depended on it... 

Hearing her brother talk so freely about the way he feels, about how hollow and lost and useless he feels at times, Maribel is sure they have to hear her heart breaking sitting out there just a couple of meters away... She has always known her brother has been depressed ever since the diagnosis that has cost him any chance at a promising sport's career but she has never known how bad things really get for him at times. She certainly hasn't had much of an influence to make things easier or more positive for him but then again Mari has never known that she has to – not until right now anyway... Out of the two of them, Rafa has always been the strong one, the one for her to rely on... Little has she ever known how far from the truth that assessment actually is. 

What hurts even more is the realization that he feels comfortable enough around Roger – of all people – to talk about stuff like this with him, but does not feel the same way around his own and only sister... He doesn't trust her – it's as simple as that – and Maribel can't even blame him for it. She has proven time and again that she is inadequate to the task of respecting him and being mindful of his feelings. No wonder he keeps that deep, dark, desperate side of himself away from her and deeply buried inside himself. She hates it... and she has no fucking clue how to change it, how to help him... 

She has tears in her eyes – something that hasn't happened to her in a long time – and she retreats the moment Rafa answers Roger's question about how her brother feels about her and her success. Maribel has dreaded the answer and now that her brother has denied any hateful feelings towards her with such fierce determination, she feels both stunned and flattered. Her brother does not hate her for her success... It comes as a surprise to Maribel. Deep down she has always assumed that was the case, has always assumed it is the reason they argue and fight so much. But she is wrong. Rafa isn't jealous, doesn't wish the same fate on her that happened to him just for the poetic justice of it all. He loves her... and she owes him a thank you in return. She has to leave. She has a song to write.

*#*

Rafa is more than just a little surprised when Maribel starts her first show of the evening on Chilean soil with a Spanish rendition of 'look what I found', the song she dedicated to Mirka back in Melbourne a couple of weeks ago. At first he is sure something is wrong with his hearing and then he is pretty sure he is dreaming. But the song is definitely Spanish and it's solid reality. His sister has actually listened to his advice... He has no idea how the hell that has happened. 

But it's not the first time Maribel has surprised him tonight. About two hours before the concert has started, she has appeared at his hotel room door and has asked him if he is ready to go. He has not been, because he has very much expected her not to want him here at the concert hall tonight. He hasn't seen Maribel all day, hasn't heard from her since their ugly fight the night before and Rafa has been sure she doesn't want him anywhere near her – just as she has told him. But she is there, right in front of his room, her expression almost embarrassed and he had hurried to get dressed.

The second surprise is the Spanish song she opens the show with. She has added two other Spanish renditions to the song list, exchanging them for the English ones and of course the crowd goes wild. Rafa knows he shouldn't smile, knows he shouldn't gloat but he can't help it. He has known from the start that adding the songs is a good idea and Maribel has an animated, almost electrified crowd for her efforts. It's more than just a good show – it's a great show tonight.

The third surprise of the evening he is in for, comes right at the end of the concert. Maribel has actually finished the last song on her list and Rafa is a little surprised she hasn't started her usual routine of thanking the crowd and saying goodbye to them yet. That fact is easily explained though – Maribel isn't done yet. There is one more song in her repertoire, a song the band knows about but Rafa has no clue about. A song his sister has kept a secret from him... and for a good reason.

“We bring tonight's show home with an original song I only managed to finish today. You're the first ones to hear it. It's unique because my trusted editor, who usually has an input on my lyrics, knows nothing about this song. That's by design, because this one is for him. This song is dedicated to my brother, who is always there for me, no matter how hard I make that on him from time to time. Let's bring this one home, people.”

_Oh no, did I get too close oh?_  
_Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?_  
_All your insecurities_  
_All the dirty laundry_  
_Never made me blink one time_

_Unconditional, unconditionally_  
_I will love you unconditionally_  
_There is no fear now_  
_Let go and just be free_  
_I will love you unconditionally_

_Come just as you are to me_  
_Don't need apologies_  
_Know that you are all worthy_  
_I'll take your bad days with your good_  
_Walk through this storm I would_  
_I'd do it all because I love you, I love you_

_Unconditional, unconditionally_  
_I will love you unconditionally_  
_There is no fear now_  
_Let go and just be free_  
_I will love you unconditionally_

_So open up your heart and just let it begin_  
_Open up your heart, and just let it begin_  
_Open up your heart, and just let it begin_  
_Open up your heart_

_Acceptance is the key to be_  
_To be truly free_  
_Will you do the same for me?_

_Unconditional, unconditionally_  
_I will love you unconditionally_  
_And there is no fear now_  
_Let go and just be free_  
_'Cause I will love you unconditionally (oh yeah)_

_I will love you, I will love you_  
_I will love you unconditionally_

When Maribel gets off stage after the song is finished, the lights are out and the crowd is still cheering for her, Rafa has no idea what to do. It has not been too long ago he has dealt with that spiteful thought that Maribel has never once dedicated a song to him. Now she has done it and not only has she dedicated it to him, she has actually written it for him... He has no fucking plan how to deal with this, no idea how to respond to it. In the end it comes naturally to him. When Maribel appears in front of him by the side of the stage with a very childlike, innocent and almost fearful expression on her face, there is a fondness warming Rafa's heart he hasn't felt for the younger woman in quite a while. It's like a leap in time and they are back to being 10 and 15 again, brother and sister, thick as thieves... 

“You did this... for me?”

Maribel simply nods at him. Obviously she is just as unsure as Rafa feels about how to handle this rather unique situation. It's sad and scary really because it's a testament to how long it has been since they have done anything nice and surprising for one another. Rafa is glad Maribel has done this though, even if it makes him feel a little uncomfortable. Once again his sister has not said the words, but she has given him something better than the actual words of an apology. She has given him a song... She has given him a piece of her own heart and soul, put onto paper and shaped around a melody. All just for him. The thought causes a lump to form in his throat that makes his voice sound thick with emotion. 

“You wrote this... today?”

“Yes. No. I've had this in my song book for more than two years now. I started it but never finished. I... I didn't know how. It hurt to think it through. It hurt to finish it... But now I have... What do you think?”

They are back to what Maribel has told the crowd on stage. Usually Rafa is a part of her writing process and no matter how tough things get between them, how much they fight and are sick of one another at times, she always asks his opinion and input when it comes to lyrics she has written. This time however her brother doesn't exactly tell her what he thinks. Not in too many words. He does however tell her what he feels and that is easily described in just one word – gratitude. 

“Thank you...”

“I meant every last word of it. I love you, big brother.”


	10. Spending the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari and Mirka spend the night together.  
> Roger goes in search of a place to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to **Dreamcatcher, MelissaSay and OneLastThought** for taking the time to comment and reassure me about going on with this story. Your lovely feedback is appreciated a lot!  
> I wil be posting (at least) two chapters from next week on, as I want to be finished with this before my main vacation this year in May... Just a heads up.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

*Acapulco, Mexico – February 2008*

Mirka manages quarterfinals in Chile, which is a respectable result given the fact that she has never exactly done too well here before. It's a clay court tournament after all and those are not exactly her favorites... Maribel goes to see exactly one of her matches and this time she goes on her own. Sitting with Roger – without Rafa as a buffer and knowing fully well how intimately the older man and her brother have talked – is awkward to say the least and yet again the match manages to bore Maribel beyond believe. But watching Mirka, seeing her win – that is fun and she enjoys it.

They go to Mexico from there, with a stopover in Colombia, where Mirka only manages second round and Maribel has two back to back concerts in Bogota. Things are... well, there is no other way to describe it. Ever since she has finished and dedicated the song to her brother, the relationship between Rafa and Maribel has somehow mellowed. They haven't had a single fight since that night in Chile and they actually have a good time around one another. It almost feels like years and years back again, when all they were, was siblings, no additional baggage and emotional hardship added. 

With Mirka it's very much the same. Things are well. Just as the two men spent time together whenever they get a chance, Maribel and Mirka do the same, whenever they can clear their schedule. Maribel has watched Mirka practice, – and has vehemently denied any and every attempt to pick up a racket and actually step out onto the practice court – they have shared meals together, have gone out to the town together, have spent evenings in each other's hotel rooms, mostly Maribel's though as she has a room to herself and Mirka always – always – shares hers with her boring boyfriend, to watch movies or listen to music or simply talk and Maribel fondly remembers every last of those moments. 

Mirka on the other hand feels something is... lacking. She enjoys the moments she spends with Maribel, likes it when they manage to steal time away from their schedules to be together and enjoys both the physical presence and the mindset of the younger woman. Maribel makes her happy but still all she feels they are up to this point is friends and not even very close ones. Mirka feels the strong urge to remedy that and from all the signals Mari has been sending her way, the younger woman wants the same thing. The problem is, that this is a decision Mirka can't simply make on her own. She is in a committed relationship and no matter how... open-minded both she and Roger are, she still needs to ask his permission first. It will be difficult, she knows that, especially because Roger doesn't like Maribel too much. But she is sure in the end he will do and decide what he feels will make both of them happy. Mirka is sure that Maribel is exactly that – somebody to make her happy. All she needs to do now is make her boyfriend see that as well. No pressure...

The opportunity presents itself on one of the rare nights in between when neither she nor Roger spend any time with the siblings. They have gone out to a restaurant for dinner and have decided to order dessert through room service back at their hotel. It's something made from local, Mexican chocolate and it's delicious. They share a bottle of red wine after dessert out on the balcony and the warm breeze along with the alcohol gives Mirka the courage she has felt she has been lacking up until now. The effect is very much the same as with the anti anxiety meds. She feels relaxed... and ready to tackle this problem that is getting her partner to agree to her plans. 

“I need to talk to you.”

“Maribel?”

It shouldn't come as that much of a surprise to her that Roger immediately knows what Mirka wants to talk to him about. After all she has taken time to gather her courage and he is very much aware this is sort of a sore topic between the two of them. It has caused fights between them even... Mirka nods her head yes, not exactly trusting her voice yet. Judging from the expression on Roger's face, he is not happy and very much unsure he will like where this conversation will be going... Mirka decides to simply go for it and jump right into the conversation. It's a little like ripping a band aid off – better to do it fast than to drag it out... 

“I want a chance to spend time with her. More... intimately.”

“She's 17, Mirka.”

“I know that. And it's not like I want to replace you or engage in a sexual relationship. I just want to be with her, spend time with her. I want to have dinner and I want her to sleep over...”

Roger frowns at Mirka in reply. The thought of a sleepover is way more innocent than what Roger has expected his girlfriend to say. He still doesn't exactly like it though. All sorts of things can happen when those two women making gooey eyes at one another are left to their own devices for an entire night. It's not only that though – it's the fact that Mirka plans to throw him out of the room they share together in order to make room for Maribel. It feels a lot like bad foreshadowing and he simply can't help but feel both hurt and disappointed at that. 

“Are you asking me to vacate our room?!”

“Sort of, yeah...”

The one good thing Roger can appreciate, is that Mirka is being both open and honest with him. This isn't just about her putting her own wishes before what is best for the both of them. It's about the implications that come along with it... He knows Mirka doesn't want to replace him, isn't looking for another partner in her life... but still he can't change that that is how he feels about her and Maribel. The fact that he doesn't like Maribel doesn't help either... But this isn't just about his and Mirka's relationship, it's about the way they live their lives... and about the things Roger feels he has to endure and give up on a daily basis. He hasn't thought about this in a while, has pushed those thoughts and feelings aside, but spending so much time with Rafa these last couple of weeks has brought all of that back to the forefront and Roger feels they need to talk about this, even if it is hard and even if it hurts... 

“Have you ever – even once – given any thought to how difficult this all is for me?”

“I'm not sure I know what you're talking about...”

“I don't know, Mirka. I don't know if this is a good idea.”

“Because of her age? Because of the gap?!”

His girlfriend sounds more than just a little defensive and Roger can't even blame her. Mirka is acutely aware of the age difference between her and Maribel and it is one of the main topics that both bothers and worries her. Roger knows that. Mirka has told him. He himself sees no problem with it – not really, not if those two decide to keep their friendship exactly that, a friendship. Mirka has promised him not to take things further and he trusts her in that regard. This is not about Maribel and Mirka after all. This is about him and her and the way things have changed between them ever since the Spanish siblings are a part of their life... 

“No. Not really. Because... she caused us to fight. A big ugly fight and it took us a while to get back on track after that. I don't want a repeat of that. I don't want to be hurt like this again.”

“I apologized...”

“That's not the point. The point is that you felt compelled to do it in the first place. I know we're okay now and I know you're sorry but it doesn't change the fact that your words hurt... and that you did it on purpose.”

Mirka's first instinct tells her to protest or defend herself but she fights that down. Roger isn't wrong after all. There is no denying that she has used the hurtful words back on that evening in Melbourne with the sole intent and purpose to hurt him. It has been a conscious decision and even with time and an apology, it seems her words have cut a lot deeper than she has ever realized. She wants to make it up to Roger – more than she wants his approval – but she doesn't know how. She doesn't have to though. He is here after all. She can simply ask him. 

“What do you want me to do? What can I do to prove to you we will be fine, despite me and Maribel?”

“I want you to appreciate certain facts.”

“Like what?”

Roger takes his time to find the right words to explain himself. In all the years of traveling on the circuit together, this is something that has always been nagging at the back of his mind without ever coming to the forefront. Most of the time it hasn't been bothering him enough to actually talk about this and for a minority of the time he simply hasn't wanted to burden Mirka with it. Her life is difficult and demanding enough as it is, he doesn't need to add to that. But tonight, with the looming threat of more change in their life together, he decides she needs to know, even if it is hard for her. He owes her that much. He owes her honesty. 

“Like the fact that traveling with you like this, being here with you for all those tournaments... it's difficult for me. Especially at the Grand Slams... I used to have all that, I used to be a part of it. And I was good! But then I had the injury and the surgeon made that goddamn mistake that caused the infection that cost me any chance to ever fully heal and recover enough to go back to who I was before. I am lucky I'm able to walk again. I lost it, I lost it all. The chance to play, to compete, to be good and to win. I could have had something special. I could have been a star athlete, a force to be reckoned with... And all that was taken from me. But I never really got away. It's still a part of my life. And it hurts. Every fucking time! And you reminding me of that, you using that against me to get me to shut up about you and Maribel... That was NOT okay.”

“You never told me this before...”

“Because I thought I was okay with it...”

“And now you're not anymore?”

Mirka sounds exasperated and she has every right to that feeling. It is a little bit selfish and definitely comes out of the blue for her. After all they have been together for almost seven years and in seven years he has never once talked to her about this. It's the unique fact of a new presence in his life that makes him do it now though. In the end – and Roger certainly doesn't blame him for it because this whole conversation, the admittance to the fact, the truth, is sort of cathartic for him – it's all Rafa's fault... 

“It's not that. It's just... Talking to Rafa...”

“Mari's brother?”

“Yes. He went through the same thing and he feels the same way I do. Talking to him about it brought all of that back up again... And now I can't stop thinking about it...”

“You like him.”

Mirka states it as a fact, not as a question and Roger has to smile despite himself. He has that protective streak about Mirka most of the time and with her anxieties and his dire need to help her, he sometimes forgets what a strong, smart, perceptive and emphatic woman she is. Of course she is very much aware of the way Roger feels about Rafa, maybe more and earlier that he has ever picked up on it himself. But this right now is not about Rafa and him – this is about them and how to incorporate Maribel's presence into their relationship. 

“Of course I like him. He's a nice guy. Easy to be around, great to talk to. He's...”

“Special?”

“Yes.”

“I feel exactly that way about Mari.”

Roger nods at that. He is very well aware of the way Mirka feels about the Spanish teenager. It doesn't make matters easier for him and they have yet to reach a decision, have to reach some sort of common ground. Or maybe they have. Roger has told Mirka what is on his mind, she has listened and she has not disappointed him. He knows he can trust her, can trust her to curb Maribel's enthusiasm as well... In the end the decision as to how to deal with Mirka's wish and proposal is already made. He only has to tell her. Mirka however seems to want to make one last ditch effort to convince him, offering something more in return. 

“How about a quid pro quo?”

“What do you mean?”

“I get to be more intimate with her and you get to do the same with him.”

Mirka has an almost cheeky smile on her face at the suggestion she makes. It's a tempting offer, there is no denying that. But just like back on that afternoon in Melbourne – when Mirka had asked him if he would have taken the chance to kiss Rafa if only the younger man had offered – Roger isn't sure what he wants. He likes the Spaniard, he enjoys his presence and the way they are so easily able to talk to one another. Of course he feels attracted as well. But the melancholy and bitterness to the Spaniard's heart has not changed and Roger has no idea if he can ever see past that... Right now he does not want to make that decision.

“I have no problem with you spending more time with Maribel as long as you respect the fact that she is a teenage girl with a whole wide variety of conflicting emotions that make a careful approach to a... relationship the best one. And I'll keep thinking about the other part for a while longer.”

“Fair enough.”

*#*

Mirka hasn't asked what Roger plans to do for the evening and the night. She assumes he has booked a second hotel room again. Quite frankly she doesn't really care. She is simply glad and grateful he has agreed to giving her this chance and she is grateful for his understanding. But tonight is not about him. Tonight is about her and Maribel, and Mirka plans on making the most of it. And she plans on staying true to her promise – this is an intimate yet innocent evening among friends – nothing more nothing less. 

Nervous butterflies seem to flutter in her stomach when the knock on the door finally comes and Mirka goes to open it. Maribel is there, hair down, no make up on, wearing a hotel issued bathrobe, slippers and a smile on her face. Mirka mirrors her smile, let's the younger woman into the room with an inviting gesture and watches every last of Maribel's movements as she slips out of the bathrobe she is wearing and carelessly lets it fall on the armrest of the couch. 

When she turns, Mirka gets a full look at her attire for the evening. She's wearing a pajama with horses on it... It takes a moment for Mirka to realize they are not horses after all, but unicorns. Her lady friend is in a pajama printed with unicorns... Mirka swallows hard. Maribel looks a lot younger in that ridiculous pajamas than she actually is and for a moment dread settles in and Mirka questions her decision making abilities. Maybe she shouldn't be doing this, maybe it's all wrong... Maribel is indeed still a child after all, a child she has no business giving her heart to....

It feels a lot like it does right before an important match. Suddenly breathing gets hard, her hands start to tremble softly and a hurricane of thoughts try to invade her brain all at the same time. Mirka knows the feeling all too well. She's on the verge of a damn panic attack and she needs to get a grip right the fuck now. She and Maribel will spend the evening. They are friends. This is innocent. There are no strings attached... Slowly, gradually, her thoughts calm down again. Mirka takes a deep breath and the moment of doubt passes. Maribel – it seems – has been unaware of the emotional turmoil Mirka has been fighting through. She is still smiling. 

“I know it's stupid but... I brought a board game and scrunchies and some sweets. This is a sleepover after all?”

“You want me to braid your hair while we snack on sweets and chocolates?”

“It's stupid...”

“No, it's not. It's endearing.”

Mirka's smile widens but Maribel doesn't mirror the gesture. Instead an almost sour expression appears on her face. Calling her endearing obviously has been a bad idea, though Mirka isn't quite sure why that is. After all 'endearing' is a nice term. Maribel however shakes her head at her almost angrily. She quickly explains the negative feelings that have bubbled up at the adjective and Mirka has to grin at that. 

“I don't want to be endearing. I want to be... sexy.”

“You could never not be sexy to me. Even in a pajama with unicorns on it and with braids in your hair.”

“The pajamas are not my fault! My brother gave them to me. It was a joke really... He told me to stop wearing his shirts as a substitute for a real nightgown and he said as long as I can see the unicorns on the pajama, he knows I'm still... you know...”

“A virgin?”

Maribel nods and grins in response to Mirka finishing the sentence for her. The older woman can't help it – the whole story about the siblings, about the present Maribel's older brother has made to his sister, both as a joke and because he worries for her... modesty – makes her feel even more fond of the younger woman. It is indeed endearing... and it also excites Mirka's curiosity. Maybe it's not exactly a decent question to ask but she is not the one who has started this...

“Are you?”

“No. But he doesn't need to know that.”

It's only the first in a couple of revelations they both tell each other about that evening while they share the sweets Maribel has brought and Mirka actually braids a strand of the younger woman's hair. Maribel is giggling the entire time she does it. They talk a lot – about their jobs, their families, the things they like and dislike and they tell each other secrets never to be repeated again outside of this room. It is exactly the intimate evening Mirka has hoped for and by the time they decide to go to sleep, it's way past two in the morning. She feels comfortable now, relaxed in the younger woman's presence and they naturally scoot close to one another, when they settle to sleep. Maribel is looking at her with an intense gaze, her face illuminated only by the soft light of the lamp on the nightstand, her voice soft and almost pleading....

“Kiss me please.”

Mirka smiles, leans in closer and places a kiss on the younger woman's forehead. Maribel's facial features darken marginally and then she pouts. Mirka has expected nothing less of her. She has known from the start that this is not what the younger woman has expected her to do. She could. They have done it before. But right now Mirka simply doesn't have the courage. This evening has been perfect and she does not want to ruin it. Next to her, Maribel is whispering to her in a slightly reproachful tone and Mirka smiles and shakes her head in response. 

“This is not what I meant...”

“I know it's not. But it's all you're going to get... for tonight.”

Maribel gives a reply that is somewhere between a huff and a moan and then she turns around. Mirka half expects her to scoot away – as a show of her displeasure – but the younger woman does exactly the opposite. Instead of moving away, she scoots closer, until her back is touching the older woman's front and she can feel the heat radiating off the teenage girl. Mirka drapes an arm over Maribel without making the conscious decision to do so, turns off the lights and closes her eyes. She falls asleep to the teenage girls deep, even breathing and it feels wonderful.

*#*

Roger has no idea what possesses him to do it, but after a late meal and an overlong stay at the hotel bar, he does not go to the lobby to ask for a room. Instead he makes his way to the top floor and knocks on the door of the room he knows Rafa occupies for the duration of their stay here. He probably shouldn't, it's probably way out of line but it is what he feels most comfortable with tonight. Knowing his girlfriend and the teenage singer share a bed tonight, he does NOT want to be on his own. He tells himself it's simply convenience. Rafa is the only one in the entire hotel he knows apart from Mirka and Maribel. He's the obvious choice to go to...

When Rafa opens the door on him he looks confused and a little alarmed. Judging from his attire, the younger man is either about ready to go to bed or has been lounging on the bed or the couch watching a movie or something... Either way he doesn't seem to appreciate the late evening interruption a lot. But he still smiles at Roger when he detects him. Now – that they are actually face to face – Roger finds himself doubting his intentions. Maybe his own room would have been the better idea because now he has to explain himself to Rafa...

“Rogi... It's late. What are you doing here?”

“I know this is kind of out of line, but... Do you mind if I crash here tonight?”

“What happened to your own bed? Did you and Mirka have a fight?”

“No.”

Realizing he won't get a proper answer – and can't really expect one leaving Roger exposed like that out in the hallway where anyone who walks past can listen in on their conversation – Rafa opens the door a bit wider and makes an inviting gesture towards the older man. He lets the Swiss into the room but continues his line of questioning the second the door closes behind them. It's not that he doesn't appreciate Roger's presence here. But he wants to understand the other man's motivation and intentions first.

“What then?”

“I'm not sure I should tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That your sister is sleeping in my bed.”

The words are out and hang in the room between them, before Roger can stop himself. It has been a bad idea because the Swiss has assumed right from the start, that the Spaniard is unaware of his sister's actions tonight...He is definitely right with that assumption, judging from Rafa's reaction. The emotions that play on the younger man's face - and are so easily readable - would be almost comical, weren't the situation so grave. Roger tries his hardest to quickly resolve the situation by telling Rafa the whole story, hoping to calm the younger man down that way. He doesn't succeed right away. 

“What?!”

“She and Mirka decided to... spend the night. It's all innocent, I promise! Like a pajama party for grown-ups...”

“Mari is not! She is 17! She's a child!”

“They just plan to spend the evening together and sleep in the same bed. Nothing more. It's a little bit of innocent fun and there is no need to worry. Mirka will take good care of her. I wouldn't have agreed to any of this otherwise.”

The fact that Roger knows about the evening planned and has given his blessing to it, seems to help Rafa come to terms with what his baby sister and Mirka are up to for the night. He still looks anything but happy or pleased, but the worry starts to seep out of his features. Roger's fierce assurance seems to be enough to achieve that and calm the younger man down. Rafa is not entirely convinced yet though. He asks for more assurance, more confirmation and Roger gladly gives that to him. His word seems to be all Rafa needs... 

“She asked you?”

“Yes.”

“Mari will be safe? You promise?

“I swear it.”


	11. Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings take a vacation with Roger and Mirka.  
> Their relationships progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to **MelissaSay and Dreamcatcher** for the reviews!  
> Here's the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-q7Mih69KE) to go along with the lyrics at the end of this chapter.

*Cozumel, Mexico – February 2008*

Mexico is a disaster of a tournament for Mirka. Because of her ranking, she gets a bye in the first round but loses her second round match in straight sets, 6:1, 6:1. It's her worst result of the entire new season so far and of course she is both angry and disappointed. She blames it all on Roger... or at least she does so at first. With Maribel in her life and Roger agreeing to it all, Mirka has rarely ever felt as relaxed as she does in the days leading up to the tournament in Acapulco. Roger convinces her not to take her pills... and she loses. 

Curiously enough Maribel is actually quite happy and content in sight of Mirka's loss and that is something the older woman cannot appreciate. Maybe Maribel is a little selfish in her approach but she has an excellent point, when Mirka meets up with the younger woman that evening after her match. Maribel is excited for the loss, something Mirka can't quite fathom. She can't help the defensive anger seeping into her voice – something Maribel chooses to thoroughly ignore. 

“Why would you be so happy?! I lost!”

“But it's a good thing!”

“How is me dropping out of the tournament early a good thing?!”

“Now you have a week off.”

That particular fact manages to catch Mirka off guard. It's something she hasn't even thought about until then. But Maribel is right. Dropping out early – as frustrating and enraging as it is – means she has time off in between here and California, where the tournament doesn't start until early March. It's the same with Maribel's schedule. She only has one other concert on the upcoming evening and then she is free to do with her time as she pleases. However Mirka still feels too much like Maribel is taking advantage of Mirka's bad performance for her own selfish reasons to actually admit a small holiday would be a good idea. 

“I guess...”

“We can go to Cozumel!”

“Cozu... what?”

Mirka has never heard that name before and Maribel laughs at her question like she has just said something stupid. She probably has. Maribel's laughter however is more endearing than insulting and the younger woman is quick to volunteer the information Mirka is missing. Her knowledge gap is quickly taken care of and along with the fact how excited Maribel is for the chance, how she pleads and begs like a child in a candy store, the idea is quickly growing on Mirka.

“Cozumel. It's a small island off the Mexican coast near Cancun. My brother loves it there. Can we, Mimi? Can we all go? I'm sure you'll love it. We'll have a bungalow by the beach, the guys can share one as well and all we will be doing all day is lie in the sun on the beach, have cocktails and eat seafood. It will be like paradise!”

*#*

They do it – just because they can. Rafa is the one to book them a beach side hotel with bungalows right at the waterfront and he is very excited about it all. They haven't been to Cozumel in years and he is glad for a chance to return there. It is the first time in months they actually take time off of their schedules to have a little holiday, and all four of them feel it is very much what they need. The hotel is five star, very luxurious and with a private beach. The bungalows they have, provide them with everything they need. There are two bedrooms to every bungalow and a little sitting area build in between them – like a patio – with a canopy above it to provide some shelter from the sun during the day and from the breeze coming from the sea in the evening. 

They arrive early on a Wednesday morning and plan to stay until Sunday. Their first day is one that is entirely spent on the beach. The weather is perfect for it – even this early in the year – with blue skies and the sun making the white beach glisten in the light. Coincidentally it's also the first time Rafa sees Roger in a pair of swim shorts, sees him in a pair of pants that doesn't go down to his ankles. The Swiss has not been kidding when he has told him, he has broken his leg in several places and has needed massive reconstructive surgery for it...

There are scars crisscrossing up and down the entirety of the older man's right leg, long and ugly ones. They have faded to a milky white but still they are a stark contrast to the rest of the leg. Rafa doesn't even want to imagine what it must have looked like – and especially felt like – when the wounds were fresh and the leg was still healing. Seeing it now for the first time, it seems like a miracle to the Spaniard that Roger is able to walk, able to put any pressure on the mangled leg. He doesn't want to darken the older man's mood by asking him about the leg but he can't simply keep his curiosity to himself either. Rafa decides on a bit of mindless teasing as he walks up to Roger to stand next to him, both of them looking out over the ocean.. 

“That leg looks like you had a run in with a harvester...”

“I told you it was broken badly and that it's more metal than bone these days...”

Rafa nods at that. Actually he is happy and glad that is something he cannot see looking at the older man's leg. He assumes there are screws and plates holding the broken pieces of bone together and once those had been put in there, there was no way of taking them back out again. Rafa is sure this has been painful, excruciating even and the last thing he wants to do is remind Roger of that. He tries to keep the conversation light but somehow they have veered off to this rather dark and depressing topic. The best thing is probably to simply stop and talk about something else, so Rafa tries. 

“Well at least you have battle scars to show for your effort. You can't even see my crippling injury keeping me from the sport...”

“You'd rather have a leg that looks like that?”

“No. I'd rather not have any health problems at all.”

Roger chuckles at that, though there is no humor to his reaction - only sympathy. They drop the subject and Roger disappears into the warm ocean water, taking his girlfriend along while the Spaniard watches. It's a moment he doesn't want to intrude on, one he is actually glad and happy about because this is a moment for the couple, one that especially Maribel should not be intruding on. It's bad enough already she won the argument that puts her and Mirka in the same bungalow for the night. She doesn't need to monopolize more of the older woman's time... 

The day progresses in the same nice and relaxing way until it gets dark and there is an awkward moment during dinner when the animosities between Roger and Maribel show. They are all settled at the table on the patio on the beach, the siblings sitting on one side of the table, Roger and Mirka on the other. They are still on their starters, when Maribel – not for the first time since the food has arrived – eyes her brother's plate. Then – without a warning - she picks the slice of cheese off her brother's plate and grins at him. Roger mutters under his breath in response to Maribel's action.

“You won't eat that anyway.”

“Eat your own food.”

Maribel shoots Roger a look across the table that is positively murderous. The Swiss glares back at her of course and next to him Mirka looks anything but comfortable. Although it is a welcome change to see somebody else than always himself in argument with his sister, Rafa tries to defuse the situation by letting the older man know he is very much okay with the way his sister is acting. He smiles at Roger but somehow that does little to dwell the other man's irritation.

“It's okay, Rogi. She's right. I won't eat it.”

“She could have asked you...”

“Hey! I'm sitting right here!”

“Guys, please... Stop bickering. This is a holiday after all.”

Mirka is the one who manages to shut both her boyfriend and her newly acquired... girlfriend up and make them stop. She sounds uncomfortable and a little embarrassed at their pointless bickering over a piece of cheese and it seems neither one of the two is willing to disappoint the older woman. Rafa has to hide back a grin. It's good to see that something good is coming out of this... love triangle after all, if only it is a calm dinner. 

*#*

It's a little past midnight when they retire to their respective bungalows for the night and Roger admittedly feels more than just a little tired. He wants nothing more but to fall asleep, but unfortunately he can't. With a bungalow this open and this close to the vegetation, there are bound to be insects around. In Roger's case there is a mosquito in his bedroom. The canopy keeps the irritating insect out but that doesn't change the fact that whenever he is close to falling asleep, he can hear the stupid thing somewhere close by, buzzing as it flies around.

He tries for a while, debates going in search of the thing – even though he knows it's a pretty pointless endeavor – and finally decides he needs a different sleeping arrangement. The couch in the main room is too small and there is too much light coming in through the windows. That only leaves him with one other choice and that is the second bedroom of the bungalow... which is very much occupied. Roger doesn't care though. He needs to sleep somewhere and as he is sure Maribel and Mirka are doing exactly the same thing – sharing a bed – why shouldn't he and Rafa?

Roger sits up in bed, moves the canopy aside and gets up. Walking through the dark bedroom, through the living room and over to the second bedroom, he miraculously manages to avoid bumping into any furniture. Maybe it would have been better though. A loud noise might have been enough to wake Rafa from his slumber. But when Roger enters the bedroom and addresses the younger man in a hushed tone of voice, there is no reply.

“Rafa?”

Roger steps further into the room, steps up to the bed and finds Rafa sound asleep, breathing deep and even, curled in upon himself and lying on his side. Roger carefully reaches out a hand and gently squeezes the younger man's shoulder, but he can't get the younger man to wake up enough to talk to him. He doesn't want to, being honest with himself. Rafa looks too damn peaceful to rip him from his slumber... Roger decides the younger man likes him enough to be sympathetic to his plight. They are both dressed, there are two blankets and it's a king size bed. It's not like there is anything... naughty about Roger's idea. He walks around the bed, moves the canopy aside and settles down.

“Sleep well, my friend. Hopefully my stupid mosquito didn't follow me here...”

When Rafa wakes the next morning – sunlight falling through half drawn curtains on the window, waking him up – he has the distinct feeling that something is different from last night. Like for some reason he isn't alone in his room any more... He turns on his back and almost jumps from the bed when he realizes he has not been imagining the warmth, the presence next to him. He is in fact not alone in his bed. Right next to him, there is Roger, lying on his side, hand supporting his head and smiling at him warmly. It's a nice greeting, a nice gesture but it does little to nothing to calm Rafa's swirling thoughts. He is suspicious of the older man's presence here and even more suspicious of his motives. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I tried to wake you last night to tell you, but you were fast asleep...”

“Tell me what?”

“There was a very loud, very annoying mosquito in my room last night, keeping me awake. So I decided to switch rooms. I tried to ask your permission but all I got from you was a grunt.”

Roger grins at him as he explains his presence here but Rafa still feels very much like Roger has intruded on his privacy without his permission. He appreciates the fact that the Swiss needed a place to sleep, but it most definitely didn't have to be Rafa's bed, especially as he has never agreed to it. Roger's defense that he hasn't been able to rise him is a pretty lame one and somehow Rafa doubts the Swiss has truly tried... He's not exactly angry though, simply irritated and a little anxious. 

“And you interpreted that as a yes?!”

“I'm sorry?”

“Make coffee and all will be forgiven.”

“I can't make coffee. This is a hotel bungalow.”

Rafa huffs at that and then shrugs his shoulders. This has been his – albeit teasing – peace offering and it does not have the same effect if he has to explain to the Swiss how to go about making up for his little bit of an arbitrary act. But right now the desire for the energizing hot beverage runs deeper than the wish to get Roger to make up for his behavior.

“Order some then. And bring it here.”

“This must be nice for you. Aren't you usually the one to fetch stuff for your sister?”

“It's a nice change.”

In different circumstances Rafa might have been angry at the statement. But Roger states the obvious in a teasing tone and he is not exactly wrong. It's true that Maribel tells Rafa to 'go fetch' more often than not. He's glad he doesn't have to do it this morning. The Spaniard watches as Roger finally pushes himself into a seated position and then gets out of bed. It's not until the Swiss has reached the bedroom door and is about to disappear from sight when Rafa – following a sudden intuition – stops him and makes the Swiss turn back to face him.

“Rogi?”

“Yeah?”

“If that mosquito is still there tonight, you are very welcome here.”

*#*

The six days they get to spent on the Mexican island are over way too soon and their last evening arrives way quicker than either of them has anticipated or would like it to. It's their last full day at the hotel before they travel on, to California – Mirka for tennis, Maribel for concerts and the boys in tow – and it has been Rafa who has suggested a bonfire on the beach as sort of a farewell. The hotel staff has helped them and now they sit around the fire with a couple of snacks and only the moonlight and the crashing of the waves against the shore for company.

It's late already but neither one seems to feel any inclination to go to bed. After all going to bed means ending the holiday. They have been in this nice relaxing bubble – both pairs of females and males actually following through on the first night and sleeping in the same bed together – and neither one of them wants it to burst. But that is what is going back to their professions, to the real life will mean for them. 

They sit, they don't talk, all of them very much lost in their own thoughts and it is a sudden inspiration that has Maribel think of a song, that seems simply perfect for the place, the occasion and the bonfire. She starts humming at first before the lyrics come back to her and she starts singing them. For some reason they all know the song and one by one they all join in with the lyrics, all four of them feeling the same way at the same time about this last night of... freedom and escape.

_There are stars in the Southern sky_  
_Southward as you go_  
_There is moonlight and moss in the trees_  
_Down the Seven Bridges Road_

_Now, I have loved you like a baby_  
_Like some lonesome child_  
_And I have loved you in a tame way_  
_And I have loved you wild_

_Sometimes there's a part of me_  
_Has to turn from here and go_  
_Running like a child from these warm stars_  
_Down the Seven Bridges Road_

_There are stars in the Southern sky_  
_And if ever you decide you should go_  
_There is a taste of time sweetened honey_  
_Down the Seven Bridges Road_

“You're all rubbish at keeping a note!” 

Maribel states her observation with a grin on her face and a soft chuckle to her words. It's not like she has expected these three sport's people – two of them former tennis players, one a current one – to be any good at a-Capella singing. Still – given her own professional background – hearing them butcher this beautiful song has been toe curling. And yet it has been nice, because it has come from the heart, they have all made the effort and they have all shared the same feeling. Mirka is the first to defend, to retaliate and she does it in the same, friendly, teasing tone as Maribel has done. Coincidentally, she picks up on the very same thing Maribel has been thinking about – only to turn it against her. 

“Out of the four of us, who is the only one who knows nothing about how to play tennis?”

“Oh, shut up.”


	12. Love, silly songs and decisions to move forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari is scared of loving Mirka and Rafa tries to reassure her.  
> Mari writes a silly love song for Mirka.  
> Roger makes a decision about Rafa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GKhOP1qk27c) to go along with the lyrics.

*Indian Wells, California – March 2008*  
   
California is the first time since Melbourne that Maribel's and Mirka's schedule actually coincide in a way that makes it possible for the older woman to come to one of Maribel's concerts again. His sister has been in a strange mood ever since Mirka has told her about that fact and Rafa isn't quite sure what to make of it. Mostly his sister has been nervous but she has also been a lot easier to be around. Rafa isn't sure if Mexico has done that for her or the fact that Mirka is now a part of her life... Either way, he certainly doesn't plan on looking a gift horse in the mouth. He simply takes the positives as they come.  
   
Maribel has that concert to which both Mirka and Roger will come tonight and she has spent the entire time since her rehearsal on the couch in the main room of her penthouse suite at her hotel, legs crossed beneath her, notepad in hand, scribbling away at it. Rafa has rarely ever seen her this concentrated on anything and of course he is curious. After almost two hours of his sister frantically working without ever stopping or allowing herself to be distracted, he walks up to her and settles on the edge of the table standing in front of the couch, giving her a curious look.  
   
“What are you working on?”  
   
Rafa stretches out a hand for Maribel to hand him the notebook – as she would usually do when she writes lyrics - but Maribel doesn't let him see, puts both her hands on the sheet of paper and then picks up the notebook to hold it against her chest like she needs to protect her handwriting from prying eyes. A sigh escapes her lips that sounds almost like a whine and instead of explaining her strange behavior to him, there is something entirely different on his sister's mind.  
   
“I have never felt like this about anybody in my life. I'm scared...”  
   
“You have never been scared of anything. That's my department, remember?”  
   
“I'm scared of this, of these feelings, of the way Mimi has a... hold over me. I can't stop thinking about her and every time I do it brings a smile to my face and then, then the fear comes. I fear she doesn't like me back, I fear she doesn't want to see me again, I fear all she sees in me is a child at play... I'm scared all the time.”  
   
Rafa actually has to smile at Maribel's words. He is pretty sure he knows what Maribel's writing is about. This time it seems it's not only about dedicating an already existing song to Mirka, it's about writing an entirely new one for her. He might not be an expert in affection and relationships but he does know love when he sees it. And as much as he disliked her choice, Maribel is very much in love and she wants to do something special for the person that has managed to steal her heart away. The smile on Rafa's face widens as he tries to explain the obvious facts to his baby sister.  
   
“That's called love, little sister.”  
   
“Well if that is love I don't want it.”  
   
“I don't think you have much of a choice. The heart wants what it wants, I guess. There's no changing the way you feel.”  
   
“Was it like this with you and Francisca?”  
   
The mention of Rafa's ex-girlfriend, who he hasn't seen in almost three years now, sends a painful stab through his heart. Breaking up with her had probably been the hardest thing he ever had to do – right after giving up on tennis. But that had not been his decision. It had been forced on him. Breaking up with Francisca had been his own doing and his alone. It had been a prudent, a logical decision. He had nothing to offer her, no future to give her and then Maribel's career had taken off and he had been needed elsewhere. Family had come first... Maribel of course doesn't know any of that and she doesn't need to find out now.  
   
“Don't ask me about her.”  
   
“So it was...”  
   
Rafa doesn't answer her question, doesn't want to show even a hint of weakness in the face of talking about a woman he hasn't seen in three years. If Maribel were ever to find out that she has been part of the reason Rafa had ended his relationship with his girlfriend back in the day, she would be devastated. And that would only lead to arguments and to drinking and that would lead to more argument and even more drinking. It's not a vicious circle Rafa wants to start... Maribel's mind however is already elsewhere. Unfortunately it doesn't make matters any easier for her brother, because her next question is even more intrusive.  
   
“Is it like this with Roger?”  
   
Maribel can't even tell what possesses her to ask such a question. She is aware there is something going on there with her brother and the Swiss but she has no idea of the specifics. What she does know is that she doesn't exactly like it. She has been on the verge of calling Roger 'Mirka's boring boyfriend' again, but she stops herself. The expression on her brother's face when she asks is priceless. He tries to deflect almost immediately, but Maribel can see right through it and it only fuels her suspicions that there is something more going on than her brother is willing to tell her. Unfortunately for him he has always been really, very bad at lying.  
   
“No!”  
   
“You shared a bed with him...”  
   
“How would you even know that?!”

“He told Mirka, she told me.”  
   
“Great...”  
   
Rafa isn't sure what else to expect from Roger. It only gives testament to how dysfunctional his own family life is. Of course the Swiss would tell his girlfriend all about what has happened between them without even a second thought. Rafa has no right to feel angry or cheated because of it. After all he has offered Roger the chance to sleep by his side... The Swiss has only done what he deems prudent and necessary. Apparently the fact that they have shared one bedroom on their bungalow on Cozumel is not the only thing Roger has told his girlfriend about. Maribel relays the information to him and she sounds both reluctant and sympathetic doing so.  
   
“He also said you had a nightmare on our third night on the island...”  
   
“I don't remember that.”  
   
This time it isn't a lie because Rafa truly cannot remember the nightmare. What he does remember is waking up in a cold sweat with Roger looming over him, asking him in a frantic tone of voice if he is okay. Rafa had told him yes, had told him not to worry and had gone to take a shower before going back to bed. He hadn't lied then and he didn't lie now. The nightmare could have been about a lot of things. He has too many bad memories to choose from...  
   
Maribel believes him, he can see it on her face. She also feels for him and that Rafa can see shining in her eyes. His first instinct when she grabs his hand, pulls herself up and him along with her, is to let go and pull away. But his sister holds onto him, she smiles at him and then she does something she rarely ever does with him. She pulls him into a hug. It's strange to have her in his arms  
without the smell of booze invading his nostrils and with her mumbling incoherent words into his shoulder. She usually only gets touchy-feely when she is drunk. Today however is different and her words are very much genuine.  
   
“I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through. I'm sorry for every last time I said something, hateful and hurtful and cruel. I'm sorry you lost your chance at doing what you love, I'm sorry you broke up with your girlfriend, I'm sorry you have to haul my sorry carcass around the world all the time and never get so much as a thank you in return. I'm sorry for it all. I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for being your annoying, bratty little sister and I'm sorry for the drinking. I wish I could change it. I wish I could take it all back... I love you.”  
   
Her words – the beautiful gesture behind them – send a whole whirlwind of emotions through Rafa. Above all he feels flattered and very much fond of his sister. Her honesty is almost enough to bring tears to his eyes – almost. This is a special moment, this is something he has been waiting for for quite a while now. She has done it... Maribel has actually done it. For the first time in almost three years she has actually apologized to him, has said the words and has meant them with all her heart. Rafa can't help but smile. His grip around his sister's lean frame hardens as he tightens the hug they share, as he whispers back to her.  
   
“I love you, too, little one.”  
   
It is another long moment of close physical contact before they break apart and when they do both siblings have a slightly embarrassed smile on their lips. They don't do things like this often and they are not used to the kind of emotion it causes. But it has definitely been worth it. There is another side effect to their sudden closeness and open-heartedness. Maribel finally feels comfortable enough to show her brother the lyrics she has been working on. She takes a step back, reaches down to her notebook still lying on the couch and hands it to her brother.  
   
“Tell me what you think?”  
   
“This is silly.”  
   
After reading through the lyrics twice – what little useful there is – Rafa’s first reaction is a frown and then the words are out before he actually thinks about them too much. It’s usually the way he goes about telling Mari how he feels about her writing – telling her about his gut feeling. Usually he has something positive to say though. He can’t this time, not for the life of him. Because as blunt as he may be in his phrasing, it is also the truth. Those are probably the silliest and most meaningless lyrics Mari has ever put on paper. She doesn’t mind the bluntness apparently. Otherwise she wouldn’t still be smiling at him.  
   
“It's a love song, it's supposed to be silly.”  
   
“This is not about love. It's about... attraction.”  
   
“Same difference.”  
   
*#*  
   
Somebody on staff from Maribel's support team has been looking for Roger when he and Mirka have made it to their seats about 45 minutes before Maribel's show starts. She has brought a VIP backstage pass for him, has given him a smile and has asked him to come along, being a little cryptic and telling him there is somebody who wants to see him. That catches the Swiss by surprise. The only one giving out backstage passes freely can be Maribel… However there is no rhyme or reason to her wanting to meet him. After all she doesn’t even like him. Still Roger follows through on the invitation. Animosity or not, there is no need to be rude. As it turns out it isn't Maribel anyway that has asked for his presence backstage. It's Rafa.  
   
The younger man seems to be eagerly anticipating him, judging from the content smile he is wearing on his face. They haven’t really had the chance to meet and talk again since Cozumel and Roger is simply glad there is no weirdness between them – especially because of the shared bedroom and the nightmare he has witnessed the younger man struggle through. Rafa seems genuinely happy to see him and a little gleeful at the surprised expression on Roger’s face. He does even gloat over it just a tiny little bit.  
   
“I’m glad you came. You were probably worried my sister wanted to talk to you about Mirka…”  
   
“Not worried. Just surprised.”  
   
“How about now?”  
   
“Still surprised.”  
   
“In a good way?”  
   
“Definitely.”  
   
They both grin at each other, both of them very much at ease and happy around the other. It has become a lot easier to do that – to make stupid jokes with one another, to talk freely and to enjoy that bit of flirtatious bickering they share. It’s both nice and very much frustrating at the same time. Nice because Roger feels he has found a friend in Rafa – and he is sure it’s a mutual feeling – and frustrating because there is so much more he wants from the younger man than friendship. The problem with that is, that he has no idea if it’s a mutual feeling as well… and he doesn’t have the courage to simply ask and find out. He doesn’t want to be hurt that way… Rafa randomly changing the subject pulls Roger from his thoughts.  
   
“Maribel wrote a song for your girlfriend. Don’t tell her though. It’s a surprise.”  
   
“Promise.”  
   
Their conversation veers off from there again, away from the surprise song, away from the concert and the two women and towards things only they have an interest in and that the two girls have no appreciation for. Times seems to fly and a look to his watch – after what feels like only a couple of minutes - tells Roger that it’s time to get back to his girlfriend. It’s less than five minutes to the start of the show. He gives Rafa an apologetic smile and taps his finger on the glass of the watch.  
   
“I should go I guess… Find my way back to my seat?”  
   
“You could stay backstage? See the show from the sidelines? Spent time with me? Maybe have a meal after?”  
   
“Would you like that?”  
   
“Stop trying to tease. I wouldn't offer if I wouldn't like it.”  
   
There is a certain impatience to Rafa’s voice and – if Roger is not entirely imagining things – a hint of embarrassment. It seems it has been a conscious effort for the younger man to actually ask Roger to stay and spend some more time with him and apparently Rafa doesn’t appreciate Roger’s good natured teasing one bit. He is nervous… which is kind of an endearing feature on his face. Roger can’t help it though – he keeps on teasing.  
   
“You're a difficult one to please...”  
   
“Runs in the family.”  
   
“I'll sit with Mirka, okay?”  
   
“Okay...”  
   
Rafa tries but he is unable to hide his disappointment from the older man. A fond smile steals its way on Roger’s lips. He hasn’t been aware how important this meeting – and him staying for a while longer – obviously is to Rafa. Tonight however is not a good night for it. He would have no idea how to explain his absence to Mirka and even if he tried, he is pretty sure ‘I rather wanted to stay with Rafa’ is not exactly a defense Mirka will accept or appreciate. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be other opportunities and Roger is very much looking forward to those.  
   
“I'll make it up to you, I promise.”  
   
“I'll hold you to that.”  
   
Rafa watches Roger leave and even though the older man has promised him another chance for a… date, because that is exactly what he has been asking of the Swiss, he still feels both disappointed and very much stupid. What the hell did he expect? Roger is in a committed relationship. With a girl. Whatever has possessed him to even assume there might be more than just a bit of fondness and a growing casual friendship, Rafa is not sure. Maybe it’s Maribel’s silly song about attraction. He has no damn clue…  
   
As if on cue, his sister appears by his side, already dressed and ready to go out on stage with her heavy make-up and her sparkling outfit that always make her look a lot older than 17, and gives him a soft nudge, a grin spreading on her face. She has been pleasant these last couple of days – weeks really if he thinks about it – and Rafa truly hopes it’s not just a fluke. He hopes this more happy, lenient, balanced side to his sister is one to stay. It would make matters so much easier for both of them. It would make him happy. Right now however she manages to irritate him. Just like Roger, she resorts to merciless teasing in her dealings with him.  
   
“Trouble in paradise?”  
   
“Oh shut up and go out there and sing your silly love song.”  
   
“Mirka is out there.”

Maribel suddenly sounds very nervous and unsure of herself. That rarely ever happens, especially right before a show. Usually she is all hyped up, excited and bursting with energy and self-assurance. Tonight is different and her statement causes a frown to appear on Rafa’s face. It’s an odd thing to say, after all Maribel has invited the older woman to be here tonight. He looks for confirmation, looks for a way out of his confusion. It’s quite simple really – Maribel is worried about impressing her new lady friend.  
   
“Wasn't that the plan?”

“Yes, but... I'm nervous.”  
   
“You'll do great out there.”  
   
“Promise?”  
   
“Cross my heart...”  
   
“Don't. Don't say that. I hate it when you say that.”  
   
She stops him before he can ever finish the stupid saying and a pained expression flashes across her face. He isn’t quite sure what has caused this. Maribel isn’t usually so sensitive. But it seems that is another thing this more mellow side of her brings along… She seems more concerned about him, genuinely more interested in making sure that he is okay… And though Rafa appreciates that, it will take some getting used to. He reacts on instinct and pulls Maribel into a hug.  
   
She is actually glad for the physical contact, even though she would never admit that to her big brother. Ever since that day in Chile when she has eavesdropped on his conversation with Mirka’s boyfriend, has heard her brother talking about feeling dead inside, Maribel has been scared for him. Of course she doesn't want to hear the words death or dying even anywhere close to him, not even in a stupid saying, not even as a joke. Rafa smiles at her, a searching but fond smile.  
   
“Are you okay?”  
   
“Never better.”  
   
Rafa isn’t exactly sure Maribel is truthful to him, but he decides to let it slide. He lets go of her and all of a sudden, her energetic self is there and she is ready to go. The show gets underway and it’s a joy to watch – just as always whenever Maribel actually feels excited to be out there. Unlike the times before, Maribel has decided not to close the show with the song she has dedicated to Mirka this time. It is the last song before the break right at the middle of the show though.  
   
“As some of you may know I dedicated a song in Melbourne to a special someone and she is here tonight as well. This time I wrote a song for her. It's a love song and it's a bit silly and even more cliché but somebody whose opinion I value quite a lot told me that love is something we have no control over. So in that regard it's not my fault – I simply had no control over the silliness that is the lyrics to this song.”  
   
 _Why do you look so good in those jeans?  
Why'd you come around me with an ass like that?  
You're making all my thoughts obscene  
This is not, not like me  
Why you keep on texting me like that? (Damn)  
Got other things I need my mind on, yeah  
Other responsibilities  
This is not, not like me  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that?  
   
Babe, could you please stop being so fine?  
When I stare at you I wish I were blind  
'Cause I begin to lose control  
No I can't, can't let go  
'Cause ever since I met you I've been praying on my knees  
That you would always stay around, that you would never leave  
But I'm the kind of girl that always needs to be free  
Why did you do that to me?  
   
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that?  
Oh, why did you do that?   
I can't stop talking about what you do to me  
You keep keeping me from how I'm supposed to be  
   
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?  
Why did you do that  
Do that, do that, do that, do that to me?   
Why did you do that?_  
   
When the song finishes and dim lights illuminate the concert hall for the 15 minute break, Roger is still grinning a not very happy grin. He feels a little embarrassed, a little ashamed that this is the kind of words Maribel has decided to come up with to flatter his girlfriend with… He has to admit he agrees with Maribel. It was a truly, very silly song. Fitting for a 17 year old teenager with a crush. He expects to find the same embarrassed smile on Mirka’s face but when he looks at her there is actually a soft redness to her cheeks.  
   
“You're blushing.”  
   
“Wouldn't you? She wrote and performed this for me. It's flattering.”  
   
Roger couldn’t disagree more but he doesn’t tell that to his girlfriend. Instead he nods and smiles and squeezes her hand and lets her bask in the attention. So far all she and Maribel share is a bit of innocent affection and fun. No need to worry. No need to worry at all… It’s a mantra Roger repeats for the rest of the show – especially when Maribel performs the song she has dedicated to Mirka in Melbourne – and the rest of the evening passes by in a blur.  
   
There is no meeting planned after the show, not tonight and because Roger has denied the offer. But he does see both siblings from a distance at the back entrance to the concert hall when they leave the building. Both of them have changed into more… elegant attire, probably going out for a late dinner at some fancy restaurant together or something. Rafa’s earlier invitation to join him for a meal afterwards makes a lot more sense to Roger now. ...  
   
He watches as the two are about ready to settle in one of the black SUVs parked at the back entrance. He can’t help but admire. Rafa is wearing a dark dress shirt Roger assumes is black but it’s hard to tell from a distance. It doesn’t really matter though. That man wearing dark colors does all kinds of things to him... and Roger is sick and tired of fighting the feeling. He has tried and now it's enough. He no longer wants to fight this desire burning deep inside of him. He wants to give in. And from the way he has experienced Rafa tonight, he wants it too. The one thing Roger needs before he can actually act on the incentive is his girlfriend's permission. But he sees little of a problem there. After all she still owes him one for Maribel or at least that is how Roger feels about it.  
   
“I want to ask something of you. A favor.”  
   
“I... I owe you one, I guess... after what happened with Maribel. Yes. One favor. What is it?”  
   
“Approval and permission.”  
   
“For what?”  
   
“To fuck your new BFF's brother.”


	13. Making a move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirka feels a little insecure because of Roger's wishes.  
> Rafa doesn't know what's good for him.

*Key Biscane – March 2008*  
   
To Roger’s utter and complete surprise, Mirka has said yes to his suggestion. She hasn’t appreciated the crudeness of his words and she has been reluctant at first, but in the end she has agreed. Right there and then at the concert hall, she hasn't said anything. She has simply looked at him, has shaken her head and has told him this is neither the time nor the place for such a... delicate topic. Roger doesn't expect the subject to be picked up again. He expects his girlfriend's deflection to be her final word about this. But he is wrong.

As it turns out Mirka truly wishes for a different venue to have this discussion. Not because it's delicate or taboo or something, but because it sends her on an emotional roller coaster ride. She takes time to think and when she picks the topic back up again at their hotel room hours later, she is still reluctant but not generally against it. There are a few rules she insists on though, things she wants his assurance about, before giving her blessing to his idea. Mainly she is concerned – not about him or Rafa - but about their relationship, about the stability and duration of it. Those however are worries and insecurities Roger gladly and happily takes from her.  
   
“This is no… break up, is it?”  
   
“Whatever gave you that idea?!”  
   
“You wanting to have sex with somebody else.”

There is no reproach to Mirka's voice when she so bluntly addresses the problem at hand, just a barely detectable sadness and maybe a hint of disappointment. Judging from her previous statement she obviously thinks Roger being interested in a physical relationship with Rafa means he is no longer interested in her, does no longer want her and is looking for somebody else, somebody new to conquer his heart. She couldn't be further from the truth and it hurts to realize she has so little faith in him. It is probably why Roger reacts a lot harsher than he has initially planned. 

“You kissed another girl!”  
   
“That’s not exactly the same.”

Mirka has a small, almost condescending smile on her lips and Roger knows fully well that she is right. She has kissed Maribel twice and only one of those times has actually been of the intimate variety. The other time couldn't have been more innocent if either of the two women would have wanted to – and apparently Maribel hasn't wanted to – and neither times it has been Mirka's initiative. It has always been the teenage girl that has acted or asked. In that regard Roger definitely has no right to snap at Mirka... He hasn't meant to anyway. He simply wants to get his point across, which is that in this relationship they have always been very open about the possibility of having some mindless, meaningless fun with other people... After all it's just sex It's nothing like the love and intimacy they share. It seems there is a need to reassure his girlfriend of that. So Roger does. 

“No. No it’s not. I’m not looking to replace you, Mirka. I like him, I’m attracted to him and I think he feels the same way. That’s all there is to it. It’s an impulse and I want to act on it. As I said – I like him. But I love you.”  
   
“So this is just sex?”  
   
“Sex and friendship… if Rafa actually feels the same. I have yet to make sure of that. Is that okay for you?”  
   
Roger is aware that he sounds just a tiny bit desperate. But he really needs an answer to this question. Everything else depends on the decision Mirka makes and he simply can't wait for her to make up her mind – one way or another really – because that way the uncertainty will finally dissipate. But instead of an answer, she responds with a question of her own, one that shows every last sliver and facet of her insecurities and that makes Roger smile at her fondly in order to show her how unnecessary and uncalled for her fears are. 

“You’ll tell me when you get sick of me? You’ll warn me?”  
   
“I won’t have to. It’ll never happen.”  
   
“Good.”  
   
Mirka is smiling now and even though she hasn't said it in so many words, Roger knows by that shy but warm and loving smile on her lips, that he has won her over. He's happy of course, happy the chance, the opportunity hasn't simply ended with Mirka saying no. But above all he is glad they have had this conversation, glad he has been given the chance to assure his girlfriend of both his love for and his commitment to her. It seems she has needed it, has needed him and he always feels flattered when that happens. He knows she is truly okay but still he asks for confirmation – just to be 100 percent sure. 

“Is that a yes? Do I… have your blessing for this?”

“You do.”

*#* 

With Mirka on board, Roger has expected the rest of it to be easy. But Mirka is not the problem in all this as he is soon to find out. Rafa is. It seems ever since Roger's rejection in California – which was more of a rain check really - Rafa has pulled back from him a little bit and by the time they reach Florida the two of them have yet to spent even one more evening together. They have barely even seen each other since the night of the concert and they haven't had a proper talk or any kind of physical contact since then either.   
   
In the end they meet by chance and mostly due to the fact that they are staying at the same hotel in Key Biscane. It is not exactly a large hotel and it's a bit of a surprise that it has taken this long for them to run into each other. After all the lobby, the restaurant, the pool area, the bar, the gym – those are all places open to all guests and Roger has expected to meet Rafa in some capacity or the other sooner or later. When they do, it is in in front of the elevators that lead up to the rooms and judging from the look on the younger man's face when Roger detects him and gives him a smile in greeting, Rafa is not exactly happy to see him for whatever reason. Roger tries not to let himself be deterred like this. Maybe they have gotten their signals crossed, maybe there is something he isn't aware of but he is pretty sure he has done nothing to deserve the younger man's disdain. 

“Have you been avoiding me?”

“Not everything in my life revolves around you, Roger.”

Rafa sounds very much dismissive when he replies and there is not even a hint of humor to his tone of voice. It's not the only thing that feels off about his reaction though and leaves a growing feeling of discomfort with Roger that feels like it causes his chest to tighten. Rafa doesn't use the nickname Roger has grown so used to over the course of the last couple of weeks either and he barely even looks at him. It all seems like Rafa can't get away from him fast enough but the Swiss is unwilling to give up so easily. Roger tries again, tries to keep the conversation light and smiles at Rafa despite the stony expression on the younger man's face.

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“You were the one who promised to make it up to me, remember? So why should I come looking for you? To use a tennis term – the ball is not in my court.”

“Would you like it to be?”

Roger is glad Rafa has decided to tell him what it is that is bothering him even though he feels the younger man is doing wrong by him. He has promised the younger man they will have another chance for an evening together and that he will make saying no to him back in California up to him. He has never said he will do it right away though... It seems Rafa has expected that. The elevator bell dings and the doors open and for a moment Roger is sure Rafa will let him leave on his own. But the younger man doesn't. He follows Roger into the little cabin and finally gives a frustrated sigh – that sounds almost like a growl – in response to Roger's teasing question. It couldn't be more obvious that Rafa has no interest in games or teasing...

“Stop doing that. I'm not in the mood and I don't like it. It's not good for me.”

“You don't know what's good for you.”  
   
“I don't? But you do?”  
   
There is sarcasm and just a bit of a challenge to the Spaniard's tone of voice now. He doesn't like to be told what he needs or what to do, which comes as kind of a surprise to Roger given how his sister always orders him about. Though Rafa definitely doesn't like that either. He is simply used to it. No wonder he doesn't want to get used to it with any other person in his life. To Roger however Rafa's almost angry question offers a chance. Roger's smile widens. Rafa might not know it yet, but Roger has him exactly where he wants him.

“I definitely do.”  
   
“Okay, I'll play your little game. What would be good for me?”  
   
“Me.”

Roger has wanted to be sophisticated about this, clever and wooing and a perfectly charming gentleman. But the second he tells Rafa what he wants – wants the two of them to be, to do – all of that goes out the window and the only thing left is raw passion and desire. He wants the younger man and he wants him now. Roger turns to the side in one fluent motion, reaches for the panel with the elevator buttons and stops the cabin that comes to a sudden halt with such force, both of them almost lose balance. Rafa stares at him wide eyed but Roger does not give him the chance to complain or question or get angry. He steps into the younger man's path, practically crashes into him and their lips meet.

It's a lot like two teenagers kissing for the first time – all excitement and expectation and nervousness. The kiss is a sloppy one, more teeth than tongue. They are too loud, there is too much saliva and they are both panting when they break apart. Neither one of them makes a sound, unsure what to say. But they do know what to do with one another now and it all goes miraculously quickly from there on out. Roger hits the button on the control panel again, the elevator moves up again and it is a mutual – and equally silent – agreement, that they are going to Rafa's room and that they will not get out of it again any time soon.  
   
*#*  
   
It has to be an hour later – though Roger isn't exactly sure as all sense of time has left him – when some semblance of rationality returns to him. Up to this point it has been raw desire, passion and a simple, fiery need for release. He has gotten all that... and so much more. There are no words to how he feels and Roger decides not to even try. This is about the moment, being fully here right now and not over thinking things, because that will only destroy it. Roger is sure he has never felt more tired... and more satisfied than in this moment. He's sweaty, a little bit sticky and he desperately needs a shower but nothing in this world could make him get up and leave the presence and the beautiful sight of the man next to him. 

Rafa is on his front, arms crossed and with his chin resting atop of them, the sheets drawn up to the small of his back and with his head slightly turned. Sweat is glistening on his skin as well, giving his bronze tan a whole different quality. There is a small, content, tired smile playing on his lips and while his eyelids are drooping – and Roger assumes the younger man feels just as tired as he does – Rafa has his gaze solely and intensely fixed on Roger. They have been lying side by side like this for a while now but it's a moment that can't last forever and Rafa is the first to give both his surprise and his mesmerization a voice.

“What just happened there?”

“We had sex.”

“I know that. I was there. But what does it mean?”

Roger can only take a deep breath and let it back out in response to that. He has words on the tip of his tongue to let out along with the long sigh that escapes from his lips, but they are never formed. He wishes he could explain it but he simply lacks the words for it. He cannot tell Rafa how much this means to him, how perfect this encounter between them has been, how it is everything Roger has longed for, hoped for, wished for. Unfortunately they have their signals crossed. Because Rafa is not talking about emotions or the special importance of what they have shared. He is talking about the future. Because of that, Rafa manages to burst the perfect bubble that has formed around them by doing exactly what Roger has sworn to himself not to do – he overthinks. 

“What about your girlfriend?”

“She knows and she's okay with it. I asked her.”

“What, like right before?!”

“No. Five days ago in California, after the concert.”

Rafa gives him a look of utter confusion in return and Roger can see his shoulders tense as he tries to make sense of what the Swiss has just told him. Obviously the concept of living in an open and honest relationship like that is utterly foreign to the Spaniard. It is only now that Roger realizes he has no idea if Rafa himself is in any kind of relationship. He assumes no – otherwise the younger man wouldn't have done that. He is too damn restrained and loyal to allow himself to cheat... Roger wonders if Rafa has ever actually been in a relationship... He has had sex before, of that much Roger is absolutely sure. He is pulled from his thoughts by the younger man's voice, questioning both his and Mirka's intentions. 

“Why?!”

“Because I'm attracted to you and this was what I wanted.”

“I didn't mean that. Why did she agree?”

All Roger can do in reply is to shrug his shoulders. To him it is blatantly obvious, to Rafa it isn't. Judging from the very confused expression that still mares his face and tenses his muscles, Roger will need to do more than just gesture at him. Rafa has asked about the meaning, has asked about their future together. Those are grave and important topics – they need to talk about them, though now definitely isn't the right moment. But doing things on his own time has made Rafa irritated and angry with him the last time Roger has done it. He is not going to make that mistake again. Especially not now. 

“Because she loves and trusts me.”

“So you'll be with her and with me too?”

“If you let me.”

The tension bleeds out of Rafa's muscles and he relaxes just a little but a small frown stays on his face. He doesn't reply, doesn't tell, Roger letting him in, letting him be a part of his life and trusting and loving him just like Mirka does, is what he wants. He doesn't say no to it either. Roger assumes the younger man needs time to think. He's okay with that. He's done talking anyway. He has more important things to do, more fulfilling plans with Rafa than just talking to him.

Roger reaches out a hand and his fingers trace down the younger man's spine, barely even touching the skin and causing goosebumps to form. Rafa gives an appreciative moan and Roger can see the younger man's eyes fall shut as he basks in the sensation. To him it's equally as beautiful and satisfying to do this. It's like going exploring in a place he has known about for months, but has never known the depths of. Maybe that is why he has never been aware of the scar right down the middle of Rafa's back. Even when they had sex, he hadn't realized it was there. But he has an excuse for that – he has definitely not been entirely of sound mind during that. Now he is and he is very much curious to find out every last detail about the other man. 

“What is that?”  
   
“It's a scar, Rogi.”  
   
“I can see that. How did it get there?”  
   
Rafa opens his eyes again as Roger stops caressing his skin and lifts himself up a little to get his arms underneath his body and hold his weight on his lower arms to be eye to eye with the Swiss. Once he has achieved that shift in position, he gives Roger an almost mischievous grin that makes him look more boyish than Roger has ever seen him before. They are not too far apart age wise but in that moment it is blatantly obvious that Rafa is not even 22 yet and somewhere buried deep inside - beneath all the darkness and frustration and depression that tends to take a hold of the Spaniard - there is a boy still there, both innocent and excited for the world. That part of him shows on Rafa's face in that very moment and it reflects in his voice. 

“It's a secret.”  
   
“Don't make me fuck you again.”  
   
“Is that a threat or a promise?”

Rafa has actually laughed at Roger's reply and judging from both the mischief playing on his face and the passion and fire shining in his eyes, he very much wants Roger to make good on his little threat. Roger plays along even though he is too damn exhausted to even get up and go grab that shower, let alone have sex again. But Rafa doesn't need to know that. Unfortunately the younger man sees right through his display of strength and bravado.   
   
“Both. So maybe you want to volunteer the information freely?”  
   
“You couldn't even if you wanted to. Look at you all sweaty and panting. You have no energy left.”  
   
“We'll see about that.”

Before Roger can move, can grab a hold of the younger man and try to force him to spread his legs and pull the blanket away from him, Rafa has maneuvered himself into a sitting position, grinning at Roger in triumph as he holds the bed sheet up to his chest like a shield. So much for another go at it. Roger sighs, slowly sits up as well – despite his aching, protesting muscles – and it is now with the sunlight from the window illuminating the younger man's skin that Roger becomes aware of yet another small and equally as intriguing flaw on the younger man's skin. He points to it rather rudely. 

“You have a discoloration there. I've never seen it before.”

“You had never seen my scar before either.”

“Will you at least tell me how that happened?”  
   
Something shifts in that moment. Rafa's facial features visibly close off and the sweet, innocent, jittery boy that has shone through suddenly vanishes. He makes room for the more adult, darker version of the Spaniard, that comes to the forefront again now. Rafa isn't exactly unfriendly or dismissive but his tone of voice is clipped, making it abundantly clear this is something he does not want to talk about in any detail. Roger however ignores the sentiment behind the words. He's still curious and he wants at least one question about the marks on the younger man's skin answered. This time he doesn't let it go. 

“I broke my collarbone.”  
   
“How?”  
   
“I was in a fight. I lost.”  
   
There is no doubt Rafa doesn't want to tell the story, though Roger isn't quite sure why that is. He assumes it has happened when Rafa was younger, probably still a child and that it is an innocent tale. Children get in fights. Children get hurt. It simply happens. But the way Rafa refuses to go into detail, the way his eyes darken and his voice loses any trace of emotion, there is something more to this, something deeper. The sudden realization hits Roger like a ton of bricks and even though Rafa is the one with the emotional baggage, it's the Swiss feeling vulnerable. The nightmares, the faded scars, the depression. There is something going on with the younger man. Something Roger isn’t sure he even wants to know about.

“A fight with whom?”  
   
“Why does it matter? It’s just a scar, Roger. A faded scar. It doesn’t mean anything.”  
   
“Okay…”


	14. The better couple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa shows a protective side.  
> Roger likes sex.  
> Mari likes 'Gone with the wind'  
> Mirka enjoys hearing Mari sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another song in this chapter : [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgmXPCX4VzU) it is.

*Charleston – April 2008*

It has been another week, another city, another hotel and two more shows. For Maribel the work week is done but for Mirka it has only just begun. It is Wednesday, she has won her second round match here in Charleston and even though Maribel has not gone to see Mirka play, Rafa knows she is both happy and proud for her new friend. It shows in every last aspect of her being. Right now Maribel is in the bathroom but even with the shower running and the door closed, Rafa can hear her sing. She rarely ever does this, always tells him singing in the shower is for amateurs. Today however she doesn't care.

He is happy for her and quite frankly he is happy for himself as well. It has been weeks since they have had a fight, weeks since Maribel has said anything hurtful to him and it has been a while since she has touched a real amount of alcohol either. She still drinks but compared to what she usually packs away it is almost reasonable. His sister is good, she is the best version of herself she can possibly be and Rafa knows a lot of that is owed to the new presence in Maribel's life. For reasons he cannot fathom Mirka has managed something he never could – she has made his sister happy. As if on cue there is a knock on the door and when Rafa goes to open it, he finds Mirka standing in front of it, giving him a nervous smile. 

“Hi, I... I didn't know you would be here... I came to pick up your sister. We wanted to go to lunch.”

“It'll be a little while. She's still in the shower.”

Rafa has a hard time keeping his emotions in check when he informs Mirka about Maribel's tardiness and invites her into the room with a gesture. This is hard... He hasn't seen Mirka since he and Roger have started to be... more than just friends and it would be a colossal understatement to say that he feels uncomfortable around her. He wants to ask her about Roger, wants to ask about their arrangement but he doesn't dare. Maribel missing a note and cursing in Spanish sounds from the bathroom and mercifully interrupts his thought process. Rafa has to hide back a laugh and Mirka joins in his happy reaction, obviously just as glad for a chance to have small talk about something other than Roger...  
   
“Does she do this often?”  
   
“Curse?”  
   
“Sing in the shower.”  
   
They both chuckle at the miscommunication and Rafa is actually glad for Mirka asking him about Maribel like this. This way he gets a chance to tell her how much Maribel has changed in the weeks since they have met Mirka and Roger. How would the older woman know otherwise. She has only ever known this happier, more social and more loving side of Maribel. As much as it pains him, Rafa is willing to give credit where credit is due.  
   
“No. Never. I think it's all because of you. You are good for her, you know...”  
   
“I don't follow.”  
   
“She has been drinking less since she met you. She has been far more pleasant to deal with. Her attitude towards me, towards the rest of the people on staff, even to fans and press... it's all so much better since she met you. You made her a better person.”  
   
Mirka stays silent for a very long moment and Rafa realizes that maybe the older woman hasn’t been aware of the drinking… Though he has a hard time believing that. Anyone who knows Mari for more than five minutes is aware of the drinking. He watches closely and the emotions that play on the older woman’s face are definitely not of the happy variety. Rafa has expected her to feel flattered, proud even, instead she looks very much anxious and almost pained. Her tone of voice is flat and slightly trembling when she replies.  
   
“I don't think that's a responsibility I want.”  
   
“But you have it. Deal with it.”  
   
Mirka’s eyes widen at Rafa’s harsh reaction and her expression darkens even more. Maybe he could have handled the situation better, but an irrational anger has simply taken over the second Mirka has denied her responsibility. He has never wanted the responsibility for his teenage sister either, but here he is, dealing with her tantrums, her insensitivity and allowing himself to get hurt in the process. Why should the Swiss be any more lucky than him? He could apologize, could tell Mirka he hasn’t meant to be so blunt with her, but now that he has gone this far, Rafa decides he can push just a little bit further. He wants – he needs – Mirka to know and understand that there is nothing he will not do to protect his sister from harm, as he always has. He tells her what he wants from her, but it's not friendly advice or a suggestion though, it's a demand.  
   
“Don't ever hurt her.”  
   
“I don't plan on it.”  
   
“If you ever do, there will be hell to pay, I promise you that.”  
   
“Is this... Are you threatening me?!”  
   
Mirka sounds more scared than irritated, which speaks volumes of the person she is. Rafa however has neither intended to scare her, nor to make her angry with him. He simply wants her to know the facts and the fact is that he will not tolerate Mirka hurting his sister in any way. Maribel does that on her own and to herself well enough already… He forces a small smile on his lips but it ends up more a grimace than anything else. Defusing the situation would be the best idea, but this isn’t about what’s best for him and Mirka. This is about the older woman understanding the responsibility she has taken on.  
   
“No. I'm letting you in on a truth you should always be aware of.”  
   
“Woah... Well, no pressure there!”  
   
This time, the fear is gone and irritation is the only emotion left in Mirka’s voice. She doesn’t want to be pressured like this… It's a little strange to Rafa that she doesn’t act on her anger and retaliates, telling him to extend the same courtesy to Roger. She does not tell him he is not supposed to hurt her boyfriend either and that he can expect the same kind of consequences if he does. Maybe Mirka feels she doesn't have to. After all both Rafa and Roger have something Maribel still lacks – maturity. He is glad Mirka doesn’t engage in a fight. He’s not used to it of course – his usual source for comparison being his sister – but he is glad none the less. It makes it easier to end this conversation on a more mellow note.  
   
“No. No pressure. Just be good to her. I'm sure you can do that.”  
   
*#*  
   
Rafa goes to see Roger after Mirka and Maribel have gone and he is a little preoccupied. His conversation with Mirka still lingers, his worry for his sister, his insecurity about having chosen the right words. He is glad though he is seeing Roger before Mirka does. Rafa is sure the older woman will tell her boyfriend about what he has said, how he has... threatened her. But right now Roger doesn't know and Rafa is not about to tell him. This is their afternoon and he will not ruin it. The two women have occupied his mind enough already. Now it is just about him and the Swiss and Rafa doesn't plan on letting anyone or anything else come in between. Mirka will tell Roger eventually and there will probably a fallout from it, but that is left for another day. 

When he arrives back at his hotel room, where they are supposed to meet, Roger is already there – in sweatpants and a washed out gray shirt – wearing a pretty impatient and almost irritated expression on his face. He probably feels exposed loitering in the hallway looking like this. Rafa can't help but grin. With his baggy clothes, Roger looks a little like something the cat has dragged in... and he doesn't like having to wait one bit – it clearly shows in his tone of voice when he detects Rafa approaching. 

“You're late...”

“I'm later than planned. I'm not late. And it's not my fault. My sister took ages with her shower and your girlfriend needed company while we waited.”

He doesn't tell Roger about the discussion with Mirka even now. He could – after all they are talking about the respective women in their lives right now. But Rafa doesn't want to, he doesn't want to ruin this moment or the entire afternoon even. Maribel gets to have a good time with Mirka. Rafa feels he deserves the same. It's something solely Roger's presence in his life has achieved – the sentiment of being worthy returning to him. It's something he hasn't felt in quite a while... It seems both Mirka and Roger have somehow managed to find the best possible version of the Spanish siblings and have dragged them to the forefront. Rafa is eternally grateful for that. He is pretty sure Maribel feels the same... 

Rafa makes a conscious effort to drop out of his thought process and concentrates on the here and now. After all poor Roger is still standing in the middle of the corridor in his Sunday afternoon couch potato outfit, waiting for Rafa to let him into the room. And that is what the Spaniard does. They enter the room and the second the door closes behind them, the soft scowl that has marred Roger's face before, disappears. The Swiss turns to face him, curiosity in his voice. Somehow they are still talking about the women... and Rafa wants that conversation to end asap.

“Do you know what they are up to?”

“Lunch? Shopping? I didn't ask...”

“Why?“

“Because I don't want to know.”

Roger picks up on Rafa's unwillingness with the line of conversation rather quickly and does something he does often and that Rafa can only appreciate when he is in the right mood. The Swiss teases him. Today however Rafa is not only in the right, but in a very good mood and he happily indulges in the bit of silliness they share. Actually he steps matters up a notch and gives Roger a grin, that verges on... filthy.

“What do you want?”

“Those clothes look awful on you. I want you to take them off.”

Roger stares at him and blinks a couple of times – a reaction Rafa has a hard time to keep a straight face at. It's true he's not usually the one taking initiative when it comes to flirting and making out. But judging from the appreciative look on the older man's face and the soft humming noise he makes in approval, he very much likes it. Rafa watches as Roger reaches for the hem of his shirt, pulls it over his head and lets it drop to the floor carelessly. When he looks at Rafa, there is a smirk on his lips and that does it for the younger man. It's all raw emotions and passion from here on out. 

Roger tracing the length of Rafa's spine while the younger man lies on his front with his arms supporting his head and his eyes closed, has become sort of a fixture in their post sex routine. They did it the very first time, Rafa has asked for a repeat the second time around and ever since then it is part of what they do. This time of course is no different. They have been silent – both of them happy and content and exhausted to the point of tiredness – and Roger is almost sure the younger man has fallen asleep, when there is a muffled sound coming from Rafa, that Roger needs a moment to detect the – rather heavily accented – words in between. 

“You have to stop doing that at some point or I will never get up again...”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No.”

“How about a soda and maybe a bit of fresh air?”

Roger doesn't really want to suggest to get up or drink something. But they are both sweaty, it's a warm day and Rafa is not exactly wrong. They can't stay in this bed forever. But even though it has been him to point out that fact, the younger man gives a growl and a whine in response to Roger's suggestion. The Swiss chuckles and has to bite back a laugh when Rafa replies and very much sounds like a headstrong six year old. 

“You're only trying to get me up again.”

“I'm trying to get you hydrated. Come on.”

Roger stops his caressing and gives Rafa's behind a small but sharp slap. The younger man yelps and curses at him – something that sound distinctly Spanish to Roger – but he doesn't move. It's not until Roger himself maneuvers into a seated position, that Rafa reacts. He groans again but he follows Roger's incentive. But where the Swiss reaches for his shorts and shirt to not run around naked in the hotel room, Rafa seems to have no such modesty in place. Roger has to grin watching the younger man get up from bed and stretch his tired muscles in all his naked glory, but as he plans on taking a breather outside on the balcony with the Spaniard, this is not exactly appropriate... 

“I love you, but – please – put on your shorts at least.”

“Why?” 

“Because the balcony has a glass banister.”

“Fair enough.”

They settle outside a couple of minutes later – Rafa first and Roger following after rummaging through the mini bar and coming up with two candy bars and two bottles of water. When he steps outside, Rafa – who has put on his shorts and shirt as well again – smiles up at him as Roger drops the candy bar in his lap and hands the water bottle to him. Rafa watches as Roger settles himself down next to him and waits to thank him until the older man is comfortably settled. 

“Thank you. You take extra good care of me.”

“It's just water, Rafa.”

“It's what I needed and you gave it to me.”

Rafa's smile never falters and there is a depth to the look in his eyes and a graveness to his tone of voice, that clearly tells Roger this is about way more than just the water and the piece of sweets. There is so much Rafa is implying with these few simple words, more than the Spaniard would probably ever be able to put into words. This is about the intimacy between them, the affection, the love – both on an emotional and on a physical level. Rafa would never find the courage to say it, but Roger makes him better... Maybe – just maybe – he has been able to convey that with these few simple words. At least that is what Rafa hopes for. Roger seems a little uncomfortable, but Rafa decides to take that as a good sign. Emotions aren't always easy – for either of them. So when Roger tries to keep the moment a light one by changing the subject and using a teasing quality to his voice as he does so, Rafa plays along. 

“I think the girls still win. I think they are the more... committed ones.”  
   
“Why would you say that?”  
   
“Maribel wrote a song for my girlfriend.”  
   
“A stupid song.”  
   
“Granted. But still... Would you do the same for me?”  
   
“Would if I could.”  
   
Rafa means it, has probably never felt more heartfelt about anything in his life. At least not since the one thing he had cared about, the one thing he had enjoyed and loved to do and had felt destined to be a part of, had been ripped away from him. Maybe it was so easy to be with Roger because he feels like a connection to tennis. They are both the same in their traumatizing experiences and yet completely different. And still it works... It's just like that stupid saying – opposites attract. And Rafa feels very much attracted to the Swiss. He also feels out of the four of them, he and Roger are definitely the better match.   
   
“I think we're way more mature than those too.”  
   
“Says the guy who wanted to paint a smiley face on my back!”  
   
“But I didn't. That's the main thing. And why else would you have your girlfriend's lipstick in your jeans pocket?”

What Rafa is referring to is the infamous incident that has happened on their first day here in Charleston. Roger had only met the Spaniard late in the evening, having accompanied Mirka to her first day at the tournament site for practice and press and taking her out to dinner after. They had been desperate to get one another out of every last layer of useless clothes in between each others skins and their hands and tongues and whatever else they could think of. When Roger had pushed off his pants, a lipstick had fallen from it... and Rafa had laughed and laughed and laughed. Even thinking about it now, it still brings a grin to both their faces and even now Rafa still doesn't buy Roger's explanation.  
   
“I told you, she gave it to me for safekeeping!”  
   
“Sure.”  
   
Rafa is still softly grinning to himself – even chuckling here and there – and Roger lets him be. The Spaniard has just managed to evaporate his own point because this kind of behavior is definitely not mature. It couldn't be more childish if they tried. He isn't sure about Rafa's point anyway. Of course Mirka has her flaws and Maribel has a hell of a lot of them, but the more mature ones... He isn't exactly sure. He tries to pick up the topic again and that finally stops Rafa from grinning like an idiot.   
   
“You are aware that Mirka is the oldest of all of us, are you not?”  
   
“In combined ages, we are the more mature couple.”  
   
“Did you just call Mirka and Mari a couple?!”

“I called us a couple.”  
   
Rafa doesn't seem to think too much of it, his statement sounding rather matter-of-factly. To Roger however it puts a whole new depths and dimension to his relationship with the younger man. A couple... he has never thought of them as a couple before. Friends, of course, people having a good time together, that as well, buddies sharing but thoughts and intimacies... but a couple? Not until now. But as he does, Roger realizes this is something he doesn't feel the least bit afraid of. It's nice to think of him and Rafa as a couple, heartwarming and flattering... and quite frankly arousing. Roger reacts on instinct, pushes himself up from the deckchair he is sitting in, steps to the side, kneels down next to Rafa and leans in. The kiss he places on the younger man's lips is passionate and manages to catch Rafa completely by surprise. When Roger moves back, Rafa is pretty much staring at him, wide-eyed and confused. All Roger can do in response is grin and shrug.   
   
“What was that for?”  
   
“Isn't that what couples do?”  
   
*#*  
   
After their lunch – during which Mirka hasn’t eaten a whole lot, still feeling a little rattled by her conversation with Maribel’s brother – the two women decide to explore the old town of Charleston. It’s beautiful, the weather is nice and not too warm on that particular day and walking among the mansions - with their lavish décor build left and right of Grand avenues with old trees lining the streets – it feels a lot like they have fallen right into the past, a past when this city was still one of the most important cities of the non-Union states during the American Civil war.  
   
“This is nice. You can almost imagine rounding a corner and people in uniform or those giant, luxury dresses of the 1800s walking your way…”  
   
“I'd love to do that, wear a dress like that. Like Scarlet in 'Gone with the wind'. That would be amazing...”  
   
There is a wide grin on Maribel’s face now that makes her look a lot younger than 17. There is a childlike enthusiasm to her demeanor and Mirka finds it both endearing and worrisome at the same time. She loves and adores Mari for her passion, but at the same time the girl’s enthusiasm shows Mirka all too clearly that Maribel is barely more than a child and that the years between them definitely show… She smiles at the girl and tries to reign in her excitement just a bit.  
   
“I'm pretty sure people would frown at that.”  
   
“Why would I care? This is something I want, what have other people to do with it?”  
   
“Common decency?”  
   
“You're no fun.”  
   
Mari actually sounds irritated instead of light-hearted. It’s not a joke she is making, it’s a reproach and Mirka falls silent after that. She thinks back to her conversation with Mari’s brother. It seems both siblings have a rather blunt way of telling other people what they want. It is probably why they clash so easily… Right now it gets Mirka thinking, has her unsure about her commitment to Maribel, insecure about the age difference and the general sense of even trying something like this… The thought lingers and nags at her until they veer off into a smaller street and there is a photography shop there. A smile creeps onto Mirka’s lips again as she points the establishment out to Maribel.  
   
“Look, they do those old style pictures in period clothing. You said you wanted to wear one, wanted to get dressed up in those beautiful dresses from the 1860s and have a picture taken. We can do that? What do you think?”  
   
“I think I changed my mind.”  
   
“About what?”  
   
“You. You are a lot of fun after all!”  
   
It’s almost a little scary to see how easily Maribel is able to change both her opinion and her mood. But Mirka takes the win. Having found something to appease the younger woman and make her happy again, quells her own insecurities. And it’s a nice idea… The shop is a hidden gem. The lady taking the pictures is in her mid-fifties, she is exceptionally friendly and the variety of both dresses and accessory they can choose from is pretty amazing. It takes a while to actually get an overview and it takes even longer to decide. Mirka has to admit they look gorgeous in their period clothing when they take a first look in the mirror before taking the picture. She smiles – at herself, at Maribel and at the idea as a whole. The moment is short-lived however, as the proprietor shows up behind them and joins in with their smiles.  
   
“You and your daughter sure look fine in those dresses.”  
   
“She's not. She's my friend.”  
   
“Oh. I'm sorry.”  
   
The little scene in the photography parlor never really leaves Mirka and it puts a dark cloud above her for the rest of the day. The lady taking their picture – and she does a good job with it, that much cannot be denied – certainly hasn’t meant to be rude or insensitive. She has meant to compliment them. But Mirka certainly doesn’t feel complimented by the idea that she looks old enough to be Mari’s mother. She almost is… there is no denying that either. If Maribel ever picks up on Mirka’s discomfort and darkened mood, she doesn’t let it show. Frankly Mirka is pretty sure the younger woman is simply unaware.  
   
It comes as no surprise when they return to the hotel and Mirka invites Maribel to her room, that Roger isn’t there. She knows exactly where her boyfriend is and she has a pretty clear picture of what Roger and Rafa are up to at this moment. It’s yet another thought she doesn’t want to dwell on and she probably shouldn’t – after all they agreed and she is with somebody else in that moment as well. Maribel is definitely in a good mood since the photo session – which is different from what they are both used to from sponsorship, professional and media responsibilities – and doing the period clothing thing seems to have put her in a mood for more of it. She suggests they watch 'Gone with the wind' and somehow the fact that the teenage girl knows the movie comes as a surprise. But then again Maribel has made a reference to it earlier…  
   
It’s a long movie, almost archaic for the major part but timeless at the very same moment – however that is possible. Mirka likes the movie, likes that it's a classic, but she has never developed a particular fondness for either of the main characters. To her they seem all equally flawed... The only one she can bring up any sympathy for is poor, innocent Melanie, who always sees the best in people. She is docile and maybe a bit naive but still that is a person Mirka could aspire to be. Maribel on the other hand seems to have a completely different take. When the movie finishes, there is actually a tear running down her cheek. It's a a strange reaction to a movie that definitely doesn't finish on a high note, but it's not a gut wrenching disaster towards the end either. She can't help but sound confused at the teenage girl's reaction.   
   
“Are you crying?”  
   
“I hate the ending. I hate that all that’s left for Scarlet in the end is the land she was born on and has fought so hard to keep. I mean she loves it and all, but… she deserves better.”

Mirka hears herself scoffing in reaction and Maribel gives her a dark look in response. It's amazing as well as scary how easy the younger woman is able to tap into her emotions and feel such passion about something so... mundane as a movie. Being treated to that angry, reproachful look however stirs some of the same emotions and reactions in Mirka. She feels her question, her opinion about the main female character is very much valid... though she defends it with a bit too much of candor.  
   
“She's a manipulative, selfish bitch.”  
   
“Is that necessarily a bad thing?”  
   
“Are you actually trying to tell me you see a likable character in her?!”  
   
“I see a strong character. Being strong is way more important than being likable. Look at Melanie. She is nice throughout the entire movie … and she dies. Scarlet on the other hand goes trough all that hardship and never gives up. She always stays true to who she is and she prevails. She may be tough, she may be cold and calculating, but she survives. And she is all the stronger for it. How is that not a likable character?”  
   
Maribel means what she says, there is no question about that and – as stupid as it is, as this is a movie they are talking about, with nothing real in it but a couple of historic facts – it manages to rub Mirka the wrong way. Maribel admires the female lead of the movie for her cutthroat, self-absorbed attitude... That tells her everything she needs to know about Maribel in a nutshell. Mirka isn't sure she likes it. She doesn't have to though and she decides the best way to deal with the differences between Mari and her is to look past them.

Luckily enough, the chance presents itself to her, right there and then, because throughout the entirety of the movie, Maribel has kept a note pad balanced on her knees and has kept scribbling onto it in irregular intervals. It has felt sort of rude to Mirka – as Maribel is the one who wanted to see this movie – but now she is curious to find out what the younger woman has been up to. She reacts quickly, reaches for the notebook and Maribel gives a surprised yelp, too slow to react in time to stop the older woman. Mirka looks at the notepad. There is a short text on the page and it looks a lot like a poem to Mirka. She points at the sheet of paper and looks back at Maribel for an explanation.   
   
“What is this?”  
   
“It's a new song. It isn't done yet.”  
   
There is a whiny quality to Mari's voice that tells Mirka she is not supposed to have a look, at least not yet. She is curious though. She has always admired the fact, that the teenage girl writes her own songs and this is the very first time she gets a first hand experience and a part in the creative process. Mirka takes another glance at the notebook, but this time Maribel is right there and snatches it away from her, clutching it to her chest almost protectively. There is no venom to her reaction, just a bit of embarrassment. Mirka has no idea why. What little she has seen looked like a complete song to her and that is exactly what she tells the younger woman.  
   
“Looks finished to me.”  
   
“My brother hasn't taken a look yet. It's only a draft.”  
   
“What is it about?”  
   
“Us taking that period old style picture sort of got me thinking and the lyrics simply poured out from there on out...”

Maribel barely manages to look at Mirka, explaining the creative process to her. She is usually way more sure of herself but this, sharing one of the most intimate parts of her heart and being with anyone like that, is hard for her. The only one she usually trusts with this kind of thing – and whose input she values despite their differences and occasional harshness and fights – is her brother. She loves him, but Mirka is a close second at the moment. She adores the older woman, is happy with her and that makes it a little easier to talk about this. Still Maribel wishes Mirka would simply stop. She wishes in vain.   
   
“Will you sing it to me?”  
   
“I told you it's only a draft. The melody is still kind of vague, I'm not sure about the lyrics...”  
   
“Please, Mari? For me?”  
   
Mirka does not expect the plea to work. The way Maribel still holds on to her notepad like it is a life line, the soft redness to her cheeks being testament of her nervousness and discomfort and the way she practically squirms under Mirka's scrutiny, make it hard for the older woman to believe the girl will give in and do this. But the Swiss is in for a surprise. It takes a long moment – and the inner debate going on shows visibly on Mari's face – but finally the teenage girl looks up and smiles at Mirka. Her reply warms the older woman's heart. 

“For you – anything.”  
   
 _Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes  
But it's the only thing that I know  
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes  
It is the only thing makes us feel alive_

_We keep this love in a photograph  
We made these memories for ourselves  
Where our eyes are never closing  
Hearts are never broken  
And time's forever frozen still_

_So you can keep me  
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans  
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet  
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home_

_Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul  
And it's the only thing that I know, know  
I swear it will get easier  
Remember that with every piece of you  
Hm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die_

_Hm, we keep this love in this photograph  
We made these memories for ourselves  
Where our eyes are never closing  
Hearts were never broken  
And time's forever frozen still_

_So you can keep me  
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans  
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet  
You won't ever be alone_

_And if you hurt me  
That's okay baby, only words bleed  
Inside these pages you just hold me  
And I won’t ever let you go  
Wait for me to come home_

_Oh, you can fit me  
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen  
Next to your heartbeat where I should be  
Keep it deep within your soul  
And if you hurt me  
Well, that's okay baby, only words bleed  
Inside these pages you just hold me  
And I won’t ever let you go_

_When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me  
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street  
Hearing you whisper through the phone  
"Wait for me to come home"_  
   
Mirka feels a tug at her heart when Mari's voice dies down. She feels like she has been ripped from a dream, from a bubble in which time simply stands still and nothing else matters but just the two of them. It is even more pronounced and precious in an intimate environment like this, as it is when the younger woman steps on a stage. She is simply mesmerizing with that special gift she calls her own. And there truly is only one thing to say in response to the beauty and purity that is this special teenage girl when she sings.  
   
“Thank you.”


	15. To care for the ailing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa returns to Meri's side.  
> Roger finds out how scared his new lover is of his own emotions.  
> Mari is sick with a bad cold.  
> Mirka takes care of her.

*Rome – May 2008*  
   
After Charleston they go back to Europe where Maribel has a whole bunch of concerts in Italy – from Venice to Milan to Genova to Florence and finally Rome, where they will meet with Mirka and Roger again as the older woman plays a tournament there. Maribel is on her own in Italy though. Rafa goes back home to Mallorca. A childhood friend of his is getting married and he has been invited.  
   
Back at the end of last year when the invitation has first made an appearance, his sister has resorted to her old ways – she has wanted to come along. But as she hasn’t been invited and the date clashes with her schedule anyway, Rafa had said no. It was then that Maribel had played another, even less fair card on him – the one where she was the star and he was supposed to take care of her while she was away. She had told him he couldn’t go because she needed him with her. It had been one of those really ugly fights they had that always ended the same way. In the end Rafa had relented.  
   
Having Mirka in her life however had changed Maribel’s mind. Or maybe it had simply changed her mood and that had compelled her to do something nice for her brother. The end result was the same – she had told him to accompany her to Venice and get her settled and then to go home, enjoy the wedding and take a couple of days off from both their busy schedule and from her. She had said it with a smile and she had meant it.  
   
Rafa on the other hand has had a change of heart as well. He would never leave Maribel to traipse around Europe on her own – not in the state she tends to be in at times. With her drinking, her mood swings and her unpredictability, it’s simply not a good idea to leave her alone without a buffer and somebody who can at least try to talk some sense into her and ask her for at least a hint of restraint.  
   
But since Mirka is a part – almost a fixture – in Maribel’s life, she is so much better, as a person and as a professional. She is more patient, more social and friendly and willing to put in both the work and the emotional restraint that is needed for her profession. It has made it easier for Rafa to agree to the change of plans and leave her alone with the band and staff to look out for her, while he enjoys his time back home. He has trusted her… and of course it backfires.  
   
The wedding is a nice, low key, almost casual affair and he enjoys the chance to be there and meet old friends without his sister judging or breathing down his neck immensely. The days after that – at home, at the beach, by the sea – are nice but not as enjoyable. He is alone and that is not something he likes. But meeting family would make them aware of the fact that Maribel is on her own and most of his other friends are either working or otherwise occupied. So he is on his own… and he doesn’t like it.  
   
He misses Roger, it’s as plain and simple as that. They text a lot about all kinds of things and Rafa likes that a lot – it’s a welcome change to the loneliness of the beautiful yet empty seaside house he shares with his sister. But they actually talk only once as Rafa neither trusts his voice nor his emotions. He doesn’t want to end up a blubbering mess, telling the Swiss how much he misses him. The last thing Rafa wants is to seem desperate…or weak.  
   
Being home also gives him way too much time to think. With his usual hectic routine missing and that much time on his hands, it’s only natural his thoughts keep wandering. He thinks about Roger and him, about Mirka and him and this strange love triangle they have and about Maribel and Mirka. The physical relationship he shares with the Swiss, as well as the emotional one, is still something that manages to scare him when he gives it too much thought. He tends to be pessimistic then, thinking about Mirka taking back her permission, about Roger changing his mind, about the inevitable end of it all… After all he hasn’t been in a steady relationship in three years and he isn’t exactly relationship material in the first place… He has no idea what the Swiss sees in him…  
   
Coincidentally he has no idea what the two women see in one another either. Rafa loves his sister but he knows she’s a difficult person to be with and an even more difficult person to please and make happy. They are much the same in that regard. To him it seems a lot like this relationship – or whatever it is the two share – Maribel has engaged in with the older woman is just a curious experiment. But Maribel has been writing songs for Mirka, has been dedicating them to her, has been talking about love and is generally a better person since the older woman is a part of her life. It’s more than just curiosity… But just as with Roger and him, Rafa has no idea what exactly it is, has no words, no label to put on that unique match-up…  
   
At some point Roger has advised him to not dwell on the what-ifs and simply live in the here and now when it comes to the two of them. It’s sound advice and Rafa tries to abide by it. He gets sucked back into the mess that is his every day life soon enough already anyway when a member of Maribel’s staff calls. At first Rafa is almost glad for the interruption and for a chance to find out how his sister is doing. Maribel herself hasn’t bothered. She hasn’t called him once.  
   
The news are not good and the staff member calling him sounds completely out of her depth. They have no idea how to deal with his sister, who – apparently - has been anything but pleasant since Rafa has left. She has skipped out of two autograph sessions and has managed to make one of the band members cry, yelling at him for a minor mistake and getting very much personal doing so. Obviously not having Mirka around to soothe her or Rafa around to ground her, has not been good for Maribel. She has very much reverted back to her old ways…  
   
It’s only three more days until he is supposed to be in Rome again, but quite frankly Rafa has no interest or desire to deal with Maribel when she is like this – back to her old self. There isn’t much of a choice here though. He can’t very well let other people deal with this mess. After all he and Maribel are family and to him that actually means something…

*#*

The only good thing about arriving in Rome two days early, is that he gets to see Roger again. Rafa knows for a fact that the older man is already there, he has texted him as much. Rafa knows he should probably go and see his sister first, but he doesn’t want to. That is why his first stop is not his sister’s rehearsal at the concert hall, it’s the hotel Roger and Mirka stay at. He simply needs this, needs something good before engaging in the inevitable and vicious fight he is bound to have with Maribel.  
   
Roger pulls him into a hug right after the Swiss has opened the door on him and though it is nice and Rafa enjoys the close physical contact after almost two weeks of being apart, he is very much taken by surprise. Roger has quite obviously no other feelings to share but happiness and excitement. He practically pulls Rafa into the room, closes the door behind them and before Rafa has even so much as a chance to greet Roger properly or ask him how he has been these last couple of days, the older man’s lips are already on his.  
   
For just a second there, a nagging feeling tells him to resist and not let Roger be the one to dictate how things are supposed to be between them. But it’s a voice Rafa pushes aside easily in favor of simply enjoying the moment. They have gotten way better at this – especially compared to the first time – and when they break apart it’s almost painful to lose the other man’s warmth so close to him, his breathing on his cheek and his soft lips on his own… Rafa fights against the sigh trying to escape and focuses on the room instead. It is only now he realizes Roger is alone – otherwise he certainly wouldn’t have kissed him like that…  
   
“Where is your girlfriend?”  
   
“Practice. We’ll meet for lunch in an hour. How was your time off?”  
   
“Relaxing but lonely. I… missed you.”  
   
Rafa doesn’t mean to tell the older man – after all it’s the main reason he has called Roger only once in his ten days at home – but it happens before he has a chance to stop himself. It’s the smile on Roger’s face, the warmth of their embrace, the way they so easily pick up the intimacy even after all these days of being apart. It makes Rafa feel comfortable and that causes him to let his guard down. Roger smiles a fond smile at him in response.  
   
“Same here.”  
   
“You did?”  
   
“What did you expect? That I’m happy to not see you? That all I want from you is sex?”  
   
“No...”  
   
Rafa sounds more than just a little surprised and his reply is full of reluctance. Roger isn’t sure whether to feel concerned or annoyed by that. His question has been more of a joke than anything else but now Rafa has him worried. Maybe this is truly how the Spaniard feels about him, about them... maybe he sees them just as two people who enjoy having sex together... They do, no doubt about that, but it's not the only reason they are together. They share the same fate, the same kind of every day life – traveling with a strong woman – and they share emotions. But they don't right now and Roger doesn't like it.  
   
“Why did you sound so surprised then?”  
   
“Because you admitted to it.”  
   
“To what? That I’m happy to have you close again? Why wouldn’t I? It’s how I feel…”  
   
“It’s… scary.”  
   
“That I missed you?!”  
   
“That we talk about this.”  
   
It is only now that the younger man looks so uncomfortable and barely finds the words to say what he wants to, that Roger realizes Rafa is very much compartmentalizing. He has no problem talking about the negative things in his life – they have done so freely in the past – but he is very much… crippled talking about anything positive. He can admit to his faults, tell Roger how depressed and lost and useless he feels at times. But he cannot tell the older man he has missed him and that he is happy to see him again…  
   
“Why?!”  
   
“It’s… uncomfortable. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable…”  
   
“Why would you say that like it’s a bad thing?”  
   
Roger doesn't understand, he can't possibly because even though they have both gone through the same thing, they have reacted to it differently. Roger is dealing. Rafa is... broken, especially when it comes to his feelings and to being open with other people. It's a family problem mostly. Of course it's not Maribel's fault alone, but she is a big part of it. All those years of bad experience, of past wrongs that have happened between them, have shaped him of course, but he knows this is more about him than it is about her. It's about his fear to get hurt and disappointed.  
   
“You know Mari, you have met her… How do you think she reacts if somebody tells her something like this, opens up to her and shares his emotions? How do you think she reacts to me?”  
   
“With a smile and a hug?”  
   
“Yeah, that would be nice.”  
   
Even though Roger knows quite a bit about Maribel and the way she interacts with her brother these days, he still has a strong believe that the siblings actually are very much fond of one another. He has seen it shine through here and there and even in all her bluntness and bratty, childlike behavior, Roger is simply unwilling to believe Maribel is willing to hurt her brother... It seems he is wrong, because there is a lot of sarcasm and hurt to Rafa’s voice. It is not something Roger wants to dwell on though. He tries to make this about them again, tries to make Rafa see that he has nothing to fear from him.  
   
“I’m not your sister, Rafa.”  
   
“Good. Because that would be wrong – in all kinds of ways.”  
   
Roger is aware that what he has to say is a little bit strange and very much obvious. But it's not about the words. It's about the sentiment he wants to convey to the younger man. Roger tries his best to make a conscious and heartfelt effort to make Rafa feel better about himself and make sure he knows that Roger would never hurt the Spaniard in the same way his sister has done to him. Not ever. If Rafa appreciates it, he doesn't let show it. Instead the younger man tries to make a joke out of it all. But he fails – both with his tone of voice and his faltering grin. He wants to see something humorous in this whole awkward conversation but there isn't much of it there in the first place. It is probably why Roger sees right through it.  
   
“You’re deflecting.”  
   
“I’m changing the subject.”  
   
“You shouldn’t. We should talk about this. I want you to tell me how you feel. I want you to be open and honest with me. I don’t mind if you’re vulnerable. I love it actually. I love to see what’s behind all those walls you have built to protect yourself. Can you do that?”  
   
Rafa takes a long while with the answer to that particular question. It's a difficult one for him, one he doesn't know how to answer without the risk of lying to Roger. There is nothing he would love more than to tell Roger that the Swiss has managed to do the same for him as Mirka has done for Maribel. He wishes he could tell Roger that he is better because of him, happier and more in sync with his own self. To some extent maybe he is. But he isn't sure if it's enough. He is however willing to find out.  
   
“I can try.”  
   
*#*  
   
Roger has asked him to stay and leave along with him when he goes to see Mirka for lunch. The older man’s intentions couldn’t have been any more clear by the almost predatory expression in his eyes and the husky tone to his voice. It hasn’t been easy but Rafa has allowed duty to win over passion. He is happy to see Roger again and he will be even happier when they will have a real chance to spend time together, but he isn’t here for the older man. He is here to – hopefully – get his sister back into line… or get hurt trying to do it at least.

When he arrives at the concert hall, Mari is in the middle of her rehearsal. They are playing one of the faster songs that has a bit of choreography to it and Rafa arrives just in time to see Maribel miss a step, curse at her general vicinity, spewing all kinds of filth around and then the band stops playing. They have to start from the top but neither one of the musicians seems willing to do that without Maribel showing initiative first. This far she hasn't. Rafa decides it's as good a moment as any to let his sister know he is back. As he approaches the stage, he can hear Maribel growl under her breath.  
   
“We need to drop the up-tempo numbers for tonight.”  
   
Maribel's comment is directed at no one in particular and the musicians can't seem to be able to make sense of it. Are they supposed to start up again? Are they supposed to leave the song out all together? Maribel doesn't tell them and neither of them asks. Frankly the band and crew on stage look positively scared of her... It's a good thing Rafa is here two days early or at least that is what it seems like to him. Maribel is spiraling... and it is up to him to catch her before she falls. When he addresses her now, his sister turns to face him abruptly and a scowl appears on her face.  
   
“Mari…”  
   
“It’s only Friday.”  
   
“I’m aware.”  
   
“You weren’t supposed to be here until Sunday.”

Maribel actually manages to make it sound like Rafa being here is not helpful, but a giant mistake instead. It doesn't take a genius to realize, that his sister isn't even remotely happy to see him. It sounds more like she is annoyed... Rafa gives her the once over – pale face, bloodshot eyes, red nose, tremble to her hands... All the signs are there – the signs of what she has been up to while he was away and Rafa relies on instinct when it comes to a reaction. He snaps at her, though it is only in the comment. Somehow – miraculously – Rafa comes up with enough patience to keep his voice both calm and steady.  
   
“And you were supposed to behave yourself. I trusted you…”  
   
“Oh shut up!”  
   
She clears her throat, obviously annoyed at the rather… squeaky quality to her voice. Rafa hasn't even realized it until now, too preoccupied to read into the signs and attribute them all to alcohol... Maybe he is wrong. Maybe there is something else wrong with Mari. It would explain her complexion, the nasal tone to her voice and the rough quality of it. But he never gets a chance to ask her. Maribel gives an impatient sign and the band starts the song from the beginning. It's not working any better this time. Rafa watches as his sister stumbles through the choreography for the song more than anything else. That sharp feeling of dread settles in his stomach again. There is no denying it - all the tell tale signs are there... 

Maribel makes it to the first chorus before she gives up and curses again. By now Rafa has moved up to the stage by the steps to the side and moves into his sister's path when the band stops playing again. He keeps his voice low – nobody else around needs to listen in on this... Mari however seems to have no problem with being loud, she yells at him in response or at least she tries to. Her voice breaks halfway through the sentence though and that gives Rafa the chance to defuse the situation somewhat.  
   
“Is this a hangover or something else?”  
   
“Stop talking to me like that. I'm not a fucking child and you don't get to be condescending!”  
   
“I'm not! I'm worried. Just tell me. Have you been drinking or are you actually sick?”  
   
Maribel glares at him in response and then takes a deep breath – probably to start a lengthy and not very friendly reply, telling him exactly what she thinks of his assumptions. She never gets a word out though. The deep breath seems to shake something loose deep inside of her chest and Maribel winces when a cough rips it's way from deep inside her chest. It sounds wet and painful and is simply awful to listen to. It is also all the answer Rafa has needed. The decision is made seconds later and just this once he will not listen to Maribel pleading and bitching and complaining. Just this once she will listen to him.  
   
“Okay, that's it. It's back to bed for you. I'll call a doctor and make sure to cancel the show tonight.”  
   
“You can't! Mimi will be there! She cleared her schedule so that she could come watch me. I wanted to sing for...”  
   
Of course Maribel is adamant and of course she is angry and trying to make a point but she doesn't get very far. The rest of whatever she wants to say never reaches Rafa, because her sentence is cut short by another bone rattling cough. This actually gets her to bend over and gasp for air when it finally subsides. Maybe Rafa has been too quick to judge. Maybe Mari has indeed been good and this has nothing to do with the drinking. He wouldn't know. He wasn't here. What he does know is that his sister is sick and that there is no way in hell she will give the concert tonight. She has to know that... but obviously she needs him – yet again – to point out the obvious to her.  
   
“You can't sing. Not like this.”  
   
“Just find me a doctor, make him prescribe pain killers, decongestants and maybe some antihistamines and I'm good to go.”  
   
“You will not get on that stage tonight, Mari. You need to cure what ails you, not kill the symptoms with drugs. You need to rest.”  
   
“You don't get to tell me what to do!”

This one time Maribel manages to yell at him without another coughing fit ripping through her. But she barely has enough of a voice and enough air in her lungs to pull it off. It is only now that Rafa realizes her face is sweaty, which most definitely means she has a fever. He should have seen it sooner but he has been too engrossed with putting her down for drinking again. He should have taken better care of her... But it's too late for bemoaning his failures. Right now all there is left to do is make sure his sister gets better. And this one time he actually can, because Maribel is wrong. He can tell her what to do. It's the one perk of her being a minor and him being family – he is the one to make her decisions – at least in theory – because he is her caretaker.  
   
“You're still 17, you're still a minor and I am your legal guardian and medical proxy when we are away from home. I do get to make the decisions when it comes to your health. And I have made up my mind.”  
   
*#*

Maribel has been miserable ever since Rafa has taken her back to the hotel. She has cursed at him, has cursed at the doctor, has insisted she is fine and has refused to take the meds the doctor has prescribed for her. But she is in her pajamas, in her hotel bed and Rafa takes the small victory that lies in that. Mari has told him to leave her alone after the doctor had declared she was indeed sick with a pulmonary infection and Rafa had done exactly that. He didn't plan on leaving her for too long though. There were simply a few things for him to take care of – like canceling the show... and letting a special someone know her presence isn't needed that night.

When he knocks on the door to Mirka's and Roger's hotel room, Rafa feels a little apprehensive. This will be the first time he and Mirka come into contact with one another since Charleston and him telling her to not ever hurt Maribel or live with the consequences if she does. Maybe it would have been better if he simply had called Roger and had asked him to relay the information... Before Rafa gets a chance to change his mind – and simply run – the door is opened on him, Mirka appears in his line of sight and her expression flashes from expectation to confusion when she realizes it is him. Still her reaction is a pleasant and polite one as she asks why he has come. 

“Rafa... I didn't expect you here.”

“I wasn't supposed to be here. Not yet anyway.”

“I know... Roger told me you came back early.”

“Yes. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here about Mari. She can't do the show. She's sick.”  
   
“Sick from drinking or sick sick?”

Mirka asking him about the reason for Maribel's illness is like a punch to the gut. The older woman isn't usually this blunt. It paints a rather vivid picture of the last week – without him here – that Mirka has picked up on Maribel's drinking enough to realize it is a problem and can cause an unhealthy reaction – like a hangover. Obviously Maribel has NOT been a good girl while Rafa has been away and it has put a strain on her relationship with Mirka as well. In that regard, Rafa is glad he can dissipate the older woman's worries, even if he has no good news to tell her.  
   
“She has bronchitis. At least that is what the doctor says. So she's really sick.”

“Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean...”

“I know. It's okay.”  
   
“How did this happen?!”  
   
“Like it happens for millions of other people. Bacterial infection. The fact that we travel so much on planes full of people and that her drinking doesn't do her immune system any favors hasn't helped.”  
   
Mirka nods at that, actually looking stricken and very much guilty by now. She has been spiteful – a reaction Rafa has never seen on her before – and now she feels sorry for it. He doesn't blame her. He has gone through the very same thing back in the day when he had first become aware of Maribel's unhealthy coping mechanism. These days he simply endures... Hopefully Mirka will never reach that point with his sister. Right now she is very much concerned and willing to make up for her insensitive behavior.  
   
“Can I see her?”  
   
“Sure, why not.”

*#*

Mirka has asked Rafa into the room, has given him and her boyfriend another chance to spend some more time together and she hasn't even minded. Her sole focus right now is on Maribel and doing something for her that will make her feel better. She has rummaged through the contents of her bags until she has found what she has been looking for and Rafa has freely volunteered the second key card to Mari's room to her. Now she is there and the room is utterly quiet. Maybe Mari is asleep. Maybe this has been a bad idea...

“Stop lurking and go away, Rafa!”

Mirka winces when she hears the rough edge to Maribel's voice, the illness clearly shining through. Obviously the younger woman believes her to be Rafa and she doesn't seem to appreciate him as a visitor. Hopefully she will feel different about Mirka. The older woman approaches the bedroom, opens the door just a little bit, takes a first reluctant step into the room – smelling distinctly of fever and sickness – and gives Maribel a sympathetic smile when she catches sight of her.  
   
“Mari, it's me. Your brother gave me your key card. He also told me you were sick... How are you feeling?”  
   
“Miserable.”

Maribel's voice sounds thick and nasal as she replies and Mirka nods. It's plain as day that Maribel is anything but okay, with her pale sweaty face and her red rubbed nose... Mirka steps further into the room, steps around the bed, sits down on the edge of the mattress and place the supplies she has brought with her on the nightstand. Maribel has been watching her every move with a tired curiosity and Mirka smiles at her again now.  
   
“I brought tea and honey and a hot bottle.”  
   
“Why would you have that?”  
   
“I travel a lot - as well as you - and I tend to get colds quite often. I always travel prepared. But right now you need this more than me.”

It feels a lot like taking care of a child when Mirka helps Maribel with a couple of sips of tea, hands her the hot bottle to help with her aching muscles and simply watches over her. To some extent it's nice. It's intimate and it feels good to take care of Maribel like this. But on the other hand, being sick like this makes her look so much younger and more vulnerable than she usually is... It makes Mirka feel old... or at least it makes her realize she is so much older than the teenage girl... Instinct tells her to let Mari be, the younger woman however has other plans. As Mirka gets ready to leave, Maribel's clammy hand snakes up from underneath the blankets and her fingers close around Mirka's wrist. There is a pleading quality to her voice now and an almost scared look in her eyes – one that Mirka would never say no to.  
   
“Stay with me? Please?”


	16. Bad places, bad memories, bad reactions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa hates Paris.  
> He has a bad reaction to being there - both mentally and physically.

*Paris – May 2008*  
   
Mirka actually manages to get all the way to the semifinal at the tournament in Rome and that entire time Maribel is in her hotel room, in her bed, nursing her pulmonary infection and getting better little by little. Mirka spends a lot of time at her bedside whenever she can, and in turn her boyfriend and Mari's brother do very much the same, though what they are up to in these days is definitely entirely different than what Mari and Mirka do... Still Mirka doesn't mind. She actually enjoys taking care of the younger woman and she is sure Rafa and Roger... enjoy one another just as well. 

By the time the French Open come around and it's time for all of them to travel – Mirka for tennis, Mari for her first concert since the illness – Maribel is feeling pretty much healthy and back to her old self again. She is however a little apprehensive and nervous but even asking her directly about it, doesn't get Mirka an honest answer. All Maribel tells her, is that Paris has a special meaning. Somehow the older woman doubts, Mari means it has a special meaning for her...

She is right – even though she can only assume and doesn't know. Maribel's reluctance stems from the simple fact that whenever they have been anywhere near Paris in the last three years, Mari has tried her utmost to reign in her own emotions and is exceptionally nice to her brother. Because Rafa is different when they come to this city and not in a good way. Paris always brings out a side of Rafa that even Maribel gets scared of sometimes. 

This time is no exception. Mainly her brother closes himself off from the rest of the world and any attempt to coax him into doing something remotely social always ends in a fight. Paris is also the only place in the world they have traveled to, Mari can remember to ever have had a fight with her brother that he had initiated. Usually it is her who starts them and her brother who ends them. In Paris however it is different – here even the littlest things manage to set her brother off... and Mari tries to avoid those. 

Her initial idea has been to skip Paris on her schedule all together. But Mirka is here and this is a Grand Slam tournament. Not having shows in Paris would have meant to not see the other woman for almost three weeks. It has been a thought Mari simply hadn't been able to bear. Her plan is to give her brother space and hope for Roger to pick up the slack. But it's hard to let her habits die and agreeing to things Mirka suggests to her to get a chance to spend time with the woman is one of the things Maribel simply can't pass up on. Unfortunately Mirka's suggestion involves tennis and as much as Mari plans to not get on her brother's bad side, she does not want to do tennis related stuff on her own. So when the opportunity arises, she agrees to Mirka's suggestion without a second thought... And now she has to tell her brother what she has done. 

Just as on the other three days they have been here, Maribel finds Rafa at his room. She is pretty sure he hasn't left the room even once since they have arrived here. There is a whole beautiful city out there but her brother refuses to even look at it. This whole city – despite all its history, its culture and its beauty – is tainted for him because this is the site of the last big tournament Rafa has played before the doctors had told him he had to give up on the sport. He hates the reminder... and he hates being here. Unfortunately Mari has only managed to make matters worse. So when she goes to her brother's room and finds him with that sour expression that seems to be permanently edged on his face ever since their arrival here, she bursts out with the news right away, hoping to get it over with. 

“I might have done something stupid...”

“What is it this time?”

Rafa sounds disinterested... and very much condescending when he implies that it's not the first but the utmost time Maribel has done something wrong. Usually she would snap and tell him off in no uncertain terms. But not today – not in this city with her brother in that kind of mood. Instead she swallows her anger and tries to concentrate on the news she needs to tell her brother about, even though she really doesn't want to. This conversation will get ugly fast enough already without her adding fuel to the fire. She hasn't even meant what she has done – what she has agreed to without thinking it through to the end – as a bad thing. She wishes her brother could see that... but she holds out little hope. 

“The tournament organizers offered those of the players interested a private tour of the grounds, the stadiums and the facilities – mainly for them to bring family along and have them see what their every day life at a Grand Slam tournament is like. Mimi asked me if I wanted to come along for that. And she extended that invitation to you as well.”

“And?!”

“And I said yes...”

Maribel feels both insecure and subdued - two things that don't happen to her too often, especially not around her brother. But then again her brother is usually the level-headed, calm and collected one when they interact with one another. Maribel isn't used to the role reversal. But she has to deal with it and find a way to make the best out of it because her brother's look has already darkened, his facial features have hardened and even though he doesn't yell there is a tremble to his cold voice that clearly shows his anger and displeasure at Maribel's actions.  
   
“What?! Why?! Why did you agree to this?!”

“I just told you - because Mimi invited us. She said it's a special occasion. She was sure you would like the chance to see the stadium again.... What exactly was I supposed to do? Cancel on her invitation?”  
   
“You could have gone on your own! Why did you agree on my behalf?!”

She wants him to understand that she has done this because she loves him and wants something good and fun for him. Of course she should have known better. Roland Garros is like a red flag for her brother, a thorn permanently lodged in his side, because the sweetness of the victory is forever combined with the bitterness of losing every chance of ever competing here again, of defending this title that has made her brother so happy three years back. Even knowing that Maribel has never understood Rafa's foul mood and dislike of the city. Paris has been his best result in tennis ever... it should be a great memory for him to return to, a place to visit and reminisce and simply be happy with past accomplishments. But it is not.  
   
“It's the French Open. It's the one thing you keep telling everyone about. Your biggest triumph in the sport before you had to give it up... I thought you'd enjoy it.”  
   
“I never wanted to go back there...”  
   
“Why not? I would always go back to Madison Square Garden. It was my best show, my greatest triumph. This is yours. Why not revel in that?”

He looks at her like she has just grown a second head or has told him she plans on running down Champs Elysee naked. Though he would probably be less surprised about that, than he is with the comparison between his Roland Garros and her Madison Square Garden. It's not even remotely the same and Maribel should know that. Because all she feels about New York is pride and joy and in turn all he feels about Paris is bitterness and yearning for something long gone that he can never have back...  
   
“Because it's also my greatest regret.”  
   
“How is that even possible?”  
   
“You wouldn't understand.”  
   
He is right. She will never understand his reasoning. But it's not like Maribel doesn't have a very good idea what is going on with her brother. He has let her have glimpses at his true feelings here and there and she has known him all her life. She knows all too well how things work with him, how he tends to overthink and dwell on things and makes himself miserable in the process. But it's not about assuming. She wants him to tell her, she wants him to trust her. Maribel smiles at Rafa, hoping to coax him into this revelation they both know they need. It would be... cathartic to their sibling relationship. But it doesn't happen.

“Not if you don't explain it to me.”

“I can't.”

Maribel tries to hide back the huff that threatens to spill out of her. She is very sure it is not that her brother cannot tell her. He simply doesn't want to. And that disappoints her. Above all it angers her.  
But Rafa doesn't care, doesn't want her to be a part of his inner workings. Maribel decides to give him a choice – though not a very nice one. He can either be honest with her or he can come along. She hopes the thought of the tournament site is enough of an incentive for him to finally talk to her in all honesty and openness. But Rafa doesn't bite. He would rather do something he absolutely hates and despises than to tell her the truth... and that is painful enough to realize and accept all by itself. 

“I know you hate me for this but I don't care. Either be honest with me and find a way to make me understand or come along. It's your choice.”

“I'll come along.”  
   
*#*  
   
Maribel hasn't seen her brother since their conversation and she is all the happier for it. He hasn't exactly thrown her out but he has told her he wants to be alone and has proceeded to ignore her after that. Maribel has abided by his wishes. It's no use anyway, trying to force her brother into anything. It's nothing short of a miracle that her choice has made him agree to coming along to the tournament grounds. But somehow Mari is pretty sure the last word about that is not yet spoken and in the end her brother will find some way to do what he has been doing the entire time they have been here in Paris – stay in his room. 

When Maribel comes to pick her brother up the next morning after breakfast – as they are supposed to meet the Swiss couple in the lobby by 10 and be at Roland Garros 45 minutes later – he doesn't open the door on her when she knocks. It's both childish and useless and Maribel curses under her breath. She knows her brother is there, he knows she knows he is there and she does have the second key card to his room anyway, just like he has the one to hers. Knocking is a courtesy and if he tries to play games with her, Mari has no problem with throwing courtesy out the window. 

She knocks once more – louder, longer and more determined this time – but a reaction simply doesn't come. She knows already entering her brother's room with that fire she feels in her belly is not a good idea but Maribel really doesn't care. She is not the one acting idiotic, making a mistake and being both rude and childish here. And she will not be treated like this – no matter how much her brother hates the idea of accompanying her. When she enters the main room, there is no sign of her brother anywhere. Maribel hides back a curse – it's almost like playing goddamn hide and seek with him and she really isn't in the mood. 

“Rafael! Where the fuck are you?! We will be late!”

A sound between a moan, a curse and a groan emanates from the bedroom and Maribel's eyes widen. She cannot believe her brother will pull the 'I overslept' card on her. That is usually her trick. But then again everything's topsy turvy here in Paris... Maribel hurries through the main room and pushes the door to the bedroom open with more force than necessary. The curtains are still drawn, leaving the room in semi darkness and her brother is in bed, on his back, not even moving so much as an inch as Maribel berates him again now. 

“Rafa? What are you doing? This is not going to work! I know you despise me for the arbitrary act of my decision but you told me you would come with me. You can't back out of it now.”

“Go away, Mari.”

Her brother's voice is rough and strained when he replies and there isn't even a hint of venom or the usual coldness to it Mari has gotten so used to ever since they have arrived in the French capital. A hard, cold knot forms in her stomach. Rafa doesn't sound like he is faking that he overslept. He sounds tired and weak. He sounds... in pain. Alarm bells start going off in Mari's head. She knows this situation – knows her brother's posture in bed like this, knows the tightness to his voice speaking of pain and all her righteous anger bleeds right out of her. Usually it is bad when it is like this... She confirms, even though she already knows she is right.  
   
“What's wrong?!”  
   
“Can't breathe... Hurts.”

“I'll get a doctor.”  
   
*#*  
   
Mirka has been walking the length of the lounge area of the lobby for about five minutes now, checking her watch every 15 to 20 seconds and Roger has it on the tip of his tongue for quite a while now for her to stop and simply call Maribel. The siblings are late, fifteen minutes late by now, and the both of them do not appreciate their tardiness. They have been invited and they are all on a schedule they have to keep to. Being late is quite frankly rude. Roger has sent a text to Rafa a couple of minutes ago as well, but so far there has been no reply. 

Both his thoughts and Mirka's wandering are interrupted when the elevator doors ding open and Maribel finally arrives. She is alone though. At least she has the decency to be in a hurry as she jogs across the lobby and gives Mirka a breathless smile – while ignoring Roger completely – before she apologizes. She doesn't explain her tardiness though and she neither tells them why her brother isn't here yet. Mirka seems to be simply happy Maribel is finally there. Roger however decides he is not willing to let her get away with it that easily – neither with the ignoring part, nor with the fact that her brother is nowhere to be seen. 

“I'm sorry I'm late.”

“That's okay...”

“Where is your brother?”

Maribel turns to face him – begrudgingly and looking very much annoyed by Roger intruding on the conversation between the two women. He doesn't care about Maribel's delicate feelings though. He doesn't like the girl much anyway. Who he does care about is Rafa and he won't simply accept the fact that the younger man seems to have changed his mind about going to Roland Garros. Maribel sighs – dramatically and way too loud – but she does give Roger the explanation he has asked for. 

“He won't come. He's not... feeling well.”

“What's wrong with him?”  
   
“He has this recurring back problem and when it happens it's pretty... crippling. It's like the muscles in his back simply... lock and the pain that causes radiates to the front. The doctor once explained it to me. He said it feels a lot like a heart attack. The chest tightens, breathing gets exceptionally hard and it hurts like a bitch...”  
   
Maribel tries to sound matter-of-factly but she doesn't manage and Roger sure as hell understands why. From everything the younger woman has just told him, Rafa is having a really, really bad day... It's not like he has never dealt with back pain before – or Mirka for that matter – but this sounds like a whole different ball game... and it sounds completely awful. He can't help the worry and fear for the younger man seeping into his voice along with the sympathy he feels for the agony Rafa is going through. He is sure Maribel has not been exaggerating. 

“Will he be okay?”  
   
“Eventually, but he needed help... I called a doctor, he gave him a shot of muscle relaxers and pain pills. He's sleeping now. We'll have the doctor and a massage therapist to come in tonight – for another shot and to try and loosen the muscles a little. Hopefully he'll be fine in a day or two...”  
   
“How did this happen?”  
   
Maribel takes a while to answer and it's not because she doesn't want to talk to him or because of the animosity between them. The girl is embarrassed... and from her tone of voice it is easy to tell she feels very much guilty. She even tells them as much, tells them she is the reason why Rafa isn't feeling well. But she doesn't elaborate and judging from the look on her face, asking her about it would not be a good idea...

“It's probably all this traveling, the moving from place to place, foreign bed to bed, long hours on the plane... It puts a lot of strain on the back muscles. It's my fault really...”

Maribel is lost in her own thoughts for a longer moment after admitting to her fault. It truly is her fault – not only because the constant traveling has now triggered this physical reaction. The fact that Rafa deals with this in the first place in an irregular pattern, is because two years back she completely lost it on him and had proceeded to try and push him off the damn balcony of her hotel suite for him trying to intervene on her behalf and stop her from drinking some more... Thanks to a guardian angel – and a lack of both strength and coordination on Maribel's end – her brother had not fallen, but he had hurt himself and that injury had long term effects – like the one her brother was dealing with right now. Maribel consciously pushes the thought aside. Her brother has been taken care of and in a little while he will be well again. No need to dwell on things Maribel can change nothing about anyway... She tries to refocus the conversation but that doesn't make it much better – which is mainly Roger's fault, who simply doesn't want to shut up about her brother... 

“There is a silver lining. Now he doesn't have to come with me to the tournament site.”

“Why would you say that?!”

“I didn't. He did. He didn't want to go in the first place...”

The couple shares a quick glance and even though he can see the softest of disappointment shine in Mirka's eyes, he also knows his girlfriend is okay with him staying here and taking care of the Spaniard. It seems nobody else will... Maribel is completely unaware of the bit of silent conversation going on between him and Mirka, which is probably why she reacts almost exasperated when Roger asks for a chance to be with her brother. She frowns back at him and it seems the current situation is not clue enough as to Roger's reasoning to be with the younger man.  
   
“Can I see him?”  
   
“Why?”  
   
“To... to make sure he is alright.”  
   
“I just told you he's alright.”  
   
“I just want to see it with my own eyes.”  
   
“Do you think I'm lying to you?!”

“Maribel, please...”

For some reason his pleading does, what all the other logical arguments and pieces of explanation couldn't achieve. Maribel nods her head yes – though she looks anything but pleased doing it – and rummages through the handbag she carries until she produces the key card that will give Roger access to Rafa's room. She hands it to him with a lot more force than necessary, giving him a warning glance. Her tone of voice however doesn't match the look in her eyes. There is concern and sympathy for her brother there, though it is only just a hint.  
   
“Alright fine, but be quiet. Don't wake him up.”


	17. Great regrets and broken bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger takes care of Rafa.  
> Mari falls prey to her own shortcomings.  
> Rafa protects his sister, Roger protects his girlfriend.  
> A mess is left in the wake of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a happy chapter this one.  
> Here's the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sk2Ucb1nRHs) that goes with it.

While the girls ultimately decide to take the little tour of the tournament grounds on their own, Roger makes his way back up to the floor where Rafa's hotel room is located. Maribel has told him the younger man is sleeping and Roger has no intention of waking him. He simply wants to check on him, maybe sit with him for a little while and make sure the medication he has received is actually taking care of the problem and that Rafa is not in any pain whatsoever. 

Roger is careful when he enters the room, every last one of his movements measured and slow. The room is eerily quiet and he barely even dares to take a deep breath, not wanting to disturb the silence. He walks over to the bedroom door – that has been left ajar – and steps into the room. He can hear Rafa before he sees him. In the semi darkness of the room his eyes need a moment to adjust to. He can hear the younger man's deep even breathing and then he actually sees him – on his back, eyes closed and features lax. Roger steps up to the bed and instead of settling on the edge of the mattress, causing it to dip, he kneels down next to the bed.

It is cheesy to say and even think but Roger is pretty sure he could stay here forever and simply watch the younger man in his – albeit drug induced – sleep. Rafa looks more relaxed than Roger has ever seen him in his waking hours... and a lot younger. It's endearing despite the circumstances. Rafa shifts marginally in his sleep and a strand of hair falls into his face. Roger can't help it. He reacts on instinct, reaching out a hand to push it away and that manages to wake the younger man, though it is the last thing Roger wanted. He immediately feels guilty for his action, but he doesn't let it show. Instead he plasters a smile on his face and keeps his voice both low and soothing, hoping it will lull the Spaniard back to sleep. Rafa blinks a couple of times before his eyes actually focuses on Roger and a tired but confused smile appears on his face.

“Hola, Rogi...”   
   
“Hey, I'm sorry for barging in on you like this... Your sister gave me the key, so I could check on you. Just go back to sleep. You look like you need it...”

“I feel a little better.”

Maybe Rafa does indeed feel better, now that the meds have worked their magic, but he certainly doesn't sound like he is better. He doesn't show any indication of wanting to move, trying to shift his position and getting on eye level with Roger. But the Swiss certainly doesn't blame him for it. He can hardly even imagine the crippling sensation of the kind of pain the muscle lock has caused... and he certainly never wants to experience it. Roger picks himself up from his kneeling position next to the bed and sits down on the mattress now, reaching out a hand to place on Rafa's lower arm and squeeze gently. 

“Still. I'm sure a little more rest will be good for you.”

“I don't need rest. What I need is a new damn back. But I won't get that. Still there is something good to this whole mess. At least I got my will and could stay right here.”

Rafa probably tries to joke but the sarcasm puts a sharpness to his tone that kills the joke immediately. In the end, maybe it has never been meant as a joke in the first place. After all it's the very same thing Maribel has already told him and Mirka. Rafa has not wanted to go and despite this mess and the medical emergency, the Spaniard is actually glad it has gotten him out of going to the tournament site... Roger tries his hardest to tread carefully. The last thing he wants is to engage in a fight with his still ailing lover. 

“Mari suggested something along the lines of you actually being happy this happened because you didn't want to be a part of that visit to the French Open tournament grounds...”

“She's not wrong.”

“I don't understand...”

It's true. Roger has no idea what to make of Rafa's unwillingness to see the site of his biggest and most important tournament win again. The younger man has told him about his Grand Slam title at their very first meeting, he has been proud telling Roger about it and it has been only later – when they had gotten to know each other better – that Rafa had admitted to him having that miniature trophy as a reminder was something that managed to make him cry. Still Roger can't understand. In all the loss Rafa has gone through, the victory is still there. Would he himself have something like that, he would gladly return to it time and again. Rafa however has a very simple explanation for his reluctance – one he can't tell Roger about while looking at him - and a heartbreaking one at that. 

“I hate what has become of me.”

“I... What?”

“You wanted me to be honest, remember? Back in Rome? You asked me to be open and to trust you. That's what I'm doing.”

“And you're berating yourself in the process?”

“I'm just telling the truth.”

Rafa is looking at him now and Roger has expected anger or sadness to show on the younger man's face. Actually he has expected a whole range of emotion to play on the Spaniard's face. The void he stares into instead is even harder to take. Rafa believes in what he says, believes that feeling hateful towards the person he is, is the right thing to do. He feels it is justified. Roger is aware how hard it will be to fight against years and years of self-loathing and desperation but he tries anyway. 

“You are a beautiful soul and a wonderful person. Tennis hasn't made you into that. You're like that all on your own.”

“Says the guy who hasn't even known me when tennis was still a part of my life. How could you tell the difference?”

“I just do.”

It's a lame reply, a lame explanation of Roger's conviction and Rafa definitely doesn't buy it. He is smiling but there is no fondness to his reaction, not even a shred of believe. He smiles because it is expected of him, not because he believes Roger or feels flattered and reassured by what the older man has to say. Actually Rafa brushes past it without a second thought. But he is honest with the Swiss, brutally, painfully so. And even though Roger has asked it of him, this is something he really does not need to hear... or wants to for that matter. But he is forced through it anyway. Rafa shows no mercy, neither with himself nor with Roger. 

“Anyway... you wanted honesty. Here it is. I don't ever want to set foot into that stadium again because I regret what my life is these days. I regret the loss, I regret having to give up on the one thing that made me special. I hate this life I live. I deal, I find joy when I can... But I hate it. I hate myself for failing, for being... broken like this. Most of the time I can tolerate it. But this place... it reminds me. And it simply hurts too much.”

Roger has no idea what to say, no idea how to react to this. He is rarely ever at a loss for words – years of dealing with and managing Mirka through her anxiety attacks and occasional tantrums has taught him that – but this is a different caliber of emotional trauma... and he has no words to make it better, not even marginally. Essentially his lover has just told him that all that is left of him ever since tennis is no longer a part of his life – and he has neither had a say in that nor a chance to decide – is an empty shell. If Rafa picks up on Roger's discomfort, it never shows. He is more alert now... and just as dismissive about both of their feelings. Roger questions whether it was a good idea to show up here... 

“Now you know.”

“Yes... Now I know.”  
   
*#*

Somebody offers them a glass of champagne at the tournament grounds – sort of like a welcoming gesture before the little tour starts – and that's the beginning of the end for Maribel. She snatches Mirka's glass after less than three minutes of drinking up her own and then asks for a refill. For the rest of the 40 minute tour she is left jonesing for more and on their way back to the hotel she asks their driver to stop at a store. She buys sweet French wine and takes three bottles of it back to her room without saying so much as a proper goodbye to Mirka. She needs this – now, right now...

It's all too much. Being back at Roland Garros, feeling like that 14 years old kid again, who had been dragged along to watch her brother playing the final. Her brother in agony because of the long term effects of an injury she – and she alone – had caused him. The way Roger had forced her to tell him her brother was unwell, the way Mirka had looked at her the whole way to the tournament site with that pitiful look on her face and the very fact that Maribel feels just as much like an inadequate failure as her brother does. She has done a lot in her young live... and most if it she has done wrong. 

It's the first time in months she finishes a whole bottle and then the second one. She feels a little sick – and very much uncoordinated and just a bit light-headed by the time she is through the first third of the last bottle she has bought. She makes a decision then – one that is both alcohol infused and driven solely by emotion. She needs to see Mirka. Mirka will make it all better... Everything else Maribel does is running on instinct. She leaves her room – almost forgetting her stupid key card in the process – and when she stumbles into the elevator she needs a moment to remember whether she needs to go up or down. She remembers the very last second before the doors close, pushes the button and leans against the wall of the elevator while the cabin descends. 

When she reaches the floor the room is on Mirka and Roger share, Mari is yet again faced with a new problem. She has no idea whether to go left or right. The numbers on the little bronze plaques, showing which rooms are in which direction, seem to be dancing in front of her eyes and it takes Maribel a moment to realize she is still inside the elevator and the doors are about to close on her. She reacts before that happens but it still takes her almost five minutes to both decipher the plaques and remember the right room number. But then Maribel gets on her way... and knocks on the right door quite forcefully. Still it takes a second knock and more than a full minute before the door is answered and when it finally happens and Mirka opens the door on her, the older woman is in her pajamas. 

“Mari?! It's the middle of the night...”

“Sorry?”  
   
Maribel grins and somewhere - deep inside the very back of her mind that isn't entirely drowsy from the alcohol and still thinking somewhat logical – she knows she is out of line being here like this at this hour and not even her smirk and her happy smile can change that. Mirka definitely doesn't appreciate her show of carefree joy. The older woman is very much irritated by the fact that Mari shows up here unannounced. Mirka frowns at her and when she inquires after Mari's reasons the younger woman has a hard time giving a clearly accentuated answer. Of course Mirka picks up on it right away... and draws the obvious conclusion.

“What is wrong with you?”  
   
“Nothing. Just wanted to see you...”  
   
“You're drunk!”

“A little tipsy. Maybe.”

Mari goes for a disarming smile but Mirka's demeanor and facial expression does not change. She still looks irritated – disgusted even – and Maribel quickly realizes that coming here, especially at this hour, has been a bad idea. Mirka will not be the soothing balm Mari has hoped she will be. She will be neither her support nor her salvation. In the end, all Mirka does, is make Maribel feel even worse about herself than she already does.   
   
“Shouldn't you be with your sick brother?! Instead of drinking yourself into oblivion?!”  
   
“The doctor took care of him. There's nothing I can do for him anyway!”  
   
“You could be there for him! Have you never been sick before?! Do you like being all alone when you're sick?!”

It is the first time Mirka actually berates her and is this openly mean and condescending towards her. Because Mirka knows Mari has been sick less than a week ago and of course she has appreciated the presence of somebody there to help her through and care for her. But this is different. She can't bring her brother tea and tissues. She can't make him better by sitting next to him. Only the medication, massage therapy and a proper amount of rest can do that. The words don't come to her though, her fuzzy brain can't string them together. Instead she grins and shrugs and keeps her explanation short.   
   
“He's a big boy, he can handle it.”  
   
“He truly means nothing to you...”

Mirka whispers the words but they cut deep none the less. The other woman has no idea what she is talking about, cannot have any idea because even after all these months she barely knows anything about Rafa and about the unique relationship Maribel shares with her brother. White hot anger bubbles up inside of the teenage girl. Mirka has no right to judge, no right to label them like this. And she most definitely has no right to tell Maribel what to do and how to feel about her own family. The girl's facial features darken, her voice cold and cutting now, and the warm fuzzy feeling she has felt upon the idea of coming here goes up in flames and all that is left is a fire that burns away any restraint still left.   
   
“Hey! You don't get to talk about him, okay?! You know nothing about us! So shut your mouth!”  
   
“Okay. Let's talk about you then. You are so talented... And yet you throw it all away... for your addiction?! How could you do that to yourself?! How dare you?! How dare you throw away the beautiful gifts you were born with?!”

Mirka is surprisingly calm in the wake of Maribel's viciousness, something the younger woman has not expected to happen. And she is very vehement in her plea for the younger woman to accept her responsibility and not dim her shine – which is exactly what she does with her drinking. Maribel has no idea how to reply to that. Nobody has ever told her she is throwing her gifts away by drinking. Nobody has ever talked to her that way, except for her brother maybe, and Maribel definitely doesn't like it. She glares at the older woman and this time her voice rises in pitch and volume, most of her alcohol induced fuzziness and joy evaporated by now. 

“I can do whatever the hell I want with my talents. They're mine after all!”

“You go do that then. Be a child, be irresponsible, ruin your life. But don't drag me into this. I want no part in it. Leave. Now.”

Mirka's mind is made up and she doesn't even give Maribel the chance to reply or protest. The younger woman has gone pale all of a sudden at the realization that Mirka is sending her away and that maybe – just maybe – it is not just for this one evening. Because there is little chance Mari will change her ways... She doesn't get to tell Mirka what she thinks, doesn't get to tell her to wait, to stop, to let her explain and promise her she will be better. The older woman doesn't want to hear any of it. Mirka closes the door right in Mari's face.  
   
*#*

Getting up after a whole day and night in bed and with the last remnants of the potent painkillers and muscle relaxers still in his system always feels to Rafa like walking on the deck of a small boat in stormy seas. He has to be careful, he has to learn to trust his own body again and he needs a couple of minutes to feel out his back before he actually feels up to a shower and getting dressed. Both the medication and the massage he has had yesterday have definitely helped. His back feels mostly sore by now, but he can breathe again and that is something he is grateful for. It's a little ironic probably but he knows he can be grateful – because he knows what it feels like when the sensation of having an elephant sitting on his chest crushing it hits him...

Roger has left after Rafa's revelation of how he feels and why he is glad he does not have to go to the tournament grounds of Roland Garros now. The Swiss had been... uncomfortable and Rafa had been too tired and too doped up on the damn meds to play the gracious host and make Roger feel better. He had fallen asleep again shortly after the Swiss had left and it seems he has slept through the rest of the day and the entire night. Time to start a new day.

His first – obvious – stop is his sister's hotel room to let her know he is feeling better and to thank her for her intervention and getting a doctor for him on short notice. He decides to ask about Roland Garros, even though he really doesn't want to know – because he is sure Mari will appreciate it. All those thoughts fly out the window the second he enters the girl's room, after knocking in vain for a while, and he can hear his sister cry. Alarm bells immediately go off in his head and a hard knot form's in the pit of his stomach. Something is wrong...

Rafa finds Mari lying in bed, curled up in a fetal position, not even reacting when he enters. Rafa walks up to her, reaches out a hand and gently squeezes her shoulder and Mari's wailing intensifies. Tears are running down her reddened face freely. Mari is crying bitterly and in between sobs all Rafa can make out from her incoherent babble are the words 'Mirka' and 'fight' and that is all he needs to know, all it takes to make his heart feel cold and his blood red hot. 

He has warned the older woman, has warned her clearly and he has meant every last syllable when he has told her there will be hell to pay if she ever hurts his sister. But Mirka hasn't listened... or she hasn't cared, has mistakenly believed he hasn't meant things as harshly as he has said them. She is in for a surprise if that is indeed the case. He and Maribel might have their differences but she is his sister and he loves her. He wouldn't do everything for her, but he certainly will do a lot to make sure she is well and protected. Right now that means telling Mari's new girlfriend that she cannot treat his sister like this.

To Rafa's surprise Mirka is in her room and she is alone when he comes to see her. It's a Monday today and he has no idea where in the draw for the tournament Mirka has ended up. He hasn't checked because he wants nothing to do with the whole thing. Apparently Mirka is not scheduled to play today, which is why she is at the hotel. He briefly wonders where Roger has disappeared to, but drops the thought. It's better this way. At least this way he can talk to Mirka one on one without anyone else interfering. 

The older woman seems surprised but happy to see him, when she opens the door on him. She knows about his ailment, Rafa is sure of that and obviously she has worried for him. It's nice of her but he wishes she would have extended the same courtesy to his sister instead. He pushes past the older woman without asking her to invite him in but Mirka lets it happen – confusion on her face – and follows him back inside, closing the door behind them.   
   
“Rafa... I...”

“What the fuck did you do?!”  
   
He doesn't give the Swiss the chance to tell him whatever it is she feels the need to tell him. Probably something polite along the lines of her being happy to see that he is feeling better today. He doesn't care for her mindless pleasantries. Restraint is hard to keep up and Rafa doesn't even try. Of course Mirka reacts defensively almost immediately and seconds later they are right in the middle of a heated argument. 

“Excuse me?!”

“To Mari! What the hell did you do to her?!”

“Nothing! I only tried to talk some sense into her!”  
   
“I told you there would be hell to pay if you ever hurt her!”  
   
Mirka's eyes widen at the rather blatant threat but unlike the last time – when she had been timid and almost fearful – Mirka reacts with offense rather than defense. Admittedly Rafa hasn't even bothered to ask Mari for any details and Mirka obviously feels she has done nothing wrong. She tells him as much and even has the audacity of telling him she has hurt his sister for him... She intrudes on a family matter Mirka has no business intruding on and Rafa doesn't appreciate her actions one bit. 

“I tried to help! I tried to help you! The way she talked about you...”  
   
“The way she talks about me is none of your fucking business. It's your business to make her happy and instead you hurt her. I told you! I told you never to hurt her!”  
   
Rafa takes a step closer to Mirka to emphasize his point and every last spark of defiance bleeds out of her. She looks afraid now or at least very much intimidated, which is exactly what the Spaniard has been going for. He wants to make his point abundantly clear. But he doesn't get another chance to do so. Mirka's expression suddenly changes from intimidated to relieved and Rafa becomes aware of the reason as – behind him – the door to the room falls closed with a bang. He hasn't even fully turned when Roger is there, right in his face, inches away from him, berating him with that much anger to his voice, it actually trembles. Just like Rafa does for Mari, Roger wants to protect Mirka as well...   
   
“Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?!”  
   
“Showing your girlfriend that there are lines she cannot cross!”  
   
“You are one to talk! What the hell do you think you are doing right now?!”

Roger has a valid point, there is no denying that and not even Rafa's anger blinds him enough to look past that fact. They could resolve the situation right now if only one of them was willing to move so much as an inch from their point of view, see some value and validity in the other person's opinion and show a hint of empathy. But it doesn't happen. Rafa is angry and protective, Roger feels just the same and they clash – harshly so.   
   
“Protecting my sister!”  
   
“Your sister doesn't need protection! She needs a therapist, rehab and a damn lesson in etiquette and empathy!”  
   
“Don't talk about her like that!”

It has not been his intent and Roger immediately knows he has gone too far the second he sees the flash of pure rage crossing Rafa's face. The younger man looks about ready to actually hit him. He doesn't, restrains himself and reigns in his anger enough to only retaliate verbally, but he sounds so damn furious, it is all too clear there will be no resolving the situation now. Roger hasn't meant to be this blunt and harsh but then again he has said nothing that isn't true. It is probably why Rafa is so angry. The truth always hurts more than any vicious lie ever could... He could apologize, could tell Rafa he hasn't meant it, but it's too late anyway...  
   
“I'll talk about her however I damn well please!”  
   
“Not in my presence.”  
   
“Your presence is neither wanted nor appreciated! Get the hell away from my girlfriend and get out of our room! Out! Now!”

Roger raises his arm rather abruptly and he feels a certain amount of satisfaction as Rafa flinches at the action. He points to the door, arm trembling slightly with the strain, facial expression hard and unforgiving. This is bad and there is no resolve to be had right now. Rafa has gone too far, Roger too – probably – and all they can do for now is to put distance between one another. They need time and space and hopefully that will help for both of them to calm back down and hopefully find enough of a common ground to talk to one another like two sensible adults... Sometime. Later. 

Rafa does not tell Maribel what he has done. He knows she will not like his intervention, will probably yell at him just as Roger has done and that is the last thing they need right now. Roger and Mirka have been a large part of their life these last couple of months. But right now all they have is each other. But that is how it has been for them for years before. They are used to it... and they can go back to the way things were. 

Somehow – Rafa has no idea how – his sister manages to get up in the evening, get ready and go to the concert hall for her show. She is still pale, her eyes are very much red rimmed from too much crying and her performance is like that of a malfunctioning robot close to being send to the scrap yard. She knows what to do and she tries to go through the motions but even that poses a problem for her. Somehow the evening finally comes to a close and the last song is about to start, when Rafa is in for a surprise. 

Maribel doesn't introduce or explain the song, like she usually does when she sings something new and these are lyrics Rafa has never heard before. He assumes – somewhere in between all that crying – the emotional agony has caused inspiration to hit as well. He watches his sister closely, watches her sing with her eyes closed, anguish written all over her face and her voice so raw and powerful, it's almost unbearable to listen to. It's a sad, sad song... But it's beautiful none the less.  
   
 _I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe  
I gave away my money and now we don't even speak  
I drove miles and miles, but would you do the same for me?  
Oh, honestly?_

_Offered off my shoulder just for you to cry upon  
Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm  
They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song  
It goes on and on_

_Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels  
I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills  
And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf  
No farewell_

_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself  
I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain  
'Cause human beings are destined to radiate or dream  
What line do we stand upon 'cause from here looks the same?  
And only scars remain_

_Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels  
I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills  
And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf  
No farewell_

_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself  
But if don't, then I'll go back  
To where I'm rescuing a stranger  
Just because they needed saving just like that  
Oh, I'm here again_

_Between the devil and the danger  
But I guess it's just my nature  
My dad was wrong  
'Cause I'm not like my mum  
'Cause she'd just smile and I'm complaining in a song  
But it helps_

_So before I save someone else  
I've got to save myself  
Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels  
I drown it with a drink and out-of-date prescription pills  
And all the ones that love me they just left me on the shelf  
No farewell_

_So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself  
And before I blame someone else, I've got to save myself  
And before I love someone else, I've got to love myself_


	18. A step into the right direction is all we need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari tries to drink her sorrows away.  
> Roger and Rafa argue.  
> Mirka wants a chance to make up.  
> All four of them find a way to overcome their problems.  
> An invitation is given.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly happier note on the second chapter today.  
> And another [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo_efYhYU2A&index=2&list=PL6lOs77vzgU8mQEgpd7fcF8vcHhYQPb1z)
> 
> Also this one is (yet) unbetaed... any mistakes are mine and mine alone :P

*London – June 2008*

Maribel actually suggests to change her schedule again so that she doesn't have to be in London at the same time as Mirka – and coincidentally in the same hotel as well, as that is how the two women have planned it. But it's too late for any more changes this close to the next concerts. They do however change hotel reservations. To be precise they exchange the hotel room for a rented house that ends up being in Wimbledon village because from there it's not too far to the concert hall Mari will be playing at and yet they get a quiet neighborhood and a great house at a reasonable price.

It does however present them with the problem that they might run into either Roger or Mirka or both. Rafa doesn't care and Maribel doesn't really leave the house except for rehearsal and shows anyway. She has been very... fixated on him ever since they have both been in a fight respectively with the Swiss couple. Of course Maribel doesn't know about Rafa's altercation with Roger and she will never find out if the Spaniard can help it. She doesn't need to know. 

It's probably not only the fact that Mari feels like she has already lost one important person in her life that makes her cling to her brother like this. Ever since the argument with Roger, Rafa is a lot more lenient when it comes to Mari's drinking. Which of course she has picked up with a vengeance ever since Mirka is out of the picture. But Rafa lets her be. His sister is almost grown up and she can do with her life whatever the hell she wants as long as she is able to function otherwise. Which she does. Deep down inside Rafa knows it is wrong to act like this, maybe even dangerous – both for him and for Maribel. It's a reaction mainly born out of defiance. He wants to prove Roger wrong, even if the Swiss cannot experience it because they don't talk at the moment...

Tonight is no different from all the other nights they have been here at Wimbledon village. As soon as the clock moves past five in the afternoon, Mari finds some sort of alcoholic beverage for herself – unless it's a concert night, then she postpones her drinking until after her shows – and Rafa leaves her to her own devices, very much true to the saying “What I do not know, won't hurt me”, he very much ignores what his sister is doing and rationalizes it as a part of her (almost) adult decision making. 

There is one change from the usual routine tonight though. Maribel goes through the first half of a bottle of something that is either wine or a berry liqueur, Rafa doesn't quite know, when she comes to him, glass in hand and grin on her face. Any smile he has seen on Mari's face this last week since the fight has never reached her eyes and tonight it's just the same. But unlike all the other nights, she doesn't want to spend it cooped up and alone. She wants a chance to have company. A drinking buddy. 

“Let's play a drinking game.”

“You have a show tomorrow and I don't do alcohol.”

“Not until the afternoon though. And nobody said you have to drink anything. It's a game after all. If you're good at it, there will be no drinking for you.”

Mari grins now but even that looks more like a grimace than anything else. Genuine happiness seems something she can only tap into when the alcohol starts blocking her memory and the fight and loss of her dear girlfriend no longer hurts her.. Rafa makes a mistake right there and then. He gives Mari an opening. He gives her an inch and of course his sister decides to take the whole mile... But reigning her in and telling her no is not part of what Rafa does these days. This has been his incentive, Maribel is just using it to her advantage. Who is he to pull back now?

“You can just drink on your own without any pretense.”

“Woah... What's this? Who are you and where did my brother go?! You know what – I don't care. No scolding and bitching and moaning is a good thing in my book. Let's find a bar.”

“Okay.”

*#*

The whole morning of this new day has been a godawful one for Rafa so far. His sister has been overly worried and painstakingly clingy the entire time. Offering to go out for a bit of grocery shopping has actually been just a way to get out of Maribel's sight. He has needed a bit of fresh air... and a chance to get away from Mari and her guilt trip for a little while. He can't blame her though. Last night has not gone as planned... and he has a battle scar to show for it. It has also opened his eyes though. 

Rafa knows it can't go on like this. Maribel needs to find another way to deal with her sadness and he needs to find a way to make her see it. As much as it pains him to admit it, Roger has been right all along. His sister has a drinking problem and they need to deal with this somehow. For now it's up to Rafa to do something about it. He needs to stop being furious and vindictive, he needs to stop being irresponsible when it comes to his sister's well-being and he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself for the loss of Roger in his life. He needs to get a grip... and he needs to heal after last night's... shenanigans out about town with his sister. His wrist still throbs...

He is already on his way back to the house but all this walking and thinking has not exactly brought Rafa any closer to a solution for the problem at hand. He knows he needs to find some way but it is safe to say he is pretty much clueless as to how... His own pain darkens his own mind just as much as the same thing happens to Mari... maybe that is why this is so hard. To add insult to injury, a voice suddenly sounding behind him makes him wince. He knows that voice, knows it all too well and every instinct tells him to ignore and quicken his step. Logic and that nagging feeling of defiance however tell him to stop and turn. He is not wrong in his initial assumption. It's Roger. 

“Rafa... What on earth are you doing here?!”

“Grocery shopping.”

“I didn't mean that!”

They are at it again immediately, like the past nine days have never happened and no time has passed whatsoever. At least time seems to have had no impact on how they feel about one another and how much they still believe that either one of them is right and has wronged the other. They might not be yelling or even arguing yet but it is by no means a friendly conversation. Quite frankly it is one Rafa can't get away from fast enough. But for the moment it seems Roger's curiosity wins over his animosity. He is curious to find out what Rafa is doing here and if that is what it takes to end the conversation and get away from the older man, the Spaniard is willing to comply. 

“I know. You first.”

“What do you think we're doing here? It's Wimbledon after all...”

“I know that. I don't like it, but I know. You had a hotel room though...”

Roger nods at that and actually has the decency to look a little awkward at the fact that – just as Rafa and Mari – he and Mirka have decided not to spend time at the same hotel as the siblings. Unfortunately they have both had the very same idea when it has come to new accommodations. Wouldn't it be so irritating, it would be almost comical that in a city this large and with two completely different agendas, they have still managed to end up in pretty much the same place. Almost like it's fate's design... But Rafa doesn't believe in fate. He believes however that this is quite a bit of nuisance. He shrugs in response, not even trying to keep the irony and venom from his voice. 

“We rented a house close to the All England Club... After her... argument with Mari and your... visit, Mirka decided she didn't want to stay at the same hotel as you.”

“And here I was thinking a big house with a patio and a garden on the outskirts of the city was a good idea...”

Judging from the expression on Roger's face he has a few choice words to tell Rafa in response to his sarcasm. But he never gets to say them. It is only now, as the younger man slightly turns to the side, that Roger detects the stark white bandage covering Rafa's right wrist and the better part of his hand, with only his fingers free of which two are taped and look more than just a little bruised. Roger frowns at the sight and the anger evaporates, being replaced by worry for the younger man. They may have fought, they may not be on best terms right now but that doesn't mean Roger has suddenly stopped caring for the Spaniard. He nods towards Rafa's bandaged hand and asks for an explanation. 

“What's that on your arm?”

“What does it look like to you? It's a bandage.”

“What happened?!”

“Nothing.”

“Doesn't look like nothing.”

Rafa actually growls at Roger's show of insistence. He doesn't want to tell the other man about last night, doesn't want to talk about the bar, the drinking and the fact that Maribel has managed to rope him into coming along. But there is open curiosity and worry in Roger's eyes – almost like before their fight when they sat together in one of their hotel rooms, just talking to one another, trusting one another with their truths and secrets – and Rafa can't bring himself to lie. So he does tell Roger – quickly, effectively and with a voice void of any emotions. It's a simple statement of facts. 

“Mari and I had a run in with somebody... disrespectful. We went to a bar, Maribel had a bit too much to drink, there was a guy, he was drunk even worse, hit on her and didn't understand the word no. When he tried to grab at her, she flew off the rails. I tried to separate them.”

“Your arm is broken?!”

“Actually it's not. It's just the wrist, it's badly sprained. And it wasn't her fault, it was his. He was a big guy... I'll be fine in a week or two. Stuff like that happens – sometimes people are idiots and decide they have a right to intrude in your life...”

“You are not exactly subtle.”

Of course Roger has picked up on Rafa's little dig at him and he doesn't like it. But that's the whole point. Rafa certainly hasn't said it to amuse Roger and he hasn't tried to be subtle or talk about the other man's wrongdoings in a way he wouldn't pick up on. Roger had insulted his sister and he had not been subtle then either. Rafa has never gotten the chance to tell the Swiss what he thinks – the older man had thrown him out before he got the chance. He can tell Roger now though and he doesn't remotely care if the older man wants to hear it or if it hurts his delicate feelings. 

“I wasn't trying to be. You called my sister a drunk mental case with an attitude problem.”

“I did not!”

“No, you used fancier words. It boils down to the same thing though. And then you threw me out.”

“You threatened my girlfriend!”

“You insulted my sister!”

They are standing here in the street yelling at each other and quite frankly Roger would not be surprised to look left and right and see people standing in their windows staring at them. He isn't sure which one of them is worse. They are both making a scene, that much is for sure and this yelling contest is not getting them anywhere close to a solution for either their disagreement or their emotional problems. So Roger decides to simply stop. He shakes his head, both regret and sadness written all over his face as he states the obvious. Rafa on the other hand isn't quite there yet. 

“This is getting us nowhere...”

“I wasn't aware it had to.”

“Rafa...”

Roger tries, he truly does. He wants to extend an olive branch here, wants to give Rafa the chance to have a normal, civilized conversation with him and maybe come to an understanding that will allow them to forget about past misgivings and simply move on. The younger man means too much to him to simply give up on both their friendship and their intimate relationship. He is sure Rafa feels the same. But in this very moment his hope is in vain, because Rafa's stubbornness clearly wins over his wish to make things right between them again. He is not interested in any more talking. All he cares about is to get away... and that he does. 

“Goodbye, Roger. Have a nice day. Tell your girlfriend hi from me.”

*#*

Roger is still reeling from his chance encounter with Rafa when he returns to the rented house he and Mirka share. When he enters, he stops dead in his tracks as he is sure he is hearing Maribel's voice and he actually flinches in discomfort before he realizes it is a live version of one of her concerts and Mirka is most definitely watching it on YouTube. True to the fact the moment Roger calls out to his girlfriend, the singing suddenly stops. Mirka has paused the video. He finds her in the dining room, notebook right in front of her, smiling at him as he enters the room. Her smile falters when she detects the expression on his face though.

“What's wrong?”

“I ran into Rafa...”

“You... How is that even possible? I thought they were at a hotel in downtown London?”

“Apparently we are not the only ones who thought a suburban rental home was a good idea...”

“Maybe it's fate.”

Mirka's reaction catches Roger completely off guard. He has expected her to be curious, to ask how the conversation has gone, to ask why he is in such a foul mood because of the encounter. He does not expect her to act like this has been some act of divine intervention. Which it most definitely has not been. There is a sadness to Mirka's voice that speaks of deep regret and that doesn't make any sense to Roger either. 

“Wha... Why would you say that?”

“I watched parts of Mari's performance that night after I... well you know.”

“So?”

“She sang a new song... And she sounds... devastated.”

Mirka's voice is actually trembling when she tells him about the performance she has just taken a look at on the internet. It's not that Roger doesn't understand or sympathizes with her. He knows Mirka likes Maribel and he knows she feels responsible for the younger woman's misery. After all, that heartbreak poured into a song and a performance, is a direct result of the fight she and Mirka had. But that doesn't mean any of this is Mirka's fault. She has not told Maribel anything untrue. Maybe she has been harsh, maybe she has been irritated but she had a point back in Paris... Roger needs her to understand that – he needs for Mirka to realize she is not responsible for Maribel's actions or feelings. 

“That is neither your fault nor your concern.”

“How can it not be? She is my friend.”

“She's not good for you.”

“But I am good for her. And I like her. I don't want to lose this connection. I don't want to lose her. And you can't honestly tell me you want to lose her brother as your friend... and lover. We have let these people into our lives, they are a part of it now and I for one don't want to give up on that. How about you?”

Mirka is very emotional in her plea for Maribel and the friendship the two women share. She is aware that Roger is not wrong. Maribel is not good for her – not always. But then again there is not a single relationship in this world that is always sunshine and roses. Every couple – no matter if friends or lovers – have their ups and downs. Mirka is willing to accept that and give having Maribel in her life a second chance. She is absolutely sure Roger feels the same about Rafa. For the older man however, the question his girlfriend poses is a difficult one, one that Roger needs to ponder for quite a while. In the end there is only one answer, an answer that makes Mirka smile and nod.

“Me neither...”

“Let's be the level-headed, the strong ones then. Let's make up.”

*#*

It's not even that difficult to find out where Mari is staying even if Roger hasn't been able to tell her. After all he hasn't followed Rafa around after their conversation. But Maribel is an internationally known superstar and that means people take pictures of her in all kind of capacities. One of those pictures – probably a paparazzi shot, judging from the sour expression on the girl's face – has been taken on the front lawn of her rental home and Mirka has immediately recognized it. It is actually the very same house they have stayed at for last year's Wimbledon so Mirka knows exactly where the residence is. 

To her it is just another clue that fate has a part in all that. Mari had her pick of hotels and apartments and houses all over London but she has chosen the one of which Mirka knows where it is... There is definitely a hint of some higher power wanting them to mend what is broken between them. At least that is what she believes. She hasn't told Roger about it, because she is pretty sure he would call her crazy. To him it's simply coincidence. But despite his generally repellent attitude, Roger has offered to accompany her. Mirka has declined. She has told him he needs to deal with this on his own time. If he wants to make things right with Rafa that is his choice and he can do it when and where he wants. She for her part will try to get Maribel and her back on track right here, right now and she doesn't need company or moral support for it. This is something she needs to do on her own. 

When the house comes into sight after a short walk, Mirka feels a deep, burning desire for her anti anxiety meds. It happens sometimes, especially when she is put in a situation she knows will be emotionally draining and exhausting. Which is exactly what she expects from this conversation with Maribel. But the meds will not help her, not this time. Maybe they will calm her thoughts and stop the trembling of her hands, but they will also dull her senses and the one thing she knows she needs for this... confrontation more than anything is passion. 

Her heart is racing, her breath catching and her hands are practically shaking when she rings the door bell. She isn't sure what would be worse – if Rafa opens the door, who has threatened her the last time they have seen one another and to whom she would have to explain what she is doing here before she ever gets the chance to see Mari, or the teenage girl herself, probably hurling all of her viciousness right at her the moment she catches sight of Mirka... She never gets a chance to make up her mind about that particular fact. The door opens, Maribel is there – in sweatpants, a washed out Nike shirt that is definitely not hers and a messy ponytail keeping her hair – and her facial features immediately darken when she realizes who her visitor is. She crosses her arms in front of her chest, her voice cold and unforgiving. 

“What the hell do you want?! You're not welcome here!”

“I came to apologize.”

“What?” 

“I came to...”

“I heard you the first time. Why?”

Maribel sounds still as unforgiving as she did at the very start of this – so far – extremely difficult conversation. Mirka still feels she has a chance, believes to see a hint of appeasement to the younger woman's features. There is definitely a silver lining – Maribel has not yet send her away, has not told her to fuck off, has not shown her disinterest and spite above all else. She has asked for Mirka's reason to be here, she wants to hear what the older woman has to say for herself and Mirka takes that as a good sign. She is happy for the chance and gladly answers Mari's question. 

“Because I was wrong... and I'm sorry... I was out of line. This is your life and I have no right judging you or telling you what to do.”

“It's okay.”

Maribel manages to surprise Mirka. She has expected the younger woman to be more vindictive, to tell her she is right, that she has never had the right to tell her what to do and that she is not so easily willing to forgive. She has expected more of a discussion, more of a fight. The girl's fury is soothed way easier than Mirka has ever expected. There is a barely detectable nervousness to Maribel's voice and expression though and it doesn't take a genius to know what it is about. Mari wants to forgive her, she wants Mirka back in her life... The older woman smiles at the girl.

“I just want you to be good, I want you to be happy.”

“I'm happy when I'm with you.”

“Are you sure that's enough?”

“It's all I need. It gives me comfort, it gives me calm. You have made me better.”

It's only now that Maribel steps back from the door, pulls it open and lets Mirka in. Having this conversation on the porch with anybody and everybody passing by looking and listening in has been anything but comfortable. Mirka is glad for the change of scenery. The house gives her calm because of the familiarity she feels here. It's only been a year since she has been here herself. Mari is smiling back at her as she leads her to the dining room. There is no sign of her brother anywhere but Mirka doesn't dwell on the thought. They settle in the dining room and Mirka picks up the conversation again with a sad smile and a soft shake of her head. 

“You flatter me more than you should.”

“It's how I feel about you. Why shouldn't I tell you?”

“But I am so...”

“Beautiful?”

“Inadequate.”

Maribel's eyes widen at Mirka's assessment of her own character. The girl shakes her head vehemently in response and Mirka can't help but smile. She has expected nothing less of Maribel but to see a way better and more special person in Mirka than she herself ever could. Maribel reaches out a hand across the table, grabs for Mirka's wrist, pulls her arm closer and intertwines their fingers, the smile on the girl's face widening just a little, her tone of voice soft and loving. 

“You are a million things, Mimi. But you are NOT inadequate.”

Mirka has no idea how to react to that. She knows Mari means what she says and she knows she is not the only one who feels that way. Roger sees a special and worthy person in her just the same. But it simply doesn't coincide with her own self-perception. Maribel can obviously tell she appreciates her words but doesn't believe them. The younger woman gets up from her chair opposite of her and Mirka follows the movement. When Maribel comes to a halt in front of her with that loving smile on her face, Mirka half expects the younger woman to kiss her. She doesn't. Instead she pulls her into a hug, her voice soft and soothing. 

“I missed you...”

*#*

Maribel has invited Mirka and Roger, which still surprises the older man, to her show on the free Wimbledon Sunday at the end of the first week. It's two days after the conversation the two women have shared, two days after they have made up and have decided to be a part of each other's lives again. Roger has yet to make the same decision about Rafa and him and the younger man has not tried to make contact with him either. It seems Rafa's earlier assessment about the two couples they are has been wrong. As it turns out Mirka and Maribel are definitely the more mature ones... At least they have an easier time of forgiving one another for their past harsh words and shortcomings. 

Roger debates not accompanying Mirka to the concert but in the end he realizes it is childish and spiteful and cowardly to avoid the contact with either one of the siblings. He decides to believe in the one thing Mirka has relied on so thoroughly these past couple of days and that he has refused to believe in even one bit. He relies on fate. If he meets Rafa at the concert in some capacity, he will talk to the younger man and give them both a chance to renew their friendship and forgive one another. If not... well than that is how things are. 

The show is no different from the other ones Roger has seen but this time he is too preoccupied to enjoy any of it. That is until the final song. Just like two times before, Maribel is dedicating a song to Mirka, leaving no doubt who she means when she tells the crowd she has written this song for her special someone, that they have gone through a rough time and that she is glad and happy to have that important person back in her life. She even looks to the spot where she knows Mirka and Roger have their seats and though she certainly can't see them with the spotlight on her like this, she smiles. 

 

_Tell me somethin', girl  
Are you happy in this modern world?  
Or do you need more?  
Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?  
I'm fallin'  
In all the good times I find myself longin' for change  
And in the bad times, I fear myself_

_Tell me something, babe  
Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?  
Or do you need more?  
Ain't it hard keepin' it so hardcore?  
I'm falling  
In all the good times I find myself longing for change  
And in the bad times, I fear myself_

_I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in  
I'll never meet the ground  
Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us  
We're far from the shallow now  
In the sha-ha-sha-ha-llow  
In the sha-ha-sha-la-la-la-llow  
In the sha-ha-sha-ha-llow  
We're far from the shallow now_

_I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in  
I'll never meet the ground  
Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us  
We're far from the shallow now  
In the sha-ha-sha-ha-llow  
In the sha-ha-sha-la-la-la-llow  
In the sha-ha-sha-ha-llow  
We're far from the shallow now _

While the Swiss couple watches from the audience, Rafa does the same from the side of the stage. As always when Mari performs a song that means so much to her, he is mesmerized. There is a purity to her being, that simply isn't there when she isn't on a stage and singing with all her heart and soul. Rafa has been told it has been much the same with him on a tennis court when he has still been able to play. He has been told he comes across as a completely different person – like there are two sides to him, two entities living in the same body. He has no idea if that actually rings true for him. He knows – however – that it does for Maribel. 

When the song finishes and the lights fade away, Maribel finds him at the side of the stage, her face a little red from the exhaustion of the long evening, her smile wide and happy. He reacts on instinct, affection for her pouring out of him, and pulls her into a quick but tight hug. Her smile widens into a grin. 

“You were great out there.”

“Thanks. Come on. I have a surprise for you.”

*#*

When the lights in the concert hall go back on, Roger expects them to leave. But it doesn't happen. Mirka neither asks for his opinion nor explains to him where they are headed, when instead of leaving the concert hall after the last song has finished, she leads him to the side of the stage. A staff member is there – somebody on security – and Roger expects Mirka to be told off rather efficiently. But it doesn't happen. Instead the young man standing there gives her both a nod and a smile and then he makes an inviting gesture and the two of them are allowed backstage. Roger can't help the sardonic smile appear on his face. It seems fate indeed has a hand in his decision whether or not to give Rafa a second chance. 

The staff member leads the way as they walk through the catacombs of the concert hall and they reach the backstage area, where Maribel has already slipped out of her concert outfit into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. She welcomes the two of them with a smile as the staff member makes their presence known. Mirka gets a hug in greeting, Roger – on the other hand – doesn't receive more than a friendly nod. At least the girl acknowledges his presence. But her focus is quickly limited to Mirka. 

“Did you like your song?”

“I loved it.”

Rafa – who has been very careful to stay back and not intrude on the conversation between the two women – steps closer now, trying for a smile. He is pretty sure he is failing and he is also very much sure that his nervousness shows. But so far neither of them is glaring at him or telling him to leave them alone... He truly can't remember the last time he has felt that uncomfortable in his own skin... It has been a long and difficult decision to be here, one he has taken time and considerable thought with. 

In the end it is mostly Maribel who has gotten him to change his mind. Her and her song. Seeing the lyrics, giving her input on them, helping her with the fine tuning, all of that has brought him to the question if maybe, just maybe he has been out of line both in the way he has talked to Mirka and in the fight he and Roger have had when the older man has tried to protect the woman he loves.   
It's quite simple – he has acted like a madman and it's time for him to apologize. 

“Hola, Rogi... Mirka. Can we... talk?”

Rafa half expects either one of them to say no. Though he is more worried about Roger than he is about Mirka. Mirka is simply too nice to not accept his apology. With Roger Rafa is not so sure. But the two of them share more emotion, more of a relationship. He decides it's easier to start with Mirka. There is more hope for him for a positive outcome, so he faces the older woman first. Mirka looks almost as nervous as Rafa feels. 

“I was an idiot back in Paris. A self absorbed, emotionally overwhelmed and very angry idiot... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... berated you like this. I was worried for Mari and I was angry because you didn't listen to me when I told you not to hurt her.... I know you didn't mean to hurt her and I should have known better than to intrude on something that is none of my business. I'm sorry if I scared you...”

“It's okay.”

Mirka smiles at him – a small, guarded smile – and Rafa isn't sure if they are actually on good terms again. He assumes he will have more chances to make it up to the older woman in the coming weeks and months. After all Mirka's and Maribel's schedule coincide for the rest of the year. Being entirely honest with himself, he doesn't care as much about Mirka's approval and forgiveness. He likes the older woman but he doesn't feel the same kind of affection and... love for her that he feels for her partner. Rafa faces Roger now.

“And you were right to throw me out, Roger. You were right to protect your girlfriend. I was really very angry in that moment. I have no idea what would have happened, hadn't you come. Thank you... for resolving the situation.”

“The last thing you need to do is thank me. I reacted all on instinct, all out of emotion. I never should have said the things I've said... I never should have yelled, never should have thrown you out. We could have resolved it right there and then... if we had listened to one another.”

“Let's settle on – we were both idiots.”

“Yes. We were.”

Roger is softly smiling at the Spaniard and Rafa mirrors the gesture. He has rarely ever felt more relieved than he does in this moment right now. Even the inevitable fight with his sister that he is still in for, now that she knows what he has done, doesn't bother him. He risks a quick side glance and things don't seem as bleak as he has expected. Maribel – who has been listening and who's facial features have darkened quite a bit at Rafa's revelation – detects him looking at her and shrugs her shoulders. It is the closest to her telling him she is okay with his actions Rafa will ever get. A thought seems to occur to his sister right there and then and she smiles. True to her character, she uses the chance that is presenting itself here to her advantage and Mirka reacts exactly in the way Mari expects her to. 

“Come to visit us on your summer break? Please?”

“We will.”


	19. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Mirka start their vacation on Mallorca...  
> and learn a little more about the sibling's every day life in the process.

*Mallorca – July 2008*

Even after the apologies are said and the decision is reached that they will all give one another a second chance at their respective relationships, they are not exactly back to the way things were before. In London – for the remainder of the second week at Wimbledon and for Maribel's concerts – they have only spent time together as a whole group. They have shared dinners at Roger's and Mirka's rental house as well as the siblings rental home and it has been nice... But they have not exactly been intimate or exceptionally open with one another. Things are still a little awkward between them, a little fragile. The emotional aftermath of their fights still lingers.

They mostly spend their dinners together so they can plan the holiday on the sibling's home island that Maribel has proposed. There isn't a lot of planning necessary though. Maribel invites them to stay at her place and all they are supposed to do in turn, is to pack their suitcases and tell either of the siblings when they will be arriving at Palma airport. They part ways for the time being as the Swiss couple goes home first before traveling to Mallorca and Maribel still has two concerts to absolve.

It's four days after the Swiss couple has left London, four days after Mirka's out in Wimbledon and it's a Sunday afternoon. Rafa picks them up at the airport as promised. There is a definitive change to the younger man, Roger realizes it the second he catches sight of the Spaniard. Rafa looks relaxed when he greets both of them with a small hug as they meet in the large arrival hall of the airport. He is smiling - it's the first genuine, happy smile Roger has seen on the younger man's face since before Paris.

“Did you have a good flight?”

“Yes, it was okay.”

It's a bit of small-talk they share but it's definitely a lot less awkward right now than it has been back in London. It might seem like cliché but time actually has the capacity to heal wounds. Not having seen one another for a small while, having had the chance to miss one another, it has helped as well. It's not enough – all four of them know that – but that is why Maribel has invited them here after all. For a chance to be together, to spend time with one another and mend what has been broken between them. Of course it's not about that alone though. Mainly they are here to have a good time with one another.

Their drive from the airport to the small seaside town the siblings live at takes about 45 minutes and true to his relaxed and happy appearance upon their meeting at the airport, Rafa seems in a good mood all the way as well. It is actually the very first time both Roger and Mirka visit the island and Rafa seems eager to tell them about the place he calls his home. It makes the drive go by faster and when they reach Porto Cristo and pull into the driveway of the house, both Mirka and Roger have an appreciative expression on their faces that causes Rafa's smile to widen into a grin.

“You seem to like what you see.”

“We do. This is a really nice place you have here.”

“It's not mine, it's Mari's. I just live here.”

“You live with your baby sister?”

It is meant as a joke, as a bit of teasing, but either Rafa doesn't exactly appreciate Roger making fun of him like this or he simply doesn't pick up on the fact that this hasn't been meant as judgment or reproach but as a bit of friendly bantering. It is simply testament to the fact that they will need more time to fully trust one another again. For the moment it still seems to be a problem. Rafa however doesn't sound angry or insulted. He simply shrugs and explains the facts to the older man. 

“We each have a part of the house to our own. Effectively we only share the kitchen and main living room. Cooking alone is sort of pointless when there are two people living in the house... And most of the time at least one of us is out anyway – on appointments, meeting friends... stuff like that. So it's really not as bad as it seems.”

“I would have thought spending so much time together traveling, you two couldn't get away from one another fast enough as soon as you hit home soil.”

Roger chuckles softly at his own words but they are not entirely meant as a tease this time. He has witnessed Maribel being both rude and insulting to her brother, he has heard Rafa complain about his sister and how disrespectful and insensitive she is at times, causing him nothing but grief and misery. And still – even back home – the siblings never really let go of one another. It is a surprise to Roger and he isn't sure it's a good one. Rafa however does pick up on the joke hidden in the words this time. He grins and there is a soft fondness to his voice Roger has rarely heard from the Spaniard when talking about his sister.

“You were wrong.”

*#*

When they leave the car and go to the house, Maribel is waiting for them at the door, dressed in a bikini and a very see through summer dress, smiling at them and acting just as her brother, pulling both of them in a hug and planting a soft kiss on Mirka's cheek. Roger is spared the same courtesy and he truly doesn't mind. The siblings take them for a short tour of the house, before leaving them to their own devices in the guest bedroom that has been prepared for them. Neither Mirka nor Roger feels like unpacking right now. They simply slip into something a little more comfortable, ready to start their holiday.

They split up for the first time since London though they are still very much close to one another. Maribel and Mirka are settled on two loungers outside on the patio by the pool in their bikinis, enjoying the sun, while Roger and Rafa are settled on the couch in the main living room. They have the TV on mute, Roger is trying to concentrate on a book he has brought, while Rafa is on his laptop, checking mails. It looks like it's work related but Roger doesn't call him out on it. After all it is the Spaniard's prerogative to spend his time in whichever way he deems best. 

Being at the sibling's house admittedly doesn't feel like a holiday yet, but not in a bad way. It feels more like coming home. The atmosphere is relaxed, the awkwardness all but dissipated and for the most part all four of them simply enjoy the downtime and the chance to spend time together in a more relaxed atmosphere than the one during travels and work. There is no need to break the silence, no need to fill it with words. They are simply comfortable with one another. 

Mirka has been close to dozing off for a while now but there is the soft scratching of a pen on paper that keeps her awake. It's Maribel. She is scribbling on a pad of paper almost furiously and looks so utterly concentrated, Mirka doesn't dare to disturb her. Whatever the girl is doing, it is obviously important to her. Eventually they are interrupted when the glass doors leading back into the living room slide open and footsteps can be heard. Mirka opens her eyes and blinks against the sun when she hears a familiar voice close by. 

“Here. I thought you could use it.”

It's Rafa and he has brought each of them a bottle of chilled water from the fridge, which – given the summer sun beating down on them – is both considerate and thoughtful of him. He holds them out and Mirka is the first one to react. She takes the bottle and offers the younger man a thankful smile in return. Maribel's reaction is a tiny bit different. She takes the bottle as well but holds up the notepad in exchange, giving her brother an inviting look. 

“Read? Tell me what you think?”

Mirka watches the exchange, watches Mari's brother take the notepad and give the younger woman a nod in response before he disappears back into the house. A memory returns to her, a memory of that evening back in Charleston when Mirka had asked Mari to sing her the new song she had been working on and the younger woman had been reluctant about it. She had told Mirka then that her brother hadn't taken a look at her writing yet. The comment hadn't made much sense to Mirka back then. Right now however realization is dawning on her and she looks to Mari for confirmation.

“What was that all about?”

“It's my writing process. I write lyrics, Rafa tells me what he thinks and we adjust from there.”

“Like what you told me back in Charleston?”

“Yes.”

Maribel admits to the fact freely and almost looks a little proud. Probably because Mirka is the first one out of her friends and immediate family she ever tells about her process. It is something the Swiss has never expected, a closeness between the siblings, in Maribel's creativity, in her career and the special gift she has to herself, Mirka has never even dreamed of. Admittedly she has never made an effort to find out more about Rafa. That is Roger's department. But it seems there is way more to Mari's older brother than Mirka ever could have imagined. She can't help it, she has to ask for confirmation a second time, just because it seems so odd to her, seems so unlike the younger man. Lyric writing is nothing Mirka ever would have associated with Rafa. But quite obviously she couldn't have been more wrong.

“Is he always part of your creative process like this?”

“Yeah.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

*#*

When Rafa returns back inside with the notepad, Roger looks up at him. Rafa assumes the older man is distracted by him going back and forth between the house and the patio or something. He has already interrupted the Swiss once before asking him if he wanted something to drink as well and Roger is probably still pulled from his reading because of that. But the older man doesn't say anything, only watches him and Rafa decides not to engage. He sits down on one of the armchairs again, pulls his feet up and settles comfortably before taking a first look at Maribel's handwriting.

The lyrics are good but that doesn't really surprise Rafa. He has rarely ever read anything of Mari's that has been bad, not even when she has been in a foul mood – which rarely has her writing anyhow – or drinking too much. This one however is really good and he is concentrated on it, but not enough to not realize he is still being looked at. He can feel it, can feel Roger's eyes on him. It's that uncomfortable, slightly tingly feeling running down his spine. He isn't used to be looked at anymore, not since his tennis playing days. He looks up from the notepad and gives the older man a soft grin.

“You're staring, Rogi.”

“I know.”

“I thought you were reading your book.”

“You are more interesting.”

Roger means it as a compliment or a tease or maybe a little bit of both. Rafa doesn't really buy it though. They have spent plenty of time together these last couple of months and Roger has had ample time to look at him. Maybe not in the last two to three weeks, Rafa is willing to admit that much. But Roger knows his features inside and out and Rafa certainly isn't doing anything particularly interesting or entertaining right now. Then again Roger likes him, a lot. He would probably call him interesting if Rafa was reading the phone book to him. He grins at his own stupid joke before he tells Roger as much. 

“I don't believe that. And you're biased anyway.”

“How can I be biased?”

“You love me.”

Roger smiles fondly and that tingly feeling running down Rafa's back turns into a comfortable one. It's the first time he actually says the words, talks about the emotions they share, since they have had their ugly fight in Paris. Rafa has been sure he would feel awkward talking about his feelings – especially with Roger – like that. But he feels okay. Actually he is glad and happy they get another chance at this. And judging from the expression on Roger's face he feels just as good to hear the younger man say it. He nods in reply.

“That I do. And I learn new things about you.”

“Excuse me?”

Rafa is truly confused at the statement. He has no idea what Roger is talking about. He isn't doing anything special right now. It's not until Roger points to the notepad on Rafa's lap that he understands. Rafa does this for Maribel a lot. To him it's nothing unusual, but Roger has never seen him do it before. Of course to him it is new and he wants to hear more about what is going on here. So Rafa holds out the pad for Roger to see and the older man frowns. Even from a distance it is easy to make out that there is a draft for lyrics on the piece of paper. 

“I didn't know you have a creative streak.”

“I don't. I have a critical streak. Mari does the writing. All I do is read and comment.”

“You give her input. You're a part of her creative process, a part of her success.”

“That's a little far fetched.”

The way Roger puts it makes Rafa feel uncomfortable right away. He has never thought of it this way and quite frankly he feels it's ridiculous to put it like that. Nothing he does here has any influence on Maribel's creative process. He is not being artistic or anything. He is simply proofreading and there is nothing special or mesmerizing about that. Roger watches the younger man closely and he is not even a little surprised by the Spaniard's reaction. Of course Rafa dismisses the notion as soon as the words are out of Roger's mouth. Looking at himself in an even remotely positive light is simply not something the Spaniard does. 

Roger doesn't respond, doesn't want to start an argument in their differences of perception when it comes to the beautiful and amazing person Rafa is. But that does not stop Roger from watching on. Rafa has his eyes fixed on the piece of paper again and is trying to concentrate on his sister's handwriting. Roger makes that exceptionally difficult though. He is still looking, still pretty much staring at him. Rafa looks up again, still smiling but a hint of impatience seeping into his voice. Roger in turn has only fondness for him. 

“Why are you still staring at me like that?”

“Because you never cease to amaze me.”

*#*

Fully knowing that he is disturbing the younger man in a task that is obviously important to him, Roger has finally given up on keeping watch on Rafa while he is reading through the lyrics Maribel has given him to look over. He tries to keep his focus on his book but he is pretty sure he has been reading the same sentence over and over again for the last couple of minutes. Rafa doesn't take very long though. He reads through the lyrics twice and then a third time and he can't find anything he dislikes. The only thing left for him is to tell his sister. 

When he gets up to go back outside and talk to Maribel, Roger looks up from his book yet again. This time he gives up the pretense and doesn't even try to pick up the book again. This is a beautiful house right by the sea on a Mediterranean island in the middle of summer. There definitely is more to do around here than sit on a comfy couch and read a book he can't concentrate on anyway. He watches through the window as Rafa steps back out onto the patio, drops the notepad on one of the loungers and steps to the edge of the pool to which the two women have relocated by now, splashing around in the water more than swimming in it. Maribel swims up to the edge, looking up at her brother expectantly. 

“And?”

“It's good.”

Maribel simply nods in reply, smiles a wide happy smile and pushes herself off from the edge of the pool again. She watches her brother disappear back inside and the smile stays on her face. The splashing of water and the sudden presence of somebody nearby, tells Maribel that Mirka is right next to her, looking at her. There is a confused expression on the older woman's face that Maribel can't quite make sense of. Mirka explains it to her though. It's the process that confuses her and all Mari manages to do in response is smile. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means now I find a melody to go along with the lyrics.”

“Your brother said it was 'good'... That's... good enough for you?”

“It is when it comes from my brother. He's a lot like me in that regard. He doesn't give praise easily.”

*#*

A couple of hours later - it is just about to get dark outside and both girls have showered and changed into respective summer dresses – Maribel suggests it's time for dinner. It's a little early by both her and Rafa's standards but they have guests and their guests are used to an earlier dinner time. The last thing either of the siblings want to be are bad hosts, especially as this is the first time their new Swiss friends, that they have just made up with again, have come here. Hospitality or not, there is no say for the Swiss couple in what they will be having for dinner though. That is a decision Maribel has already made for all of them – and she is very much happy about it. 

“It's pizza and movie time.”

“I don't understand.”

“Whenever she finishes a new song, Mari treats us to pizza and a movie.”

Mirka is confused about the decision making process that has obviously gone into this and Rafa is the one to explain it to the Swiss couple. This is a long time standing tradition ever since Maribel has written her first lyrics about five years back, way before there has ever been a record deal. They hadn't exactly been sophisticated lyrics back then, and there had been a lot more complaining on Rafa's part, but in the end his sister had finished her first song and the family had gone out for pizza.  
Maribel chimes in as well now, smiling and asking their guests for a movie to watch.

“Any suggestions on the movie?”

“Bodyguard.”

“Ugh.”

Rafa tries hard not to chuckle at both Maribel's reaction and Mirka's confused expression because of it. Obviously Mirka has been sure to have picked a movie Mari would like. Somehow it strikes him as odd that the girls have never talked about what kind of movies they like. He and Roger have done it. But maybe the girls simply talk about different stuff when they spent time together... Either way, Mirka has probably picked the worst movie possible and her explanation for her choice is just a little bit cliché. Mari has an immediate comeback for her. 

“I would have thought you like movies with singers and songs in them.”

“Do you like movies with tennis in it?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Case in point.”

It's not exactly a fight they are having, more of a bit of bickering and neither Mari nor Mirka seem taken aback by the other's reaction. Even after that it takes a while, but they finally settle on watching Gladiator – again in Maribel's case at it is her third try in finishing the movie. She has fallen asleep after a little more than the first half both times before for reasons neither one of the other three can fathom. Choosing toppings for their pizza is not remotely as difficult and by the time the food arrives, they have finished a salad to go along with it and each one of them is nursing a glass of wine. 

Despite her wishing for it to be different, Maribel falls asleep halfway through the movie yet again and they stop watching it at that point. When the TV is turned off, the lack of sound wakes her just a little and Maribel protests in a sleepy voice. Nobody listens to her though. Rafa actually picks her up into his arms from the couch – something Roger feels rather uncomfortable about, knowing about Rafa's recurring back problem - and takes her to her bedroom. 

While the siblings are out of the room, Mirka decides to go out to the patio once more to have a look at the night sky and the stars and Roger stays inside. So when Rafa returns from taking his sister to bed, Roger is still alone in the living room, watching his girlfriend standing outside, head tilted back, looking at the stars. Rafa steps up next to the older man, his voice soft and soothing. He simply wants to make sure the Swiss couple is feeling welcome and happy here and that this is a good start to their holiday, their time they spent together. 

“How did you like your first day with us?”

“I thoroughly enjoyed it.”


	20. Meeting relatives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Mirka meet the sibling's mother  
> Both Mari and Rafa are nervous... for different reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is only there in snippets.  
> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4) is the rendition I like best.  
> There's a 'Game of thrones' quote in this chapter - cookies for whomever detects it :)
> 
> <>°O°<>

After the two men have said good night to one another – Rafa quickly retreating to his own bedroom pretty much right after Maribel – Roger has gone to join Mirka on the patio. They stand together in silence, looking at the twinkling night sky, Mirka's hand easily finding her way into Roger's. It has sort of... clicked from there on. The house lies quiet, they have the patio all to themselves and the soft light illuminating the water of the pool in a gleaming shade of blue, makes this too inviting a chance to pass up on. The water is still comfortably warm from the summer sun, when Roger dips a toe into it and a decision is quickly reached.

They decide to go skinny dipping. There is only the light of the pool and a small table lamp inside the living room still shining and there are no neighbors anywhere close by to pry or be disturbed.  
Neither one of them has been worried about either one of the siblings intruding on their impromptu swimming session. They feel at ease, they feel welcome and they feel comfortable. Which is probably why their late evening swim quickly turns into something else, something way more steamy and naughty than a little bit of splashing around in the still warm water... 

While they are still outside, it is mostly being close to one another. They hold onto one another, they kiss and caress each other's skin. It's teasing. It's foreplay and at some point it gets too much to bear.  
They hurry to get inside, but they take their time with one another once they have reached their bedroom. They explore one anothers' bodies like they haven't done in months. It's already close to dawn when they finally fall asleep – both of them freshly showered, freshly dressed and both utterly exhausted... and satisfied. It's also the reason why they both sleep in deep into this next day. 

It's a little past 10:30 when Roger wakes up. Next to him Mirka is still fast asleep. He doesn't wake because he feels sufficiently rested. He wakes because of the smell of coffee and because he needs to pee. After a quick visit to the bathroom and checking on Mirka once again, who is still blissfully asleep, Roger decides not to bother with changing into something more appropriate. He is in shorts and a faded shirt that have been very comfortable for sleeping but are not exactly the right kind of clothes to wear in the presence of company. 

He goes in search of both the coffee and the Nadal siblings. Roger finds the coffee first and he is happy for that. After a long first day and an even longer night, the hot, stimulating beverage feels like a revitalizing balm. Finding the sibling sort of happens by accident… He still stands leaned against the kitchen counter – coffee mug in hand – debating what to have for breakfast, when he hears a soft giggling. It’s definitely Maribel’s voice and somehow Roger doesn’t believe she is sitting somewhere all by herself, giggling for no reason. He steps up to one of the kitchen windows to look out on the patio. And there Maribel is. And true to his assumption, she is not alone. She is with her brother.  
   
He probably shouldn't but Roger is watching anyway and he feels very much guilty doing it. He is intruding on a private moment from the looks of it, but it's a little like watching a train wreck or a plane crash. You know you should look away but you're simply too engrossed to avert your eyes. There isn’t even anything special to see. It’s simply brother and sister, comfortably settled outside, spending time together.  
   
Rafa sits with his back against the wall of the house – already warm from the morning sun – one leg stretched out, the other drawn up. Maribel has her own back leaned against her brother's leg - the one he has pulled up. It looks uncomfortable but the two of them seem very much relaxed sitting together like this.  They must have been talking about something – obviously something funny otherwise Maribel wouldn’t have laughed – but now they sit together in silence.  
   
Roger is sure to be detected any second now. Especially Rafa is usually very alert and reactive when somebody is watching him – like last afternoon. But right now the siblings seem completely oblivious. Rafa starts humming a soft tune, the melody of some song that seems vaguely familiar to Roger. It's not until Maribel is singing along in an equally soft tone, putting lyrics to the melody, that Roger actually recognizes it. Funny enough it's yet another English song and a melancholy and sad one at that.

Seeing them like this, listening to the softness of Maribel’s voice, witnessing the intimacy they share in that little, random and entirely mundane moment… It's the first time Roger looks at them and actually thinks of them as family. There are no animosities in that moment, no past wrongdoings, no hard feelings. They simply share a relaxed and happy family moment. As they should. After all this is their home. Once again Roger half-heartedly berates himself for eavesdropping and spying. But he doesn’t stop either. Those two are nice to look at… and nice to listen to.  
   
_Hello darkness, my old friend_  
_I've come to talk with you again_  
_Because a vision softly creeping_  
_Left its seeds while I was sleeping_  
_And the vision that was planted in my brain_  
_Still remains_  
_Within the sound of silence_  
   
_In restless dreams I walked alone_  
_Narrow streets of cobblestone_  
_'Neath the halo of a street lamp_  
_I turned my collar to the cold and damp_  
_When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light_  
_That split the night_  
_And touched the sound of silence_  
   
_And in the naked light I saw_  
_Ten thousand people, maybe more_  
_People talking without speaking_  
_People hearing without listening_  
_People writing songs that voices never share_  
_No one dared_  
_Disturb the sound of silence_  
   
Maribel stops mid-song but if her brother minds, he doesn't let it show. Maybe she doesn’t know the rest of the lyrics or maybe this is simply a song too depressing for such a lovely summer day… Rafa says something in a soft tone of voice that is most definitely Spanish and that Roger couldn’t make out anyway even if he understood it, because he is too far away. Maribel smiles in response, dipping her head back to let it rest on her brother’s knee. Roger smiles at the scene. It’s perfectly domestic, relaxed and simply nice to witness.  
   
The serenity of it all doesn’t last for long though. The siblings are interrupted as the glass doors are pulled open just a little wider and Mirka steps out onto the patio. He hasn’t even heard her up to this point, too engrossed witnessing the intimacy between the siblings. Unlike him, his girlfriend has at least decided to show enough decency towards their hosts to not traipse around in her nightshirt and has put on a bathrobe as well. The second she appears in Roger’s line of sight, Maribel practically jumps from her relaxed sitting position on the ground, a wide happy smile spreading on her face, her brother momentarily forgotten.  
   
Once again it is hard to tell if Rafa actually minds. He is left alone though, as Maribel pulls Mirka along to the edge of the patio and the property to show her something, and he shows no intention of getting up. Roger decides it is time to make his presence known. He drinks up the rest of his – only lukewarm – coffee, places the cup in the sink and steps out on the patio as well. Rafa looks up at him with a smile when Roger steps into his line of sight. He has never seen the younger man smile as much as he does being home... Roger isn't exactly sure if that's a good or a bad thing. He decides not to dwell on it now. It's a conundrum for another day...  
   
Right now he focuses on Rafa, who is still sitting on the ground, blinking against the sun and still wearing that soft smile on his face. Roger holds out a hand for the younger man to grasp and helps him get back on his feet. They stand side by side, watching the two women as Maribel animatedly explains something to Mirka with sweeping gestures, while the older woman simply nods and tries to keep up with the quick pace of the teenage girl's words. Roger knows he might kill the mood, but he can't help it. Maribel is so gravely different from the woman Roger has gotten to know, he simply needs to comment on it and he hopes for Rafa to take it lightly – as he seems to be in the mood for, ever since being home – and maybe even shed some light on the reasons for the change.  
   
“She’s… different here. Nicer...”  
   
“Don’t let her hear you say that. She will tell you she is always nice.”  
   
“And that would be a lie.”  
   
“Definitely. But are you really surprised? This is her home, where her family and her friends are. A lot of her good memories stem from here… Bad ones too, really bad ones, but… that’s not the point. Being home, being with her family, with her friends, being where she was born and raised. It makes her a lot more... mellow.”  
   
“And you.”  
   
Rafa frowns at him in reaction to Roger's statement. He doesn't seem to be able to make sense of the older man's words. Roger isn't sure if Rafa is simply playing dumb with him or if he actually doesn't realize what the older man is telling him. He has to be aware though, Roger is sure of that. Rafa is different here at his home, happier and way more patient than he has ever been in the months of traveling. Maybe he is even more sure of himself than in the last couple of months, more at peace with himself. Roger cannot be the only one to realize that. But Rafa seems very much oblivious and Roger explains his words in more detail.

“Huh?”  
   
“You’re the same, though you probably don’t even realize it. I’ve never seen you more relaxed than in the last day…”

Rafa is smiling at him now and Roger has a hard time telling if Rafa is simply trying to deflect. After all the younger man is not exactly good with sharing his feelings... It has gotten better since their first meeting but still Rafa does not like to be open about his emotions. Right now he shrugs his shoulders, like there is nothing of importance or substance to Roger's observation. The younger man doesn't disagree but he obviously sees nothing special about him showing the same reaction as Maribel when it comes to being home. Rafa's smile seems just a little bit brighter now and in the end he has a very simple explanation. 

“I'm home, too.”  
   
*#*  
   
While Roger still tries to coax Rafa into telling him about how he feels, Maribel and Mirka are already planning the day. Maribel has shown the older woman the view from the patio overlooking the small bay and the town of Porto Cristo. She has pointed out her favorite bakery as well as her favorite sea side restaurant. Its the extent of what Mirka wants to do for an excursion today. She is here to relax and forget about her hectic schedule during the WTA season, not to be entertained and go on excursions. She simply wants a chance to enjoy the sun, lie by the pool, spend time with Mari and enjoy the hospitality of their hosts. There is one other thing Mirka would like – something Mari seems very much reluctant about. 

“Will I meet your family at some point?”  
   
“My mother actually asked to come by for dinner tonight. But I don’t think it’s a good idea…”  
   
Mirka can't help but feel a little taken aback and even insulted by Mari's reluctance and her openly telling the Swiss that she doesn't like the idea of Mirka and Mari's mother meeting. She would very much like to get to know the woman that has brought the special person that is Maribel into this world. Mari has always told her she likes her and enjoys being close to her. If she feels that vehemently about her, she should have no problem with Mirka meeting her mother, at least that is how the older woman sees it.

“Why not?”  
   
“I don’t want to lie to her…”  
   
“You didn’t tell her… about us?”  
   
Mirka knows she should be less surprised. Maribel is a lot of things but she is certainly not somebody who engages in a conflict she feels she cannot win. Fighting with her mother about a lesbian relationship – if that is even truly what they have – certainly is a discussion Mari feels she has no chance or purpose to have the upper hand in. As it turns out it is not that the younger woman has not told her mother anything about Mirka – or Roger for that matter – it's simply that she hasn't told her mother the whole story... 

“I told her that Rafa and I made new friends and that I like you a lot. Technically, that’s not a lie…”  
   
“Why not stick to that then? I don’t mind.”  
   
“She’s my mother, Mimi. Seeing us together… she will know.”  
   
It's not an argument Mirka likes – Maribel being afraid of being found out by her mother -  
but it is still one she can relate to. She knows this is hard for the younger woman. It's not like she has told anyone else about her relationship with Maribel except Roger. She has never even come up with the idea to tell either of her own parents about Maribel. But she is not a teenager anymore. She doesn't have to tell her parents anything. For Mari it is different and Mirka feels honesty towards her mother is a good thing. After all they are friends with... just a couple of benefits. Maybe that is something Maribel can tell her mother... or at least some version of it. Mirka gives the younger woman an encouraging smile. 

“Would it really be that bad?”

“I... I don't know... Maybe not?”

“See.”

Mirka's smile changes from encouraging to just a little triumphant. She has convinced the younger woman, she is almost sure of it. Maribel still seems just a tiny bit reluctant, just a little thoughtful. Mirka can see the moment the teenage girl reaches a decision. Yet again she relies on something she has managed to surprise Mirka with just a day ago. She relies on her brother's input. Mirka is more than okay with that. After all this is both their mother they are talking about.

“Let me talk to my brother, okay? This is not a choice I want to make on my own.”   
   
*#*  
   
Mirka watches as Maribel approaches her brother – who is still in conversation with Roger – and judging from her boyfriend's reaction Mari actually manages to find a civil way to ask for a moment of privacy with her brother. Mirka watches as Roger nods in response and then makes his way over to her, giving her a smile as he approaches, coming to a halt right next to her. His gaze wanders back to the siblings before focusing on Mirka again. Her boyfriend is curious. 

“What is that all about?”

“We're going to meet the parents. Or at least 50 % of the parents... and only if those two agree on it.”

“Oh.”

Mirka isn't quite sure what to make of Roger's reaction. He sounds less than thrilled with the idea – which seems to be the general consensus. It's the reason she doesn't tell him this has been her idea in the first place. Somehow she is pretty sure he won't appreciate that fact. They watch the siblings in conversation. It's not a long discussion happening between them and when Maribel returns to the Swiss couple to tell them she and Rafa have come to an agreement and that she will go to call her mother now, she still doesn't exactly sound happy about the whole idea. 

But she does it anyway, complies with what the majority wants... or in that case quite frankly complies with what her girlfriend wants. It's a surprise all by itself. Mirka hasn't known Maribel for long, but she does know the girl is usually a lot more stubborn when it comes to enforce her opinion. Not this time though. Being home has definitely made an even better person out of her. Knowing her mother is coming by to meet her new friends however, makes a nervous person out of her. 

Even though it is only midday and the phone call to their mother leaves them with ample time before the older woman will be here, the whole day seems sort of... subdued. Like a cloud hanging above both the siblings leaving them nervous and preoccupied. Mari spends about an hour in her room – asking Mirka to come along – to pick something... inconspicuous to wear. It would be hilarious wouldn't the younger woman be so damn nervous because of their dinner plans.

Where Mari is all nervous energy – rummaging through her wardrobe and babbling a mile away about nothing while Mirka sits on her bed watching and trying hard not to grin – Rafa is the exact opposite. He doesn't burst into a frenzy of activity and he doesn't want company either. He simply retreats from it all for a while. It's not until his sister – who has finally decided on a dress befitting the occasion of her mother meeting her very dear new friend – goes to talk to him a couple of hours later that Rafa reappears and makes his way to the kitchen. The clanking of pots and pans tells Roger the younger man is about to prepare a meal. That catches him off guard. Somehow he has expected their dinner plans to include a restaurant. He asks Mari about it... and not exactly in a friendly tone.

“What is that all about? I assumed we would take your mother out for dinner? Some nice restaurant? No fuss for anybody but the people employed to wait and cook?”

“You thought wrong. There's no need to worry. Dinner will be excellent. My brother is a great cook, you know?”  
   
“How could we? We have never been anywhere together where there was a kitchen.”  
   
“I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I always do.”

Maribel tries to sound polite and friendly but there is the edge of impatience to her voice. The two of them have never exactly gotten along great in the first place and with tension running high like this right now, the matter only gets worse. Roger still can't help but feel he's in the right here. This is not about dinner or the way Maribel has made her plans without including any of them. It's about the fact that once again Maribel has decided something and her brother is the one to do the heavy lifting. And here he was thinking she has changed and that being home has made her a more likable person. Obviously he has allowed himself to be fooled. He cannot help it, he snaps at the girl.  
   
“Is there anything you do not have your brother do for you?!”

“No need to be protective, Roger. Rafael is a big boy, he can take care of himself.”

Roger doesn't get a chance to protest Maribel's bluntness or argue with her some more. She simply turns and walks away, obviously no longer interested in the conversation. Roger doesn't blame her for that. He himself has lost interest in the discussion right after it has started. He is simply trying to protect his friend... because Maribel clearly sees no indication to do the same for her brother... Roger decides it's not worth it to pursue the matter with the teenage girl. She won't listen to him anyway. Instead he goes to talk to someone who is a little more susceptible to his arguments. He goes to the kitchen to speak with Rafa. 

Rafa is already right in the middle of preparations for a dinner that is more than an hour away yet. They have agreed on eight in the evening – which is a little early for Spanish standards but definitely late for the Swiss couple – this is their compromise. Taking so much time seems odd to Roger, but he is sure the younger man knows what he is doing. According to what Maribel just told Roger, Rafa is a great cook. He certainly knows how to handle dinner for five... hopefully. Still it certainly cannot hurt to offer assistance – or at least that is what Roger thinks.  
   
“Do you need any help?”

“No! I know how to do this!”

“Nobody suggested you don't.”

Rafa – who has yet to look at the older man – stops mid motion in getting something from the fridge, turns to face Roger and gives him a soft, careful, almost pained smile. He is aware he has snapped and he is aware it is wrong. He is nervous, maybe a little too much, and it is not Roger's fault. All he cares about is to make this a pleasant evening for everyone involved... and for his mother not to ask any nosy, difficult questions... Good food can only help with that – which is why he is wound so tight about the preparations to be made. But yet again – none of that is the older man's fault. Rafa sighs softly. 

“I know... I'm sorry...”

“You seem nervous. Are you okay?”

“I never told her... All she knows is what Mari told her about the Swiss couple she met...”

Rafa can't bring himself to actually look Roger into the eyes admitting to his fault. It's not that he has never wanted to let his immediate family in on his secret... he simply hasn't dared to do it. Telling any of his family members what he and Roger share – even Maribel – is a daunting prospect and one that Rafa is very much afraid of. Mari always tells him he is strong, Roger tells him he is a good person. He is neither though – why else would he hide things like that from both his family and the older man?

They have only just found their way back to one another and here he goes telling the Swiss something that will most definitely hurt the other man. Rafa not having the courage to tell his family about a special someone in his life is cowardly... and it's hurtful. To the younger man's utter surprise, Roger doesn't get angry. He simply stands and looks and smiles a soft, soothing smile. It does nothing to calm Rafa's emotions. He shakes his head, whispering more to himself than to Roger. Still his words produce a reaction from the Swiss – a rather vehement one at that. 

“All she'll see is another failure.”

“Somehow I doubt your mother ever called you or anything you did a failure.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you love her, you want her approval. You wouldn't care if all you had for one another is disdain.”

Roger is not wrong in his assessment and it's a little disconcerting to realize how easily he is able to read the way Rafa feels about his mother. Of course he loves her, of course he wants her to think only the best of him. But no matter how accurate and insightful Roger is, it doesn't change the fact that Rafa knows he hasn't given his mother much of any reason to see the best in him lately. After all he no longer is the best version of himself he could be. Still this is not a discussion he wants to have in the middle of dinner preparations. He decides to simply cut the topic for now, forcing a slightly cheeky smile on his face in reply. Luckily for him Roger plays along. 

“You're too smart for your own good, you know that?”

“I have been told. So... Help?”

“There are onions to chop.”

*#*

Dinner is ready – and being kept warm in the oven – about 15 minutes prior to Rafa's and Maribel's mother arriving. While the younger man goes to change into something a little less comfortable and more appropriate for the occasion, Maribel and her guests are already done. Mirka looks nervous and Roger half expects her to step up to him and whisper to him to get her medication. But she doesn't. Deep down he is proud. It seems Mirka has decided to get through tonight without the assistance of her meds... It's a good thing, he is sure of it.

When the doorbell rings Rafa has only just returned from his own room, clad in jeans and a simple but still elegant black shirt, and both siblings go to open the door and greet their mother. As Maribel has told the Swiss couple at some point during the day neither one of the two have seen their mother since New Year – which is quite a long time for a family reunion... Of course the greeting at the door is heartfelt and very much emotional. The mother is glad and happy to see her children again. 

Watching the scene, Roger knows he is being unfair. But he has expected a different display of affection. He has expected a gap, a difference in the way Rafa's and Maribel's mother treats her children. Both of the siblings have made it sound – time and again – like Maribel is the golden girl of the family... and Rafa is definitely a lot less than that. It seems a very subjective opinion because it definitely doesn't show in the way their mother acts around them, pulling both her children into a tight hug upon seeing them and having nothing but smiles and affectionate words for them – both of them. 

It takes a moment – hugs and words exchanged – before they pull apart and Maribel takes the chance to introduce their guests first. Roger shakes hands with the older woman first. She seems nice enough – a smile on her face as she greets him, elegantly dressed and not showing any kind of... reserve towards these people she has never met before. She is open and curious, though she is not capable of actually conversing with them. As the siblings have reminded them repeatedly over the course of the last couple of hours – their mother does only have a very rudimentary grasp of the English language... Still a handshake, a nod and a smile are universal and that is what Roger and the older woman share, before she turns to Mirka next. 

“Señora Nadal...”

Mirka hates herself for the nervousness creeping in and making her voice tremble as she shakes the other woman's hand right after her boyfriend. All she wants in that moment is to make a good first impression – friendly, polite and above all else confident. She wants to show as somebody likable, somebody Mari's mother can trust and knows is good for her daughter. She can only hope the soft chuckle the older woman gives, is a good sign. She says something to her, but Maribel is the one to translate it. It is good news indeed. 

“She wants you to call her Ana. She says there's no need to be formal. We're all... friends here, after all.”

Mirka smiles and nods, Ana laughs a soft laugh and that seems to break the ice. From there on out, the evening is a pleasant affair. Not always easy because of the language barrier but definitely nice. Their is a lot of multilingual conversation and while their mother seems to ask Maribel a lot of questions about their guests – because the girl translates most of them for them and translates their answers back – the conversation between mother and son seems to be of a more private nature. Or Rafa is simply not in a sharing mood. Either way the majority of his part of the conversation with their mother stays a mystery to both Roger and Mirka as neither of the siblings tell them what is going on. 

Some questions are definitely about Maribel – her name and the word 'hermana' are mentioned a few times – and Rafa seems uncomfortable answering some of them. But at no point is there any sign of disappointment to his mother's features or voice. The word 'amigo' is mentioned a few times as well, and as rudimentary as Roger's grasp of the Spaniard's native tongue is, he knows Ana is referring to him. But he never finds out what the two talk about, not until later, until the dinner and the shared nightcap afterwards is over and the siblings say goodbye to their mother at the door. 

Ana has pulled Maribel into a hug first and then gently grasps for her sons lower left arm, pulling him along, the gesture making it abundantly clear that she wants a private moment with her son. Maribel picks up on it as well and lets her two family members be. Roger watches the conversation from a distance. It looks intensely emotional – a mixture of worry and fondness showing on Ana's face – and it ends with Rafa nodding vehemently, before a soft smile creeps on his face. Brother and sister accompany their mother to the door, saying goodbye again. It is only after Ana has left that Roger can no longer stop himself and his curiosity. He walks up to the Spaniard asking about the little intervention his mother asked for right before leaving. 

“What did she tell you? Your mother, before she left?”  
   
“To be careful.”  
   
“Why on earth would she tell you that?”

Roger truly has no idea what Ana could have meant by her warning and the fact that Rafa has a soft, yet still slightly pained, grin on his face doesn't exactly help him. On the contrary it makes him very much nervous. When Rafa explains it to him – sounding very matter-of-factly when he does – it doesn't help to quell Roger's worry and nervousness one bit. It seems – this whole evening long – there has been something going on, he has not been aware of...  
   
“Because you are older than me and in a committed relationship.”  
   
“I… What?”  
   
“She… knows. I have no idea how the hell that happened… But she knows.”  
   
“Does she… approve?”  
   
“She yelled at neither you nor me, so… I guess…”

This time Rafa's grin is a little more genuine and not as emotionally loaded any more. He looks a lot more relaxed than he has all day. Where Roger is surprised by Ana's perception, Rafa is very much relieved. He has been so afraid of appearing as a failure in his mother's eyes, he is simply happy and glad she has not seen that in the relationship he shares with Roger. She might not exactly approve but she is okay with it and that is more than Rafa ever dared hope for. Roger's question in regards to his mother and her knowing catches him off guard though and he has no idea how to answer it. In the end he opts for his fallback option. He keeps his feelings to himself.  
   
“Does that make you feel better or worse?”  
   
“It doesn’t make me feel anything.”


	21. Reminiscing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Swiss couple gets a more intimate look at the siblings every day life.  
> Maribel sings a Spanish song.  
> Roger and Rafa play tennis together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc8QFX4HunM) the song to go with the lyrics - I've used it before, I know but I simply love it :)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

Rafa has retreated back to his room after the sibling's mother has left and after his short conversation with Roger, excusing himself with a rather lame statement of telling them he felt tired. The women however do not question his explanation. They are too preoccupied with themselves and the fact that this evening has been a success for them. They don't even try to include Roger in their conversation, not even Mirka – his own girlfriend – and he quickly grows tired of their excessive, nervous happiness about the fact that Ana has obviously taken a liking to Mirka without ever learning the truth about her relationship with their daughter.

Roger doesn't even bother to excuse himself when he leaves the girls alone about 40 minutes later. They won't realize his absence anyway and they most certainly do not mind it. They are living in their own little world tonight, so Roger lets them be. He has other things on his mind anyway, mostly Rafa related things. Rafa has managed to hurt him, telling him he doesn't feel anything about the fact that his mother approves or at least isn't angry with her son for the choice he has made. It hasn't been a nice thing to say to him and even though he is pretty sure Rafa has only tried to protect himself, it certainly doesn't help making Roger feel any better. 

He doesn't plan on fighting with Rafa, he doesn't even plan on blaming him for the way he has made Roger feel. The younger man has protected himself, has resorted to the one thing he knows doing best in a difficult situation. They have gone through a rough patch these last couple of weeks and Rafa doesn't fully trust him – not at the moment. He needs something – some gesture – to reassure him of Roger's feeling, his affection and the very fact that he is trustworthy. Roger has just the thing in mind...

He doesn't knock, doesn't make his presence known before he enters Rafa's bedroom. Rafa is indeed in bed but he is not asleep yet. He is in a seated position, propped up against a heap of pillows at the head of the bed, his eyes closed and listening to some music rather intensely. He is so engrossed in what he is doing, he isn't even aware of Roger's presence until the older man sits down on the edge of the bed, dipping the mattress. The younger man's eyes fly open and Rafa stares at him wide eyed before pulling the headphones from his ears. He practically glares at Roger, his tone of voice harsh.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to make you feel... something.”

Roger doesn't give the younger man the chance to reply, doesn't want him to. If they talk any more, they will most definitely engage in yet another discussion and more talking is the last thing Roger wants to do. He wants to be close to Rafa, wants a chance to touch him, feel him, feel the warmth radiate off of him, feel the softness of skin on skin. It has been too long since they have had that and even though he understands the reluctance – after all they have had their first major fight just a little while ago – he doesn't want it to come between them yet again.

Roger leans in closer from his position at the side of the bed and for a second it looks like Rafa is going to pull back. His posture is tense and trust seems to be an issue here. But when he realizes what Roger is about to do, he relaxes – visibly. It's the first time they kiss since their fight in Paris and it has definitely been too long. Roger hasn't even known how much he has missed the younger man – especially on the physical side – until this very moment. It's a soft, almost gentle kiss but that doesn't make it any less passionate. When Roger pulls away first, the younger man gives a soft, dissatisfied moan. He doesn't want the moment to end... But that is most definitely not what Roger has in mind. He looks at Rafa, looks right into those soft brown eyes, and his voice is thick with emotion... and desire.

“More?”

“Absolutely.”

*#*

When Roger wakes the next morning – a ray of sunshine sneaking in through the curtains, warming his face and waking him from his slumber – he needs a moment to remember where he is. It isn't until he turns to the other side and realizes he is not alone in the bed, that he remembers. He's still in Rafa's room. They have spent the night together – in more ways than one – and his girlfriend doesn't seem to have missed him. Roger is pretty sure Mirka has done the same as him upon realizing their guest bedroom to be empty. He is sure she has slept at Maribel's side as well. He doesn't mind. After all this is what they have agreed on. 

Next to him, Rafa is still soundly asleep. He is on his stomach, head turned to the side, a mess of dark hair obscuring his face almost completely. Roger can hear the younger man's deep, even breathing and a fond smile appears on his face. He reaches out a hand, softly nudging Rafa by the shoulder he can reach. Obviously the younger man isn't as deeply asleep as Roger initially thought. A soft groan escapes from his lips but other than that he barely moves. Roger smile widens into a soft grin. 

“Rise and shine, sleepy head. It's time for breakfast. How about some coffee by the pool.”

“In a moment.”

Rafa's voice is muffled by the pillow and his hair being in the way. He still has yet to move anything other than his lips. It's an adorable display of sleepiness, one Roger feels he could simply watch for quite a while longer. But he is hungry and he definitely needs some coffee to start that day and not even Rafa half asleep next to him in bed can deter him from that wish. He softly touches the younger man's shoulder again, making it clear that the last thing he wants is for Rafa to get up if he doesn't want to. 

“I didn't mean for you to go. I'll go.”

“But I'm the host...”

“Not today.”

Rafa doesn't protest – which only goes to show how tired he still is – and Roger leans down, finally pushes the hair out of Rafa's face and places a soft kiss on the side of the younger man's head before he gets up. The house is still quite when he reaches the main room and the kitchen to put some coffee on. Outside the azure blue pool is practically glistening in the morning sun and right behind that – down the cliffs – it's the same with the ocean. It's a beautiful sight and Roger can very well understand why the siblings have chosen this particular spot for their home. 

The coffee is halfway through when Roger hears the familiar pitter patter of naked feet on the tiled floor. When he turns, Rafa has already appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. He still looks a little disheveled – his hair still a mess and still dressed in the pair of shorts and a washed out shirt he has been wearing for the night – but she doesn't look as tired as before any more. Roger smiles as the younger man hides a yawn behind the back of his hand. 

“Not a morning person, mh?”

“Not without coffee.”

“We can remedy that in just a minute.”

“Let me help.”

Rafa is about to take a step further into the kitchen when Roger shakes his head at him. He has meant it when he has told Rafa there is no need for the younger man to play host today. He and Mirka might be the siblings' guests but that doesn't mean they have to stand at attention for their every need. The Swiss couple is very well able to take care of themselves. After all they are meant to feel at home here and Roger definitely feels more at him making his own coffee. He motions for Rafa to leave and let him finish, giving the younger man a smile along with the gesture. 

“No way. You go and settle outside, I bring coffee.”

For a second there it looks like Rafa is about to protest but then the younger man simply shrugs his shoulders, grins at the Swiss and turns to do as he has been told, leaving for the glass sliding doors leading to the patio. When Roger follows outside a couple of minutes later with a tray holding the coffee pot, mugs, milk and a bag of cookies, Rafa has done his best to find a comfortable position on the chair he is sitting on – having scooted forward to the very edge of the seat – and is enjoying the early morning sun with eyes closed. He blinks them open, sitting up straight when Roger approaches and frowns at the cookies as Roger places the tray on the table and settles down next to the Spaniard.

“Chocolate chip cookies for breakfast?”

“Why not? It's holidays, is it not? And after all, I thought you like chocolate?”

“I do.”

As if to prove his point, Rafa grabs for a first cookie out of the bag Roger has brought along and grins like a child who has just been offered the whole cookie jar – no reprimands or reproaches included. It's not too far from the truth. Roger watches with both fondness and a slight tug to his heart. They are only five years apart – which is a lot less than Maribel and Mirka – but sometimes Roger tends to forget that Rafa has only just turned 22 about a month ago. He's still closer to being a teenager than an actual grown up... It rarely shows though. 

But right now is a moment like that and it gets Roger thinking – about the things they have both been through, the fragility of their renewed relationship, the emotional baggage they carry and the fact that they are both way too young for all that... shit that has happened to them up to this point. Still, watching Rafa digging into the bag full of cookies with a grin on his face like this means the world to him... It makes up for all that misery and pain. He's simply, plainly, beautiful to watch. Roger simply has to tell the younger man, even though he expects a frown of confusion or a question of clarification. Rafa surprises him thought. He simply smiles a happy smile in response. 

“You make me happy, you know that?”

“I do.” 

*#*

The girls show up for breakfast with their own tray – holding mostly fruit and juice – by the time Roger and Rafa are almost finished. Still they sit together for a while longer and it is then that Mirka announces she wants some alone time with her boyfriend for a little while. Rafa seems to approve – at least he smiles and doesn't have anything negative to say – but Maribel huffs and puts, though she doesn't say anything either. Mirka opts to ignore her. As much as she likes Maribel, Roger is the person she trusts most. He is her life partner and at some point Maribel will have to learn to accept that. No better time to start than the present. 

She and Roger go for an extended walk into and through town after breakfast, picking up cake at a bakery for this afternoon while they are on the way. When they return to the house – with the second key Mari has lend them – the sound of somebody playing the piano is already audible before they even open the front door. It sounds amazing, even though there is no further instruments to accompany the melody or anyone singing along with it – and a smile spreads on Mirka's face. She is sure this is Maribel playing, her creativity never fully at rest.

Neither one of them has actually been aware of the large, white piano settled in a corner of the main living room. Not until now that anyone is actually using it. When they enter the room, both siblings are settled on the bench in front of the instrument. It is indeed Maribel who is the one playing, completely drawn into the action, her heart, her passion, her soul pouring into it and she is unaware of the return of her guests. Her brother is sitting next to her with his eyes closed, his expression calm and self-forgotten, listening intensely and seeming entirely at peace with himself. He is so lost in the music, he flinches when Maribel – who somehow seems to be aware of the presence of people behind her all of a sudden - stops playing. 

“That was beautiful...”

Both Mirka and Roger state the rather obvious fact at the very same time, causing Maribel to grin and Rafa to open his eyes and turn to face them. Roger focuses his attention on the younger man now, who wears a slightly sour expression on his face. Obviously he doesn't appreciate the interruption. Roger smiles at the younger man, hoping the friendly gesture and engaging him in conversation will better his mood. 

“You looked very... lost just there.”

“I was. Lost in the music. We don't get a chance to do this too often. It's too hectic in the daily schedule when we are on tour. But I love it when Mari plays like this. It's very... soothing.”

“Yep, that's my brother for me. Couldn't hit a note if his life depended on it but he has passion for music.”

Maribel – who obviously cannot stand not being the center of attention if anyone has the choice between her and her brother – intercedes. Rafa is smiling in response, a soft, almost fond smile, but still Roger doesn't like the way Maribel pulls the attention towards her or the way she talks about her brother's own ability at music and singing... It's belittling and even though she most certainly has meant it as a bit of teasing, Roger can't help but feel irritated by it. Even though Maribel has definitely not said anything untrue, it still seems hurtful to Roger that she calls her brother out on his inadequacies when it comes to music – especially as this is something Maribel is naturally good at. So Roger tries to defend the Spaniard... or at least make his younger sister see the error of her ways. 

“Which is why you ask for his help with your lyrics, I assume.”

“Yes.”

Maribel's reply is a defensive one and she actually physically reacts by crossing her arms in front of her chest. It's a childish reaction but Roger hasn't expected anything else from the teenage girl. They engage in a bit of a staring contest and would Roger actually look to the side, he would realize how uncomfortable he makes Rafa with his intervention. It is not the Spaniard who reacts first, it is Mirka. And even though she is more interested in the music than in making sure Rafa's feelings are protected, she still manages to resolve the situation by distracting Maribel's focus. 

“Would you play some more?”

“Of course. Do you have a favorite?”

“Of your songs?”

“Any song.”

The little discussion with Roger seemingly already forgotten, Maribel is definitely eager to please Mirka – yet another reaction that doesn't surprise Roger in the least – and she offers a very, very wide variety for the Swiss to chose from. Mirka takes her time and in the end she opts for something that causes a displeased reaction to flash across Maribel's face, one that – admittedly – makes Roger grin with glee. It's only natural Mirka wants something like this though. She hasn't had a chance to go to any of Maribel's concerts in South America because of her schedule. She has never heard the teenage girl sing a song in her native tongue and it seems she will not now either. 

“Sing something Spanish for us.”

“I'm not good with Spanish songs. Not really...”

“Something... slow then? A ballad?”

Mirka is easily dissuaded from her desires, a lot more easily than Roger has expected. Some new emotion flashes across Maribel's face – to quick for Roger to recognize or make sense of. It looks almost like... defeat but it is gone before he knows it. Maribel nods, the expression on her face almost solemn now and then shoos her brother away, who vacates the spot on the bench next to her. It needs another moment for Maribel to focus and then she starts to play the melody forst before adding lyrics to the song – a Spanish song. 

_Lluvia de Mayo_  
_Ella es la que sabe que no te engaño_  
_Hasta que llegó el día en que se evaporó_  
_Con el ritmo con el que ella va_  
_A mí me pone malito_

_Y cuando está a mi lado_  
_Se me olvida el pasado_  
_Nos perderemos en otro lugar_  
_Porque yo sé_  
_Que aunque ella me envenena_  
_Sé que vale la pena para tenerla un minuto más_

_Ella, si solo supiera_  
_Ella, que me desespera_  
_Ella, ella, ella_    
_Solo vivo por ella, ella, ella_  
_Ella, si solo supiera_  
_Ella, y su piel morena_  
_Ella, ella, ella_    
_Solo vivo por ella, ella, ella_

__

_Poquito a poquito_  
_Es como me roba cada respiro_  
_Y aún así decido andar el camino yo_  
_Con el ritmo con el que ella va_  
_A mí me pone malito_

_Y cuando está a mi lado_  
_Se me olvida el pasado_  
_Nos perderemos en otro lugar_  
_Porque yo sé  
_Que aunque ella me envenena  
_Sé que vale la pena para tenerla un minuto más___

_____ _

_Ella, si solo supiera_  
_Ella, que me desespera_  
_Ella, ella, ella_    
_Solo vivo por ella, ella, ella_  
_Ella, si solo supiera_  
_Ella, y su piel morena_  
_Ella, ella, ella_  
_Solo vivo por ella, ella, ella_

*#*

It's late in the afternoon – they have switched their respective places to spend time at from yesterday with Mari and Mirka staying inside and Roger and Rafa out on the patio – and they have just finished the cake Roger and Mirka had brought back from their walk to and in Porto Cristo, when Maribel goes to find her brother. As defensive as she has reacted to Roger's criticism in her behavior towards her brother earlier today, it has still got her thinking. And she has decided to do something nice for Rafa... and for Roger as well, though that is purely by extension and has never been her intent. It simply happens – sort of like collateral damage... in a good way. 

When she goes to tell her brother, he is in one of the deck chairs by the pool, his toes dipping into the water. Rafa hasn't even realized Roger isn't there – or maybe the Swiss has told him and Rafa has decided to stay outside for a while longer. It doesn't really matter anyway. This way Mari has had the chance to talk to Roger first and that will make things easier for her now with her brother. She reaches out a hand and gently pokes her brother at his upper arm, causing him to open his eyes and blink up at her.

“Mari, you're disturbing.”

“I have a surprise for you and your boytoy.”

“Don't call him that.”

“I have a surprise for you and _Roger_.”

Mari – who hasn't even remotely responded to her brother telling her off – grins at Rafa's reaction towards her use of – what she thinks is – an appropriate nickname for Mirka's boring boyfriend. She could have called him that of course but that doesn't exactly pertain to her brother... Either way Rafa doesn't like the way Maribel pronounces the Swiss name one bit and he is sure he won't like whatever it is Mari is up to. Her surprises are rarely ever of the pleasant variety and somehow Rafa does not expect that to change today. Against his better judgment, he asks anyway. 

“What is it?”

“I booked a tennis court for you two.”

“Why?”

Rafa is acutely aware of how desperate he sounds and his sister frowns at him in reply. It's a silly question really. There is an easy explanation for Maribel's action. She knows about both him and Roger sharing the same past and the same fate. They have both been professional athletes and for both of them an injury – a health issue – has ended a promising career at a very young age. Mari wants to give them a chance to so something together she knows for a fact they both enjoy and feel passionate about. All in all it's a nice idea – as she does explain to him – but still it's not one Rafa can appreciate. All he wants is for Mari to forget about this and go away. 

“Because I thought you'd enjoy it. It's not like you can't play at all anymore. You simply can't do it in a competitive capacity – either one of you - any more.”

“I don't think this is a good idea.”

Mari doesn't say anything in response, simply stays where she is, standing right next to her brother on the lounge chair and looking down at him, but simply gives Rafa a mildly disbelieving look. She knows being at tournaments, seeing the professional circuit of a sport he can no longer be a part of, is painful for her brother. But that doesn't mean he has ever lost the passion for the sport. And it doesn't mean he cannot still play. He simply can't do it competitively. But he still knows the rules, the basic movements, the tactics and – above all – the fun and exertion of it all. To put it simply – he still enjoys it and there is no reason to pull away from it. He won't get the chance anyway, Maribel has made sure of it.

“Well, I already told Roger and he is getting ready to go as we speak. So I guess you either have to tell him you're not going... or you have to hurry to catch up with him.”

She is confronting him with a fait accompli, with no chance for a way out of a situation he has never wanted to be in in the first place. Of course he can't tell the Swiss he won't be going. If Mari – who Roger doesn't exactly have too many positive feelings for – has managed to convince the older man of this idea and has him so eager he is already gathering his things, there is no chance in hell Rafa will take this chance from him. He has to go... and Mari has known that right from the start before she has ever come to talk to him. Rafa glares at her for a long moment... and gets up from his comfortable position by the pool. Time to take one for the team... 

The court Mari has booked for them is an outdoor hard court in the neighboring city of Manacor, as a part of a local tennis club. Rafa knows the place all too well. This is where he used to practice as a minor… Somehow he cannot shake the feeling that this isn't a coincidence but then again Maribel has probably aimed more for convenience and practicability than for a chance to send her brother down memory lane. Especially as she knows he will not appreciate it. Manacor is simply the closest place with a tennis club. That's all there is to it.

Roger has been very much excited for the chance ever since they have left the house. He is already dressed in a pair of shorts – the scars on his leg prominently showing – and a sports shirt, whereas Rafa still needs to get dressed in the club's locker room. It's okay though. He sends Roger to get them the proper equipment they need. He probably still has a couple of rackets somewhere around the house but after three years of disuse, they are most definitely not of any use to them. So rented equipment it is... 

There is nobody around to watch them when they step onto their practice court and Rafa is actually glad about that. It's bad enough already he will make a fool of himself in front of Roger. It's all innocent enough in the beginning. They are both rusty and of course they focus on a proper warm-up without even so much as a speck of a competitive thought to it. They both need to get a feel for it again – the way the racket feels in their hands, the dimensions of the court, the way to hit the ball and swing through for the proper generation of enough power... 

It shows that they haven't done this in a couple of years but – and of course Rafa can only judge Roger's side of it as it's the only part he can actually have a look at – there is also a clear display of raw passion and a lot of natural talent. Rafa can't help the thought that it's simply and truly shameful Roger has been forced out of the sport. From what little shines through after years of being out of the competitive circuit and playing the sport on a daily basis, Roger is amazing at this... It's a pleasure to simply watch him and it's almost enough to make Rafa forget he isn't here to observe but to play along. 

They don't count points or very much care about the exact lines of the court as they hit the ball back and forth. It's mostly about keeping the ball in play and having a good time with what they do. Still – even without a competitive streak to it all – Roger manages some moments of sheer genius that leave Rafa unable to come up with a reply... Funnily enough the same thing happens for him at a couple of moments as well. It surprises him. He has been sure all he has managed to do so far is utter rubbish... He feels a little more comfortable on the court and with the racket in his hand but he feels in no way confident. Still obviously he is doing something right... or Roger is letting him get a point in here and there. He certainly doesn't plan on asking the Swiss. 

They hit like this, the ball going back and forth between them, for about half an hour. Rafa suggests a short break for a sip of water and a chance to catch their breath then. They are definitely not used to this any more and even though they are by no means out of form or not used to a bit of daily exertion, they are not the athletes they used to be. Rafa sees a flaw in that, a problem. Roger seems to have no such misgivings. The soft grin that has been on his face ever since they have left the house to go hear, has never quite left his features. He is still excited... and very much eager to continue.

“How about a match?”

“A whole one?! I don't think I'll manage that. I'm definitely not used to that kind of exertion any more...”

“A set then?”

“That I can do.”

Rafa only agrees to it to make Roger happy. He doesn't want to play like this, doesn't want them to make a competition out of this already awkward affair. But Roger is adamant and that is why Rafa complies. When they return to court, it's already settled that Roger will be first to serve. Serving has never been Rafa's strong suit, which is why he gives Roger the chance at first serve. He is sure the Swiss has been holding back and he wants to get a first hand look at Roger's competitive form... or what is left of it. 

He is not wrong in his assessment. Roger wins his first service game to love – with one ace and one service winner to his service game – and it leaves Rafa close to dreading his own first service game. The last thing he wants is to be down a game on the very first try in three years with pretty much no tennis to his life whatsoever. Something clicks when he chooses a ball to serve with and starts bouncing it. Something in his mindset... switches.

It's like a leap through time, back three years and a bit, when he was playing his French Open matches that had gotten him all the way to a Grand Slam title. It had been hard work – every time – to calm his swirling thoughts, to ignore the doubt creeping in and to focus on the moment, focus on the court, the ball and the tactic that will lead him to victory. He is back in that mindset all of a sudden... and it makes all the difference. Right now that set they have agreed to play, has truly begun for Rafa. 

It takes them a little over 40 minutes and Rafa wins – but it's a close affair. In the end he is pretty sure it is simply due to the fact that for him the drop out is not as long ago as it is for Roger. They are both definitely not up to par with any top ranked professional player. If either of them was given the chance to return to the circuit right there and then, they wouldn't stand a chance. But they are good, better than good and they are that close on their level of tennis that it is indeed a real competition, even if it's just an amateur one. 

Rafa has to revise his original opinion. This has been a lot of fun... and it hurts so badly it's almost physically painful. He misses this, misses the sport being a part of his life, misses it so much he could cry about it right here and now. Of course he doesn't. He can't. Because Roger seems happy – almost elated – even though he has lost their little sparing match - and the last thing Rafa wants is to destroy that feeling for the Swiss because he is unable to keep it together, keep his own misery hidden and buried deep inside of him where it belongs. When Roger walks up to him at the net and they exchange a handshake – just as they would be supposed to were this an actual match – he grins at Rafa... and compliments him. It's a compliment the Spaniard can wholeheartedly return back at the Swiss. 

“You are really very good...”

“Same to you.”

As they aren't a part of the club, using the amenities of the facility is not really in the cards for them.  
They return the equipment before going back to the car. Rafa feels sweaty and a little itchy and even though it doesn't show as much on Roger's skin and his clothes, he is pretty sure the Swiss feels the same way. Rafa can't wait to be back home, but right now it is really just for the luxury of a nice, long shower. He doesn't feel the earlier reluctance any more and – even though he would never admit that to Maribel – is quite happy with the chance that has been given to him here today. For Roger it seems this little walk down memory lane – along with the endorphins flooding their system as the exertion of it all – not only has the older man joyful, but in a bit of a naughty mood as well. Because when Rafa comments on their need to get cleaned up, Roger's reply is a cheeky one. 

“We should get back... take a shower.”

“Yeah... Maybe we should do it together.”


	22. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four spend a day at sea.  
> Roger and Rafa are no longer used to the sport and suffer the consequence.  
> The evening of that day out sort of ends on a downside note...

They do take that shower together but that is the extent of their naughtiness. They are simply too tired, too exhausted and once the adrenaline and the endorphins wear off, all that is left is the very blatant fact, that neither one of the two men is still used to this kind of exercise. Surprisingly enough, Mari never once comes up to her brother to gloat. When he tells her they have had a good time and thanks her for the intervention on his behalf and coming up with this idea he never would have come up with himself, she simply smiles and hugs him. Maybe it isn't all the time but home definitely makes a better person out of his little sister.

The rest of the evening is... harmonic, there is no other word for it. Mirka is in the mood for Indian food and somehow they manage to find a restaurant. They have to go all the way to Palma but Maribel decides to use her star status for once. Coincidentally it turns out the owner is a big fan and at the promise of an autograph and a picture together, the man is willing to make the 45 minute drive and actually bring them their food. Maribel is very proud of herself when she ends the call, grinning like a Cheshire cat. 

The food turns out to be excellent and they very much enjoy their exotic meal. They all feel full afterwards and even the suggestion of a walk is never even discussed. They only way they walk is to their bedrooms and it is still pretty early when they do. It's barely past nine – a time when the two Spanish siblings would usually only start their dinner – but they have had a long, exhausting day and they are all tired. Quite frankly Rafa can only speak for himself though, he has no idea what the women have been up to. But it must have been something active... or maybe they just want a chance to lie in bed together and cuddle. Rafa really doesn't care, all he cares for is a good night's sleep.

Just as Mari and Mirka, Roger and Rafa share a bed together again but only to sleep in it, both of them pretty much asleep the moment they have hit the pillow. Unlike the day before Rafa is first to wake up the next morning. When he turns to face Roger and the mattress shifts underneath them, the older man gives a very soft, barely audible moan. Rafa is immediately alarmed. He sits up in bed, reaches over and grabs for Roger's shoulder, shaking the older man gently. Roger wakes almost immediately, groans again and then his eyes flutter open. 

“What's going on?”

“You moaned in your sleep. It sounded like you were in pain...”

“I'm fine... I think.”

“How is the leg?”

Roger takes a moment to think about that and that actually calms Rafa a little. If the Swiss would be in any real pain, Roger wouldn't be thinking about his situation for so long. He would show a different reaction if it was truly awful. Still he stays worried and watches Roger's every move while the other man takes his time to assess the situation of his own physical being. He takes almost a full minute and when he finally replies, the knot that has formed in Rafa's stomach unties again. He has already started to feel guilty for the whole tennis idea of yesterday. As it turns out – luckily – there is no need for it. 

“It throbs a little. Playing that whole set and both of us stubbornly believing in a chance to best the other probably hasn't been our smartest idea...”

“Probably.”

“How about you?”

Rafa hasn't even thought about himself up to this point. He hasn't woken in pain, he simply feels a little stiff and sore, which comes as no surprise to him. Compared to other mornings he has had – like the one not too recently ago in Paris – he is pretty much fine. It comes as a surprise to Rafa. He has especially feared for his stupid foot but there is no problem there. It is exactly what the doctors have told him three years back. Playing tennis once a week, maybe even twice, it's not a problem. It's the strain on a daily basis that has ruined his career. Maybe he should actually do this more often... After all he sees Roger a lot these days... only that the Swiss seems to be a lot more troubled by the exertion than Rafa is. 

“My back pinches a little here and there. But the foot feels okay.”

“We definitely need a slow day today.”

“That we do. As you said once before – broken bodies beyond what can be repaired...”

“Don't be so melodramatic. We're just a little sore.”

Roger smiles when he says it and then turns on his side away from Rafa. Would he know Roger any less than he does, he would interpret the Swiss's reaction as a gesture of wanting to end this conversation. That is not what this is about though. This is not a rejection. It's the exact opposite actually. It's an invitation really and the Spaniard is unable to fight the urge to follow through on it. He scoots closer to Roger until his front brushes against the other man's back and he is close enough to drape his arm over him and whisper to the Swiss.

“I'm not melodramatic... and this is slow enough.” 

*#*

When they limp more than walk to the table outside on the patio about an hour later, where the girls have set up breakfast, Mari has other plans for the day than to spend it all in bed and only occasionally leave said piece of furniture for a trip to the bathroom or to get something to eat. Her plans are more of an outdoorsy nature. She confers with her brother in Spanish – to not ruin the surprise for their guests - and doesn't even realize neither Rafa nor Mimi's boyfriend are exactly in perfect shape today. It is the tiredness that causes Rafa to not listen to closely and by the time he realizes what Maribel is suggesting it's already too late.

“Maybe we can take them out? To that little bay and beach that can only be reached from see? The one Tomeu took us out to two years back as a belated birthday present for you?”

“Sure, why not...”

“Great. I'll go call him.”

Maribel is up and away to go inside and grab her phone to make that call before Rafa has any chance to stop her. Her... bounciness is simply annoying and it is not until she has disappeared through the sliding doors and is out of earshot that Rafa realizes he has just given up the chance for a really comfortable day here at home with Roger. Of course he could hope for Tomeu saying no, but he has known the man for the better part of his life... There is no chance in hell he will ever say no to anything Mari asks of him. He gives both Mirka and Roger an apologetic smile. 

“I hope neither one of you gets seasick?”

“I don't think so... Why?”

“Mari just suggested a little trip along the coast to a small bay we really like. She's calling a friend - Tomeu - now, asking him to loan us his yacht for the day.”

“Your sister knows Tomeu Salva?”

The connection is obviously more easily drawn than Rafa has expected. But how is the Swiss couple supposed to know that Tomeu isn't exactly an uncommon first name – or more of a nickname in that regard – on this island? To them it's definitely a name they haven't heard often and they draw the conclusion – due to nationality and due to the sport. It's only with a bid of delay that Rafa remembers Roger has actually initiated their very first contact through somebody on Tomeu's support team... So the Swiss knows about the connection – but obviously hasn't expected it to extend to Mari. 

“We both do. He's one of my oldest friends... And she tended to always want to be wherever I was when we were both younger. I didn't mind, so most of the time I took her along. That's how she knows him.”

Roger has already sounded surprised – even though he should have been aware of the connection and which is kind of insulting all in itself already – but Mirka seems even more confused and disbelieving. She can't seem to fathom the fact that somebody like Tomeu, who is very much successful in the sport is befriended with somebody like him... the go to guy for his teenage sister who treats him like crap more often than not. It has a bitter aftertaste hearing the disbelief in the older woman's voice. It sounds very much like she feels Rafa isn't good enough – neither for Tomeu's nor Maribel's company... It hurt especially because that is a thought that keeps nagging at him more often than not. But he does not invite it in this time. He tries to stay focused on the facts. 

“So... he is really your friend?”

“Yes. But we don't see much of one another these days. Scheduling conflicts.”

Mirka nods and looks like she is about to say something else – add something or ask something – but she never gets the chance. Maribel returns from inside the house, a triumphant grin on her face and holding the phone in her hand like she is brandishing a weapon. Her explanations are mostly meant for her brother and she switches from English to Mallorquin mid-sentence as the later part of what she has to tell the little group is only meant for her brother's ears. As happy as Mari is about the development, she can't help a soft undertone of reproach to creep into her voice when she relays Tomeu's massage to her brother. She likes the older man... and she is sure spending time with a good friend would actually be a good thing for Rafa. 

“He said yes. And he told me to tell you that he is home on summer break and for you to call him so you finally get a chance to spend some time together again. He says he hasn't seen you since last year November!”

Rafa doesn't say anything in response – neither confirms nor denies what Tomeu has told Mari on the phone. It is true though. He hasn't seen his childhood friend in more than half a year and he doesn't feel he needs to. Tomeu always reminds him of what he has lost, simply due to the fact that he still has it, it's still a part of his life. It's not like he would ever gloat or excessively talk about the sport – especially being at home and on holiday – but that doesn't make it any less painful for Rafa. He could tell Tomeu of course, but he doesn't want to. Of course his friend would be sympathetic. But he could never understand... Maribel pulls Rafa from his gloomy thoughts, her tone of voice all excited determination. 

“We should get ready. You guys go pack and bring what you need for a beach day. I'll take care of provisions and transport.”

“And who is going to... captain the yacht?”

“Rafa. He knows how.”

Once again Mirka has that surprised look on her face and Rafa starts to take a real dislike to her. He has never spend as much time close to the older woman as he does these days. Even in Cozumel they didn't have as many points of contact simply due to the fact that they didn't share a house. Here it is different and Rafa is slowly but gradually coming to the realization that Mirka doesn't exactly think too highly of him. It's not like she is in bad company... But still, Rafa doesn't like it. He can think badly of himself and so can Mari and his mother for that matter. They know him well. They know how... deficient he is. Mirka doesn't know him at all. She has no right to judge. This time it is Roger who pulls the Spaniard from his thoughts. 

“You look like you just bit on a lemon...”

Rafa tries for a smile but fails miserably and he knows it. He can't very well tell Roger he has just come to the realization that he dislikes the older man's girlfriend. But Rafa is lucky. Roger isn't aware of the line of thinking Rafa has been going down. He interprets his sour expression differently but no less accurately. It's almost scary how easily the Swiss is able to read him... Roger knows him – knows him maybe better than some of his friends and family do – and still the Swiss has never passed negative judgment on him... Rafa can't help but wonder what that is all about... Maybe Roger is simply too nice... It's a topic, a thought for another time. Right now Rafa tries to focus on what Roger assumes is wrong with him. 

“You don't like this, do you? You don't like your childhood friend, who still plays professional tennis and is doing well enough to own a yacht he can borrow you and your sister, to agree to this so freely?”

“It feels a lot like charity.”

Roger doesn't know how to reply to that – it shows all too clearly on his face. He doesn't have to though. Somebody else takes over that part for him. Maribel appears seemingly out of nowhere and steps up to her brother, pulling him into a soft hug from behind, pressing herself against his back and resting her head on his shoulder. Her tone of voice is soft and she talks to her brother in their native tongue yet again. What she has to tell him – the reassurance she needs for him to hear – is not meant for prying ears.

“It's not though. It's friendship and a show of both affection and trust. Don't always see the negative side of things. Tomeu loves you, Rafa. He's not doing this because he feels obligated or because he thinks you need to be coddled. He's doing it because you are his friend.”

*#*

It has been a bot of a hectic rest of the morning with all four of them getting ready for their excursion, packing their backs and getting them down to the marina. Neither Rafa nor Roger are actually in any shape for an endeavor such as this. Yesterdays hour and a half on the tennis court still takes a bot of a toll and the pinching and throbbing they have felt in their respective... defective body parts has not exactly gotten any better. With Roger it shows in a very soft limp he doesn't even try to hide. With Rafa... well the Spaniard is trying to put on a brave face. 

To anyone who wouldn't look to closely, the younger man would probably look fine. But Roger is looking closely and he is aware of the telltale signs. The way Rafa walks – a little unsure, a little gingerly – the way he winces when he makes quick and straining movements, the way he keeps grabbing at his lower back with both hands or tries to stretch the stiff muscles a little... Roger might be out of the sport for quite a while now, but he has been a part of it long enough to see a whole bunch of players trying to be brave and play through pain. Which is exactly what Rafa is doing right now. He probably even thinks he is being subtle doing it. But he is not – at least not to a trained and observant eye. 

Of course the younger man wouldn't say anything about what is bothering him. He wouldn't want to ruin his sister's and guest's trip. After all he is the one who is supposed to take them where they want to go and as he – apparently – is the only one qualified, it's not like he can pull out of it now. Roger couldn't care less about the ocean and the beach though. The only thing that matters to him is for Rafa to be okay. If it takes a bit of deflection and subtlety to make sure of it – and give him a way to come out of all this with his pride intact – than that is what Roger will do for the younger man. 

So when they reach that remote little bay and beach Maribel has been raving about since they have gotten underway and the girls ask them to come along, Roger gets them out of the beach day with the two women. The last thing Rafa – and Roger as well for that matter – needs is to lie on a hard surface and bake in the sun for hours at a time. They have agreed early on today they need their peace and quiet today. And they shall have it. 

“You girls go. We stay here and... watch out for pirates.”

“Idiot...”

His girlfriend is insulting him, but she does it with that endearing quality to her tone of voice Roger knows all too well. She does indeed think he is being an idiot, but an adorable one at that. It's all a bit of bickering and teasing – a routine they both enjoy. Mirka grins at him and Roger takes that as an invitation to go on with his little bit of silliness – and deflection. 

“Sharks? Piranhas? Mermaids?”

“I love you.”

Mirka's reaction would be an odd one to anybody not knowing them – as people or as a couple – it isn't to Roger though. Mirka loves him for being this goofy idiot – at least sometimes and right now it is one of those times. It also soothes the disappointment Roger has expected to show. She doesn't even seem to mind. She loves him... and she loves the chance to spend time with Mari alone. The girl's leave happily in the little dinghy and the two men watch from the ship's rail. Rafa mutters under his breath. The words are so soft, Roger is barely able to detect them. When he does, he smiles and nods. 

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing. You don't look so good...”

“You knew?!”

Rafa sounds exasperated and just a tiny bit embarrassed at the realization that he has not been as sneaky as he has thought he is. The way Rafa looks after his sister and the small boat the two women have taken it is all too clear to see that the Spaniard is worried Roger has not been the only one, who is aware of what Rafa is going through. There is no need for concern, Roger is sure of that and he tells the younger man as much, hoping to calm him down a bit. It works... or at least Rafa's focus shifts but he is no less displeased with himself. 

“It showed. Or it did to me. Don't worry. I don't think your sister or Mirka noticed. You're... not being an inconvenience to anyone.”

“I am to you. You stayed back. For me...”

“I stayed back for you... and me. I'm not exactly shipshape – pun intended – today either. Let the girls go and have fun. I can use a couple of hours soaking in the sun and doing nothing but lounging in a deck chair, keeping my leg up and pressure off it. How about you?”

Rafa is still reluctant, still concerned he has been imposing but he is smiling. A very soft, mildly pained smile. But now that he is asked about his health, about himself, Rafa actually does just as he is told and focuses on himself... and his need to recuperate. Roger is sure the girls will be gone for quite a while. They have ample time to focus in themselves, to take care of their needs... and to spend some time together in the process. Rafa sees the benefit in that too, apparently. The smile on his face widens just a little and looks less pained but still preoccupied. 

“I... I need a chance to relax too. It's the damn back... I thought it was fine...”

“But it's not?”

“No.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

Rafa takes a long moment to think about Roger's question and the Swiss is pretty sure it's not that the younger man doesn't know or the question is a difficult one to him. Rafa is simply debating whether or not to impose on Roger, who isn't quite feeling well himself. To the Swiss it's a show of trust more than anything. He knows how hard it is for Rafa to be open, to show weakness and vulnerability. He is glad when the younger man finally decides to show his true colors, to let him in on how he feels and what he needs. To Roger it's a clear sign that – after their awful fight in Paris – they are finally back on track and on the right path. He is concerned as well of course. He wants Rafa to be good, to be healthy. But he is glad he gets the chance to help none the less. 

“There's is a set of really comfy deckchair at the bow of the ship. You could accompany me there. And maybe find the small red beach bag Mari brought? My meds are in there...”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Not yet. But I'm not waiting for it to happen. Not again. Paris has been bad enough...”

Rafa means that in more way than one, Roger is almost sure of it. It's not just the back spasm and the pain the Spaniard has dealt with in the French capital, that Rafa is talking about. It's about their fight and the emotional fallout from that. Roger wholeheartedly agrees with the younger man in that regard – that fight is not something he needs a repeat of. He goes to fetch the pills for Rafa and brings a bottle of water along as well. They settle at the bow of the ship, both of them lounging comfortably in the chairs and shielded from the sun under an umbrella, when Rafa takes his pills – one for the pain, one for the muscles to relax - and gives Roger a lopsided, apologetic smile after he has swallowed. 

“I'll probably fall asleep... The stupid muscle relaxers always make me sleepy... Will you be okay on your own?”

“Sure. You just relax and concentrate on getting better.”

“I'll do my very best.”

*#*

It's late when they return to Porto Cristo and the chance to simply relax for a while – and to take a set of pills - has actually helped Rafa to feel better. By the time they return, he is still a little sore but the pain and stiffness is mostly gone. They have separated, the girls are outside watching the sun go down and Roger is in the guest bedroom changing into a pair of long pants, when the Swiss hears the sound of somebody playing the piano again. It's not Maribel, he is sure of that, because it sounds different from the last time they have heard her play. Roger also knows it's not his girlfriend. Mirka may like music, love it even, but she has no talent for it. That leaves only one other person, who could be the one playing. Roger decides to go and check.

He turns out to be right. It's indeed Rafa sitting at the piano, playing the notes that resonate in the room. He is nowhere near as sophisticated and fluent as his sister but then again Roger has not expected that. After all Maribel is a professional singer. Rafa is mainly doing this for fun... though he doesn't exactly look like he is having fun. It looks more like an exercise in focus and concentration and with his face closed off because of those two emotions, it's hard to say what Rafa is actually feeling or thinking. 

Roger has expected the younger man's eyes to be closed – fully focused on the emotions of the melody – but Roger is wrong. Rafa is looking at the keys of the piano, his focus intense and his face screwed up in concentration. But he is still aware of Roger when he steps into the younger man's sight and his focus shifts. Rafa misses a key in the succession of notes and stops playing, a soft redness creeping onto his cheeks. It seems almost like he is... embarrassed because of his mistake. Roger certainly doesn't mind though. He is simply curious to find out more about this unknown talent of the Spaniard. 

“It's a wonderful melody... What is it called?”

“Requiem for a dream.”

“It sounds wonderful. It's... very emotional and inspiring.”

Rafa doesn't say anything but seems very much embarrassed at the praise. He has a hard time actually keeping his gaze focused on Roger. He would rather the Swiss hadn't intruded on his impromptu piano session but then again it doesn't come unexpected. After all the piano is right in the middle of the living room and of course the melody carries. It's not really about the music though, Roger is mostly curious about Rafa himself and yet again the younger man is left with curbing the other's excitement. He is neither a hidden talent nor has been hiding a passion from the Swiss. It has simply been a spur of the moment thing, something he hasn't done in a while.

“I didn't know you played the piano...”

“I don't really. It's simply memory and repetition. I can't even read the notes... And I can't play it with both hands, not in a million years. It's... complicated.”

“But you are playing it.”

“I'm playing half of it and neither at the right tempo nor the right quality.”

Roger doesn't look like he believes him and that kind of bothers Rafa. Even with only a rudimentary grasp of music, melody, notes and the way a piano works, Roger should know sheet music for piano is always played with two hands – cords with one, melody with the other. And Rafa simply can't do that. No matter how often he tried, no matter how many times he repeated the process. Maribel is the natural of the two of them. Still Roger seems to see something amazing in the bit of silly tinkling Rafa has put the instrument through.

“How would you know how to play even half of it, if you can't read notes?”

“Maribel showed me. Told me which hand goes where. I memorized it from there and I tried – again and again. I guess for one hand and for the tempo I manage, it's decent. It's nothing compared to the way Maribel does it.”

“It's still beautiful.”

Rafa shrugs and hides away the sarcastic comment that is threatening to pass his lips. To him Roger is blue eyed and very much biased in his view. Nothing Rafa has been doing here at the instrument is in any way great or overwhelming. It's just a handful of notes he has learned to play because he is good at doing things over and over and over again until he has mastered them. Roger however is not alone with his assessment. From the doorway to the patio another voice can be heard. It's Maribel and she sounds just as taken with Rafa's attempt at playing the instrument as Roger is. 

“He's right, you know. It is fucking amazing is what it is. I haven't heard you play that in at least a year...” 

“We're not home that often.”

“There's a piano on the stage every night when I have a concert.”

“I wouldn't feel comfortable.”

Maribel – who has slowly walked over to where Roger stands and has come to a halt right next to the Swiss and in front of her brother – frowns at Rafa. His reply makes no sense to her. It's not like she has asked him to sit down at the piano while a concert is in session. He knows her, he knows the team that travels with them and there is nobody else around during rehearsals. He could have just as easily given playing a try then. But Rafa has never done that and Maribel simply wants to understand the reasons behind it. She gives her brother a soft, cheeky smile, hoping to coax him into telling her. 

“You have played your heart out at tennis in a stadium full of thousands of people with even more people watching at home at their TVs. How could you not feel comfortable on an empty stage?”

“It's different. Tennis is something I'm good at... was good at. This is not.”

“Let me do the chords, we can try together.”

She will not get a straight answer, Mari knows that. But she doesn't really need to. What she needs is for her brother to embrace what he has just started doing here and see it fort what it is – something he is good at and that he should be enjoying. She hopes pushing him a little will make Rafa see things the way she and Roger do. See that he is special... She sits down next to her brother, nudges him gently and makes him scoot over. Her suggestion – her offer – to start from the top and play the melody together is met by utter resistance though and it takes Mari by surprise and irritates her at the same time.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It's too quick. I can't pick up the pace like that...”

“You don't have to. I'm a musician, remember? I can slow down.”

Maribel smiles at her brother – a small, soft, encouraging smile – but it does nothing to sway her big brother's mind. Rafa is dead set on getting away from her and the piano as fast as humanly possible. He tries to deflect but it is clear to see he is uncomfortable... and maybe even a little afraid. Before Mari ever has a chance to protest or stop him, Rafa has already gotten up from the small bench, has taken a step back and is smiling at her softly, sadly, shaking his head again. 

“You do it. It's your piano anyway.”

“Rafa...”

“It's fine, Mari. It's all fine.”

Her brother smiles again – that godawful sad smile that never reaches his eyes and then he turns and leaves. Leaves her alone with Roger standing next to the piano gaping and with Mari feeling utterly lost and defeated... She doesn't even care the Swiss watching her. All she cares about in that moment is her brother... and she hates both him and herself for her inability to get through to him. She sits there at the piano, staring at the keys lying silent, now that her brother has vacated his spot on the bench in front of the instrument. 

Maribel just looks without ever playing a single note. She shudders and lets her head fall forward, holding it in her hands, her breathing heavy and slow and if Roger wouldn't know better, he would say Maribel is on the verge of crying. He decides it's best to retreat but the younger woman's defeated, broken voice sounds from the piano and it's too late for him to get away. He doesn't want to anymore anyway. What she has to tell him – or says out loud more to herself than to him – alarms him in a way Roger could never put into words.

“I wish he would simply go and see somebody...”

“For what?”

“His depression.”

The words hang in the room like a cloud of toxic poison and for a moment they actually manage to take Roger's breath away. It's not the fact that Maribel speaks of her brother's mental problems so freely. It is the fact she is actually aware of them. Roger has never thought of Maribel as particularly perceptive or emphatic. As it turns out, she is both – at least when it comes to her brother. When the younger woman looks up at him, her eyes are glistening. She is indeed on the verge of crying, betraying how much she actually is aware of her brother's troubles... and how much she cares. It's hard to take – both seeing her like that and the realization that Maribel might not be as one dimensional as Roger has always liked to see her...

The Swiss – who wishes for nothing more but for a chance to get away - tries for a lighter tone, even tries for a smile. Maribel is still looking at him with that guarded look, that pained expression on her face and her eyes still glistening with unshed tears – the girl is hardly able to hide back those tears of both sympathy and frustration. It takes every last piece of will Roger has to simply smile this away right out of him. Maribel's voice is grave and wavering when she shakes her head no. 

“All of this because he didn't want to play the piano with you?”

“No. Because he simply can't see how special and unique and beautiful he is... Not any more.”


	23. May-September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the Olympics in Bejing.  
> Mirka is excited.  
> For Rafa it hurts to be even anywhere near it all.  
> Roger tries to support him.  
> And Maribel says something entirely insensitive.  
> It all goes downhill from there.

*Bejing – August 2008*

The rest of their stay on Mallorca – which is another six days after the piano incident – are free of any more drama. They are also suspiciously free of any music or in depths conversations. The four of them do spent quite some time together doing what people do when they are on holiday – staying up late, laughing and talking, watching movies and playing games and spending lazy days in the sun with good food and just the right amount of alcohol to make them drowsy but never drunk. Those are nice days and Roger actually warms up to Maribel a little... Coincidentally it's the same with Rafa and Mirka. Over the course of those next days their friendship deepens - between all four of them. 

It's almost sad – and definitely melancholy – the day that precious little bubble bursts and Rafa takes them back to the airport in Palma. They will all meet again at Bejing airport two weeks after the Swiss couple leaves the small Mediterranean island to go back home. But it feels like a long time until then. Maribel and Mirka have already said goodbye at the house – the teenage girl not wanting to come along, not feeling comfortable with the idea of saying goodbye – and to Roger's utter surprise she has offered him a smile and a hug in parting as well. He and Mari have definitely warmed up to one another – if only just a bit.

The scene at the airport is a little more subdued, especially between Rafa and Mirka, but then again the younger man is not exactly prone to outbursts of emotion. He takes them there, they say goodbye and they promise to keep in touch. It's a simple exchange of goodbyes and then – for the time being – Rafa is gone and real life has them back. For Mirka it is mostly preparation for the Olympics. Roger spends a lot of his time with text messages and calls going back and forth between him and Rafa. Still he misses the Spaniard and he knows it's the same for Mirka and Maribel – with the phone contact as well as the missing each other part... 

Apart from the fight it is the longest they have spent apart ever since they have truly become friends with one another. Meeting again in Bejing is a heartfelt affair because of that fact. They share a meal at the hotel they stay at – all of them except Mirka of course, who has opted for a chance to a room at the Olympic village – and it turns into quite a long afternoon with a lot of talking, laughing and catching up on what they each have been up to these last few days since they have parted ways on Mallorca. 

It's a different situation from all the other times before Mirka and Maribel have met during their travels. It is the first time Maribel has chosen to travel without the pretense of concerts or any other obligations. She is simply here for the event, here for the sport, here for Mirka. It's the Olympic games after all and as small as Mari's interest in sports is, she still likes the show and entertainment value of this international event. She is glad to be here, but mostly she is glad for a chance to spend as much time with Mirka as the older woman can give her – her own schedule and obligations the only obstacle in the way this time.

The first couple of days - leading up to the day before the opening ceremony – are simply a divine experience for both couples. Couples in that regard meaning Mari and Mirka, as well as Roger and Rafa. The Swiss couple and the Spanish siblings barely spent any time that way but almost all of their free time with their friend of the same sex. Of course what they do all day varies widely when it comes to the boys and the girls. The main thing is that they enjoy there time together – sometimes maybe a little more than they should.

Today is no different from all those other days, maybe except for the fact that both Mari and Mirka are a lot more nervous than on the days before... and Rafa is in a bit of a foul mood. It is the reason he and Roger have decided to not leave the hotel today and Mari is on her own with Mirka, who has offered her to come visit her at the Olympic village today. The place is buzzing with energy and people so close to the Olympic games actually starting with the opening ceremony that same night. They have gone for lunch and are walking around the village now. For some reason Mirka is preoccupied and as it turns out her thoughts are neither focused on Mari, nor her boyfriend or the event about to start. They are settled on something else, something that quite manages to surprise Mari when Mirka tells her what she is thinking about. 

“I'm surprised your brother didn't take me up on the invitation to go and see the Olympic village. I would have thought he would be interested. Roger suggested as much...”

“It's... complicated. Too much baggage.”

Maribel says it matter-of-factly and it seems Mirka has no idea what she is talking about. Maribel has thought Mirka would understand, would know what Rafa's rejection is all about. She is sure Roger would have blabbed to her about Rafa's past. After all these two share a similar experience and if she knows about that, it seems kind of odd that Mirka does not. Mari has always assumed those two tell each other everything and that Mirka knows quite a bit about Rafa because her boring boyfriend doesn't shut up about her brother. Judging from the older woman's confused reaction Mari is completely wrong. It seems very much that Mirka has no clue whatsoever. 

“I don't understand.”

“He couldn't do this... He was too young the last time and now... now there's no chance for him anymore. He hasn't even wanted to be here. Weren't it for your boyfriend, I don't think he would have come... I tried but he rarely ever listens to me. Roger though... he somehow managed to make Rafa stop feeling like a failure.”

„Why would you call your brother a failure?“

“I didn't. He did. It were his words, not mine. I'm only repeating them back.”

“Why would he feel that way?”

By now Mari is absolutely sure Mirka has no idea about Rafa's past and why being here at the Olympic games is so hard on her brother. Mari doesn't exactly want to talk about this. After all she is here to spend time with Mirka and not to share her brother's life story with the other woman. But she has been asked and she can't very well ignore Mirka and her curiosity. She confirms her suspicions first though, making sure Mirka and Roger have not shared these news and knowledge before and the older woman has simply forgotten about it all somehow. 

„I thought you knew?”

“Knew what?”

“That there was one thing he was really very good at and that he loved to do with all his heart... A thing he had to give up on.“

„Why?“

„Health reasons. Continuing was impossible... I'm pretty sure he's been depressed ever since. Explains why he is no fun and always tries to put me down whenever I try to have my own fun. It's annoying really.“

„What was it?“

„Huh?“

„What your bother was good at?“

„Oh. The same thing you're good at actually.“

Somehow – over the course of this conversation and Mirka's rather pointed questions – Mari has managed to ignore the fact that Mirka is yet unaware of her brother's tennis career. She has seemed more interested in hearing how it had all ended for Rafa instead of finding out what this is all about. Now that Mari has told her, a deep frown appears on Mirka's face as she puts all the pieces of the puzzle together – Mari telling her about her brother's reluctance here and in Paris, the afternoon the two men had disappeared on Mallorca for the use of a tennis court Mari had booked for them and a couple of other pieces of memories... It all makes sense now... and still Mirka has a hard time actually putting it all into place and speaking the truth out loud. 

„Your brother played professional tennis?“

“Didn't Roger tell you?”

“He said they went through the same thing. Somehow I never drew the obvious connection...”

„Well he did play. Even won a Grand Slam title back in the day. As he likes to gloat about, telling it to anyone and everyone willing to listen... Scratch that – he tells it to anyone whether they are willing to listen or not. I don't blame him though. He's my glorified babysitter these days. Nothing wrong with wanting to bask in past fame and glory from time to time. What else is there for him...“

Mari doesn't mean it as harshly as she says it and judging from the way the deep lines of her frown smooth out off Mirka's face, she suddenly realizes the same thing Roger has quite a while ago, being able to put Rafa's name and the Grand Slam title together and into context. There has been that nagging feeling for a while now that she has heard Rafa's name before – without the context of his sister – and now Mirka knows why. She is however a little taken aback by the bitterness to Mari's words and she tries to concentrate on the bits about the present in Mari's little speech instead of her cynicism about the past. She even manages a smile in return. 

“Apparently there is my boyfriend...”

“They like each other, mh?”

Just like Mari before when it was about Rafa's past, Mirka has been sure the younger woman is fully aware of what is going on between Roger and her older brother. Mari is not exactly innocent or shy and the siblings are pretty blunt with one another more often than not. Which is why Mirka has been sure Mari is aware of the... physical component to her brother's friendship with Roger. But she is obviously wrong, otherwise Mari wouldn't sound so... naive talking about her brother and Mirka's boyfriend. Mirka is careful in her reaction, not wanting to cause any hardship or let the younger woman in on a truth she either doesn't want to know or should not find out about this way. But Mari doesn't seem to notice. Her thoughts have already wandered off into a different direction. 

“They do...”

“It's a little ironic, don't you think. How the four of us found each other? My brother and your boyfriend and you and me. Though we are special, I think. We have a bit of a May-September romance going on, wouldn't you say?”

What?”

“I mean I'm not even a real grown-up. Not yet anyway, not for another seven months. Technically what you're doing here with me is solicitation of a minor. You're my... smooth criminal.”

Maribel grins and she isn't even remotely aware of how hurtful her words are. All Mirka can do in response is stare at the younger woman. Her tone of voice has already been cold when Mari has called the two of them a May-September romance,making fun of the the fact that they are quite a few years apart in their age. But now the Spanish teenager has gone too far, has crossed a line she should know not to cross. They have never really talked about this but Mirka has been under the impression that Mari is aware they don't talk about his because they don't want to, because they know it's a difficult and sore topic. 

But Mari is making fun of it all, is calling her a criminal, somebody who is doing everything all wrong and even committing a crime in the process. Mirka's facial expression darkens, her lips are drawn into a thin line and finally Maribel seems to realize she has done something wrong. The smile falls from her face when she detects the expression marring Mirka's features. The older woman is very clearly angry with her and she simply can't make sense of that.

“What? What did I say?!”

“You're not even aware?!”

“Of what?!”

Mari knows it's not helping that she is getting defensive, she knows it's only making matters worse and it's not helping them to get to a productive end to their discussion. But she feels mistreated and misunderstood and she has no idea why in hell Mirka is being so damn sensitive about her stupid little joke. She should probably apologize – even if she doesn't know what for – but she can't bring herself to do it. She hates being the bad guy if she feels she is in the right and it's simply not in her character to change that – not even for Mirka. The older woman waits for it, Mari can see it in Mirka's eyes and when it doesn't happen she doesn't even try to reign in her feelings. She snaps. 

“You're a self-absorbed little brat sometimes, you know that?!”

“I don't... I never...”

“Just shut up.”

Mirka doesn't want to hear any more words coming out of Maribel's mouth because no matter what the younger woman has to tell her, it is not an apology and it is not going to help make things better. All she wants right now is to get away from her and the hateful, hurtful truth the teenager has spoken out loud so bluntly. She takes two large strides and puts distance between herself and Maribel. The younger woman has stopped dead in her tracks the very second Mirka has stepped away from her and is staring at the older woman with wide eyes. 

“Mimi! Where are you going?!”

“It's Mirka! And I am going away.”

“But...”

“Don't talk to me, okay?! Don't even look at me! Just stay the fuck away from me!”

*#*

His girlfriend has invited him to join her and Maribel for the little tour through the Olympic village, just as she has asked Rafa to come along, but Roger has declined the offer. He is pretty sure how Rafa feels about the invite and he is pretty sure how Rafa feels about the Olympic games and being a bystander and outsider here. He knows so well because it's the same way Roger feels. And he has decided distance is good. He has also decided he doesn't want to be alone in his misery. So he goes to see Rafa, even if the younger man has most definitely told him not to bother today and has asked for some privacy instead. Roger doesn't care though – he has told Rafa in Florida and he still means it – sometimes the Spaniard doesn't know what is good for him. 

Roger expects a discussion... or a door being thrown in his face but neither of those two things happen. When Roger knocks and Rafa opens the door, he is in the hotel issued bathrobe and the fact that he has no shoes or socks on gives a very clear indication to Roger that Rafa is not wearing anything BUT the bathrobe. Its the middle of the day though and Roger has no idea what this is about. The younger man certainly hasn't been in bed or anything... Whatever Rafa is up to, it obviously has him in a mellow mood. Instead of arguing or asking questions, he simply smiles and lets Roger into his room. 

“I was about to draw myself a bath...”

“I didn't mean to intrude...”

“You're not.”

It doesn't exactly sound like an honest reply but at least Rafa being in the bathrobe makes a lot more sense now. Rafa doesn't give him much of any indication other than a soft nod and Roger follows the younger man to the bathroom. He isn't sure what he has expected but the room and the tub the water is running into has not been what the Swiss has imagined. It's a fancy hotel and this is a suite and of course the bathroom would be just as fancy and big but Roger has not expected this. The damn thing looks like somebody pulled it right out of the movie 'Pretty Woman' and settled it here in this room. He can't help but joke stupidly about this.

“This isn't a bathtub, it's a pool!”

“You want to join me?”

Roger is taken a little by surprise at the question, because usually it is him who engages the idea of physical contact between them. Before he ever has a chance to tease or ask for clarification, Rafa drops his bathrobe to the floor unceremoniously and is indeed naked underneath. It's hard to say anything when Rafa is standing there like that, smiling, teasing, being... perfect in all his glory… Roger has to swallow down a lump that has formed in his throat and doesn't quite succeed. His voice still sounds husky as he replies and watches Rafa step into the steaming hot water. 

“You're doing this on purpose...”

“Of course.”

The younger man is grinning by now and every last fiber of Roger's being tells him to grab the younger man and kiss him and get him to get out of the tub and back into the bedroom with him. The urge is a strong one, one he wants to act on but he is no fool either. Maybe Rafa isn't exactly good at lying or at showing emotions, but the one thing he has down to perfection is deflection. And this is what it's all about. He knows Roger is here to talk, to bring up a topic Rafa has no interest being even reminded of. But playing easy to get will not make Roger stop worrying and it will most definitely not work as a deflection. Not right away anyway. It's not like Rafa and his nakedness are going anywhere anytime soon. They can still kiss and make out after this conversation is finished. So while Rafa settles in the tub – looking very much displeased being coy hasn't worked with Roger – the older man tries to coax him into telling him how he feels. 

“So this is your idea of something better than a chance to see the Olympic village?”

“Anything is better than to see the Olympic village.”

For some reason Roger can't quite make out, Rafa's words hurt. More because of his tone of voice than because of the actual words. He simply sounds so damn... hurt and defeated that it tugs at Roger's heart. Of course he knows what the younger man is all about. It's just like back in Melbourne or in Paris or on that day Mari has scheduled the practice court on Mallorca for them. Rafa's solution to staying sane in the wake of a traumatic past experience is to stay as far away from it as possible. And the Olympics hold a special place for Rafa – because unlike practice courts and Grand Slam tournaments, he has never gotten the chance to play the sport representing his country – not like this. Roger waits, stays quiet and simply watches Rafa intensely and encouragingly and in the end the younger man finally fills the void of silence, admitting to how he feels. 

“It hurts to be here...”

“I know.”

They fall silent after that, both of them lost in thought, both of them working through their own pain... The only thing to be heard in the tiled room is the splashing of the water as Rafa moves in the tub to find a more comfortable position. His focus is on the Swiss and Roger admits he feels a little uncomfortable under the scrutiny. He doesn't even know why. After all he is the one dressed and Rafa is the one naked. He should not feel embarrassed... and it's not like it's the first time he sees the other man naked. Still – having a serious discussion like this is sort of... ridiculous. It'S probably why Rafa changes the subject, trying to focus on something more pleasant than the pain of being in this place full of lost opportunities. 

“Are you sure you don't want to come in here with me?”

“Yes, absolutely. I would like a chance to do something nice for you though...”

“Like what?”

“Wash your hair?”

The words are out of Roger's mouth before he has a chance to really think the idea through and if anyone would ask him for his reasoning afterwards, he wouldn't be able to tell. It's simply the first thing his mind comes up with – as little sense as it makes. Rafa seems just as dumbfounded by the idea as Roger himself feels in the direct aftermath of the suggestion. He stares at the Swiss, blinks a couple of times and needs a moment to come up with a comeback, smiling a cheeky smile when he does. 

“I'm very much capable of doing that on my own.”

“I know that. It's not about capability. It's about a nice gesture.”

“Okay...”

Rafa sounds very much reluctant and Roger cannot exactly blame him. It's not like this is something they would usually do. But then again the younger man has never asked him to join him for a bath as well. It seems today is all about exploring new things together for them. It is a little awkward at first as they work out the best angle for Roger to sit and Rafa is clearly uncomfortable with somebody else doing something as mundane as putting shampoo in his hair. The younger man actually tenses when Roger combs his fingers through Rafa's hair and the Swiss tries to keep Rafa from thinking too much, trying to engage him in conversation. 

“Has anyone ever done this for you before?”

“My mother. When I was very little. She was a lot more careful than you though. Didn't pull at my hair. Made sure I got no soap into my eyes.”

Roger huffs at that, the reproach not lost on him. He knows he isn't being perfect here but still this is more about the gesture than the ability. Still he ends up letting some of the soapy foam slip away and Rafa winces when it runs down his face, splashing water at his face to keep himself from having the stuff get into his eyes. He turns to face Roger and it's a hilarious combination of a condescending, almost annoyed look and a head full of foamy hair... Roger can't help but grin, even if Rafa's reproachful comment couldn't be more true. 

“You're not very good at this.”

“Hey! I only have two previous experiences with this. I was bound to be bad.”

“Not a natural then.”

“Only at tennis.”

“I never was. Always had to work twice as hard as the rest.”

The words hang in the room like the soft steam from the warm water does and Roger doesn't get a chance to reply right away as Rafa – literally – pulls away from him, pushing himself deeper into the water to actually get a chance to get below the waterline and wash his hair out. When he comes back up for air – and with the last remnants of the shampoo washed from his head – the younger man probably assumes enough time has passed for Roger to pick up another topic. But the Swiss is very much adamant to not simply leave Rafa's comment standing like that. It doesn't exactly work out the way Roger wants it – no matter how passionate he tries, Rafa simply can't seem to be able to take a compliment... 

“That's a lie.”

“That I know what hard work is?!”

“That you're not a natural. I've seen you play.”

“Why do you have previous experience with this.”

Of course Rafa changes the subject. He doesn't want to hear praise, still doesn't feel comfortable with it even after all those months. Roger remembers Rafa telling him to tell him bad things because he can easier deal with them all those month ago in Chile. Obviously nothing much has change since then and that actually hurts. Roger had been under the impression that he has been good for Rafa, that he has helped the younger man feel better about himself... It seems it's not that easy but on a day as loaded with emotion as today, Roger decides to give in and let this go. Instead of picking up the topic of how special Roger feels the younger man is, he answers Rafa's question.

“Mirka. She had her wrist bandaged and wasn't supposed to move it too much. She complained just as much as you.”

“I'm not surprised.”

Rafa grins and a little bit of the light heartedness and happiness that they have both initially felt when Roger had first come here and Rafa had asked him to join him in the bathroom returns. The younger man doesn't stay in the tub for too much longer and they retreat to the bedroom after Rafa leaves the tub – hair still dripping wed and clad int the bathrobe again. Roger decides he's too drowsy for sex after all that wet heat wafting through the tiled bathroom and Rafa looks to relaxed and sleepy for any exhausting exercises anyway. So they simply sit up with pillows stuffed against their back for support, enjoying the presence of one another without any ulterior motives or innuendo. Quite frankly Roger is too concerned with the younger man's state of mind to think about sex…

“Do you feel better now?”

“I feel more relaxed. But I don't feel good. This place, this missed opportunity, it's so hard... I wish...”

“I know.”

Rafa doesn't have to say it out loud because Roger definitely knows what the Spaniard is about to say. Rafa seems to appreciate that fact, the deep understanding between them. It might be years for both of them but they each miss tennis, miss the sport, miss the competition, miss the chance at following through on a promising career. The Olympics especially would have been a milestone for the both of them. A hint of jealousy lies in Rafa's voice when he points out the difference between the two of them. 

“At least you had the chance...”

“I did. Didn't win any medals though... or Grand Slam titles.”

“Are we really going to play 'who's the better loser'?”

Rafa sounds bitter – a lot more bitter than Roger has heard him in quite a while – and the Swiss vehemently shakes his head at the younger man's question. He hasn't meant his comment about never winning a Grand Slam as a bad thing. Actually he has wanted to point out Rafa's accomplishments to the younger man, has wanted him to realize that despite an untimely end, he has still been able to achieve great things in the sport. Rafa doesn't see it though but that is okay. After all that is what Roger is here for – to put things into perspective.

“That's easy. Neither. We might have lost something important, something crucial in our lives. But we are not losers. We are NOT failures.”

*#*

As little as Rafa usually allows the Swiss' words to woo and get to him, Roger telling him they are not losers or failures actually makes the Spaniard feel quite good about himself. It's the first time since coming to Bejing that he does not feel inadequate or out of place. The feeling doesn't last for long. It all falls apart when only about twenty minutes after Roger has left to meet up with his girlfriend for their dinner plans, the door to his room is opening and Maribel steps in. Her face is flushed, her eyes red and her face pale. Rafa is immediately alarmed. 

“Mari what happened?”

“I want to go home.”

She doesn't bother with a greeting or with an explanation as to why she suddenly wants to leave China again. She walks right passed him and drops down on the couch in the main room of Rafa's hotel room. He cannot see his sister's face like this, but he can see her shoulder's tremble and he can hear her hitched breathing, telling him that she has started crying again. Something must have gone seriously wrong in her meeting with Mirka – it's the only explanation Rafa has for his sister's behavior and the clear distress she is in.

He knows he needs to tread carefully here, because if he doesn't he knows his sister's negative emotions will turn away from herself and towards him. The last thing he wants is for Maribel to turn against him in a situation where she most definitely needs him. Still he is curious and he can't help that curiosity. It's not only that though. He wants to help, wants to make his sister feel better and he can only do that if he has all the facts. Rafa steps up to the couch, but neither dares to touch Mari nor sit down next to her. He clears his throat making her aware of his presence right behind her and tries to keep his voice level and soothing.

“But... you were so excited to be here...”

“And now I'm not. I have no concerts, no obligations, nothing to do here. And I don't want to be here anymore.”

Mari has quickly looked up again – and there are indeed streaks of tears on her cheeks – but then looks away again. She still hasn'T exactly given him an answer, a reason for her change of mind and Rafa simply stares at her. Mari seems to expect some kind of confirmation for him, a reaction telling her he will get right on making her wishes reality. He can't though, not without knowing the truth. Mari doesn't want to let him in on that though and she quickly loses her patience with him and his continuing silence. She looks back up more angry fire than sadness in her eyes now.

“You never wanted to be here in the first place! You hated coming here! Why not just go?!”

“But...”

“I want to go HOME!”

It's happening. Mari's sadness about whatever has gone wrong is turning into fury that she directs at him. Rafa raises both hands in a gesture of defeat and actually takes a step back from his sister. He will not fight with her, he will not pressure her. She is not wrong after all. He hasn't wanted to come here and he still isn't entirely comfortable being here. So leaving is actually something he wants. And if they agree on it, why stay? It's Mari's decision to keep secrets if she feels this is what she needs to do and it is his responsibility to keep her safe... So in the end there really is only one thing for him to do – it's to agree. 

“Okay...”


	24. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger gets Mirka to tell him what happened between Mari and her.  
> They try to find a way to talk to the siblings but it doesn't really work.  
> In the fallout of her fight with Mirka, Mari is sulking.  
> Rafa takes the brunt of her bad mood and decides to seek asylum with a friend.

Roger doesn't find out about the siblings leaving until they are already booked on a flight and on their way to the airport. He doesn't get a face to face or even so much as a phone call. All he gets from Rafa is a text message, telling him that something must have happened between Mirka and Maribel and that his sister is adamant on leaving and he hasn't been able to change her mind. Roger tries to call after the message reaches him but Rafa doesn't answer. He is left like this... after the fact. And the only one he can ask for clarification is his girlfriend. 

He decides to be non-confrontational when he goes to find his girlfriend. It's not that easy because he is back at the hotel and she is at the Olympic village and the opening ceremony has only just ended about an hour ago and Mirka is probably celebrating with her fellow team mates. He doesn't want to ruin her mood and her evening but he wants an answer to what has happened that has Maribel at Mirka's side just this midday and on a plane home now.

It explains why Mirka has pulled out of dinner though. Just as Rafa she has texted him, told him she has to get ready for the opening ceremony and that she is sorry it's such short notice but he hasn't questioned it at the time. Now he does. And now he knows his girlfriend has been lying to him... He needs to see her, needs to talk to her, needs to make sense of all this. He calls his girlfriend and when Mirka picks up, Roger decides to keep his news to himself. From the sounds in the background he is pretty sure Mirka is back at her room already and she is agreeing to meeting up with him now. 

They agree on meeting at the entrance gate to the village as Mirka has to pick her boyfriend up. It's dark and rather late when they meet up and Mirka is happy and content – feelings Roger doesn't want to tinge or destroy. But he wants answers. They walk through the small park area in between the housing buildings. Roger wants to ask Mirka about earlier today, wants to ask her what has happened between her and Maribel. But he never gets a chance to do it. Mirka is the one to first break the silence between them and ask a question. She is still looking happy, is still smiling and Roger hates to destroy that joy. 

“Did you enjoy the ceremony?”

“It was very exciting...”

“Did Mari and Rafa go with you? There was so much going on...”

“No, Mirka... They... they have gone home, Maribel and Rafa. He just texted me.”

There is a deadly silence in the wake of Roger's revelation and Mirka has actually stopped dead in her tracks and her face falls. She knows exactly why the siblings have left, Roger can tell it from the distraught expression on her face. She feels guilty and very much ashamed and he starts to get the feeling that something truly bad must have happened between her and the teenage girl... Something that causes Mirka to feel awful and that has Maribel wanting to leave Asia as soon as humanly possible. Roger doesn't even have to ask. Mirka volunteers parts of the information freely, sounding utterly devastated and lost. 

„But... I wanted to apologize…“  
   
“Apologize for what?”  
   
“It doesn’t matter now…”

Mirka tries to deflect and keep the truth from him almost immediately. She barely manages to look at him and a soft redness creeps onto her cheeks. Roger has rarely ever seen her so openly embarrassed as she does look in this moment. It's no use her trying to lie though, he can see right through her. Maybe it isn't that she wants to keep this. Maybe she truly believes there is nothing she can do anymore. She might be right. Roger can't really tell, not without knowing what the hell has happened. He tries, he asks again and this time his girlfriend no longer tires to hide her deep, dark secret from him.  
   
“Mirka, what did you do?”  
   
“Mari and I had a fight… It wasn’t even really a fight, it wasn’t her fault. She said something… thoughtless and I overreacted.”  
   
“Must have been one hell of an overreaction if she decided to go home right away… What the hell did you say to her?!”  
   
“She made a joke about the difference between us. The… age difference.”  
   
“Oh.”  
   
Roger doesn't know how else to react. Mirka has always been very sensitive when it comes to the age difference between her and Maribel. He has been aware of it and he has expected the teenage girl to be aware of it too. But then again Maribel is very young and - as Mirka has just told him – has simply been thoughtless. Knowing the girl she most definitely has been rather blunt in her approach as well... Now that Mirka has finally admitted to her fault, she sounds almost a little frantic, continuing to tell him about what she did. 

“I snapped… and I was completely out of line. And now she’s gone!”  
   
“Call her then.”  
   
“They’ll be on a plane by now.”

“Call her later. The flight doesn’t take forever.”

Mirka does try to call – actually she tries several times – but all of her calls go straight to voice mail. After almost a day since Rafa and Maribel have flown back home, Mirka is frantic and very much worried. She asks Roger to help her, asks him to call Rafa and make sure the siblings have gotten home alright and ask him to tell his sister to finally answer her damn phone. Roger feels a little awkward to place this call. It's the first time he talks to Rafa since the siblings have left and he doesn't even call for himself but on his girlfriend's behalf. 

Logically he knows there is little Rafa could have done if Maribel has insisted on going home. Technically she is still a minor and traveling alone isn't something her brother would ever let her do if he can help it. But still Rafa leaving without so much as a word... it has been hurtful to Roger. It's why he isn't looking forward to this conversation and the fact that he is supposed to get Rafa to coax Maribel into hearing Mirka out isn't exactly helping either. He half expects Rafa to be just as stubborn as his sister and not pick up his phone either, but the Swiss is wrong in that regard. 

“Roger, hola...”

“Rafa, hey... I was worried. You left without a word. Mirka was worried too. She tried to call your sister...”

“She doesn't want to talk to anybody.”

Rafa doesn't even react to the tiny bit of reproach in Roger's voice and when he answers to Roger's inquiry about Maribel his tone of voice is both cold and dismissive. He doesn't want Roger asking about his sister and he definitely doesn't want to hear so much as a word about Mirka. Remembering what his girlfriend has told him and the way Maribel has reacted by immediately retreating as far away as she possibly could, Roger can't help but worry for the younger woman as well. He may not like Maribel too much but during their holiday on Mallorca he has developed enough of a fondness for her to feel at least a twinge of worry. Rafa however dismisses his question pretty much immediately. 

“Oh... Is she okay?”

“No. Tell your girlfriend she has done some quality damage.”

“It wasn't...”

“Her intention? Don't tell me that! I don't care what she intended. I only care what she did and she did hurt my sister. Again!”

The cool conversation has turned into a heated argument from one second to the next all of a sudden and Roger feels very much mistreated. After all this isn't his fight and it most certainly isn't his mistake they are talking about. He is simply acting as a shield so Mirka doesn't have to deal with Rafa's wrath. And the younger man is very much angry – at the way Mirka has treated Maribel, at the misery his sister is going through and at the fallout hew has to deal with because of all that. Rafa is emotional, he is furious and he directs that anger at the Swiss. Roger however doesn't stand for that – he retaliates.  
   
“What are you snapping at me for?! This isn’t my fault!”  
   
“It’s not mine either. But still I’m the one who gets yelled at and insulted and… mistreated! How is that fair?!”  
   
“It’s not…”

“You're damn right it isn't! Tell your girlfriend not to call here again. And tell her that she won't get a third chance to cause my sister pain.”

Before Roger gets a chance to reply or protest Rafa does the one thing Roger has never – not in a million years – expected him to. He simply hangs up on him. For long seconds Roger is sure he is imagining things but there is definitely nobody on the other end of the line anymore. He pulls the phone away from his ear and tares at it for a long moment before Mirka's concerned voice pulls him from his thoughts. 

“What... what did he say?”

“Nothing good.”

“What about Mari?”

“She doesn't want to talk to you. And... Rafa told me to tell you that... well... he said you won't get a chance to hurt Maribel again.”

Mirka has paled as Roger relays Rafa's words to her and that guilty look, that was so prominent on her face the day before, has returned. She seems to realize only now in what kind of a difficult position she has put him and judging from the forlorn expression on her face she hasn't meant to do it. Just as she hasn't meant to snap at Maribel and hurt her in the process... But it has happened anyway and no matter how sorry Mirka feels about it, the past can't be changed anymore. All they can do now is deal with the fallout. 

“I never meant to...”

“I know, Mirka. I know. But it's done now and you can't change it. We just need to give them time... Let's try and focus on what lies ahead. Let's focus on the Olympics.”  
   
*#*  
   
For the first three days all Mari does is cry. She stays in bed, doesn’t want to see anybody, doesn’t want to do anything and Rafa can barely coax her into at least having some water from time to time. For the most part she cries and when she doesn’t, she sleeps. Rafa is worried… and above all he has developed a deep, fiery hate for Mirka. Because this is her fault – her’s alone. So when the older woman calls – through Roger and on his phone because Mari’s is off and she shows no indication to even go for it, let alone turn it on – he gives the Swiss couple a piece of his mind... and then he hangs up.  
   
The last thing he wants is to give Mirka a chance to apologize – even if it is just by extension because apparently she is too much of a coward to call herself, which is why Roger has to do it for her - and feel better about herself. She has no right to that. And Mari certainly doesn’t need anybody in her life who hurts her and makes her miserable. They have talked about this before, Rafa has warned Mirka before and all that sympathy he has started to feel for her burns to ash seeing his sister curled up in a fetal position, crying into her pillow.  
   
After those first three days back home  Mari seems to have gotten a grip. At least she finally gets out of bed – pale faced, eyes red and legs shaky – to take a shower. The hot water seems to wash away the misery but it does not wash away the pain. But Mari’s focus shifts. From here on out she does not allow her pain to cripple her – instead she tries to project it on others. Mainly that is her brother, because he is conveniently there and taking the brunt of Mari’s emotional outbursts hoping it will help her to come to terms. It doesn’t… and after four days of foul words and yelled insults, he gives up on hoping… and he leaves.

He doesn't tell Mari he leaves and he is pretty sure his sister doesn't care anyway. Or maybe she will because now she has nobody around she can vent her anger at and yell at anymore. But she will get over it and Rafa simply can't take any more of this. At some point enough is simply enough... He doesn't really think about where to go, simply packs a bag, takes a car and drives. It's a subconscious decision that leads him to Tomeu's house, Rafa supposes. His friend – and the last connection to professional tennis he still has – is home with an injury and hasn't been able to participate at the Olympics. It sucks for Tomeu but it's a blessing in disguise for Rafa.

It's only when he actually rings the doorbell that Rafa feels a certain reluctance and awkwardness about this plan of his. Tomeu is his friend – a good, old friend he has known pretty much since they were both old enough to walk and talk. But still their friendship has sort of... been on hold for the better part of a year now. And while Tomeu is neither the vindictive type nor in any way as difficult to please or even be around as Maribel, Rafa still isn't sure how his friend will react to him suddenly showing up on his doorstep like that. 

Rafa gets no further chance to think this through or make up his mind and simply turn back to leave. Tomeu opens the door on him and the second he recognizes him a fond smile spreads on his friend's face. Rafa takes that as a good start. Then again Tomeu has yet to ask him to come in. So far all he has done is to stand in the doorway, give him a once over and smile at him. And of course Tomeu wouldn't be Tomeu if he wouldn't joke and tease Rafa about his unannounced and unplanned visit. Rafa however is not in the mood for any mischief. 

“Rafa... I almost didn't recognize you.”

“Funny.”

“Well it has been what? Six months? Eight?”

“Actually it's been nine.”

Admitting to the facts – and actually having to calculate the time in between visits in his head – Rafa feels even less welcome and more unsure about his decision. They live on the same damn island, they are friends and still he hasn't visited Tomeu ONCE in nine months... He never should have come here. But Rafa hasn't really known where else to go. He can't go and stay with his extended family because he would have to explain what happened and he can't stay with any of his other friends because they are working. Tomeu is the only one Rafa can trust to be home... and not to pry. Right now his long term friend is grinning a mischievous smile at him Rafa simply cannot appreciate. 

“Nine months... You can't blame me for needing a moment, can you? And I guess you wouldn't have come here, hadn't you been in dire need. You need a place to crash?”  
   
“Kind of…”  
   
“What about your parent’s house?”

It's not that Rafa hasn't expected Tomeu to ask him about his choice of refuge, but that doesn't mean he likes it. In his ideal plan for this situation to go, Tomeu would have simply let him in without asking any questions whatsoever and Rafa would have had a chance to get away from Mari and find some peace and quite for a couple of days. But this is not a fairy tale or wishful thinking. This is reality and in reality Rafa is very quickly annoyed at his friend's inability to live up to the standards Rafa holds up to him.  
   
“It’s my mother’s house. And I can leave if you want me to.”  
   
“No! I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just curious. You’re overly sensitive today.”

“It’s been a shitty day so far.”

Rafa has no problem admitting to that particular fact and actually manages to make Tomeu grin in the process of his admission. His grin quickly turns into a sympathetic smile and it looks very much sincere. But still Tomeu is curious about Rafa's reasoning, curious about the one thing he doesn't want to talk about – not with his friend, especially not with his friend. Admitting any kind of weakness to Tomeu – who has been there through it all when Rafa had to make the gut-wrenching decision to retire from the sport – has always been hard. And it's even harder when it comes to trouble with his sister because Tomeu very much likes Maribel... maybe even a little more than he should. So Rafa stays vague and just a tiny bit dismissive in his answers.  
   
“I gathered as much. Otherwise you wouldn’t be looking for shelter. So why not go to your mother?”  
   
“Because she would ask questions.”  
   
“So am I.”  
   
“Yeah. But with you I don’t have to lie to answer them.”

Tomeu immediately picks up on what the problem is from Rafa's evading answer. He knows him too well, somehow Rafa has managed to forget that fact over the course of all those months they have spent apart. But it's true and Tomeu knows for a fact that the only reason for Rafa to lie to his mother would be to spare her pain. From there it isn't too difficult to come to the right conclusions and Tomeu does just that.  
   
“You fought with Mari?”  
   
“She fought with me.”

It doesn't really matter and it's not like Rafa wants to talk about this anyway but he wants to get the facts straight. He has not been the one to engage in argument here – actually he has rarely ever been the one to start a fight with Mari. It's her. It's always her... Tomeu nods in response, looking thoughtful as he does and very much like he wants to ask more questions, wants to intrude and know more about what has happened between the siblings. The urge is there, Rafa can see it in his friend's eyes but he can also see the exact moment when Tomeu decides to give up on his curiosity and be a good friend instead, helping the other man out in a time of need. Tomeu's facial features relax and a smile appears on his lips again as he steps out of the doorway and giving an inviting gesture to Rafa. 

“Why don't you come in and we raid my kitchen. My mother brought me home made chocolate chip cookies? You interested?”

“Do you even have to ask?”  
   
*#*  
   
Rafa stays with Tomeu for the next five days and it is a lot more relaxed and laid back than he ever would have expected. The nine months of not seeing one another, of not spending any time together and essentially growing apart a little don't seem to hurt them. On the contrary - they are sort of a blessing in disguise because this way they have so much stuff to catch up on and talk about, Rafa never once feels that awkwardness around Tomeu again that he had to deal with when first coming to his friend's house. 

Tomeu is also very gracious in accommodating Rafa, never once talking to him about tennis, his life on the tour or his current injury. He knows his friend doesn't like to talk about stuff like that, feels uncomfortable hearing about it and that he is doing Rafa no favors by forcing the topic. So Tomeu doesn't. The only indication of Tomeu's profession as an athlete showing in the fact that he has a physical therapist who comes to visit him for a session of therapy every day. Other than that they are simply two friends of roughly the same age spending some quality time together. 

Rafa has known from the start that being away like this won't last and that at some point this precious bubble Tomeu has invited him into will have to burst. His sister has already tried, has poked hard at the sensitive membrane of said bubble with repeatedly calling Rafa's cell phone. He has never picked up though, has ignored the calls and let them go straight to voicemail. He figures if it is truly important his sister will find a way to get into contact with him. She is resourceful that way. 

He has not underestimated his sister, that much is for sure, because Maribel does indeed find a way and of course it's a low blow. Because his little sister recruits their mother for help and support and that is a phone call Rafa can't simply ignore. Luckily for him he is alone when the call comes and Rafa picks up the cell phone. Tomeu is with his physical therapist and that's a good thing. Because the phone call with his mother quickly veers off into the uncomfortable variety. 

“Mama?”

“Rafael, thank god... Mari said you haven't been home in days! Where are you? Why aren’t you home?!”

“I’m with a friend…”  
   
“You should be with your sister! She needs you!”  
   
His mother's concern for him and his well-being lasts all of 30 seconds and then the pretense is gone. She isn't calling because of him, she is calling because Maribel has asked her to and of course their mother tries to get him to go back where he belongs. He wonders what exactly Maribel has told their mother. She hasn't told the truth – that she has been the one to to start fight after fight, driving her brother away - otherwise their mother would show more sympathy towards her son. But Mari hasn't lied either, hasn't made him the villain in her tale, because in that case their mother would be a lot less forgiving. As he has no clue what exactly his mother knows and does not know, Rafa keeps his own explanation vague.

“We needed space…”  
   
“Well, regardless. Maribel wants to go to New York early.”  
   
“She can do that.”

His mother sighs and huffs at the other end of the line, clearly impatient with him. Rafa can't help his defiance though. He doesn't want to go back to the house and he certainly doesn't want to go to New York, sit on the same plane with his sister for hours, share hotel rooms with her and have her use him as her punching bag or errand boy yet again. Its the very last ting Rafa wants. Of course he can't tell that to his mother, but he can let her know he doesn't appreciate the way he is summoned back to the misery that is his every day life... His mother however is not even listening, doesn't hear the disdain and defeat in her son's tone of voice. She berates him pretty much right away, telling him things he is very much aware of.  
   
“She is 17, Rafael! She can’t go on her own.”  
   
“You go with her then. I’m sure you’d enjoy New York.”  
   
His mother does NOT appreciate the suggestion, not even one bit. Rafa doesn't even say it with any venom or sarcasm to his voice. He truly thinks this is a good idea. It's a win for all three of them. Rafa gets to stay home, Mari gets to be with someone who will actually be able to restrain her and their mother will get a chance to travel. But his mother doesn't see the positive side of it all. All she sees is her son's defiance and she reacts to it – quite harshly. It is only four words she utters but it’s the fact that she says the four words he has always dreaded the most hearing them from her. Because he has always known she feels that way… and now – finally – his mother confirms what Rafa has always known to be fact. It hurts him – more than he could ever put into words – and it puts him right back in line. His sister – with the help of their mother – has won and Rafa very much feels like he has lost.  
   
“I’m disappointed in you.”

“I'll be back at the house in an hour...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Is there anyone alive out there? Can anyone hear me?"  
> Jokes aside - thoughts, kudos, reviews - pretty please?  
> It would be nice to know somebody is still interested in this...


	25. Reconciling - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Rafa meet again in New York and decide to spend time together.  
> Mari walks in on a delicate situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to **Palytoxin** and **S A** for taking the time and leaving their feedback!  
> These next two chapters are unbetaed.

*New York – August 2008*

They have been in the city for five days now and Rafa is about ready to fling himself off a building... Maribel has been insufferable even though Rafa has barely even talked to her and has tried his hardest to keep away from her and stay in his own room. But things are never that easy, not with his sister, not if she doesn't want to cooperate. And cooperation is the last thing on Maribel's mind. She makes Rafa's life a living hell with her constant awful mood and her aggression directed towards him whenever he tries to reign her in with anything – be it her drinking or long nights out or abiding by her commitments... To Rafa it is like a living hell being here with Maribel. He misses home, he misses the simplicity of staying with Tomeu, he misses his past when everything was better and easier... and he misses Roger.

He hasn't talked to the older man in almost two weeks now - not since Roger has called Rafa on his girlfriend's behalf and the Spaniard has told him not to call again. He has done it for Maribel, has wanted to protect his sister and all he has gotten in return is hatefulness, disdain and hurtful words and actions from Maribel. He despises her for it... and he wants to see Roger and spend time with him. He needs a friendly face... But there is his pesky pride. He has been the one to tell the Swiss couple to keep their distance. How can he go and ask for company now?

In the end the decision is taken from him. There is a knock on his door and Rafa knows for a fact it cannot be Maribel. In almost a week of being here, Mari has never once shown him the courtesy to knock. She has always used the second key card when she has come to him. A soft flutter deep in his stomach is a telltale sign of nervousness, because he is pretty sure to know who his visitor is. He turns out to be right when he goes to open the door and finds his visitor with a soft, slightly unsure smile in his face. It's Roger. 

“Hi... I... I wasn't sure I should come...”

“I'm glad you did... I missed you.”

Roger looks surprised at Rafa's statement – if it is because of the almost two weeks of radio silence preceding his words or the fact that he is so openly showing how he feels, Rafa cannot tell. He doesn't really care which one it is. He is simply glad and happy that Roger has come to him at all and that he comes to him with a positive feeling. The last thing Rafa wants is somebody else in his life who feels the need to fight with him. He needs some harmony in his life and hopefully Roger will be willing and able to provide that. Judging from the soft smile that creeps on the older man's face, Rafa's chances are good. 

“I missed you, too... Looks like you had a rough time...”

“Does it really show that much?”

“Kind of... You look pale and tired...”

Rafa shrugs his shoulders. He knows he hasn't slept well or much since arriving in New York – or eating well for that matter – but he hasn't really taken the time to take inventory of himself and really look in a mirror for any extended period of time. Judging from Roger's sympathetic and concerned words, he probably shouldn't. Rafa gives a deep, soft sigh and finally takes a step to the side, letting Roger into his hotel room. The explanation for the way his exhaustion shows is not one he wants to give with anybody and everybody walking by on the corridor listening in. The moment Roger is in the room and the door closes behind him, Rafa explains it to the Swiss. 

“It's Mari... She's been... bad ever since her fight with Mirka in Bejing. And she is hurtful, inconsiderate and vicious. She's a complete brat... And I could not tell her about this, us meeting. The fact that you and I still see each other and are happy for that, while she and Mirka are not... It does not make things better.”

“I can imagine.”

“No. You really can't... I wish I could leave.”

They have settled on the couch – Rafa more dropping down on it than actually sitting down – and the revelation, the admission to what he wants comes across his lips so easily and freely, he is a little surprised in himself. The thought has occurred to him a couple of times ever since his mother has called him at Tomeu's house and has roped him in to coming back to his sister's side and do as he is told... He has gone through really tough times with Mari in the past but nothing quite compares to the way she acts right now. Roger frowns at him for a short moment but then his face lights up again. It seems he quite likes the idea, actually he sounds almost excited. 

“Why don't you? It's your life after all, you always have a choice.”

“And where would I go? What would I do?”

“You have a million options, Rafa.”

“Yeah, I assume there is a vivid demand for a former professional athlete with a chronic health problem, who barely managed to get his high school degree... People will line up to employ me.”

The sarcasm is dripping from Rafa's voice like poisonous venom from a snake's fangs and Roger actually winces at his choice of words. His memories return to that moment months ago when Rafa told him he can deal with insults but nor with compliments. It seems it goes for others being inconsiderate to him just as much as doing that to himself. Roger doesn't like it, has never liked it, and he doesn't want Rafa thinking this way. He wants the younger man to be proud of himself and happy with the life he has. Granted right now that is kind of a feat but that doesn't mean Rafa has to constantly belittle himself. Maribel does that enough for him already. 

“Don't put yourself down like that.”

“I'm not. I'm simply telling the truth.”

“You could teach at a tennis academy. You could accompany another player as coach. Hell, you could travel with another musician and manage his affairs. At least then you wouldn't get yelled at and insulted time and again. You could simply get away from her...”

“No, I really can't. I would... Our mother told me to come with her, she told me to take care of her. She told me she was... disappointed. I cannot leave, not ever... I never want to hear those words from my mother again. I mean I know she feels that way about me, but actually hearing her say it...”

Rafa's voice is wavering at the mention of his mother stating her disappointment in him so openly and he looks away, clearly embarrassed and sad at the memory. Roger feels a painful stab through his heart. He has gotten to know Ana, has experienced the older woman as a very friendly, very polite person, who is fiercely protective of her children, who she very much adores. Somehow Roger cannot imagine she has actually told her son she is disappointed in him. There is probably more to the story but Rafa has only heard what he wanted to hear – he's good at that... Rafa tries to tread carefully but he can't he help but disagree. 

“I'm sure she didn't mean it like that.”

“How did she mean it then?”

Rafa reacts defensive almost immediately and doesn't seem to know what to do with all the pent up emotion leaving him so worked up. He gets up from the couch, takes two steps away, turns around, crosses his arms in front of his chest and stares down at Roger, clearly awaiting an answer, an explanation. The older man – wanting to be on eye level with the Spaniard – gets up as well, forces a small smile on his lips and tries to keep his voice soft and level. The last thing they need right now is an argument... 

“I don't know, Rafa. But I'm sure she never meant to hurt you. She was simply worried for her youngest child. And she trust you to take care of her.”

“What do you know about my sister?”

“Little to nothing, actually, why?”

“Did your girlfriend ever tell you about the incident in Cancun?”

The sudden change in topic takes Roger by surprise and he has to rake his brain for all the stories he has heard about Maribel so far. Mirka has told him so much about Maribel over the course of the last couple of weeks, he isn't sure if there was a story about the teenager and some incident in Cancun among those tales. Quite frankly he hasn't really listened more often than not. He doesn't care about Maribel like Mirka does and he never will. It's not like he wants to hear this story now but he assumes Rafa has a point he wants to get to. So Roger lets him. 

“I'm not sure. She might have. What happened in Cancun?”

“My baby sister decided to go to a local bar after one of her shows. She was 15 at the time. She drank. A lot. Mescal mostly... She poisoned herself and we had to take her to the hospital. She was unconscious for two whole days...”

“That's awful...”

“We still traveled together back then but after that my mother... she couldn't do it any more. She felt she had failed her daughter and she didn't know how to deal with her or the matter of the fact. So she left that to me. I turned 21 that year, legally old enough to be responsible for her no matter where we went. So that is exactly what happened. Our mother left Mari to me, had me responsible for her and I had to promise her that I would look out for Mari and always take care of her after that. I can't go back on that promise. It would break my – our – mother's heart.”

Anger bubbles up inside of Roger at Rafa's awful tale – not only at Maribel for her selfish actions but mainly at the sibling's mother. It's simply too much responsibility to load on one person's shoulders, especially considering how young Rafa still was back then – barely even a grown-up - and how much he had gone through in his own personal life. To Roger it sounds a lot like Ana had simply given up on trying to reign her daughter in, had given up on making her a better person. It is more complicated than that – Roger is sure of that as well. He can very well imagine that Maribel would not listen to her mother even if she screamed at her until she was blue in the face. And despite all their fighting and arguing, the siblings do share a special bond that makes Maribel listen to her brother – at times at least. 

There is logic to Ana's actions, but a lot of selfishness as well. It sounds like she never once thought of her son's well-being in the process... or simply assumed he would be strong enough to deal with what she has put on him... and tell her if he can't. Roger has to hide back a bitter chuckle at that thought. Like Rafa would ever admit weakness to anyone... especially a family member tasking him with an important task. His mother should have known better... Rafa should have known better... It's a whole mess of what ifs and could bes and it seems there is no changing it now. Still Roger can't help but inquire where Rafa stands in all this personally. 

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Forget it.”

Rafa doesn't even know what Roger is referring to and somehow it is no surprise to the older man. The last thing Rafa seems to think about in any given situation is himself. This time it's no different and no matter how much Roger wants the younger man to be happy and wishes for a chance to change the awful situation Rafa feels trapped in right now, he know there is little to nothing he can do. The one thing he can do is try and make Rafa forget about it, so that is exactly what he suggests and the younger man pretty much jumps at the chance. 

“Gladly. I really don't want to talk about my sister any more. I'm here, I do what is expected of me, I deal with the consequences of Mari's awful behavior but for now all I want is to forget about her. Right now I want to focus on you.”

“That sounds like a brilliant idea. I like it.”

“I knew you would.”

There is a husky quality to Rafa's voice all of a sudden and the younger man steps up to him – slow and ever last movement measured. He stops only inches away from Roger, invading his personal space, but the older man doesn't mind. When Rafa reaches out a hand to put around him and lay on the small of Roger's back, the older man sighs softly at the feather light touch. It isn't until Rafa moves and slowly travels lower to the curve of his ass that Roger is acutely aware of what the Spaniard is planning to do. Before the younger man's fingers ever reach there, Roger stops him though, shaking his head at the younger man and pulling his hand away, intertwining their fingers in the process. Rafa looks confused and just a tiny bit disappointed and unsure of himself when Roger tells him what his rejection is all about. 

“You don't have to do this.”

“Don't you... want to?”

“Of course I want to! I've missed you so much! It takes a lot of restraint to simply sit here with my hands in my lap and not simply get you out of those clothes as fast as possible and onto a bed. I want you... But it's not about what I want.”

“It's not?”

Rafa sounds truly surprised and confused now and Roger feels the sudden urge to scream in frustration. It's exactly this kind of mindset that makes it so easy for Maribel to be a complete bitch to her brother time and again. Rafa wants so desperately to please, so desperately to do right by Roger without even a little bit of consideration for what might be best for him. Because he has years and years of experience with acting this way. And because he feels he deserves to be put down like that, even if he doesn't like it. Roger wants to break that damn vicious circle – right here, right now. 

“No! What kind of a relationship is that?! You're exhausted and unhappy and I want to make it better. I want to give YOU what you want, what you need. Will you let me do that for you?”

“How?”

This time it is Roger's turn for a very obvious action, letting the younger man know what it is he is going on about. He is even more blunt than Rafa has been before and instead of going for the younger man's back, his hand lands on the Spaniard's crotch – just as feather light – but with a glint and smile to Roger's face and eyes that leaves no room for interpretation and even less room for arguments. 

“That's how.”

*#*

Rafa has protested for all of three seconds before giving in and following Roger to the bedroom. The Swiss had taken things slow from there and it had been exactly the right way to go. Rafa had still been lost in his moody thoughts and giving the younger man time – time to adjust, to relax and let himself give up on the emotions that keep dragging him down – and simply enjoy the moment. Rafa has done just that and Roger still feels himself blush just ever so slightly at the sounds he has managed to elicit from the younger man... They haven't had sex. It's been more like extended foreplay with the Swiss using both hands and tongue to pleasure the younger man and there isn't any doubt about the feeling of release and relaxation Roger's actions have brought with them. 

Roger has dragged himself into the bathroom to clean himself up and bring a washcloth back for the younger man to do the same after they are done. Though it has been mostly him helping Rafa out. The Spaniard is simply to... relieved now to do much of anything. His eyes are closed, the bed sheets drawn up to his hips and Roger could sit here next to the younger man forever, simply drinking in the relaxed facial features, the bronze tone of his skin and the way his chest slowly rises and falls as he breathes. But the beautiful, calm moment is ripped from them when the door in the main room suddenly opens and then falls closed again and seconds later the impatient voice of Rafa's sister can be heard echoing through the adjacent room.

“Rafa, are you there?!”

“Oh shit...”

All the relaxation drains out of Rafa right away and anxiousness is marring his face as he sits up in bed all of a sudden, like a bolt of lightning has just struck him. A mixture of fear and embarrassment are the main emotions playing on his face and he frantically tries to do something, anything to make this very obvious – and delicate – situation he and Roger are in look just a little less suspicious and a little more innocent. He doesn't manage though, doesn't even manage to grab his pants before his sister's voice sounds again and before Rafa can do anything else or tell Roger to hide or at least get fully dressed again – as the Swiss is only in a shirt and his shorts as well – the door to the bedroom is pushed open and Maribel appears in the doorway, 

“I want... What the hell?!”

Maribel stops mid-sentence, at a complete loss for words. It's not something that happens to her often but then again she has never – not even once in her entire young life – walked into her brother's bedroom to find him naked in bed with another guy next to him and a crumpled washcloth on the bedside table. The situation couldn't be any clearer and the fact that off all the people Rafa could have chosen to have this kind of relationship with, it has to be Roger – Mimi's boring boyfriend – who is the one by her brother's side. Mari is gaping, her facial muscles working as she tries to make sense of what she sees and her brother's frantic, angry voice makes her wince when he yells at her. 

“Mari, get the fuck out of my room, right now!”

“What the hell are you two doing?!”

“What does it look like we're doing?”

Mari finally finds her voice and it rises in pitch and volume to match her brother's. But it isn't Rafa who replies to her, who reacts to her yelling in the same condescending tone. It's Roger who replies and that makes Mari lose the last remnants of composure she has still been holding onto. She doesn't want to even admit to the fact that the other man is in her brother's bedroom having done god only knows what with her brother. Though Maribel knows... A blind man would know what these two have been up to! She doesn't want to see the truth, let alone talk to it and she yells at Roger, sudden, fierce, deeply emotional protectiveness grabbing a hold of her that is both misguided and completely out of place. 

“You shut up right now and get the hell away from my brother!”

Roger looks about ready to yell back at Mari and his sister has actually taken a step further into the room and closet to the bed like she has decided to actually physically intervene and drag Roger from the room. An already awkward and awful situation is about to fully escalate and Rafa knows he needs to get these two apart before they can engage in their yelling match again or do something even worse that all three of them will regret later. He gets up as quickly and gracefully as he can, pulling the bed sheet with him and wrapping it around his hips as he steps into Mari's path and gently but determinedly grabs her by her upper arm stopping her mid-motion. 

“Stop it, both of you! Right now! Mari, go wait next door.”

“But...”

“Go!”

Rafa doesn't push her but lets go of Maribel again so suddenly, the younger woman almost loses balance as she has been fighting against the hold her brother has on her. She stares at Roger for another long moment before shooting her brother a look somewhere between concern and disdain. And then she turns to leave. It's amazing that the younger woman actually listens, but she is probably too dumbfounded and shocked to do much of any protesting. Rafa takes the win. Now that 50 percent of his problem are momentarily solved, he turns to face Roger and tackle the rest of the problem. 

“You should leave.”

“I don't want to leave! I want to fuck you.”

“Not right now.”

“Because of her?!”

Roger reacts a lot more emotional than Rafa has expected and he almost sounds like he is jealous that in this loaded situation Rafa would chose for him to leave and for his sister to stay. But it has nothing to do with affection or love. It's simply pragmatism. These two can't stay in the same room and Rafa can't talk to Maribel properly knowing Roger is still in the bedroom, half dressed, waiting for him. And he needs to resolve this, needs to do it now while Maribel is still susceptible to an explanation and hasn't made up her mind about them yet. Of course Roger doesn't like it. Rafa doesn't like it either. He would rather throw Mari out and have sex. His every fiber burns with the desire to have Roger stay here. But he can't. It's too damn dangerous to let Mari roam free after what she has just witnessed. There is no telling what she might do, especially not in her current state of mind. As much as Rafa hates it – Roger has to go. 

“I have to talk to her, Roger. Calm her down. There is no telling what she will do if I don't. She might tell somebody. She might tell Mirka.”

“Mirka knows, Rafa. Don't you remember? We talked about this...”

“She might tell the press...”

“Oh...”

The mention of press, of an official statement, of repercussion for both roger – and more importantly – Mirka, finally gets the Swiss' attention and makes him see the logic and prudence in Rafa's decision. He still doesn't look like he likes the idea one bit and above all else he looks very much worried and concerned for the Spaniard. If there is no telling what Maribel will do or say, how is there any guarantee that she won't hurt her brother in the process of that conversation Rafa is about to have with her. Roger hates the idea of Rafa getting hurt in any way, hates the idea of leaving the younger man alone and unprotected. But Rafa is a grown up, this is his room, his family and his decision. Though Roger abides by it – though not without setting any terms…

“Call me, okay? The minute she is out of here, call me and tell me how it went.”

“I will.”


	26. Reconciling - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The siblings talk and are finally on better grounds again.  
> Mari gives a special concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song from this chapter can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wInJlp8rviw) .

Rafa finds his sister out on the balcony of his room, huddled on one of the deck chairs, feet up on the seat and arms draped around her legs. It looks a lot like she is hugging herself – either for comfort or protection and it speaks volumes of how she feels about the whole situation. The fact that she has chosen the one spot where she does not have to be in the same room with Roger as the older man leaves, is just another indication of it all. Rafa is very well aware that he has to tread carefully around his sister. She has been... erratic at the best of moments these last couple of days and weeks and the last thing he wants or needs is another fight with her. Especially not on a 10th floor balcony. That only brings back really bad memories for him... He is still debating whether to stay up or sit down next to her, when Mari looks up at him, acknowledging his presence on the balcony and looking at her brother questioningly. 

“Is he gone?”

“Yes, he left.”

“Good.”

Mari turns her head away again, her gaze fixed on the city skyline. It feels a lot like the conversation is already over even though it has just started. Mari is very much taciturn and Rafa knows they can't leave it at that. He hasn't been joking when he has told Roger that there is no telling what his sister will do. He needs to make her understand, needs to make her see that what she walked in on is a mutual agreement that makes both man happy. He needs his sister on her side. So he tries. But of course she never makes it easy for him. 

“Mari...”

“Of all the people in this whole wide world... Roger? Really? I thought you had better taste than that.”

“Don't do this, Mari.”

“Do what?! Worry for my brother? Question his bad choices?!”

She is being hurtful but – just this once – Rafa is pretty sure she isn't aware of it. Mari has never really liked Roger, has more tolerated him as a part of the package that is the Swiss couple and the feeling is pretty much mutual. Still calling Roger a bad choice – and bad taste on top of that – is not nice, neither to the Swiss nor to Rafa. But being angry with his sister for her bluntness won't help the situation, Rafa knows that all too well. Being defensive here will only make matters worse. So he tries for brutally honest instead. 

“You have never once cared for my choices ever before in your life. Why start now?”

“Because you are my brother!”

“Since when does that mean anything?”

Mari huffs at that. They aren't having this particular discussion for the first time and it most definitely will not be the last time either. Usually she tends to get snippy when he tells her family relations don't mean anything to her. But not this time, this time his criticism seems to cause just a tiny bit of reflection on Maribel's part and that actually manages to surprise Rafa. But even with his sister admitting to her faults, he is not exactly gracious towards her. 

“Look, I know I have been horrible...”

“And hurtful and vicious and about half a dozen other things too harsh to even say. You have been a little bitch, my dear sister. And I will NOT stand here listening to you pretending like you care when all this is really about is you disapproving of my choice, feeling jealous because YOU lost a person that means a lot to you in your life and you feel that misguided urge to control everything around you and let you tell me how to live my life.”

“Fair enough.”

Mari still staying calm, not fighting back, not trying to defend herself in the wake of Rafa's assessment of her behavior manages to catch him completely by surprise. He has fully expected his little sister to retaliate and tell him he's no prize either. But she doesn't do that. The expression on his face must be one of utter confusion, otherwise there is no explanation for the grin and chuckle on his sister's face. He needs a moment to find his own voice again and when he does he sounds just as dumbfounded as he feels. 

“What?”

“You're right. Everything you said is the truth... to some extent. But I do worry... And I do not understand. Why him of all people?”

“Why not?”

“Because... I don't know!”

She tries, she really does, but his sister doesn't manage to come up with any argument to tell him why his choice is a bad one. Rafa has to chuckle at that. Mari at a loss for words is a sight he is rarely every confronted with... and it's entertaining. She looks sort of frustrated – like a translator looking for the right word to say in a foreign language and simply not remembering – and it makes him smile. Her features relax and Mari let's out a long, soft sigh. Her demeanor changes – from frustrated to slightly defeated and Rafa decides it's safe to finally settle down next to her. It seems the second he does, the mood changes and his sister actually puts her early reflection – about herself and the both of them as siblings – into words. She is not exactly subtle. 

„Look at us... The Nadal siblings. A drunk and a failure... Mama would probably get a heart attack if she ever found out. Two gay children... She would probably berate herself for the rest of her life. All that good, strict, catholic upbringing. You and I my dear brother, we are both going straight to hell.”

“At least it's warm there.”

Rafa making a joke like that – albeit a sardonic one – manages to catch his sister on the wrong foot, as Maribel abruptly turns her head and practically stares at him, looking mildly horrified to hear such words come from his mouth. It's not like they are religious or even spiritual people. But they have been brought up like that – with the imagery of heaven and hell, of angels and demons, of saints and sinners... For the most part they definitely fall into the later category, that much is for sure. Mercifully Mari doesn't dwell on the religious implications of what they are doing. She quickly changes the subject... or rather returns to the previous one – Roger. 

“I never even saw it... All these months, all that time I spent with Mimi, all those times her boring boyfriend wasn't there. The holidays, the dinners together... All those fucking moments! How did I not see this?!”

“You were too self absorbed.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Just telling it how it is.”

“Spare me your stupid honesty.”

There is none of the past venom in Maribel's voice when she effectively tells Rafa to shut up. He follows through on her demand anyway and silence falls between them. It is the first time in what feels like a long time – probably since that morning on Mallorca when Mari had sang “The sound of silence” to and for him – that they sit like this without any ill feelings or bad blood between them. It's nice... and it's surprisingly relaxing. It takes a while – with only the far down city sounds to disturb the silence – but finally Mari speaks up again. She doesn't look at her brother when she asks the one decisive question that truly matters in all this.

“Does he make you happy?”

“I think so. As happy as I can be.”

“Which isn't much.”

“Great comeback, sis.”

Maribel means it as a joke – granted not a very funny one – and Rafa can appreciate the sentiment. It's not like she is wrong. Being truly, fully happy is difficult for him, always has been ever since the medical professionals and their diagnosis had ruined his professional tennis career. But there is no denying that Roger manages to elicit that happiness from him. He feels... safe around the other man, cared for... loved. And he feels special – mostly because Roger treats him as such – and that is a feeling Rafa has missed sorely for simply too long. He doesn't tell any of that to his sister though, who is busy teasing him anyway. 

“Just telling it how it is.”

“I deserve that, I guess...”

“I really meant what I said. I'm just worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt.”

“I'm already hurt, Mari. That will never go away.”

It's a grave statement, a grave topic and with so much loaded meaning behind it, Rafa expects his sister to pull away from it. It's not just losing the chance at a professional career and at being somebody special... It's more than that and they both know it. There is a deep darkness in their past, in their not too distant childhood – one they both know about but have never ever talked about. A mutual unspoken agreement. One Rafa expects his sister to abide by right now. But she does not. On the contrary – she is quite vehement in her opinion. 

“It could... If only you would let somebody help you!”

“Right back at you, little one.”

“Not interested.”

Maribel gives him a smile – a soft, pained smile that manages to tuck at Rafa's heart – and then shakes her head softly. It's no secret that they could both use a really good therapist – for various reasons. But they are both too damn stubborn and proud to ever admit that... or actually ask for any help. Rafa doesn't even try to hide back the deep sigh wanting to escape from deep in his chest. Maribel is watching her brother's reaction closely, managing to chose a string of words that almost makes Rafa wince – at the memory of his mother actually saying something to that extent to him – but he manages to reign the reaction in. 

“Same here... Good god... Mama would be so disappointed in us.”

“Probably.”

“She might be asking herself where the hell she went wrong with us.“

„It wasn't her wrong doing.“

Rafa has no idea why he even says it, why he even comes up with this awful, deeply buried topic they usually never speak about. He expects Mari to fall silent or to snap at him and look away and for the conversation to end. But it doesn't happen. For some strange reason, out here on this balcony in the hot summer breeze and in that moment of reflection they share together, she is willing to actually talk about the past, talk about the pain. She is courageous and open – two things Rafa himself simply cannot manage. Unlike Mari, he simply lacks the strength... 

„She left us alone with him... Both of us. Time and again. I do give her the benefit of the doubt though. I don't think she suspected... not ever.“

“I don't want to talk about this.”

“I know. We never do.”

“Why start now then?”

“Maybe it would help? For perspective? For catharsis?”

“I don't think so.”

Rafa's tone of voice is clipped and leaves not even a margin of room for argument. For him this part of the conversation is over and even though his sister is clearly not happy with it, she respects his decision. It doesn't happen too often but as they are both victims in this particular scenario, she is more sympathetic than usual. Silence falls between them again – a more loaded and awkward silence this time - and Rafa decides to change the subject.

“What about you and Mirka? Will you talk to her? For perspective... or catharsis?”

“I don't think so.”

“Why not?”

Rafa usually doesn't care about Mirka much – especially not now that the older woman has hurt his little sister for the second time around. But he is truly curious in hearing Mari's opinion, her decision making. This is her relationship and so far they haven't talked about how she feels and how she wants to proceed. Rafa expects his sister to be the naive teenager she is in that regard and give the older woman yet another chance even though she has been burned yet again. But Mari manages to surprise him. Her reply is astonishingly mature. 

“I have... abandoned all hope of having her back in my life. All of my deepest fears have come true that day in Bejing. All she sees in me is a child at play, somebody too young for a real relationship and somebody she feels very much uncomfortable and awkward around because of our difference in age. She has tried to hide it, has tried to be my friend despite it but she can't. And it hurts. I don't need that. I don't want somebody in my life pitying me or being with me just because I ask that of them. I don't want to be pitied or smiled at or treated like an idiot. I don't need her in my life. I'm over her.”

“What if she's not over you?”

“That's her problem, not mine. Nobody is stopping her from coming to me, talking to me, telling me she is sorry and trying to win me back. She can do that. But she hasn't done it so far. She has never even tried. Why should I fight for somebody who isn't willing to stand up for themselves?”

For the first time since they have started talking about Mirka and the fight and break-up, Mari actually sounds angry instead of sad and Rafa feels guilt creeping up inside of him. He could tell her now that he is the one who has told Mirka – through Roger – not to call again and stay away from his sister. But he doesn't. Not really to avoid yet another fight and her accusing him of being dishonest, but mainly because it seems there has been progress to Mari's emotions. She is over the worst of her feelings, she is dealing, is getting over Mirka and is finally a little better. There is no need or reason to tell her now, get her hopes up and start this whole awful circle from the start again. Maybe it's better this way.

“You shouldn't.”

*#*

“I want to go a different way with the concert tonight.”

Those have been his sister's exact words when they had changed topics again and she had finally told him what she had come to see him about in the first place before that whole drama with her barging in on Rafa and Roger had happened. Her idea is simple enough and even though it's pretty radical, Rafa likes the idea a whole lot. Mari wants an acoustic version for her show tonight – only she, the piano and an acoustic guitar to accompany her voice. It's a brilliant idea and a daunting one. She has never done anything like this ever before. But when it comes to her music, his sister is confident... and she is fearless. Which is why Rafa is sure it will be an amazing evening.

So far Mari's concerts here in New York have barely been up to par. It's due to her shitty mood and her excessive consumption of various kinds of alcohol. Some of the time she has been tired, some of the time she has simply been in a bad mood and rarely she has been hungover. All of those factors make her concerts so far mediocre at best. But today it's different. Today she is sober and – though definitely not happy – feeling better and more like herself again. She is nervous but excited for this different kind of show and she is looking forward to a special evening.

It also shows in her choice of wardrobe. She decides on a pair of comfortable black pants, falling wide around her ankles and a white tunic to go along with the outfit. She wear sandals instead of the usual high heels and decides against any jewelry or flashy make-up, which compliments her outfit further. She wears her hair down – which has to be a first for a concert because Mari usually doesn't like having her hair flying all around while she performs – It's a whole different type of preparation and a perfect reflection of how special this evening will be. Trying to take Mari's nervousness from her, Rafa actually tease her about it all a little.

“You forgot your pretty make-up. And your shiny necklaces.”

“I didn't forget them. I chose not to wear them.”

“Are you sure you'll feel alright without them?”

“Quite frankly I feel pretty naked. This is so different...”

His sister is very open about how she feels and how anxious she is about tonight's show. She is still confident – otherwise her tone of voice would be a different one – but still Rafa can practically feel the nervousness radiating right off of her. He is sure though that Mari will be amazing out there tonight. This whole idea of an acoustic evening is like it is made for her. His sister might have a lot of flaws... but she can sing. It seems it's time for a little bit of a reassuring big brother speech. 

“I thought that was the whole point.?”

“It was.. is... But that doesn't mean I'm not scared... What if they don't like it?!”

“These people out there are you fans, Mari. They love you. Nothing you do could ever not be liked by them.”

“Mirka claimed she loved me, too...”

Of course his sister would start with the Swiss woman again – so much for Mari actually being over this broken relationship – and all Rafa can do in response is to smile knowingly and shake his head. Mirka fighting with Mari and telling her she doesn't want to see her again, has left his sister deeply rattled and even though she is working through it, that feeling of being unloved and unwanted doesn't simply go away. It is up to Rafa to make it disappear. 

“That's different.”

“How?”

“She had doubts. Right from the beginning. These people don't.”

“Do you? Doubt me?”

“Never.”

He is glad his sister doesn't protest or question him when it comes to his assessment of the situation with Mirka, but asks for his own opinion and feelings instead. It is easy to admit to those. It is easy to feel sure of them, because no matter how harshly Mari treats him sometimes, he has never lost faith in his sister – neither as a person and especially not as a singer. It's the right thing to say and Maribel smiles a soft, shy, very girly smile at him that makes he look like the 12 year old with pig tails Rafa sometimes remembers so fondly. He can't help it – he pulls her into a tight hug, whispering to her.

“You'll be amazing out there, little one. Now go and mesmerize.”

Mari does exactly that. From the first not sung to the very last song she is simply breathtaking out there on the stage with the single spotlight on her and – depending on the song – only the piano or the guitar to accompany her voice. Rafa has never experienced a quieter crowd and it's not that they are disinterested or uncaring. They are simply swept away by the beauty of his sister's clear voice and they want to listen intensely to every last note she sings. It is only in between the songs that the whole concert hall practically erupts – in cheers and claps and exclamations of joy and admiration.

The final song Mari sings it's a new one and it's sort of like the cherry on top... She doesn't introduce the new song and Rafa has only gotten a glimpse of the lyrics right before the show. Mari has given the sheet of slightly crumpled paper to him right before the start of the concert and has asked him to read and make suggestions – if necessary – during the 15 minute break in between the two halves of the concert. He has nothing to criticize though. Mostly he is very much touched by the words Mari has put on paper – by the depth of the emotion, the sadness and desperation of it all. It's miserable... but beautiful and it's the perfect finale for a very special evening. 

_Wish I could, I could've said goodbye  
I would've said what I wanted to   
Maybe even cried for you   
If I knew it would be the last time   
I would've broke my heart in two   
Tryin' to save a part of you _

_Don't wanna feel another touch  
Don't wanna start another fire   
Don't wanna know another kiss   
No other name falling off my lips   
Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger   
Or let another day begin   
Won't even let the sunlight in   
No, I'll never love again   
I'll never love again_

_When we first met  
I never thought that I would fall   
I never thought that I'd find myself   
Lying in your arms   
And I want to pretend that it's not true   
Oh baby, that you're gone   
'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning   
And I'm not moving on _

_Don't wanna feel another touch  
Don't wanna start another fire   
Don't wanna know another kiss   
No other name falling off my lips   
Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger   
Or let another day begin   
Won't even let the sunlight in   
No, I'll never love _

_I don't wanna know this feeling  
Unless it's you and me   
I don't wanna waste a moment,   
And I don't wanna give somebody else the better part of me   
I would rather wait for you, _

_Don't wanna feel another touch  
Don't wanna start another fire   
Don't wanna know another kiss   
Baby, unless they are your lips   
Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger   
Don't let another day begin   
Won't let the sunlight in   
Oh, I'll never love again   
Never love again _


	27. Problems and solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari and Mirka make up.  
> Roger and Rafa discuss food... and other things.

*Tokyo – September 2008*

Mirka could still kick herself for her indecisiveness and her cowardice back in New York. She knows she should have done this a long time ago but she has never managed. By the time she had finally gathered enough courage back in New York and was about ready to face Maribel. The young Spanish singer had already left. As she had arrived in New York early, her last two concerts had been pushed to the beginning of her stay and as the second week of the US Open had come around and Mirka had finally managed to talk herself into going to see Mari, the younger woman had left for home again. 

She knows Tokyo is the last chance to talk to Mari this year because it's the last time they will be in the same place at the same time, as it is the last of the concerts the younger woman has rearranged to fit Mirka's schedule. The older woman is surprised there hasn't been a revised schedule organized after their fight in China but there probably wasn't enough time for that... There certainly won't be any repeat of that next year, not if Mirka doesn't find a way to make Mari see that the way she has acted in Bejing has been appalling and that she wants the younger woman back in her life and has missed her dearly. But to have Mari see all that, Mirka first needs to go to her... and then get out the words. 

She has – just for a moment - debated taking her meds before going to Maribel's hotel room – the number of which she has gotten from Roger, who has bothered Rafa about it until the other man has given in – but she has decided against it. The meds won't help her with a situation like this. She will be calmer, that much is for sure. But the pills will dull her senses and the last thing she wants is for Mari to think she is uncaring and unemotional. She needs the emotions to make her point, even if it scares her half to death even thinking about confronting Maribel. But she is the one who has made a mistake this time, who has acted like an idiot and who needs to apologize. Maribel deserves it. Even if she decides to never see Mirka or speak another word with her ever again. That's the younger woman's choice. And it's Mirka's responsibility to finally give her that apology she has been owing to Mari ever since Bejing.

She is procrastinating and Mirka is very well aware of that. She takes her time with picking what to wear, lingers in the lobby for longer than she needs or has to, walks up and down the corridor in front of Mari's room and finally berates herself for her damn cowardice. It's not like Mari is going to hit her. The worst that can happen is for the younger woman to yell at her, tell her off and then throw the door in her face – all of those legitimate reactions that Mirka deserves. It's not like it's the end of the world. It will be awkward, painful maybe, but that is part of life and Mirka is a grown woman. It's time to accept the consequences of her actions. She knocks. 

She can actually hear footsteps approaching and stop right in front of the hotel room door in the other side of it. Mirka is sure Mari is looking through the spy hole and has to decide how to react to her presence outside the younger woman's hotel room. It takes a while and nothing happens. Mirka feels uncomfortable as she is sure she is under scrutiny right now, but she doesn't move or leave. She simply waits. Her patience is rewarded, because after almost a full minute of waiting, the door is opened, Maribel appears in her sight and for a second Mirka is glad and happy to see her. But then she detects the look on the younger woman's face and her heart sinks. Mari looks anything but pleased to see her. 

“You... What the hell are you doing here? You shouldn't even know which room I'm in. Who told you?”

“I pestered Roger, who annoyed your brother until he finally caved and gave us your room number...”

“Why?”

Mari still sounds cold and angry and very much confrontational. So far it has not been a good start to their conversation and no matter how much Mirka tries to be friendly and patient, soothing and level-headed, it doesn't exactly work out. Because there are two to this conversation and Mari shows no intention whatsoever to make this encounter pleasant for Mirka for even so much as a second. She has crossed her arms in front of her chest at her fury driven question and Mirka tries for a small smile that probably looks more like a pained grimace. 

“I thought it was time we talked.”

“Talk then.”

“Can I... come in?”

“No.”

“I deserve that I guess.”

“Well, at least you're perceptive.”

Mari is not making it easy for her and quite frankly she is pretty hurtful in her bluntness. But Mirka knows she deserves that as well. She has been the one to do the hurting and Mari not giving her so much as an inch of leniency is the younger woman's prerogative. Of course she is still angry and emotional – time does not heal wounds like that, not that quickly, not ever. And Mari is a special case, because she is so young – which has been the main reason for their fight in the first place. But Mirka doesn't want to dwell on that. She doesn't want to think about what separates them, she wants to think about what unites them and hopefully find a way to make Mari see that as well. So   
Mirka tries a different tactic.

“I heard about your acoustic concert at Madison Square Garden... I'm sorry I missed it. I saw a highlights video on Youtube though. It was beautiful.”

“I know.”

Maribel is still not letting Mirka in, is not allowing her so much as a glimpse at her feelings or shows even the hint of a smile on her face. Making nice with her is not working – not in the way Mirka has hoped it would. She decides it's time to simply stop beating around the bush here. She hasn't come to see Mari to compliment her or gauge how the younger woman is feeling. She has come here to apologize – always knowing that maybe that apology is unwanted and will not change anything between them. It's a risk Mirka has to simply take. 

“I'm sorry, Mari. I am so, so sorry. It's all I came here for really. To apologize to you.”

“To achieve what?”

“Nothing. I want nothing from you. No friendliness, no acceptance, nothing. All I wanted was for you to know that I am deeply sorry, I really am... I'm sorry I reacted so harshly... I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry I left you like that and I'm sorry if I caused you any pain. I never meant for any of that to happen. I completely overreacted and it took me a while to realize it and admit to my fault. I know I probably sound like I'm here to make myself better, but it's not like you. I simply want you to know that I feel terrible for treating you the way I did and I hope that one day you'll find it within yourself to forgive me...”

Mirka looks at Mari for a long moment that they spent in complete and utter silence, searching the younger woman's face. Mari however still doesn't show much of any trace of emotion and as hard and painful as it is for Mirka, she tries to accept it. She nods softly and turns to leave. Maybe this is how it was always supposed to go – Mari throwing the same hurt back at her that Mirka has inflicted and making her see, once and for all, that they are through and there is no turning back to the way things were before. But where the multitude of words Mirka has used have not had much of any impact on Mari, Mirka's actions do. The moment she turns and takes a first step, Maribel stops the older woman.

“Don't go.”

“Are... are you sure?”

“You left once before and broke my heart with it. Do you really want to do that again?!”

“No! Of course not...”

“Come in.”

Mirka has turned back around and is vehemently trying to convince the younger woman that the last thing she has wanted was to hurt her again. Mari looks at Mirka for a long moment after the older woman admits to nit having any intention of being hurtful again. Mirka can practically see Mari's thoughts working and in the end she is still surprised that Mari reaches the decision to allow her into the sanctuary of her room. It should feel like a victory... but it doesn't. The moment Mirka steps into Mari's room and the door falls shut behind them, an awkward silence falls between them, one Mirka desperately tries to break. Asking Mari about her feelings however turns out to be the wrong way to go. Because the younger woman is neither lenient nor level- headed. She is immediately irritated. 

“Are you... okay? You look... upset.”

“I am upset, damn it! I'm furious for heaven's sake! It's been a month, Mirka! A whole month of radio silence, of me crying my heart out and asking myself why the hell you treated me like that and what on earth I did to you to deserve any of this!”

“You didn't...”

“Damn right, I didn't! It was just a joke!”

They have finally reached the core problem of that afternoon in China – Mari not thinking at all and Mirka overthinking things to the point of making it painful for the both of them. All Mari has meant that day, was to make a stupid, meaningless joke. And Mirka had taken offense, had read way more into it than had ever been meant to it and had made a solitary decision based on the way she had felt. She had completely overreacted and Mari had every right to feel offended and mistreated. Mirka shakes her head sadly and tries to make sense of it all, tries to explain her reasoning to the teenage girl. 

“I know... I know it was. But you reminded me of something...”

“Of what?”

“That I should not be with you. That me being with you is essentially a crime. You are 17, Mari...”

“Why would that matter?!”

“I'm almost old enough to be your mother...”

It's a little over the top to put it like that, but there is no denying that the age difference between them is definitely not a small one. There's more than a whole decade of time in between their dates of birth... and it shows, time and again. But there is truth to Maribel's question as well – why should it matter? If they truly have deep, heartfelt feelings for one another, the fact that Mari is almost 13 years Mirka's junior should not have any impact on them. It doesn't have to. Maribel is willing not to let it happen. 

“But I don't care! And neither should you. I like you, you like me! Isn't that enough?”

“It wasn't in that moment.”

“And now it is?!”

Mari's questions sounds exasperated and it is a deserved reaction. Effectively nothing has changed... Mirka is still older than Mari and she still is reluctant to a certain degree. But she is also lonely and miserable without Mari in her life... She has sworn to herself not to do this, has sworn to herself not to ask for Maribel's forgiveness because this is not supposed to be about her feeling better. This whole visit has been about helping Mari to come to terms with her feelings. But Mirka can't help it. Now that she is standing here, so close to the younger woman for the first time in weeks, she can't deny the fact that she has missed the younger woman dearly. And no matter how hard or difficult things might be between them, Mirka simply isn't willing to give up on Mari like this. She can't. She has to try. She has to fight... Everything else is up to the teenage girl. 

“I don't know... All I know is that I'm miserable without you in my life. I missed you. I want you as a part of my life. Please forgive me?”

“I'll have to think about it.”

“Fair enough. Do … do you want me to go?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Mari takes a long time before she answers. She does indeed think about it – not only about forgiving Mirka but about how she wants to proceed from here on out. It's probably the most mature decision she ever has to make in her life until this very moment. It's not easy but in the end it's a very simple decision. She likes Mirka. Actually that's an understatement – she loves Mirka and she feels the same way as the older woman. She has missed Mirka and she doesn't want to miss her anymore. She wants the older woman back in her life but as much as she wants it, it's difficult. She needs to learn to look past that awful moment in Bejing, she needs to relearn to trust Mirka again. She wants to... but she is not sure if she can. Maybe in the end here reaction is childlike and a little naive. But that's who she is and if Mirka truly wants her back she needs to accept that.

“I don't know... I want things the way they were before.”

“We can try...”

“Yes, we can try.”

*#*

It's a mutual decision to try and that is exactly what they do – right away. They decide to take things slow and watch a movie. Mari decides on a Disney movie and Mirka knows it's a test. The teenage girl has picked a children's movie on purpose. She is trying out boundaries, is trying to find out if Mirka really means what she has said about being wrong and wanting another chance at being together again. It's not even a bad choice but it is a movie for children and technically speaking Mari is exactly that. If the younger woman is trying to bait her though, Mirka is not falling for it. Actually she enjoys the form of entertainment chosen. 

They are halfway through the movie when Mirka realizes something is off about Mari. She has been shifting in her seat, fidgeting and moving around quite a bit and there is a very soft but detectable tremble to her hands. To the untrained eye it would look like she is nervous or restless. But Mirka is not untrained and she knows from her own, personal, bitter experience that this is something entirely different. Mari isn't nervous or impatient... she is jonesing. Mirka has seen it before, has experienced it whenever she has hit a particularly rough patch and has taken her pills more often than necessary. It's the same with Mari right now. Without an actual conscious decision Mirka grabs the remote and pauses the movie, causing Mari to finally stop fidgeting and to look at her curiously. Her questions is a snippy and sarcastic one but Mirka doesn't even bother answering it. She is too worried about the teenage girl and she cuts right to the point, her concern giving her courage. 

“What? Don't you like it? Not mature enough?”

“Roger said you have been drinking a lot?”

Maybe it's wrong to approach the subject so bluntly and bringing both her boyfriend and Mari's brother into the mix – as the younger woman has to know that is where Roger got the knowledge from – is probably not a good idea either. But Mirka doesn't want to stay silent about this. She can't. She's too worried and after all honesty has to be part of the mix if they truly want to try to be friends – and possibly even more than that – again. Just as expected, Mari doesn't like where this line of conversation is going one bit. Her defensive tone however doesn't stay like this for too long. 

“Your boyfriend is a tattletale! And so is my brother for that matter, because I'm pretty sure that's where the info came from...”

“Are they wrong?”

“No.”

“You have a problem, Mari...”

She is being offensive and blunt and probably way out of line this soon after they have decided to try being... a couple again. But this needs to be talked about, needs to be addressed and for an odd reason Mirka can't quite understand and has never expected, Mari is not angry with her or dismissive. She doesn't yell, she doesn't curse, her face doesn't even darken. All she does is nod in agreement and then she shifts a little, pulls her legs up, puts her arms around them and faces Mirka, explaining said problem to the older woman. 

„I do, but it's not an alcohol problem. I have a life problem. Alcohol takes care of it.“

„I know how that feels...“

„How could you possibly?“

Maribel sounds more curious than hurtful and Mirka isn't sure if it is that or the fact that they share a mutual flaw. She hardly ever allows herself to think about this, to even get anywhere close to the word 'addiction' in her mind, but that is exactly how it is for her. She is addicted to the medication she takes, she needs it to function in her every day life and in that regard she and Maribel are exactly the same. Mari watches her as Mirka goes for her purse and rummages through it for a little while. It takes a moment to find what she is looking for and then she finds what she is looking for and holds out the pill bottle to the younger woman.

„What the hell is that?“

„Anti anxiety meds.“

“Do you take them often?”

“When I need them.”

“Do you need them often?”

Maribel's questions are pointed and hard to answer but she is never once vindictive. She is simply interested in hearing more about this. She is observant and keeps her focus solely on Mirka. She is practically hanging on every word the older woman says and Mirka realizes that this has to be the first time Mari is confronted with somebody sharing the same kind of problem as she has and is seeing things from an entirely different perspective like this. Mirka tries to be honest and it takes a lot of inner reflection she rarely ever does. It makes her sad to admit to the facts... and it hurts, but it manages to bring a small smile to Maribel's lips.

“I need them more often than I would like. I... I can't really not take them. I have a life problem, too, you know. And this helps.”

“So we are just the same? You and I?”

“I... Yes, we are.”

Mirka has been reluctant for just a moment, has thought about holding back and not admitting to her fault. But the teenage girl is right. They are exactly the same in that regard – to flawed characters unable to fight their addiction, making themselves believe they need the crutch – of pills in her case and alcohol in Mari's case – to function. Maribel seems to appreciate Mirka's honesty as well as the way they can relate. She changes her position, scoots closer and lets her head rest on Mirka's shoulder. Mirka leans into the touch, enjoys the presence of the younger woman, enjoys the warmth radiating off of her. It's actually soothing and takes the sting out of Mari's rather truthful words.. 

“Two screw-ups in a less than perfect world... I think I like that.”

*#*

Roger has decided to lie to Rafa. He knows he shouldn't and he knows there will probably be a fall out from all this later, once Maribel tells her brother about her meeting with Mirka. But he doesn't want to discuss his girlfriend or Rafa's sister while they spent their time together. Actually talking is one of the last things Roger wants to do with Rafa today. They haven't had a chance to really be together since New York. Not in the most... physical sense of the words. Roger knows Maribel has accepted the facts and has actually been quite nice and sympathetic towards her brother – which still surprises him to no end – but Rafa has been a little reluctant since then. Roger wants to remedy that today. 

He expects a bit of a discussion or at least for Rafa to play hard to get. But neither of those things actually happens. When Rafa opens the door on him – knowing fully well that the Swiss is coming to see him – he is wearing a pair of boxer shorts... and nothing else. He has a wide, mischievous and very much inviting grin on his face and the second Rafa has pulled him into his room and the door closes behind them, Roger is pulled closer and into a long, sensual and passionate kiss. It's one of the few times Roger is the first to pull away. He is panting when he does. 

“What was that for?”

“I missed you.”

“Obviously.”

Roger falls in with Rafa's grin and leans in to kiss the younger man again. It's less than two minutes before they fall on the bed in Rafa's bedroom and the younger man is out of what little clothing he has been wearing in the first place. Whatever reluctance and awkwardness there has been before – because of Maribel barging in on them the last time they have done this – quickly dissolves. They end up with the very same post coital routine as always – Rafa on his front, Roger caressing the length of his spine and both of them very much relaxed and exhausted. They haven't really taken the chance to talk, their minds occupied by something way more physical up to this point but Roger wants to take the chance now, though it is more of a tease than an actual conversation. 

“We haven't done this since that day in New York...”

“The infamous one?”

“That's exactly the one. I still can't believe your sister actually kept her cool about us. I did not expect that.”

Rafa frowns at him but the confused reaction doesn't stay on his face for too long. Roger isn't wrong after all. Maribel is not good with emotions or with empathy or with being nice to her brother – at least most of the time. But back in New York his sister has managed to surprise them both. On his front like this it is hard for Rafa to shrug his shoulders in response, but there is something else he can do like that, something he feels the older man deserves in response to his teasing. There is a little secret Roger has tried to keep from him, but Rafa knows and he has decided – before the older man has ever arrived here – to not be angry about Roger's secrecy, if that is how the older man decides to handle the situation, but to combat it with honesty. 

“That's fair I guess. She doesn't have the best track record when it comes to being sympathetic and understanding, I guess. But she is learning. Which is why she forgave your girlfriend.”

“What?”

“Stop stalling, Roger. And don't lie to me. We're better than that.”

“How did you...”

Roger doesn't apologize, is too confused and surprised to do so, but Rafa doesn't call him out on it or react angry because of it. The reprimand Rafa directs his way is a soft and gentle one and Roger can't help but wonder how on earth the younger man knows about his little secret. Instead of an answer, Rafa shows Roger his phone. There is a text message from Maribel and even though it is in Spanish, Roger can tell it is a happy note due to the heap of exclamation points and he knows it's about Mirka because her name is part of the message. Roger gives Rafa an apologetic look. He has known from the start that his decision is a bad one and right now he feels very much guilty. Out of the two of them he has been the one to always demand honesty. He has broken his own rules and he has a hard time explaining it. Luckily for him Rafa is neither angry nor vindictive. He simply wants to understand Roger's reasoning. 

“I didn't know how to tell you... I thought you'd be mad...”

“Why?”

“Because I went against your wishes? Because you want to protect your sister? Because you don't like Mirka?”

“None of that's true... Or maybe it is... Either way, I'm happy as long as Mari is happy and if this text message is anything to go by, she is very happy.”

“So... we're good?”

Roger sounds very much unsure of himself and where ever it is they stand with their relationship right now. He is still really very surprised that Rafa hasn't yelled at him – not even once – for going behind his back and pushing Mirka and Maribel back together. He has expected a more... protective reaction. But it never comes and Roger actually is pretty sure this means Rafa trusts him, trusts his decision making, trusts his insight into the situation. It's flattering, but still confusing. The younger man has pushed himself into a seated position by now in order to actually have this conversation properly. He does however not wear a properly grave look on his face. Instead he is grinning and very much teasing the older man. 

“Let's just say you owe me one.”

“In that case. I'm hungry...”

“Order room service then. The phone is right next to you.”

“Room service in Tokyo?”

Rafa isn't quite sure what to make of Roger's guarded and almost appalled reaction. Obviously the Swiss doesn't like the idea of not getting dressed, staying in this room and simply enjoying a relaxing afternoon with some food and maybe a shared bottle of wine. This is a fancy hotel and they are bound to have fancy food, so there is no reason for Roger to dislike the idea. Actually the Swiss is usually the one to suggest they stay in when they spend time together like that. Rafa can't help but make fun of the other man's sudden change of heart yet again. 

“What? Are you afraid of food poisoning?”

“If we don't go for Sushi in Tokyo, we deserve to get food poisoning! I'll invite you...”

“Sushi sounds great. Getting up and getting dressed on the other hand...”

“I'll help you.”

Roger has a mischievous expression on his face and he actually chuckles when Rafa gives him a frown and something between a groan and a huff escapes the younger man's lips. The last thing that would get them out of this room and into the city to find a restaurant for them to have that elusive sushi at would be Roger trying to help Rafa getting dressed. They would most definitely end up right where they started and would be even more hungry the second time around. They both know it and Rafa can't help the grin spreading on his face as he points out the rather obvious facts. 

“I don't think that would get us anywhere.”

“Probably not.”

“So... round two?”

Rafa means it more as a joke than anything else because there is no way in hell he could have sex again now – not even if somebody paid him a lot of money for it. He still feels completely exhausted, a little sticky and tired and quite frankly he feels a little hungry himself. But he is nowhere near as desperate as Roger who neither smiles or chuckles. It means he is really very close to being famished, otherwise the older man would not be so desperate and would decline the chance for another sensual encounter right here, right now. 

“No. Sushi first.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Leecher! Sex maniac!”

“Glutton!”

Roger takes a deep breath – undoubtedly to find another bit of bantering he can hurl at the younger man's face. But Rafa stops him, stops him the only way he can think of. He scoots closer to Roger before the older man gets another word out and grabs the Swiss lower left arm, pulling him closer causing the older man to tilt forward and their lips to crash together. It stops the argument effectively and Roger certainly isn't against it. The kiss intensifies, gets more passionate and this time it is Rafa to pull away first. He grins widely at the Swiss, who stares at him rather dumbfounded now and seems to completely have forgotten what was on the tip of his tongue only seconds ago. 

“Does this mean I've won the argument?”

“It means we've both won. And now get dressed. Or I'll eat you.“

“Don't tease.”

“Food!”


	28. Surprises, anniversaries and dedications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari surprises Mirka at a tournament and invites her to one of her concerts.  
> Rafa deals with a not so nice anniversary. Roger tries to give him perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is today's [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1godKRBeZc)

*Zürich – October 2008*

It feels strange to be in a hotel room this close to home. They are in their home country and only about an hour away from their actual house in Basel that they share and they could have driven into the city just as well on a daily basis. But this is a tennis tournament – the last tournament Mirka plays this year – and a hotel is what is required. Still it never stops feeling weird. At least their way back home won't be a long one for them...

It's not the only thing that is weird about this particular tournament though. This is the very first tournament Mirka has played since the early clay court swing in South America in February where Mari isn't there. The younger woman has been around for every last of her tournaments, playing her concerts along with Mirka's tennis tournaments but now she isn't here. And that makes the Swiss feel sad. She misses Mari and she hates the fact that they will not be seeing each other until the new year in Australia... It will be sort of an anniversary then – which is nice – but it is a long time until than and that is frustrating. 

They have texted a lot ever since Tokyo because Mirka feels they need it, feels like Mari is slipping away if she doesn't talk to her or at least get a message from her once a day. Roger is annoyed and Mirka understands that. She has been talking about Mari practically non-stop ever since they have found their way back to one another. Unsurprisingly Roger is glad they are alone on this particular trip and that he will be having his girlfriend all to himself... apart from the phone calls... and the text... and the fact that Mirka constantly talks about the Spanish singer... But other than that, it's just the two of them. 

Mirka has just finished a first practice session at the tournament grounds and she and Roger are about ready to go out for lunch, when there is a knock on the door. Neither one of them expects and visitors or company and neither one of them has any idea who their ominous caller could be. The answer is found quickly enough when Mirka goes to open the door and finds a grinning Maribel standing right in front of it, smiling brightly at her. Somewhere behind her, Mirka can hear Roger sigh softly when Maribel's voice sounds from the door.

“Surprise!”

“Mari... What are you... I didn't expect to see you here!”

“Hence the surprise.”

Maribel pushes past Mirka and into the room, a scowl quickly flashing on her face when she detects Roger inside the room as well. Her greeting is a quick, curt nod of the head, a gesture Mirka's boyfriend wholeheartedly mirrors. Mirka decides to intervene before these two can get into any kind of argument that Mari shouldn't even be here. Mirka however can't help her own curiosity and mild shock at the sudden appearance of the younger woman at her hotel room door. Unlike Roger however, Mirka is happy about the surprise. 

“Did... did you come all the way out here for me?”

“Of course I did! This is the last tournament you play this year, isn't it? I wanted to be there for that.”

“But you get bored watching tennis.”

“I could never be bored watching you.”

Roger huffs at Maribels sugar sweet compliment to his girlfriend, because all three of them are very much aware that it's a lie – a little white lie perhaps but a lie none the less. Mari has never shown any increased interest in tennis or a desire to be there when Mirka plays a match and just because this is her last chance this year, things haven't changed. Both Mirka and Maribel ignore his brief, non-verbal intervention though. They are too busy making gooey eyes at one another. 

“Sycophant.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Where is your brother?”

Roger interrupts the silly bantering the two women have engaged in – and seem very much eager to keep going for quite a while longer – because he is already sick of it. Almost three weeks of not seeing the Spanish teenager has managed to make him forget how much he tends to dislike her childish and over the top romantic behavior when it comes to Mirka. There is a reason he is usually not around when these two meet and right now he wishes for nothing more but a chance to get away. Rafa offers that chance, but first Roger needs to find out where the younger man is. 

Of course Maribel doesn't appreciate his intervention one bit. But unlike before the two women do not ignore him this time. They stop their bit of bickering and Maribel turns to face the Swiss. Her tone of voice is clipped and impatient though, making it abundantly clear that she has no desire to actually have this conversation. It is probably why she doesn't give Roger any actual information. She only tells him things he has already known from the start. He can't help his own snarky tone of voice. They are quickly headed for a bit of an argument now... 

“He came along.”

“I'm aware. I didn't think he or your mother would let you travel on your own. Your still a minor after all.”

“Only for another two months.”

“So where is he? Didn't he want to come along?”

“And see you, you mean? No. He stayed at his room. He isn't really in the mood for company and he definitely is no fun to be around. Not today...”

Maribel is being cryptic, secretive and not even marginally helpful and Roger is quickly losing his patience with the teenage girl. He hates playing games like this and he certainly isn't used to it. Mirka doesn't do these kind of things. But then again Mirka is quite a stretch older than Maribel... and a lot more mature. That however is definitely the wrong thing to say right now and it will only cause the argument to escalate – so Roger tries to be patient and tries to stick to the facts, asking for them from the teenage girl. Mari doesn't exactly make things easy for him. 

“Why?”

“You have to go and ask him yourself if you really want to know. This is his tale to tell.”

“Why do I have the distinct feeling you simply want me out of this room so you can spent some quality time with my girlfriend?”

“Because despite your looks you are both perceptive and mildly intelligent?”

“Guys!”

Finally Mirka intervenes – clearly looking uncomfortable at the strained discussion happening right in front of her – and tries to get them to stop as their argument starts veering off and getting way more personal and vicious that it should. Roger isn't exactly surprised. Mari has never liked him exactly and definitely likes him even less ever since New York... Of course the fact that she wants Mirka to herself right now plays a big role as well. As soon as Mirka asks them to stop, Maribel smiles a wide, innocent smile at the older woman – that couldn't look more fake – and tries to appease Mirka. Roger is happy to play along – as long as it gets him the information he has been asking for ever since Maribel had first entered the room. 

“Oh come on, Mimi. I'm just teasing. Roger knows that.”

“Yeah, I never had any doubt. So... your brother?”

“Room 312. Don't expect an answer when you knock.”

Roger gives Mari a pointed look in response and the younger woman gives a theatrical sigh and rolls her eyes at him. She has never looked more like a bratty child to Roger than she does in that moment and he will probably never understand what Mirka sees in the teenage girl. But he assumes it's the same thing to Mirka when it comes to Rafa and him. Realizing that she won't get him to leave if she doesn't accommodate Roger at least a little, Maribel finally relents and produces a key card from the back pocket of her jeans, handing it to him. It's the second key card to Rafa's hotel room but Mari doesn't simply give it to him. She accompanies it with another cryptic warning.

“Alright, alright. But don't say I didn't warn you.”

*#*

Roger is a little apprehensive when he reaches Rafa's hotel room two floors down and he could kick himself for the fact that he has allowed Maribel to get under his skin like this. After all the younger woman has probably only tried to tease and rattle him... Because that is what she does. Still a mild worry still lingers and the feeling only worsens when he knocks on the door to Rafa's room first and – just like Maribel has anticipated – nobody answers. Roger debates to try again, debates to call but in the end decides against both those ideas. After all he has asked for the key card for a reason. So he uses it. 

The room lies quiet when Roger enters it and he half assumes Rafa hasn't answered because he isn't even there and Maribel has lied to him simply to get him away from Mirka. Roger is careful as he scans the room and decides to take a look at the adjacent bedroom. But Rafa isn't there either and the door to the bathroom is open as well and does not reveal the younger man either. Roger resorts to the one last thing he can think of to do. He calls out to the younger man, hoping against hope to get a reaction.

“Rafa?”

There is no answer, not even a peep and Roger growls under his breath. Apparently Maribel has either been lying to him or her brother has decided to leave the room and go elsewhere after all. Either way the girl's plan has worked – she has managed to get Roger away from his girlfriend, sending him on a wild goose chase. He is about ready to leave when he realizes the glass sliding door to the balcony is ever so slightly ajar. Roger frowns and takes a step closer, when he realizes he has finally found Rafa. 

The younger man is outside, settled in one of the plastic chairs outside and has somehow managed to draw up one leg on the seat of the chair, hugging it tightly to his body. He wears no jacket, has no blanket with him and he has to be cold. After all it's almost November and even though it is dry today, it is definitely not a pleasant day. Something is off... But Maribel had already warned Roger about that particular fact. Still he decides to not simply leave the younger man out there. Maybe his sister doesn't care but Roger most definitely does. He steps out on the balcony and the moment he slides the door open a little further and the cold air outside hits him, Rafa looks up to see who has come to intrude. His facial feature immediately darken and his tone of voice is cold and clipped when he tries to find out what Roger is doing here. 

“Maribel put you up to this?”

“Up to what?”

“Coming here. Keeping me company.”

“No. Actually she told me you were no good company today. But I decided not to listen to her...”

Roger smiles, hoping for the Spaniard to mirror the gesture. But it doesn't happen. Quite frankly Rafa's face looks very much void of any kind of emotion. He looks at Roger for another long moment but then turns his face away again, ignoring the Swiss completely and letting his gaze wonder to the far off horizon without so much as a second glance at his visitor. Roger heart sinks. Rafa is muttering under his breath and his words are almost too low for Roger to hear them. When he deciphers them Rafa's reaction does nothing to make him feel any less awkward about the current situation, but still Roger tries to convince Rafa to stop this craziness that is sitting out here all alone in the cold without even a jacket or a proper pair of shoes on... 

“You should have.”

“What on earth are you doing out here alone?! It's freezing out here! You'll catch a cold!”

“I'll live.”

“Yeah and you'll be miserable for it. Come inside.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No!”

Rafa's reaction is so vehement the second time around that Roger actually winces. The younger man still isn't looking at him but from this angle Roger can detect a soft rosiness to his cheeks. Either it is the cold... or it is something else. It is only now that Roger realizes how uncoordinated the younger man is in his movements... and that his speech is slightly slower than usual... and just a little bit slurred. The realization hits Roger like a ton of bricks and now that he is aware of it, he has no idea how he hasn't detected the facts sooner. 

“Rafa, what... Are you drunk?”

“Nope.”

“But you have been drinking?”

“Yep.”

The younger man still doesn't so much as grace Roger with even a glance and his replies are short and clipped and unfriendly. Still the Swiss is not willing to give up. As Maribel has warned him, Rafa is not good company today. But that is not what friendship is about. It's not about the good times and the funny times and the sex and the conversations. It's about being there for the other person in times of need and to not let oneself be deterred by clipped tones or harsh reactions. Rafa is Roger's friend and he is worried for his friend. Giving up on him is not an option. It's not just that though. Above all else Roger wants to understand the reason behind the Spaniard's strange actions. 

“You said you didn't drink.”

“I never said that. And you have seen me drink before.”

“A beer or a glass of wine here and there. Never like this... What's wrong?”

“Don't tell Mari.”

Rafa's reaction is a strange one and it actually manages to make Roger angry. None of this is about Maribel but somehow the younger woman manages to be the topic of the conversation without her even being here. Roger can only assume Rafa's sister would show way less empathy or worry than he himself does right now. She would probably call her brother out on his behavior and find something hurtful to say – especially as he is the one who usually tries to reign Maribel in when it comes to her own drinking. Roger however could care less about the teenage girl. All he wants is for Rafa to be okay... and to make sense of what is going on here. 

“I don't care about your sister, I care about you! What is going on? Why would you resort to... that.”

“It's good stuff?”

“Don't joke!”

Roger's worry and his slight annoyance at Rafa's stubbornness finally wins the better of Roger and he raises his voice, telling the younger man in very clear words what he is supposed to do. But Rafa isn't even listening to him. He either doesn't want to or he is too lost in his own misery to have heard what Roger has been saying to him this entire time. When the younger man speaks again, his voice still has that low, monotone, slightly slurred quality to itself and it takes another piece of effort before Rafa at least reacts to Roger's words. 

“There are a lot of things I don't like about my sister but she definitely has good taste in alcohol...”

“Stop that! Tell me what's wrong.”

“No.”

“Rafa... Please? You trust me don't you?”

The younger man nods and finally, mercifully refocuses his gaze to look at Roger. Seeing the younger man's face like this sends a stab of pain through Roger's heart. Rafa looks pale and the Swiss is almost sure the soft glistening to his eyes that is suddenly there are unshed tears threatening to fall. The Spaniard has a hard time fighting them back, fighting the emotion back down that has put them there in the first place. He gulps down a lump that has most definitely formed in his throat but still his voice is thick and heavy with emotion. 

“Today is a... special occasion.”

“What kind of an occasion?”

“Today marks my demise. Or the anniversary of my demise to be exact...”

“You're being dramatic.”

“Just telling it how it is.”

Rafa shrugs and looks away again as a response to Roger dismissing his dramatics like that. The Swiss still isn't sure what the younger man is even talking about and Rafa makes no effort to explain it to him. Thoughts and emotions are swirling through Roger's head and suddenly he finally grasps what it is that has Rafa in such a miserable mood that he felt to try and drink himself into oblivion, very much following in his sister's footsteps. A special day, a special occasion... Knowing what Roger knows about Rafa it can only mean one thing... And of course he turns out to be right. 

“They told you the diagnosis... told you you couldn't play any more?”

“Three years ago to the date.”

“I'm so sorry...”

“Why? It's not your fault.”

Rafa says it with a venom and sarcasm to his voice that manages to take Roger aback. Maybe the words don't say it but the younger man's tone of voice very much implies that Roger is at fault somehow. He knows it's not what Rafa meant to say, that it's the emotions speaking out of him and that he will feel sorry for his accusing words later on. Rafa feels miserable and he is looking for somebody, anybody to blame for hit. Roger gets the sentiment... And he tries to be patient. 

“I know it's not. It's not what I meant.”

“Yeah, I know... Everyone's always sorry for me. Poor, disillusioned Rafa... Can't find a thing to do with himself other than to do as he is told and pine for a long gone glorious past he can never return to...”

“You're scaring me...”

Hearing Rafa speak of himself in third person and in that completely desperate and heartbroken tone of voice actually does scare the Swiss more than he could ever put into words. He has seen Rafa sad, he has seen him angry, he has seen him at a loss for what to do. But he has never seen him like this... Roger's honesty and openness about his emotions don't exactly work out as planned though. Instead of reacting to the sympathy in the older man's voice, Rafa simply shrugs – almost as if in defiance – and looks away, shutting Roger out and burying the emotions threatening to spill out deep inside himself again. Roger decides not to coax, not to force Rafa into anything. For the moment he would be simply happy if he could get the younger man out of this damn, possibly health-threatening cold. 

“It is a scary thought.”

“Please come inside with me. Take a hot shower, drink something other than that stupid poison, have a proper meal and simply talk to me.”

“Why?”

“Because you deserve better than this.”

“I don't think so.”

Roger has to use every ounce of self-control he has to not sigh at the Spaniard's statement. It seems they are right back where they started all these months ago, when all Rafa could see in himself was an inadequate failure. Roger has been sure they had evolved from that moment in time but it seems he is wrong. Still he is unwilling – unable really – to give up. He takes to steps closer, crouches down next to Rafa and puts a hand on his very cold lower arm, aiming for one last ditch effort to make the younger man see reason. The physical contact – that has Rafa look at him again – seems to achieve what all the words before couldn't. Maybe – just maybe – they have made some progress after all. 

“I know you don't. But as we have established quite a while ago – you don't always know what is best for you. So trust me. And come along.”

“Okay.”

It takes a little while for Rafa to actually follow through on Roger's demand and unfold himself from the chair he has been sitting on. His muscles are stiff and cold, his balance is affected by the alcohol and the overall misery drags him down even more. But he allows for Roger to help and support him and while the older man orders room service – hot cocoa and a proper, but light meal – Rafa takes the lukewarm shower that helps relax his muscles and clear his head. It's strange to know somebody is there to care for him, to make sure he is alright and to actually stop him from drinking until this day is over and he no longer has to remember this awful anniversary. 

Roger is here, isn't ignoring him or hoping for him to find a way to deal with this on his own. He is here to stay and when Rafa returns from the shower – feeling a lot better and a little more like himself – there is food and drink ready for him and Roger is still there, sitting on the couch, watching his every move, smiling at him encouragingly. Rafa drops down on the couch next to the older man, picks up the mug of hot cocoa and decides a reward is an order… though it's not exactly a nice one.

He tells Roger – in a reluctant tone of voice and only rarely ever managing to actually look the other man in the eyes while he does so, mostly focused on his own tale about the past and the painful feelings that come along with it – but he does tell him. He tells the older man about his injury and the pain that came with it, he tells him about the doctors visits, about scans and test being made and about that fateful morning in the doctor's office he had put so much stock and hope into, only to have every last glimmer of hope taken from him and crushed into nothingness that day.

Roger doesn't interrupt him once, doesn't ask any questions, doesn't tale him to stop this depressing recounting of events passed. He simply sits there and listens and keeps wearing that soft smile and sympathetic look on his face. It's nice to have this, soothing almost, but disconcerting at the same time. Rafa has only ever had this once – right after the doctor had told him – when he had sat with his family, sharing the news and all of them had tried to make him see that there was still a bright and brilliant future ahead of him. It had been the one and only time anyone had ever tried to soothe him and cheer him up. After that it had been expected of him to simply get over this fact of life he couldn't change anything about anyway. There had been no need or reason to talk about this... Roger however was different and Rafa wanted – needed – him to know how much he appreciated that fact. 

“I'm not used to this...”

“What?”

“Somebody noticing. Somebody caring. I mean these last three years I have traveled with Mari and she simply calls it my funk and leaves me alone. Nobody has ever... come to check on me.”

A mixture of something that is both pain and sympathy flashes across Roger's face and darkens it momentarily. He is angry – angry with Maribel, angry with Rafa's friends and family, angry with this whole messed up situation. But the expression doesn't stay on his face for long and when it vanishes, he is smiling again, reaching out a hand and gently patting the younger man's knee. It's a silly gesture, a small one but it manages to convey the emotions they share in that moment – trust, empathy, dedication, admiration and above all else affection. Roger dares to go as far and call it love in his own mind. 

“Now you have me. I could never not care.”

“Yes. Now I have you.”

*#*

Two floors up the conversation happening between Mirka and Mari isn't nearly as grave but still almost as laden with emotion. It is mostly because they do not see eye to eye and even though it is not a full blown argument yet, it seems they are headed exactly there. Mirka has no idea how exactly it has happened. One moment everything had been nice and pleasant and she had been happy about the surprise and then Mari had asked her how and when they would get another chance to spend time together and Mirka had answered truthfully. That had caused a flash of anger to mar Maribel's face and right now they were right at the beginning of a bout of miscommunication threatening to wash away all that happiness both of them had felt at seeing one another again. 

“Where will you go from here? Any chance for another visit?”

“I don't think so. My season is over.”

“What... what does that mean?”

“I will be home until early January until the new season starts and I go to Australia again.”

“Will... will I see you?!”

“Maybe. We have to see about our schedules. For now I really need a bit of peace and quiet and time to rest.”

It's a reluctant answer to a pointed question and Mirka should know better than to give Mari an opening like that and to chose words that could be interpreted as either an insult or an attack. Of course Maribel sees both of that in it, while Mirka has simply wanted to convey the need for a quiet and relaxing time after a really long, difficult and demanding season. She could have chosen a better way to convey the emotion, but she is aware of that only after the fact, after Mari's face darkens and a frown appears on it, while she actually crosses her arms in front of her chest and pouts. 

“And you can't have that with me!?”

“I didn't mean it like that, Mari. It's just... you're so full of life, full of energy. All I want is to curl up on a couch with a cup of hot cocoa and a nice warm blanket and do nothing for about a week. Maybe get Roger to give me a foot massage or read a book or even watch some stupid movie... But that is the extent of it.”

“I can do that with you.”

“You would be bored out of your skull. And I don't think Roger would be very happy with the arrangement. It's not what he intended for what little time off season I have to be spend. In his mind it's him and me relaxing on that couch back home. Not him, me... and you.”

Finally Mirka finds the right words to say and the frown smoothes out of Maribel's brow and she nods and smiles again. Mirka is aware that putting all the blame on Roger here and making him the one, who would be unwilling to tolerate Mari when she herself feels just as much in need of a quiet downtime without the teenager's energy to dictate every move of the day, is not fair to her boyfriend. But he isn't here right now, he and Mari don't like each other anyway and Mirka has managed to appease the younger woman, even manages to make her smile. 

“That's fair, I guess. But I don't like it.”

“I get that. How about a compromise then?”

“What kind of compromise?”

“You let Roger and me have some alone time and you and your brother spend New Year's with us? Deal?”

The suggestion is out of her mouth before Mirka really takes the time to think it over and by the time she does, Mari is already, positively beaming at her and the Swiss knows she can't take the words back any more. Mirka also very well knows she can't make that decision on her own – not really. She needs to ask Roger first, needs to make sure he is okay with this. But she can't and she can't take it back now. In the end – she decides – having to explain her arbitrary act to Roger is the lesser of two evils. She would rather fight with him than with Mari. 

But the younger woman – it seems - isn't entirely convinced yet. Even though she is smiling brightly, there is a thoughtful expression to her face and she has yet to agree to Mirka's suggestion. As it turns out Mari has decided to use her chance – to use Mirka feeling just a little awkward and guilty about the more than two months they will go without seeing each other - and demands more from her. What she has to ask of Mirka however, is something the older woman gladly agrees to. 

“Under one condition.”

“What's that?”

Come to my concert tonight.”

*#*

There's a strange atmosphere to tonight's concert, not only because it is the last one Mirka will see for this year but because there is so much left unsaid and it shows in all of their emotions. Roger has been... deeply lost in thought when he had returned from visiting Mari's brother and he has refused to tell Mirka what they have been talking about. She – in turn – has not yet told him about her invite to the siblings. Mirka assumes it is the same for Rafa and Mari, the younger man doesn't know about the invite, his sister doesn't know what Roger's visit has been all about. It makes for a... somehow loaded atmosphere and for a very emotional and deeply heartfelt and passionate interpretation of every last song Maribel is singing tonight. Even though born out of slightly negative sentiments, it is still amazing to watch and be a part of. It is one hell of a concert... and Mirka is happy to be a part of it. 

Just like so many times before, Maribel has kept the best, has kept a little surprise for her audience and especially for Mirka, for the very end of her show. The Swiss has no idea when Maribel has had the time to write – let alone rehearse – the new songs she sings and dedicates for her. But as it is a farewell, Mari tells her audience as much as she introduces the song, it has to be a new one. Mirka feels her heart flutter in her chest and the feeling only intensifies when the lyrics start. It couldn't be any clearer that this song is about her and the year she and Mari have had together. 

_That Carolina sky burning in your eyes  
You look at me and, babe, I wanna catch on fire  
It's buried in my soul like California gold  
You found the light in me that I couldn't find_

_So when I'm all choked up  
But I can't find the words  
Every time we say goodbye  
Baby, it hurts  
When the sun goes down  
And the band won't play  
I'll always remember us this way_

_Lovers in the night  
Poets trying to write  
We don't know how to rhyme  
But, damn, we try  
But all I really know  
You're where I wanna go  
The part of me that's you will never die_

_So when I'm all choked up  
But I can't find the words  
Every time we say goodbye  
Baby, it hurts  
When the sun goes down  
And the band won't play  
I'll always remember us this way_

_When I'm all choked up  
But I can't find the words  
Every time we say goodbye  
Baby, it hurts  
When the sun goes down  
And the band won't play  
I'll always remember us this way, oh, yeah_

_When you look at me  
And the whole world fades  
I'll always remember us this way_

When the lights start coming on in the concert hall, illuminating a now empty stage after Maribel has finished her final song, it's a little like waking from a dream. It's not the first time Mirka feels like this after one of the Spanish singer's concerts but the feeling has never been as amplified as it is tonight. It's not only the song or the passion to the whole show though. It is the fact that it is the last time this year, that Mirka will hear Mari sing... and almost the last time she will see her this year. She doesn't like that thought... and that somehow scares her. Mirka swallows the lump forming in her throat and looks at her boyfriend next to her, trying to sound both cheery and cheeky. She doesn't quite manage. 

“She is truly going to miss me...”

“There's no doubt about that.”

There is an edge to Roger's voice Mirka doesn't like and in that moment she is glad she hasn't spoken to him about the plans she and Mari have made. She can tell Roger that she has invited Mari to spend the New Year celebrations with them at a later time, when he is not wearing that mildly sour expression on his face... The fact that Rafa will be there too will probably soothe her boyfriend enough to be happy with the decision made for him anyway. She tries to not let him dwell on the subject but manages to confuse him instead.

“How about you?”

“I don't have to miss you. I'll be right there with you. Just you and me. Finally... Or did you change your mind?”

He sounds actually worried and Mirka has to grin. Her question has never meant to be about her and him and Roger should know that. Or maybe he doesn't. And just maybe she doesn't really need an answer because she already knows it. This whole year she has never really questioned the parallels between her relationship with Mari and Roger's relationship with Rafa. But they are there – without a doubt – and that makes it pretty easy to imagine how those two feel about the extended period of time away from one another. Still Mirka asks for clarification, if only to get that confused frown off her boyfriend's face. 

“No, of course not. I didn't mean you and me.”

“Oh. Well... of course I'll miss him. But it's not like we'll never see each other again.”

“No. It's not.“


	29. Should old aquaintance be forgot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Swiss couple and the Spanish siblings spend New Years together.  
> Belated Christmas presents are exchanged.  
> Mirka has a surprise for Roger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the rendition of the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GYCZGwUZuw&list=RD_GYCZGwUZuw&start_radio=1&t=4) I like best.  
> (Quality's not the best unfortunately.)

*Basel - 31st December 2008*

Mirka cannot stop grinning. She has tried but she has been unsuccessful up to this point. She isn't even sure what amuses her more and what makes her feel more happy and joyful. The fact that they are about to pick up Mari and Rafa from the airport... or the fact that her boyfriend is even more nervous than she feels. Roger had not exactly been happy with the idea of having their time one on one interrupted, but the second it had become clear that both siblings would be here, he has – begrudgingly - agreed. 

His whole demeanor has shifted however, as today has begun. Roger has been nervous and excited and it is because of him that they have arrived at the airport more than half an hour early and have been standing around waiting, ever since then. It's not like neither of them has had no contact with their newly found friends from Spain. There have been texts and calls and in all that there hasn't exactly been a chance for either of them to miss the siblings. But still, coming together in person – for the last time this year – is something entirely different. It's special and they are both looking forward to it. 

The sibling's flight is on time and – as they only stay for two days and are traveling light – the wait for them isn't long. It is definitely a different experience from their usual routine to see one another like this after weeks with no physical contact. The girls immediately share a hug and while Rafa and Roger are a little more reluctant, they still share the same kind of physical contact. They break apart again first, the girls taking their time and when they finally let go of one another, Roger uses the chance for a polite question about their travels, that Maribel almost immediately uses to shanghai the conversation. 

“How was your flight?”

“Short.”

“And free of any food. I'm starving.”

Maribel's statement is their cue to leave and the Swiss couple shares a look – Roger a tiny bit annoyed, Mirka smiling. Roger has to applaud both Mirka's planing and insight. She has known right from the start Maribel would be complaining about food like this. So she has made a lunch reservation at a restaurant, which is their first stop before they return to their apartment in the city. Lunch is nice and quite and the sibling seem a little... preoccupied when they reach Mirka's and Roger's home. Neither one of the Swiss can blame them. They have felt the same way in the summer on Mallorca. After all this is their home and the siblings are visiting it for the first time.

The reluctance and awkwardness quickly fades as soon as they give the Spanish siblings a quick tour of the apartment. While the siblings settle in the guest bedroom they are going to share, the couple waits for them in the living room. Mirka is especially curious if the siblings have brought anything with them. After all Christmas has been only a couple of days ago and apart from a call wishing each other a good time, there haven't been any gifts. At least not from the Spaniards.

She and Roger have sent Christmas gifts to the island – a replica of a period dress of the 1860 Mirka has been able to scour on the internet for Mari and something for Rafa Mirka isn't quite sure of what it is, because her boyfriend has made a big secret out of it – but the siblings haven't send anything back. So it comes as no surprise when they return from their guest bedroom and are not empty handed. Maribel goes first, stepping up to Mirka and holding onto the present she has for the older woman with a shy smile. 

“This is for you... It's a belated Christmas gift... sort of.”

“Why sort of?”

“Because I always fail at gift giving. Ask my brother about it, he will tell you...”

Somewhere behind them, Rafa actually snorts, which is all the reply Mirka needs, to know Mari is exactly right in her assessment... and has probably failed in gift giving only a couple of days ago, spending Christmas with her family. The younger woman's strained smile gets just a little bit softer at her brother's reaction. Maribel looks nervous and embarrassed and Mirka should know better, but she can't help it. Maribel's whole demeanor is completely endearing to her and she decides to tease the younger woman. 

“So you don't have a proper present for me?”

“I do. At least I think I do... But it's sort of a work related one. I thought it was romantic...”

“I don't get it.”

Instead of an answer, Mari holds out the wrapped up present to her and Mirka takes it. It's about the size of a note pad but a lot thinner. It feels like a single sheet of paper. Mirka is curious to find out what the present is all about. She isn't exactly subtle as she rips the gift wrap off her present and – just as expected – a sheet of laminated paper comes into sight beneath the wrapping. There are notes on the paper and Mirka can only assume it is a song of some sort. She looks at Maribel for confirmation and explanation.

“What is this?”

“It's the sheet music to the song I dedicated to you in Zürich a couple of weeks back. They are for piano... And the lyrics are on the back. I... I thought you might like it.”

“This looks hand-written.”

Mirka has turned the piece of paper around and has taken a look at the familiar – and very much flattering – lyrics. She has seen Maribel's handwriting before and she knows the younger woman has written those lyrics down for her. The Spanish teenager still looks embarrassed and very much uncomfortable. She is usually a sucker for being the center of attention but today she doesn't seem to like it. She tries hard to not let her feelings show... but she fails rather spectacularly and Mirka finds that even more endearing.

“It is. I tried my best to make it look sophisticated... or something.”

“I cannot accept this.”

“You don't like it... Do... do you want a different present?”

Maribel looks stricken and very much sad, casting her eyes down and Mirka feels a stab of pain going through her heart. She has never meant to disappoint Mari and she certainly doesn't mean to make Mari feel like this is a present she doesn't want to have. It has never been about that. She loves the present. She feels flattered and emotional and very much appreciated by this heartfelt and thoughtful gift. The misunderstanding is the last thing Mirka has wanted and she hurries to pull Mari into a hug, put a soft kiss on her forehead and smile at the as she lets go of the younger woman again. 

“No! Hell no. This is perfect. But this is yours – your heart, your soul, your imagination. You shouldn't give it to me.”

“It is mine, that's true. And because it's mine I can give it to whoever I want. And I want you to have it. Please?”

“Thank you... This is... it's perfect.”

*#*

While the girls are very much concentrated on each other, Roger has gone to find Rafa, who has excused himself to the kitchen with a mumbled apology to get something to drink. Roger is pretty sure it's not about actually quelling any thirst. The younger man is simply uncomfortable with the intimacy between his sister and Roger's girlfriend. This way he manages to stay away. Roger however doesn't want Rafa to be alone. They only have a day and a half and he wants to make the most of their time together. 

He finds Rafa sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of soda in front of him that he has yet to touch, looking just a tiny bit forlorn. It's not an uncommon look on the younger man, but still one Roger will never learn to like. If there is one thing in life he is absolutely sure about, it's that Rafa should be happy – especially today, spending the last day of the year with friends, celebrating. Roger sits down next to him, giving Rafa a soft smile and trying his best to keep the conversation light but open and honest.

“You don't like the girls making gooey eyes at one another like that, do you?”

“It still feels strange to me. But Mari is almost a grown-up. It's her choice.”

Rafa's answer sounds strained and not exactly truthful. Roger is pretty sure the younger man doesn't mean to lie to him. He's not trying to convince Roger but trying to convince himself. In all those months ever since Mari and Mirka have met, Rafa has never felt completely comfortable with the relationship the two share. But he has accepted it, has tried to trust his sister's decision-making. But the two women do not have the best track record... There have been fights and hurt and pain and of course Rafa feels reluctant because of all that. Roger hides back a soft sigh. He has never meant to make Rafa feel bad about all this... so he tries to change the subject, asking a rather pointed question. Rafa however has a comeback ready for him. 

“So... if Maribel brought a present for Mirka... How about you?”

“No. I did not bring a present for your girlfriend.”

“Stop stalling and stop playing dumb. You know exactly what I mean.”

Rafa grins – softly, mischievously – and instead of a reply, the Spaniard reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a slightly crumpled envelope, puts it down on the table and tries to smooth it a little, before he slides it over to Roger without looking at the Swiss or saying anything in explanation. Roger pulls the envelope closer and picks it up. Opening it, he finds a picture of the tennis club he and Rafa had gone to during the Swiss' summer vacation on Mallorca. There is a bit of printed text on the back of it, but it's in Spanish and Roger has no idea what it says but that is what Rafa is here for – he can translate. 

“This is from the practice court we went to when Mirka and I visited you in the summer.”

“Yes.”

“I don't understand...”

“It's a promise.”

Rafa doesn't need to translate the contents for Roger. The Swiss can put two and two together all by himself from the slightly sardonic smile on Rafa's face and the reply he gives. Still he is surprised. He has very much enjoyed the chance to play tennis with Rafa back in the summer but the younger man had not been as happy about it all. Still he has given this present to Roger and even though Rafa is very much capable of doing things he doesn't want to just for the sake of making somebody else happy, he certainly would not force himself into a situation he hates. Roger smiles back at the younger man fondly. 

“You would go back there? Play tennis with me again? Compete against me?”

“That's what the voucher says, doesn't it?”

“I wouldn't know. I don't speak or read Spanish.”

“Well, that is what it says.”

“But... you said you hated doing it. You said your sister forced it on you and you said you never ever wanted to step foot on a tennis court ever again. That us that day... it was a one time thing.”

“Maybe I don't hate it when I do it with you. Like so many other things...”

The smile on Rafa's face brightens and there is a soft, warm and – finally – happy quality to his tone of voice now. Roger knows the younger man means it – embellishments aren't exactly Rafa's style – but still his reply feels a little over the top. It's not like Roger has made everything in Rafa's life better. He would never be as arrogant as that. Maybe he has shown the younger man a different way to handle things – especially on bad days – and maybe he has given Rafa a chance to appreciate the person he is a little more, because Roger sees such a special person in him. But whatever change the Spaniard has managed, it's all his own doing. So instead of thanking the younger man, Roger teases, trying to keep their encounter light.

“You're fishing for compliments.”

“Maybe. But it's the truth.”

*#*

The evening – celebrating into the new year – is a very low key affair. They share an extended meal together – with way, way too much food – talk, joke and reminisce about months passed and the experiences they have had and made together. It's nice to delve into memories like this, especially as neither one of them is interested in thinking about the bad times today. Instead they talk about Cozumel and the summer vacation on Mallorca, about the special concerts Mari has had and the tournaments Mirka has won. It becomes clear rather quickly that this has been a good year – for all of them.

It's five minutes to midnight when they all crowd on the small balcony that is a part of the flat. The weather is unforgivingly cold but at least it's neither raining nor exceptionally windy and for just these couple of minutes it takes for the countdown and the fireworks ensuing afterwards, it's okay for them to be out here. The match-up is a little... unorthodox, as Mari stands with Mirka and Roger with Rafa, which doesn't exactly leave them with the family relations and the couple pairings they actually are. Or maybe it does... Either way, the countdown comes to an end, the first of the fireworks light up the sky and Mari looks exceptionally happy having Mirka right where she wants her. The new year has only just begun and she is the first to plant a kiss on Mirka's cheek, beaming at her as she does. 

“Happy New Year, babe.”

“Did you just call me 'babe'?”

“Yes. Too much?”

Mirka nods vehemently in response and Maribel grins, all previous shyness evaporated. She is too happy to feel anything else right now. She risks a quick side glance to Roger and Rafa but neither of the two men seem particularly interested in what she and Mirka are up to. So Mari uses her chance and tries again, leaving the endearing nickname out this time.

“Happy New Year.”

Mari is happy for the chance of another stolen kiss but she is even more glad for the chance to spend this special moment – the last of the old and the first of the new year – with this woman she has come to appreciate and love so much over the course of this year. As so many times before in her life – and especially during those last few months – a song comes to mind and she starts humming the melody of the traditional New Year song before adding lyrics to it as well. She sings softly and a silence falls between the small group of people as they listen to her clear voice. 

_Should old acquaintance be forgot,  
and never brought to mind?   
Should old acquaintance be forgot,   
and old lang syne?_

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,   
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne._

_And surely you'll buy your pint cup!  
and surely I'll buy mine!   
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne._

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,   
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne._

_We two have run about the slopes,  
and picked the daisies fine;   
But we've wandered many a weary foot,   
since auld lang syne._

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,   
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne._

_We two have paddled in the stream,  
from morning sun till dine†;   
But seas between us broad have roared   
since auld lang syne._

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,   
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne._

_And there's a hand my trusty friend!  
And give me a hand o' thine!   
And we'll take a right good-will draught,   
for auld lang syne._

_For auld lang syne, my dear,  
for auld lang syne,   
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,   
for auld lang syne. ___

__Roger is the first to break the silence after Maribel's voice fades at the end of the song, though it is not exactly his intention. It's his first interaction with Rafa in this very young new year as he whispers to the younger man, making his feelings known. Maybe he isn't particularly fond of Maribel, but he will never not be astounded and amazed by her talent for and quality of singing. It truly is her calling and it always manages to reach something deep inside of him. Right now is no exception as he turns to face the younger Spaniard and tell him about it._ _

__“She's good...”_ _

__“You knew that.”_ _

__“I guess. So... isn't it like... tradition to dance and kiss to this song?”_ _

__Roger doesn't even try to hide the cheeky grin spreading on his face but for the first time tonight,, Rafa doesn't play along with the flirting. He seems lost in thought and just a little preoccupied. Maribel would probably call it a funk and Roger is anything but happy to see Rafa like that. It's this year coming to a close and the rather sad song and all the reminiscing they have done earlier, Roger assumes. It has put Rafa in a thoughtful mood and with the younger man that is rarely ever a godd thing. So Roger tries to pull him out of it._ _

__“I wouldn't know.”_ _

__“Do you want to?”_ _

__“Not with my sister and your girlfriend watching.”_ _

__Roger interprets Rafa's words as an unspoken invite, grabs his hand and pulls the younger man away from the balcony and the two women and back into the living room. It's warm and cozy inside and the change in temperature actually causes goosebumps to form on Rafa's arms. To Roger it makes the younger man all the more adorable. He refrains from trying to force any kind of dance moves on Rafa but he does kiss the younger man – softly, gently in an almost innocent and chaste kind of way. When he breaks away, he grins at Rafa – a soft, mischievous yet curious grin._ _

__“Has this year been everything you had hoped for?”_ _

__“That's a difficult question to answer.”_ _

__“Has it been everything you hoped for in regard to meeting new, interesting people?”_ _

__“Now who's the one fishing for compliments?”_ _

__Roger deserves that kind of comeback he assumes but he doesn't mind. At least Rafa is smiling back at him now – grinning actually – and that thoughtful expression has left his face. It's a wonder how much one kiss and a bit of mindless teasing can achieve... Still Roger complains, though in a smiley and light-hearted tone of voice. Rafa seems to have found both his humor and his joy for the present situation again – he plays along with their flirtatious bickering._ _

__“You're not making this easy...”_ _

__“I like to see you squirm.”_ _

__“Yeah. Especially with no clothes on...”_ _

__“Oh stop it! Yes, it has been everything I had hoped for when it comes to meeting new and... adorable people.”_ _

__“You think I'm adorable?”_ _

__They are veering of into silliness here and they are both very much aware of it. It's the reason why all Roger gets in response is a pointed look. He doesn't expect an answer... or need one for that matter. All he has to do to know the reply is to look at Rafa's face, see the smile on his lips, the fondness in his eyes. There's no doubt in Roger's mind the younger man does indeed find him adorable... or at least appreciates him for the person he is quite a lot. Fetching two of the glasses of champagne that have been waiting for them on the living room table, Roger takes on for himself and hands the other one to Rafa, toasting at him._ _

__“Here's to an even better 2009.”_ _

__“Hear, hear.”_ _

__*#*_ _

__It's almost three in the morning and both Roger and Mirka, as well as Rafa and Maribel have retreated to their respective bedrooms. They are all tired and they will all probably be a little bit hungover in the morning, but that is how New Year is supposed to go. Mirka however is neither tipsy nor hungover. But she is nervous. She has gotten a pointed look from Mari when she had refused to touch so much as a drop of alcohol all evening, but she does have her reasons. And they are way more important than having one laid back evening with a bit of a tipsy feeling ever could be._ _

__She has waited for the perfect opportunity to tell Roger but so far it simply hasn't come up. She has known for a little over a week now but with Christmas and the preparation for their guests and their visitors here right now, she has never found a quiet moment or has simply lacked the courage. Her news will mean a big, big change in their lives and she wants to be calm and collected when she tells Roger about it._ _

__Funny enough it is Mari's presence here, the gift the younger woman has given her, the way the evening has been going, the way the teenage girl has sung for her and kissed her, that has managed to give Mirka enough calm and confidence to finally let Roger in on the secret she has been keeping from him. Maybe he is tipsy and tired but he is definitely coherent enough to listen. She decides now is as good a time as any and they won't get a better chance for some alone time for the next day or so. She taps on his shoulder and her boyfriend turns on his side, propping himself up on one arm and smiles at her. Mirka mirrors the smile but can't keep her own nervousness out of her voice or gesture._ _

__“There is something I need to tell you.”_ _

__“That sounds ominous.”_ _

__“It's not. Not really. But it's big.”_ _

__This is harder than Mirka has ever anticipated. A lot harder. It should be a joyous occasion but even though she knows that, she is not entirely sure how Roger will react. After all their situation is kind of a unique one ever since both Mari and Rafa are a part of their lives and the news she has to tell him will only complicate things. She takes a deep breath but before she ever gets another word out, Roger interrupts her with a stupid grin on his face and catches her completely off guard with it._ _

__“Mari asked you to marry her?”_ _

__“What?!”_ _

__“Sorry. Just joking.”_ _

__Mirka tries for a laugh but it sounds more like a groan and instead of a smile her facial expression turns into a grimace. She has not expected any interruptions and she certainly has not expected to be forced to deal with idiotic jokes like that. But the last thing she wants is her nervous apprehension to cause a fight between her and Roger. So she tries to go along with his teasing, tries to appreciate it... and still keep her focus on what she still has to tell him._ _

__“I know. I'm just... nervous. This is hard... Or not. But as I said, it's...”_ _

__“Big?”_ _

__Mirka nods this time and it seems to get harder and harder to even find the words to say. Whatever tipsiness Roger has still been dealing with seems to have evaporated at her lengthy prologue to wanting to talk to him about something she has yet to discern to him. He is curious and it seems he is a little impatient as well, the alcohol actually working as an amplifier to his feelings. Instead of making her feel even more nervous because of it though, his demand to finally spill what her secrecy is all about gives her the push and the courage she has needed. The words fall out of her mouth rather clumsily though._ _

__“Stop with the cryptic comments already. What is it?”_ _

__“We're going to have a baby.”_ _

__Roger stares at her for a very long time and Mirka actually starts to feel concerned for him. He looks like he has been struck by invisible lightning and all his senses have simply left him. His stare is blank, his lips slightly parted and his posture stiff. She is about to reach for him and shake him ever so gently, when Roger finally reacts, draws in a shaky breath and tries to make sense of the swirling thoughts in his head. He doesn't quite manage but his utter confusion is simply adorable and Mirka can't help but smile back at him as she reaches for one of his hands now and squeezes it gently, spelling the facts out for him in short, clear words once again._ _

__“I... We.. What?”_ _

__“Baby. We're going to have a baby, you and I. We will be a family.”_ _


	30. Not the reaction we were hoping for.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirka tells Mari.  
> Roger tells Rafa.  
> Both conversations do not go as planned.

*Melbourne, Australia – January 2009*

They have decided to wait, to come to terms with what the fact that Mirka is pregnant means for them as a couple and a family before telling anyone else about it. Just as Mirka has declared, it is a very big step, a big change in their lives. There are things to speak about, decisions to be made and time to be taken for it all. So when Rafa and Mari had left the day after their New Year celebrations, they were oblivious to the fact that the Swiss couple were soon to be a Swiss family. 

They had talked to their respective parents to tell them the good news and they had decided to buy a house. They would need a place with a garden, something with a little more nature around it, with more space and that was simply more adequate for a family than their city apartment. They had also made another big decision – one pertaining to only them, one they needed to tell Rafa and Mari about and neither one of them was exactly sure how the siblings would take it.

The fact that the one year anniversary of them first meeting and becoming friends would be the time – and place – for them to talk to one another about those big changes in the Swiss couples' lives was both ironic and soothing at the same time. Melbourne holds a special meaning to all for of them and maybe – just maybe – that fact will help to make the respective conversations go more smoothly. To neither Roger nor Mirka this change marks an end to their respective friendships and relationships with the Spanish siblings. But they both know just as well that those two are bound to take the news badly. They are sure they are prepared. They couldn't be more wrong.

Mirka has decided to invite Mari to her room to talk to her, while Roger goes to see Rafa at his hotel room. They have both set the same time for their meetings, hoping to talk to the siblings and convince them there is a bright and happy future for all four of them together still ahead, maybe even convincing them to celebrate with a late lunch out. Still Mirka is even more nervous now talking to Mari than she has been telling Roger about the pregnancy on New Year. With Roger she is almost always sure how he will react. Mari however is a lot more unpredictable. 

When the younger woman knocks on her door, even the knock sounds energetic. Obviously Mari can't wait to see her and Mirka hopes that will actually be in her favor. If Mari is in a good mood, she is bound to more easily accept the new facts of life that will form their friendship from here on out. Mirka goes to open the door and the second she does and Mari catches sight of her, the younger woman practically pounces on her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug and planting a big, wet kiss on her cheek. For just a second there, Mirka fears for the baby... But Maribel lets go of her quickly enough and grins at her almost apologetically.

“Too much again?”

“A little. Come on in.”

Mirka is mostly preoccupied by the fact that anybody walking past outside on the corridor can see them like this and it seems the fact that she is soon to have a family with Roger has somehow changed her perception. She and Mari have been openly intimate in public a couple of times. But this time it actually bothers Mirka. Mari however doesn't seem to realize how unnerved the older woman is. She simply nods and pushes the door closed behind them, still smiling widely at Mirka, her enthusiasm undiminished. 

“It's so good to see you again. I know it's only been two weeks but it feels longer. Isn't it great we get a chance to meet here again? It's our anniversary.”

“Yes, I know. It's exciting...”

“It's amazing is what it is! I think we should have a celebration! Maybe go out? Or we could go t a show or a club or something. Whatever you like.”

“I... I would like for you to sit down. I need to talk to you.”

Maribel frowns at her and definitely doesn't appreciate being thwarted like this. She has been happy and excited and she wants Mirka to feel the same way. But the older woman doesn't share her enthusiasm. Actually she looks very much preoccupied and just a tiny bit worried. Mari doesn't get it. This is supposed to be a happy occasion. This whole trip to Australia is supposed to be one big celebration. To her there is no need to talk. But she doesn't want to anger or disappoint Mirka either, so she plays along, nods, walks over to the couch and settles on it, giving Mirka a look and a smile like she is expecting some kind of reward for her efforts. The older woman follows, though slower and with more reluctance to her steps but in the end Mirka settles down next to her on the couch, leaving a considerable gap between her. Slowly but gradually Maribel's confusion is turning into both impatience and frustration and she can't quite keep those emotions out of her voice.

“I'm sitting now. What is this all about?”

“There are more exciting news I have to tell you. I... I think you will be happy for me.”

“Okay...”

Mari sounds more confused than reluctant and Mirka tries to see that as a good sign. She has managed to irritate the younger woman with her behavior, Mirka is very well aware of that fact. She can simply hope it's just a fluke and not a trend for where this conversation is headed. Mirka takes a deep breath and gathers her courage for just a moment, even closing her eyes for a second, before looking at Maribel, smiling a nervous smile at her and simply letting the oh so important words slip passed her lips. 

“I'm getting married.”

“You're what?!”

Maribel's tone of voice is sharp and thick with negative emotions – disbelief, irritation, anger – and Mirka actually winces at the harsh reaction. This is not what she has expected. She has known Mari would be confused, reluctant even, but this openly harsh and hurtful... This is taking Mirka completely by surprise and it sends a painful stab through her heart. She tells the facts to Maribel again, more reserved and with a colder tone of voice this time, crossing her arms in front of her chest. 

“Roger and I, we are getting married. In April.”

“This is a fucking joke, isn't it? You're messing with me?”

“It's not.”

Mirka can't help but sound like a lost and scared girl when she reacts to the pure harshness and viciousness dripping from the Spanish teenager's every word. Maribel has jumped up from her seated position on the couch, has stepped around the small table and is walking up and down the length of it in rapid succession. She is agitated and most definitely angry. She certainly isn't happy for Mirka and the older woman feels tears welling up. So far this conversation hasn't even gone remotely as planned. Mirka watches Mari as she walks – back and forth and back and forth – until she finally stops and stares at Mirka, fire and venom clearly detectable in her eyes. 

“Why would you do that?! I thought you and I... we had something special!”

“I'm pregnant, Mari…”

“So you choose him over me?!”

Mari's question – which is more of an accusation really – is so over the top it could have been pulled right out of one of those stupid reality TV shows. She isn't even listening to Mirka, doesn't even have the remotest bit of understanding what kind of a massive change this pregnancy means for the older woman's life. Mari doesn't care – not about her, not about Roger, not about the baby. All she cares about is herself and what this change means for her, what she has to change and give up because of it. She is more like a child to Mirka in that moment than she has ever been before and the older woman shakes her head and smiles a soft sad smile at her. She knows she is being condescending but she can't bring herself to care. 

“There was never any choice, Mari. It was always him.” 

“But I love you!”

“You don't know what love is.”

The second the words are out of Mirka's mouth, she already regrets them. She knows they are born out of spite and just a bit of vindictiveness but she should be more mature, should be better than this. Mari has been both blunt and very much inconsiderate in her behavior and Mirka's first reaction is to hurt her back for that. She knows she shouldn't... and she also knows she has succeeded. There are tears brimming in the younger woman's eyes.

“I... I'm leaving.”

“Mari, wait! Please...”

Mirka gets up from the couch as Mari is already halfway at the rooms door. She quickens her pace and reaches Mari just before the younger woman can reach out a hand to grab the door handle. The second Mirka's hand closes around Mari's upper arm, the younger woman flinches violently. Maribel wrenches out of her grip like her life depends on it and the deep, dark hatred in her eyes when she looks at Mirka actually makes the older woman take a step back. Mari's voice is low but cold and void of any emotion when she snarls at Mirka before reaching for the handle again, turning around, leaving the room and throwing the door shut on her way out. 

“Stay the fuck away from me.”

*#*

One floor up and a couple of rooms to the left, Roger has just arrived at Rafa's room and has been allowed in by the younger man. Rafa seems to be in a good mood, which can only mean Maribel is in a good mood as well. Usually it coincides and when Mari is being nice to her brother, Rafa's mood is brightened. It has to count for something or at least Roger hopes so. This is one of the few things when it comes to the siblings that he and Mirka have agreed on one hundred percent right from the start. They are sure this will be a difficult conversation.

Rafa asks Roger in, offers him a drink and they settle outside on the balcony – like they have done in so many hotel rooms all over the world before. It's not Roger's preferred spot to have this conversation. He would have rather liked a chance to look the younger man in the eyes and sitting up straight, instead of lounging around in this way too comfortable deck chair with Rafa next to him which means for Roger to have to crane his neck to even look at the younger man. It's not ideal but he will have to deal with the circumstances given to him. After all he has promised Mirka to tell the Spaniard – just like she is talking to Maribel right now. 

They sit together for a while, Roger sipping his soda and trying to find the right words to start this conversation. He doesn't get to be the one to initiate the necessary talk though. Rafa is quicker and picks up on his slightly agitated mood rather quickly and easily. He is still smiling though, sounding more teasing than concerned and that actually helps Roger to gain the momentum he needs to find the right approach to this enormous news he has to share with his good friend. 

“You look nervous, Rogi.”

“I have something to tell you. Big news, actually...”

“I hate surprises but for you I'll make an exception. Tell me.”

“Mirka is pregnant and I asked her to marry me.”

The soft smile on Rafa's lips and the cheeky words he uses make it easier for Roger and the words spill from his mouth. The response is not the one Roger has hoped for or has ever expected. The smile falls from Rafa's face, his facial features actually pale and he is looking at Roger intensely, blinking in very slow intervals. But he doesn't make so much as a single sound. The silence between them draws on and on and Rafa's facial expression changes quite a couple of times. At first there is disbelief than irritation, then incomprehension again and finally the younger man settles on something that looks very much like anger and frustration. If there is any doubt still left about Rafa's feelings, there is no doubt left when he finally speaks – and his voice is dripping with venom and barely contained disdain.

“Good for you.”

“Rafa, please. Don't be like that...”

“Like what?! Angry? Fucking disappointed?!”

Rafa has gotten up from the deck chair and is leaning against the railing of the balcony now, arms crossed and an unforgiving expression on his face. Roger follows the motion. The last thing he wants is not to be eye to eye with Rafa as they engage in this unwanted and unexpected argument. He has no idea where all this anger – the fire in the younger man's eyes and the pitch and volume to his voice – and hostility have come from but Roger is pretty sure he doesn't deserve this. He gets why Rafa doesn't like the change, gets why he fears it but this should not be about him. The younger man is usually so restrained with his feelings but this... this seems to be something he feels he is being wronged about... and there is no joy, no happiness not even a glimpse of it. Roger feels very much like Rafa does – disappointed. 

“Exactly! This is a major, important and very much joyous occasion happening! Why can't you just be happy for me?!”

“I'm happy for you! I'm happy for you and Mirka. I'm happy for the life she's going to squirt into this world, I'm happy you'll try to have your sickening happily ever after and crown it with a legal ceremony that fails in every second case anyway... I'm so overjoyed I could jump up and down! Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

“No! I wanted you to be my friend! Friends don't bitch and moan and say awful things when others have happy news. Friends don't do this!”

“I can't be your friend. Not like this.”

The crudeness to Rafa's words, the insult in them, makes Roger lose his patience for just a second there and both he and Rafa engage in an open yelling contest. The younger man is first to calm down but what he has to say cuts deeper than any knife ever could. Roger has been nervous but he has still held out hope for this to be a happy meeting and for Rafa to actually share in his joys about the amazing news Roger has. None of that has happened. Instead Rafa is angry and harsh and insulting and Roger simply doesn't get this awful reaction. Especially because it's not like Mirka has suddenly appeared in his life. The younger man has to have been aware of the facts... but it seems Roger needs to spell them out for him. 

“I've been with her for more than seven years! You knew that! You had to have known we wanted a family eventually...”

“What was I to you then?! A convenient fuck?!”

“No! It's not like that! You know it isn't. What I feel for you... it goes beyond just sex.”

Finally Roger manages to calm down somewhat as they seem to have reached the very root of the problem and the reason for Rafa's unbelievably hurtful and offensive reaction. The younger man feels betrayed, feels like he has been put aside and like he has never meant anything to Roger. He feels like he has been toyed with and that is actually something Roger can understand. But Rafa is wrong and even though he can't see that in the emotionally loaded situation they are in right now, he has to know the truth somewhere deep down inside of him. So Roger tries to remind him of it. It doesn't work. 

“But it's not enough to commit.”

“Please don't make this so hard... Nothing will change. We can still see each other, be with each other. Mirka is okay with it...”

“Oh, so your wife is okay with it, eh? She's fine with your little fuck buddy on the side?! Well everything's just fucking perfect then! How convenient for you!”

Rafa is yelling again and he is being so damn crude and vulgar, it actually manages to make Roger feel awkward. He can't remember a single time he has heard the younger man curse like that... Roger realizes way too late it is his own fault and that he has used the entirely wrong words to soothe an already impossible situation. Telling Rafa that they can still share their physical relationship even if Roger is to be a husband and a father, has definitely not been the best approach here. He wants to remedy that, wants to get another chance at a try but Rafa doesn't give it to him.

“Rafa...”

“Maybe you can actually believe that everything will stay as it is and we'll all live happily ever after! Stay in your little dream world if that makes you feel any better. I know what reality is though. And no matter how many times you try to convince yourself, you're a liar and a damn coward. Everything is going to change! And I will not be your second best choice! I will not be your go-to guy whenever you feel the need to scratch an itch. I will NOT!”

Rafa practically hurls the last three words at Roger, taking a step closer to the Swiss for emphasis. It's a pretty scary display and Roger is at a complete loss for words. He wants to tell Rafa that he is overreacting, that he is wrong and that he has never been second choice to Rafa. But Roger would be lying if he said any of that. Because Mirka will always be his first choice and Rafa isn't exactly wrong in his assessment that Roger only goes to him when he feels he needs the younger man. He swallows hard, tries to come up with at least something to say but once again Rafa cuts him of, this time with an abrupt and very clear gesture, pointing towards the room's door. 

“Get out. Right now. And never come back.”

*#*

When Roger returns to the hotel room he shares with Mirka – both sad and angry at the same time – there is no answer to his knock. He isn't sure what he expects, when he enters but it is not finding his pregnant wife to be sitting on the couch in the main room, crying her eyes out. Then again he is not sure why he would have expected anything else. Rafa is usually the calm and collected one of the siblings and he has completely overreacted... Mari's reaction was bound to be even worse. 

Roger hurries to cross the distance between himself and his future wife, holds out both hands to Mirka as he steps up to her and pulls her up into his arms and into a tight hug. Of course the physical contact manages to worsen her emotional reaction and her crying intensifies. Roger can only mumble sad and desperate words in reply, but he isn't even sure if Mirka hears him. Actually he doesn't even have to ask. He knows how her conversation has been going. Otherwise she wouldn't be crying like this..

“You too.”

Mirka only nods her head yes in reply and then the tears start to spill anew. She buries her head in his shoulder and Roger lets her sob and cry and pour out her emotions. She calms down a lot quicker than he has expected and when she pushes back, he lets go of their embrace and tries a smile. He fails at it, but that comes as no surprise to either of them. They have both been hurt, they have both lost today... But Mirka is definitely more emotionally fragile, so Roger tries to keep his focus on her and on making her feel better. 

“I'm sorry, hon. I'm so sorry...”

“I don't want to lose her...”

“I know. I don't want to lose Rafa either. But it is what it is. This is their choice. There is nothing we can do about it.”

It's the most awful fact he ever has had to admit to and that is even though he has had to admit to the fact that his professional tennis career is over and that his girlfriend – and soon to be wife – has a problem with prescription medication. This however is worse. Because no matter how hard they both try, this is something they have no control over. This isn't about them, it is about Rafa and Maribel and it is their stupid and spiteful decision that causes the Swiss couple pain. Roger wishes he could change things – for both him and Mirka – but he has no fucking clue how. They are lost... truly lost.


	31. I don't know what love is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa and Mari decide to go on a bender in the wake of the Swiss couple's revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay - I was on a spur of the moment weekend trip and didn't get home until late last night.  
> Here's today's [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfE-Z12fIao).
> 
> <>°O°<>

Rafa has raided the mini bar the second Roger has left the room. He isn't even sure why he is doing it. It's not like drinking is going to help him with this fucked up situation... or going to change it. In the end he will be just as miserable and furious as before, only that he will have a hangover on top of it all. But he does it anyway. And the sharp warmth the alcohol produces on it's way down his throat and into his belly actually has a soothing quality.

It's just like that day back in Zürich when Roger had come to talk to him and get him to stop drinking as a coping mechanism to deal with the third anniversary of the exact day the doctors had told him his tennis career was over. The drinking hasn't exactly helped back then – just like it never really helps his sister whenever she does it – but it had soothed him. And right now anything that would better the way he feels, is a welcome change to Rafa. It is a bad idea – he couldn't be more aware of that fact - but this is definitely less destructive than hitting a wall or kicking the furniture in the room...

Rafa's first instinct tells him to take the contents of the mini bar back out to the balcony and settle there again. But he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to be anywhere close to the place where Roger had destroyed any last chance of an ongoing future for their friendship and relationship. Actually Rafa wishes for a chance to be anywhere but in this room right now. But unlike his sister, he has always seen drinking – especially to drown worries and sorrows – as a solitary activity. So instead of leaving for the nearest bar, he stays where he is, orders two additional bottles of wine through room service and settles on the couch in the main room, back on the balcony, hoping against hope that not to look at the place will somehow erase the memory. It does not.

He is not on his own for too long, but then again he has not expected that. The one thing Rafa is very much ambivalent about right now, is how the conversation between Mirka and Maribel has gone. He hopes and wishes for his sister to have a better outcome, but he doesn't expect it. He knows Maribel too well to actually hope she will take the news any better than him. Still he wishes for it, because that means his sister will be happy where he cannot be. On the other hand he also hopes that Mari will be in the same awful situation. It's selfish and spiteful and mean, but at least this way they will share the same misery and he will not be forced to deal with his over the top joyful, smiling sister, making gooey eyes at a woman who has wholeheartedly decided against her but has somehow managed to sway and manipulate her anyway.

He doesn't have to wait for clarity all that long. It's less than 15 minutes after Roger has left – and room service has yet to arrive with the wine Rafa ordered – that the door to his room is opened with the use of a key card and his sister steps into his room. The second Rafa gets a glimpse of Mari's face, he knows the answer to the pressing question how matters have worked out between Mirka and her. His sister is pale, there are tracks of tears clearly showing on her cheeks and her eyes are red-rimmed and glistening with even more, yet unshed tears. Her conversation with Mirka has definitely not gone over well...

Rafa hurries to get up the second he is aware of his sister's inner turmoil. She has stepped into the room, has let the door drop shut behind her, but hasn't reacted otherwise since then. She is simply standing there, breathing rather heavily, with her shoulders shaking and her breath hitching in her throat. She is trying hard – so hard – to keep her emotions in check but she is failing rather miserably. Rafa doesn't even have to think about his actions as he steps up to his sister and pulls her into a tight hug, whispering to her.

“Oh Mari... I'm so sorry...”

The display of affection breaks a dam deep inside his sister's soul and the trembling of her shoulders intensifies. Her hitched breathing turns into a gut wrenching sobbing and she outs her arms around her brother and squeezes – hard. He can hear her muffled cries as she buries her face into his shoulder and he can feel the wetness of her tears seeping into his shirt. It takes a while before his sister calms down and the tears finally run dry. But Rafa doesn't mind. He is glad for a chance to help, to do something for her, even if it's simply holding her and offering a shoulder to cry on. 

He gives Maribel time, doesn't pressure her, doesn't even really talk to her. He simply holds her, keeps her close, rubs soothing circles on her back and mumbles soft, gentle words to her without any actual meaning to them. Rafa loses all sense of time but he assumes it's about ten minutes before Maribel starts calming down and finally regains her composure again. She lets her arms fall to her side and Rafa takes that as his cue to let go. Mari takes a step back and looks up at her older brother. 

“Roger talked to you, too?”

“He did. He offered me a chance to at least still have sex from time to time while he gets a wife and starts a family.”

“Classy... Mirka told me she never even once considered committing to me.”

Maribel's voice is dripping with sarcasm and still slightly trembling with emotion. She is hurt, deeply hurt just as him and Rafa only manages a shake of the head in response. It's hard to fathom but it seems both he and Mari have been manipulated and blinded for the major part of a year. They have believed the Swiss couple to be their friends, their confidants, their lovers even but now they have seen the truth. And the truth is it has all been a lie. 

They have been nothing but a convenient piece of entertainment. Somebody to keep close as a change-up for their usual routine... And now they are of no use anymore, of no amusement value... Rafa's hands ball into fists at the thought. He has no idea how he ever could have been this blind. With Maribel it's a little more understandable – she is young and inexperienced after all. With him however... he should have known better. After all this is not the first time a relationship falls apart for him. Maybe it all comes down to the simple fact that he fails in life more often than not. This is just another failure. Still it's just as hurtful as the first time... and as infuriating. 

“You left her never to return, I hope?”

“Of course I did! How about you?”

“I threw Roger out. I never want to see him again.”

“Same here.”

Maribel's breath hitches again and she wipes the newly falling tears from her eyes angrily. Rafa pulls her into another short hug but they quickly disengage this time. It's a little awkward. They rarely ever share as much physical contact as they have done in these last 15 to 20 minutes. He simply wants his sister to know he is there for her... and that he is willing to do most anything to make sure she is feeling better. The one thing he can think of is to put distance between the two of them and the Swiss couple – as much and as quickly as humanly possible. 

“Do... Would you like to leave? We don't have to stay here...”

“I have concerts, Rafa.”

“Concerts can be canceled.”

“Who are you and what did you do with my brother?”

Mari means it as a joke but given her still swirling and hurt feelings, the bit of banter falls utterly short. Even her smile looks more like a grimace. Rafa appreciates the effort though. He can understand why Mari is so surprised by his reaction, but she is not the only one who has been hurt today. And she should know they are both exceptionally bad at coping with hardship in their lives. This shouldn't come as such a shock to her. He shrugs his shoulders in response, not even trying to keep the cynicism from his voice when he explains his sudden change of character to her. 

“He's even more disillusioned and depressed than usual because he got his heart broken. He has no desire to be responsible.”

“I'm glad to hear that, because neither do I. But there is one last thing I want to do, need to do... After that we go home... You know what, we don't go home. We go on a bender.”

“Fine by me.”

Mari is actually trying to test the boundaries her brother has set for himself. She has expected him to say no to the idea of going on a bender, has expected a vehement rejection, a fight even. But none of it happens and it actually manages to render Maribel speechless. She cannot remember a single time she has seen her brother like this – this careless, this uninterested in any moral compass. She actually tries to tread a little more carefully now but her brother doesn't want to hear any of it. He actually seems pretty enthusiastic about the idea of traveling the word to drink each other into oblivion. 

“It was a joke...”

“Not to me. Let's go to London. Or New York. They have great clubs there. And great hotels with fancy bathrooms and sinks and toilets to throw up in.”

“You're gross!”

“You started it. Don't back out now.”

Rafa manages a grin but it is a sharp, cold, humorless grin and it actually manages to scare Mari just a little bit. It also leaves her feeling just a little bit awkward. She is not used to this kind of role reversal. Usually her brother is the calm and collected one, who keeps her on the straight and narrow. If his moral compass is off course, how is she supposed to keep them going? She has no idea how to handle this... But deep down she knows, she needs to show at least some sort of reliability, some sort of attempt to not let them fall completely of the rails. She cannot just blindly delve in... But her brother makes it easy for her – way too easy. 

“Are... are you sure?”

“As sure as I am that I don't ever want to see that bastard or his pregnant harpy ever again!”

Mari hides back a wince as the insult Rafa uses to describe Mirka. Would the situation be any different, she would probably get angry now and tell her brother – in no uncertain terms – never to speak of Mirka like that again. But it is how it is and she can't bring herself to care – not even remotely. Actually her brother using such harsh and hurtful words fills her with a certain amount of glee. And she is happy her brother is willing to go along and dive right into what is her preferred method of coping. But she needs time – just a little more time…

“There is something else I need to do. And I need your help with it.”

“What?”

“I can't tell you. But you'll find out tonight. Just... give me a couple of hours alone time? And please don't go on that bender without me until then?”

Maribel's own smile is a shy and nervous one. Her brother is so different from the way he usually acts, is so different from the person she knows and can rely on to do exactly what she expects, that she has no idea what his response will be to her proposal. But it's not like he is suddenly a completely different person. If at all he is even more fond and protective of her now, because she has been hurt and because they share the same sort of feelings, the same sort of pain and betrayal. He smiles and nods, though he sounds a little reluctant. 

“I'll try. But I need to get out of this damn hotel. I can't stand the idea that those two are close by...”

“Fair enough. Just meet me at the concert hall at eight.”

*#*

It is ten past eight when Rafa shows up in the backstage area of the concert hall. It is only 5 more minutes until Maribel's show starts, but at least her brother has shown up at all and he is not yet completely wasted. So that is a plus… They share a quick hug yet again, which is the third time today and the most they have done something like this in at least a year or two. It's not like Mari minds. She likes the reassurance the physical contact gives her. She knows tonight will be difficult. Singing is always about emotion for her and tonight her emotions are still running wild. It can make for a great concert... or a disastrous one.

It turns into an amazing show and Mari gives it her all and pours out her heart for all the world to see into every last song she performs. Just as so many times before, it is the final song that holds special meaning to her. And even though they are broken apart and their relationship gone, Mari has one last song to dedicate to Mirka. Though she does not dedicate it to her directly. She dedicates it to the pain and hurt felt due to a friendship lost and the godawful, hurtful words thrown at her, splitting her heart in two and showing a complete and utter disregard and disrespect for her feelings and herself as a person. That is what Mari says... and then she sings.

_I don't know what love is  
If I can't have you here   
I don't know what love is   
I think that it's just fear _

_I don't know the tempo  
Of my heart's concerto   
It's all seems like a dream   
It's not, I know   
There's something real out there for me _

_I swear I've seen an angel  
A paradise in blue (Every color I choose)   
But I don't know what love is   
And I think it might be you _

_If I have the courage  
I know just what to do   
Sometimes I have to crawl   
And everyday I fall   
Tryin' just to stand by you _

_I swear I've seen an angel  
A paradise in blue (Every color I choose)   
But I don't know what love is   
And I think it might be you _

Mari takes a moment longer than usual to get off stage, needing a while to get her swirling emotions back under control and to stop a new flash flood of tears to fall from her eyes. She is a professional singer and this is her stage where she performs her songs. This is her domain. And she will not cry here – not over something lost, not over something not changeable, not over someone who doesn't deserve it! When she comes off stage her brother is waiting for her and he looks so very much fond and proud of her, Mari has to fight back the damn tears all over again. She would like to say something to him, tell him thanks for his help and patience and sympathy, but she doesn't trust her voice. The time it takes for her to clear her throat is all her brother needs, to tell her how he feels about her final song.

“I don't know that song...”

“It's new. That's what I needed the alone time for. I wrote it this afternoon.”

“You were amazing...”

Mari knows she has been great out there – especially with that final song – but she cannot appreciate her brother's compliment. This song is like a funeral eulogy for her, a farewell, a parting gift. She never wants to sing that song again, never wants to think about it again and she never ever even wants to be reminded of Mirka again. What she wants is to forget and lucky for her, her brother has agreed to go along with her usual coping mechanism this time. He has not changed his mind. 

“I need a drink.”

“Sounds like a sensible plan.”

“You're still on?!”

“I said I'll drink with you. Take it or leave it.”

“I take it.”


	32. Chance encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa and Roger meet by chance.  
> They end up in an argument that resolves... nothing.

*Dubai,U.A.E. - February 2009*

They have done exactly what Rafa has suggested and have gone to London, then to New York and finally to Madrid before Mari has actually needed to travel for work again, which has – unfortunately – put them in Dubai at the same time as the WTA tournament is played here and Mirka is in the same city as them. They could have prevented this if either of them would have thought about it and taken the time to change Mari's schedule. But they had been too busy doing other things... Mainly draining the contents of bars in high profile clubs all over the world.

Rafa remembers preciously little of the last couple of weeks. To him that's a mercy. Remembering is the last thing he wants to do. He doesn't want to remember the whole of the last year, doesn't want to remember Roger or his feelings towards the older man and he certainly doesn't want to remember their vicious fight back in Melbourne that has ended both their friendship and relationship. So he drinks... and his sister is a perfect companion for it. 

Here in Dubai, with Mari actually needing to be sober at least from time to time to not stumble off stage while she performs, Rafa is a little more restrained. It doesn't exactly make for a happy time for him. With the lack of any kind of alcohol – or distraction for that matter – the memories return... But it's not only that. The fact of how much he has been burning the candle at both ends, has been catching up to him. What he needs is a couple of nights of proper sleep, a week of only water as a beverage and a proper meal that actually includes all food groups and does not simply consist of pretzel or peanuts at a flashy bar... 

It also puts a strain on his relationship with Maribel and as she is the only person in his life he fully trusts right now, that is definitely a very hard fact to deal with. He wants his sister to be happy but he can't achieve that by constantly telling her to be responsible. He doesn't even want to. But it's his responsibility to look out for her. And stepping on a stage drunk, performing under par and puking down on first row is simply not in the cards. So he has to try and get Mari to cooperate. It has been no fun whatsoever up to this point.

Right now he is on his way to pick up his sister for rehearsal. He has been for breakfast in the hotel restaurant – probably the first time he has see a yogurt and fruit in at least two weeks – and has gone by the reception desk to order coffee and a proper morning meal to be brought to Mari's room as well. He has reached the small corridor that leads to the elevators when he stops dead in his tracks, a strong feeling of rather awful deja vu grabbing a hold of him. This is just like last year in Florida. Roger is there... and it's too late for Rafa to turn and leave. The older man is bound to detect him any second now and Rafa's fight or flight instinct has already kicked in. It tells him to fight and his approach is a rather aggressive one. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?! We made sure to pick a hotel you would not be in!”

Roger actually winces – having not yet been aware of the younger man's presence and not having expected him here either – and that fills Rafa with quite a bit of glee. It's amazing how quickly their friendship has turned into something else, something darker... He is actually happy to have hurt or at least scared the older man. To Rafa's utter surprise Roger doesn't retaliate. He doesn't even look angry or insulted when he turns to face the younger man. If anything Rafa would call Roger's expression a sad one. But he certainly won't allow for that or anything the older man does or says to get to him. That part of his life is over now. Roger doesn't play a role in it anymore. Actually he doesn't even want an answer to his question. All he wants is for Roger to know that his presence is not appreciated and then Roger wants to get away from the Swiss as quickly and as far as possible. 

“We had to change hotels at the last minute. The usual place was overbooked...”

“I guess we'll have to live with that than. The little hardships of life and such...”

Rafa turns to leave. It's a pretty pointless endeavor because the elevators are the best, quickest and most convenient way to get to the upper floors. But he can't very well throw barely concealed insults and harsh words at Roger and then just stand here with him to wait for the next available lift. He doesn't get very far. The Spaniard has barely taken two steps when Roger's voice sounds behind him again. It immediately puts Rafa on edge, makes him angry and irritated and he does not want to indulge and listen to the older man's demands. This is not who they are any more. But Roger sounds desperate enough to almost make Rafa believe he actually means what he says. Sincerity or not, Rafa couldn't care less though. And that – at least – is something he can tell the Swiss. 

“Rafa, please don't go... Please stay, talk, tell me how you have been?”

“I don't want to talk to you. I told you to leave me alone.”

“I know and I respect that. But I can't help but worry. You look pale and tired...again. Quite frankly you look sick to me.”

“Thanks a lot.”

Rafa's voice is dripping with sarcasm and Roger tries very hard to reign in a sigh – and his frustration along with it. He can understand why the younger man is dismissive and ill tempered and generally hurtful towards him. He still doesn't feel he deserves it but he can accept the facts for what they are. Still ending their friendship has been a one-sided decision and Roger stil hopes there is some small chance for them to reconcile. It won't work if Rafa isn't wiling to open up to him though, isn't willing to listen. 

But that doesn't mean Roger is willing to give up just yet. It hasn't just been meaningless words. He is truly worried for the younger man. Rafa looks like he hasn't had a proper meal or sleep for days on end. And Roger simply wants to make sure the younger man is okay – or as okay as he can be given the circumstances and the emotional agony he is dealing with because of his decision made in Melbourne. He cares... and nothing Rafa says or does can take that away from Roger. 

“I didn't mean it like that and you know it! I'm just... worried about you.”

“You don't get to be worried about me. You're not a part of my life any more.”

“Because you chose for things to be that way! I... I'm sorry, okay? I know you're hurting and I know you hate me, but this is the only choice for me. Mirka is my partner and she is pregnant with our baby! What else was I supposed to do? Run away with you?”

Roger is losing his temper in the end after all. He can't help it. That constant disdain and disinterest from Rafa is wearing him down and in the end he snaps. He feels wronged here and very much mistreated. All he wants is for the younger man to acknowledge both his concern and his sympathy. But Rafa isn't even remotely interested in either of those things. All he wants is to get away, to stick to the newly established status quo – which is that they do not share even the smallest commonalities or feelings with one another any more. It seems there is a necessity to spell things out for Roger, to be brutally clear with his words and Rafa does just that. Then he turns to leave – again. 

“I don't care what you do, Roger. It's your life, it's your girlfriend, it's your family. You do what you want.”

“Please don't walk away from me like that. I miss you...”

“That's your lot to deal with.”

This time Roger actually follows him and bodily stops him as Rafa tries to get away again. The older man's hand closes around his upper arm and Rafa flinches and fights out of the other man's grip the very second he feels the soft pressure appearing. He spins around, shoots Roger a murderous glance but doesn't manage a response. The harsh physical reaction does not manage to deter the Swiss though and if anything Rafa at least admires the tenacity with which Roger tries to keep this conversation going. It makes Rafa just a tiny bit more lenient towards the Swiss... and a little more open. 

“Rafa please... Just talk to me? Tell me you're okay at least...”

“I'm not.”

Roger looks at him worriedly and Rafa is not sure whether to feel angry, irritated or flattered. If the Swiss is actually acting here, he is doing a damn fine job of it. One could almost believe that he actually cares... Rafa thinks back to Melbourne without actually wanting to and he has to admit that it has been his decision and his alone to end the relationship with Roger. The Swiss had wanted to keep this up, had wanted for nothing to change, had still wanted him in his life. Rafa had refused though. And even though it still feels like the only valid and logical reaction, maybe there is a bit of blame to pass his way after all. Maybe Roger deserves an answer. So Rafa tells him. He has no idea why though.

“We tried to make the best of a bad situation and it was fun for a while. But you can only booze and party so much when your heart isn't in it. And my heart is broken and so is my sister's. Mari is... devastated. And she deals with it the only way she knows how. And to add insult to injury I applaud her on her choice. I wouldn't want it any other way. I have no fucking energy to reign her in, to fight with her time and again and make her do right by her team and staff and family because I don't feel that she should. We are both hurting and we have every right to act on those emotions. Unfortunately both of us feeling miserable is a potent mixture for disastrous consequences. We're lucky neither one of us has been arrested or hospitalized yet... Why the fuck am I telling you any of this? You don't care and you don't deserve to know. Go away.”

Rafa switches from open to angry to dismissive in less than a minute and judging from what little actual fact there is to his tale, it is all Maribel's fault. She is the one completely off the rails here, she is the one who cannot seem to find so much as one decent and responsible bone in her body. Rafa simply follows along, because for once in their sibling relationship, he does not want to be the bad guy. Roger knows he could tell Rafa what he thinks, but he is pretty sure that will only make matters worse. Rafa doesn't want to hear his judgment about Maribel. Instead he gets hung up on the later part of what Rafa tells him – the fact that he feels Roger doesn't even deserve to be let in on even glimpses of Rafa's life any more. He can't help but feel a painful stab go through his heart at that. And it angers him.

“Of course I care!”

“You never cared. About either of us. Same goes for your pregnant future wife. All you did was use us.”

“That's not true!”

“Whatever...”

Roger wants a chance to argue this point, wants to vent his anger and frustration, wants to tell Rafa that he is wronging both him and Mirka and that he is being both offensive and hurtful while doing it. It's simply not true that they have never cared. They have probably cared a lot more than they ever should have. It's not like they have been lying or scheming this entire time. It's not even their choice to stay apart. The siblings have made that decision and the betrayal they feel is an imagined one! But Rafa doesn't even give him the chance to start any kind of argument. Instead he turns to leave yet again. It is only now that Rafa turns to face away from him, that Roger becomes aware of a mild discoloration on the younger man's face framing a cut right beneath his left cheekbone. A bout of fear turns Roger's stomach into knots and – very much negating everything Rafa has just thrown at him – he stops the younger man again, pointing at the injury, his voice all worry and fear for the Spaniard's well-being. 

“Stop! What... what is that on your cheek?”

“It's nothing. Just a scratch.”

“How did it get there?!”

Rafa sighs a soft, frustrated sigh. Roger might be a lot of things, a lot of them not even very positive but he is definitely persistent. It seems the Swiss will not let him leave until he has all his questions answered. If that is what it takes, Rafa is willing to indulge just a little bit longer. It's not like there is anything particularly dramatic or awful about the tale behind the injury on his face. It's more of an accident than anything else anyway and even Roger – in this emotional and somewhat strange state he is in right now – has to understand that. 

“Mari was drunk and we tried to get back to our rooms and her into bed. She didn't really want to. She lashed out and she was still wearing a pretty large and heavy ring... It was an accident. She didn't mean to. I should have been more careful... I wasn't exactly all there either...”

“How can you rationalize this?! She hurt you!”

“Not on purpose. As I said. She was drunk.”

“And that actually counts as an excuse for you?! She has a problem, Rafa.”

The second the words leave Roger's mouth, he knows he has crossed a line he shouldn't cross. They are not friends any more. Rafa has made that abundantly clear. And in this newly established... non-relationship they share, Roger has no right to tell the younger man how to feel or what to do. Telling him he should not forgive his sister and that she has a serious situation on her hands that needs to be dealt with, is completely out of bounds. But for some strange reason Roger can't quite fathom, Rafa doesn't get angry. Maybe he doesn't care about Roger's opinion. That would certainly explain the shoulder shrug. It does however not explain the Spaniard's rather cryptic reply.

“She's not alone then.”

“I don't understand.”

“You don't have to. I don't know why I'm telling you any of this. It's not like it's any of your business.. or like you care. You have no right. As I said - you're not a part of my life any more.”

At least this time when Rafa tells him Roger is no longer a part of the younger man's life and has no right to anything pertaining Rafa's every day life, he doesn't turn to leave again. Instead he is glaring, which isn't a whole lot better. It's almost like he is daring the older man to defy him, to fight with him. But that is the last thing Roger wants. Seeing the detached and irritated look in the younger man's eyes, all Rafa feels is desperation. He is sad at the change more than angry. All he wants is Rafa back. But his last ditch effort goes nowhere fast. 

“I told you it doesn't have to be this way...”

“And I told you I'm not your convenient fuck on the side.”

“There's no need to be crude.”

“Isn't there? How should I react then? With a smile and a dance?”

As soon as the conversation comes back to Melbourne, back to the fight they have had, back to the physical side of their relationship, emotions run high immediately. Neither one of them is able to be objective here and they have both their voices rise in pitch and volume. If anyone would walk towards the elevators now, they would walk right into a really bad fight. But that is just the way things seem to be between them now. And Rafa being rude and sarcastic and quite frankly annoying is more than Roger is willing to take in this already ridiculous and completely unnecessary argument. So he snaps – again. 

“You should fucking accept the facts of life.”

“I am. I did. Go away.”

This time Rafa does not move an inch, except for the fact that he crosses his arms in front of his chest and gives a rather pointed look towards the elevator doors. Quite frankly it's a miracle neither of the cabins have arrived yet to end this damn conversation. It's just as well though. Rafa wants him to go, does not want to be the one to run and hide first and quite frankly Roger is sick and tired of this conversation by now. He has hoped for a chance, has hoped for Rafa to change his mind and see how much potential there still is for him. But the younger man is as stubborn as a mule and Roger has no desire to fight for him any longer. The moment he is about ready to actually follow through on Rafa's demand, realization hits Roger like a ton of bricks all of a sudden.

Suddenly every last of those cryptic things Rafa has said, make sense to him. Telling Roger that he applauds his sister's decision, that he has no energy to reign her in, that Mari is not alone in having a problem... it all paints a very vivid picture to Roger now. He has been absolutely sure right from the start that Maribel has resorted to drinking as a coping mechanism in the aftermath of the fight she and Mirka had in Melbourne. It's her preferred method. But as it seems Rafa has done exactly the same thing. He isn't even sure he wants to know the truth of it all, but Roger asks for it anyway.

“The alcohol... It's a problem you both need to face... Am I right?”

“You're a perceptive one.”

“Drinking isn't helping.”

Roger knows he has no right to pass blame or judgment here and he does not get to make suggestions what is best for Rafa or his sister. It's not like the younger man cares to hear them anyway. But once again Rafa doesn't react with anger to Roger crossing that thin line that is suddenly so present in their lives and that hasn't been there before when they were still friends. Instead of irritation, there is a rather condescending smile on the Spaniard's lips and his words are full of loaded accusation. 

“Actually it does. Helps us both to forget.”

“This isn't like you. And your sister? She has been way beyond the point of this being healthy or a simple coping mechanism a long time ago. So quit it! And get her help! Send her to rehab!”

“Yeah, that will definitely go over well, suggesting something like that to her...”

“It shouldn't be a suggestion. She is addicted. Addicts get no say, they get better – if they want to or not.”

Roger is getting worked up about this whole matter, more than he probably should and more than is good for either of them. He has always felt that way about Maribel and he has tried to talk to Rafa about this before but he has never been this blunt and aggressive as he is right now. Of course Rafa retaliates. This is not the thin line Roger has been thinking about before. This is something entirely different. Talking to Rafa about his sister like that, is something Roger wouldn't have done when they still had been friends. Because he has no right – he isn't family, he isn't a legal guardian and Maribel is not his responsibility. Of course Rafa tries to hurt him back for the unspoken accusation that he isn't taking proper care of his own sister. And he's doing it in the most hurtful way – by reminding Roger that he too has a responsibility to somebody he loves and cares about he has not exactly been living up to. 

“So your wife is going to rehab for her drug addiction as well?”

“She's not my wife. Not yet. And Mirka does not have a drug problem! She is managing a medical condition.”

Rafa scoffs and snorts and it sounds so harsh and condescending, Roger cannot help but ball his hands into fists. The really awful thing is, that he cannot even call Rafa out on his behavior. Because the Spaniard is not wrong. Roger is mincing words here, is lying to himself and hanging onto an illusion they both know is not the truth. Mirka's anxiety is not just a medical problem... and Roger is applying double standards here... It is the perfect ending to a godawful talk and this time Roger lets Rafa go as one of the cabins of the elevators finally arrives and Rafa leaves him – not without a last side remark towards Roger. 

“Yeah, right.”


	33. Second chances and a lack of trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger manages to convince Rafa of giving him a chance again.  
> Rafa has conditions though.  
> And things are not as easily repaired as they are broken...

Roger takes a lot of time to think about his argument with Rafa after he has returned to his and Mirka's room. It's his soon to be wife who gets him thinking because she is nervous to the point of frantic. She is playing her quarter final in the evening and she plays an opponent she has never once won again before and the fact that she cannot take her medication is killing her. It is not the match that makes her so nervous or the opponent. It is the simple fact that she is out of options, that she simply cannot take her medication without jeopardizing the baby's health. 

It makes Roger realize that Rafa has been entirely right. Mirka's and Maribel's situation aren't all that different from one another. It also makes him realize they are all sitting in the same boat here. They are all hurting, they all wish for a different outcome of what happened in Melbourne and they all cannot manage to get that elusive change done. They all miss each other too, Roger is sure of it. He knows for a fact it goes for him and Mirka and he can only assume about Rafa and Maribel. But they wouldn't both be this self-destructive and emotional if there aren't still feelings involved. 

Roger decides he is not willing to leave matters as they are. It's an awful situation for all of them, it's hurtful and saddening and above all it's unnecessary. They can change, they can be better, if only they put enough effort into it. He is willing to try... and he starts looking for like minded people right away. Unfortunately Mirka is not on his side, not even a little bit. It's not that she wants to be spiteful or has forgotten all about Maribel already. She openly admits she misses the younger woman. But she also tells him she has neither the energy nor the courage to try and convince Maribel to give their friendship another try... yet again.

She tells him there is too much going on in her life right now with the pregnancy and the planning of the wedding and those last few tournaments she will play before their child will be born. It takes up all her energy, all her willpower and emotional stability and she cannot add yet another load to all that. This is what she tells him. Roger doesn't like it, not even a little, but he can respect his fiance's decision. Frankly he has no desire or intention to get involved with Maribel. He feels for the girl but he doesn't like her enough to actually worry about her...

That leaves Rafa and given how their last conversation has been going Roger holds out little hope for them. But there is one positive thing Roger takes away from their fight and it is that Rafa has reacted to Roger's persistence. It has managed to keep the Spaniard from leaving on three separate occasions during their awful conversation and even though it has ended in a destructive and unhelpful way, there still is some sort of result to take away from it. Maybe, just maybe a little more persistence on Roger's end will turn a fight into a productive and useful conversation... or maybe not. The only way to find out is try anyway. And Roger does

*#* 

*Two days later*

Rafa is about ready to throw his phone out a window or dump it in a dumpster or down a drain. It is getting ridiculous already. Roger has texted him practically constantly these last couple of days – it's an excessive display of rudeness and complete oblivion to what Rafa has told him just 48 hours ago and without any understanding for the word 'no'. Not that Rafa exactly tells him no. He simply ignores the older man's messages. Roger is bound to get it at some point. But he doesn't...

It has made his already miserable life just a tiny bit worse. He has had a headache that simply doesn't go away ever since he and Roger had fought in the lobby by the elevators, Mari is being impossible to handle and above all else he is sure he has some sort of mild food poisoning that has left him feeling nauseous for the better part of the last couple of days as well. Or maybe that is due to the fact that he is missing the pretty alcohol that has helped him to forget the chaos and desperation that is his life right now... In one word, he is despairing... and he very much would like for all of this to change. 

For that to happen he has to get the hell away from this stupid place. He needs to get out of this hotel, out of this city, out of this country and as far away from Roger as he possibly can. And he needs to get a new cell phone with a new number... Rafa decides to get right on that. Maribel hasn't been exactly enthusiastic about her concerts here and they haven't been home since the beginning of January. Maybe he can get her to skip out of her last show that is two days from now and they can leave for Mallorca – preferably today. 

He has taken all of two steps towards the door, when there is a knock on it. Rafa can only hope it is some sort of telepathy and his sister is actually there, telling him she wants to go home just as badly as he does. He actually quickens his pace, because this has to be his sister. She is the only other person in the whole hotel he knows and cares about, so it has to be her at the door. But somehow Rafa has managed to forget all about Roger and his aggravating stubbornness over the course of the last couple of days. So when he opens the door – fully expecting his sister to be there – he is in for a surprise. 

“Roger...”

“You didn't answer any of my texts... I thought I should check on you, make sure you were okay and not hurt or sick in some way.”

“Why would I be hurt?”

Rafa immediately reacts defensive but this time Roger is prepared for the reaction. He has steeled himself, has told himself to keep his emotions locked away in order for the younger man not to hurt him again and their feelings getting in the way of a chance to reconcile. It's not the outcome Roger wants for this meeting. He hasn't come here because he knows it will be easy or a happy occasion. He is here to fight for Rafa and he knows it is going to be hard. Right now he tries to be indifferent to Rafa's display of negative emotions and suspicion. He smiles and shrugs.

“Because you didn't answer my texts.”

“I didn't want to answer your stupid texts!”

“Why?”

Of course Roger knows the answer to that already. Rafa has told him in very clear terms that he wants to be left alone, that he wants nothing to do with Roger any more and that the older man has no place in the Spaniard's life anymore. It's not that Roger hasn't heard any of it. He simply doesn't want to accept it. He needs to know he has tried everything in his power to make sure he and Rafa have a second chance. Then – and only then – will he leave the younger man in peace. Rafa however is not in the mood to play this game. He is angry and all he wants is for Roger to leave. Still he isn't yet ready to simply throw the door in the other man's face. He gives it one last – irritated – try to tell Roger what is expected of him.

“Stop it right now, Roger! What the fuck do you want from me?! What about 'leave me the hell alone' didn't you understand?!”

“There's no need to yell.”

“Of course there is. Because you don't seem to get a hint if people talk to you in a normal voice and volume!”

“I love you.”

Roger keeps a calm, almost friendly tone to his voice and manages to catch Rafa completely off guard with his testimony of affection. Rafa feels a soft shiver run down his spine – the first positive sentiment he has felt towards Roger ever since Melbourne – and it's hard to fight that down. But them not seeing each other any more has never been about love. It's all about trust and Rafa feels like that trust has been utterly betrayed. To some extent Roger can understand that, but he still cannot accept it. It's not like he has done anything wrong or has hurt Rafa on purpose. He is simply taking the logical next step in his relationship with Mirka... Rafa is blinking at him, trying to make sense of his own torn feelings and Roger hopes the fact that the younger man hasn't yet yelled or laughed right at his face is a good sign. He tries to evaluate... and that royally backfires. 

“What?”

“I love you, I miss you and I want you back.”

“Who the fuck cares what you want?! This is no dream or fairy tale where you miraculously get what you want. Deal with it!”

“I don't want to. And I know you don't want to either. I know you miss me too.”

“It doesn't matter! Go be with your family, Roger. And leave me out of it.”

The dreaded physical reaction Roger has hoped to avoid comes now as Rafa takes a small, purposeful step back. Roger hides back a sigh and fights down his growing fear and insecurity. Good intentions and words alone are not managing to get this conversation where Roger wants it to go. More... desperate measures are in order it seems. But the Swiss is prepared for that to. He is prepared to take action. Before Rafa can step back further or close the door and end them meeting like this, Roger grabs for the younger man's arm, pulls him closer and kisses him – forcefully, passionately, desperately.

Rafa struggles against the hold Roger has on him at first, but it is more to get out of his grasp than to actually end the kiss. Maybe Roger is imagining things or simply wishing for the outcome he hopes for, but to him it very much feels like Rafa is trying to defy him because that his what his spiteful mind tells him. His heart however tells him to engage in the kiss and that causes the younger man to actually lean in closer and intensify the connection for just a moment. It doesn't last – mind winning over heart – and when Rafa pulls away he is very much breathless... and a dark fury is shining like fire in his eyes. 

“There's people!”

“I don't remotely care if there are people. I LOVE YOU. And apparently I'm not the only one who needs things spelled out in order to get them. I know you hate my decision, I know you hate the change that is happening and I know you want everything back to the way it was. We can't have that. What we can have is a relationship – a real relationship – despite all that. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to commit. How about you?”

Roger truly expects more fury, more vicious, more harsh and ugly words. But it doesn't happen. His display of honesty along with the question of what Rafa wants, instead of another attempt to get him to agree to something Roger has already made up his mind about, seems to work. Or maybe it is the declaration of love or the kiss they have shared. Roger doesn't know and he is not sure he cares. All he wanted was for Rafa to rethink his previous decision and give them just one more chance. It seems Roger has managed to do just that, because as reluctant as Rafa sounds, he doesn't give Roger a downright no for an answer. ..

“I need time to think.”

“Take as much time as you need.” 

*#*

It is the late afternoon of that same day when Rafa makes his way to the hotel room Roger and Mirka share. The older man had dropped a piece of paper with the number of the room scribbled on it onto the palm of his hand before he had left Rafa earlier today. The younger man has taken his time since then and unfortunately... he is still not quite sure what to do. However he doesn't go to tell that to Roger. He goes now because he hopes to get out of a confrontation and afterwards he can finally try to convince his sister to leave Dubai early...

He does it on purpose because he knows Mirka has a match to play in about an hour and he assumes the couple isn't at their room. This way he can knock, wait, and then leave the little prepared message he has tucked away in the back pocket of his jeans, telling Roger that he has indeed thought about the two of them a lot but that the betrayal simply runs to deep and that love alone won't be enough to make up for that. Rafa has chosen this time line and those words for the note, because he knows he will never get them out if he has to face Roger in person.

As angry and disappointed and hurt as he is, Roger telling him he loves him, Roger kissing him in the hallway, Roger committing to him and doing the one thing Rafa has asked of him back in Melbourne... it has made him rethink his decision. It has made Rafa realize that maybe he has done wrong by Roger, that maybe he has overreacted and that marrying his long term girlfriend and having children with her is nothing he can actually blame Roger for. Would this be him in the same situation... Rafa would have done exactly the same. Roger has been right after all with what he has told Rafa back in Melbourne – he cannot expect for Roger to give up Mirka and his unborn child for the sake of their relationship... 

But he cannot simply trust the older man again either. Their fight has been too ugly, the loss of trust runs too deep and the risk of getting hurt again is simply too high. Rafa has never been strong... not since he has lost that very important part of his life three years ago. He doesn't cope well with loss or disappointment and he does not easily trust or share his feelings. It is why he has broken up with his girlfriend three years back, it is why he and Mari fight so much, it is why he and Tomeu see so little of one another and it is why he cannot see Roger anymore – even if it pains him. All he wants is to leave that note... and then go on with his miserable life.

Rafa waits for all of three seconds after he has knocked on the hotel room door before he fumbles for his back pocket. It is this additional couple of seconds that are enough for the door to be opened and before he knows it, Rafa is confronted with Roger, who is smiling at him, looking elated to see him. Rafa's hand sinks back down to his side and away from the piece of paper in his pocket. His heart sinks along with it. This was not how things were supposed to go. Roger was not supposed to be here, Rafa was not supposed to be confronted with him. He takes a deep breath but before he ever gets a chance to say anything, Roger starts first and Rafa finds himself replying without thinking and this meeting quickly turns a take into the entirely wrong direction. This was not what was supposed to happen... 

“You thought about it.”

“I did.”

Rafa starts, stops himself again and sighs a soundless sigh. He knows exactly what he is supposed to tell Roger. But he can't... The little piece of paper in the pocket of his pants feels as heavy as a piece of lead all of a sudden, but Rafa can't bring himself to get it out and hand it to Roger, thus ending this conversation. Instead he finds himself smiling a very small, guarded smile back at Roger, which the older man interprets as his cue to play the gracious host. Rafa is reluctant but definitely not as evasive as he should be given what he has initially planned to do.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Is your girlfriend here?”

“No.”

So Mirka is indeed at the tournament grounds and Roger is here alone... presumably waiting for Rafa and his answer to Roger's suggestion. That shows a level of commitment, of prioritizing that Rafa has not ever expected. Roger has stayed here and has left his anxiety ridden future wife to fend for her own only to wait for Rafa and his reply... That weakens the Spaniard's resolve right away. When Roger makes an inviting gesture, the younger man follows him into the room. He cannot help but wince softly when the door falls closed behind him. He feels a lot like he is trapped... and he cannot get out of this situation without talking to Roger now. The older man is doing his best to be a good host, but Rafa is too worked up and preoccupied to appreciate any of it. 

“We could sit.”

“I don't want to sit.”

“Okay... We could talk?”

“Yes.”

Rafa knows he is supposed to say something now – something sophisticated and fancy at best, some sort of little speech to let Roger know how hard this has all been on him, how deeply he is hurt but that – despite what the note in his back pocket says – love has triumphed over all in the end. But Rafa says none of those things. He doesn't get out so much as a single syllable. Roger tries to coax him, softly, gently and with a smile on his lips.

“So... you made up your mind?”

“Yes.”

The words still won't come and Rafa rakes his brain for the right way to start of this conversation. In the end he lets his heart do the talking – while his mind screams at him to show at least a sliver of pride and self-preservation – and it is not remotely what Rafa expects to come out of his own mouth. He says something entirely different from what he has wanted to tell Roger. He tells them they will be getting another chance... 

“I'm willing to try. But I have two conditions.”

“Okay.”

“One, don't talk to me about your future family bliss.”

“Deal. And two?”

Roger sounds eager – a little too eager in Rafa's book – and he easily accepts the first condition of this deal they are about to make. Rafa has expected as much. It's not a difficult rule to abide by. All Roger has to do is keep quiet about certain topics. It has not been a hard thing to ask of the older man either, because this is not something that leaves Rafa exposed or vulnerable if Roger doesn't listen and breaks the rules. Rafa will be furious and heartbroken then, but he will not be in trouble. If Roger ever goes against the second rule, of Roger ever betrays him in that regard, Rafa will be screwed... and above all else he feels very much vulnerable and weak having to ask this particular thing of the Swiss. He is asking him to lie. 

“Mari can never know.”

*#*

*Two days later*

It is the first time since they have reconciled that Rafa has agreed to come to Roger's room for an extended period of time and they both know what that entails. They have talked and texted a lot since they have seen each other and Roger has agreed to Rafa's conditions. They have spoken both on the phone and in person but they haven't spend much time together and they haven't had a chance to... properly celebrate their second chance. Roger is honest with himself – he has missed the physical side of their relationship just as much as the emotional one. And he is very much looking forward to a bit of make-up-sex. 

Rafa however seems preoccupied the second he enters Roger's hotel room and the older man feels a hard knot form in the pit of his stomach. He hasn't expected Rafa to simply trust him again from one second to the next, but the younger man is taciturn and almost cold in his reactions ever since he has stepped into the room. The fact that today marks Rafa's last day here in Dubai and that the very next thing he will do after seeing Roger is to get his sister and get to the airport with her to travel home, certainly isn't helping the matter one bit. Rafa will have to lie to his sister... and of course that weighs on his mind.

Roger decides to take the initiative, decides to take Rafa's mind off this whole emotional mess he is going through right now. What better way to achieve that than a bit of mindless fun and exercise?  
He steps closer, places a soft kiss on the younger man's lips and then ushers him into the general direction of the bedroom. Everything seems fine – they kiss, they reach the bed, they fall on it, panting and never quite letting go of one another. But the second Roger's hand slips into the waistband of Rafa's pants, the younger man flinches and stiffens. Roger pulls back immediately, sits up and shoots the younger man a look – a mixture of concern and disbelief showing on the Swiss face.

“What? What's wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You don't trust me...”

The realization hits Roger suddenly and like a ton of bricks. Rafa feels insecure about them, about himself and about the manner of this newly established relationship. He is questioning anything and everything and that makes it nearly impossible for the Spaniard to show even a speck of trust. Roger doesn't blame him – it seems like a very natural reaction after all. But he cannot stop himself from sounding disappointment when he tells Rafa how he feels about this problem at hand.

“None of this is going to work without trust.”

“What do you expect?! A damn miracle?! You imposed your new family on me and yet you expect everything to be the same and me to be just fine with it?!”

“No...”

“I feel like a damn prostitute!”

He could argue with the younger man, could tell him he is being stupid and engage in yet a new vicious and definitely useless and painful fight. But this is not what their previous decision has been all about. Their decision has been meant to break the damn cycle... So instead of engaging, instead of letting himself be lured into an argument by his own emotions, he listens to instinct and instinct tells him to calm and soothe the younger man, so he will feel less worried and pressured. He scoots closer and pulls Rafa into a tight, heartfelt hug, mumbling soft words to him. Rafa struggles against him just for a moment but finally relents, letting his head fall on Roger's shoulder. 

“We don't have to do this, Rafa. We can just sit and talk... like old times.”

“This is nothing like old times.”

“Only if we allow that to happen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miscalculated the free weeks I have until my holidays, so you will get three chapters instead of two now.  
> There will be a gap at the end of April, as I won't be home and the story should be done by 12th May.  
> Just so you know :)


	34. Broken trust and missed chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Rafa find a way back to one another.  
> Mari walks in on a more than obvious situation.  
> The trust between the siblings is broken.  
> Mirka tries to reconcile with Mari - it backfires royally.

*Acapulco, Mexico – February 2009*

Roger remembers the last conversation they have had in Dubai before they have been forced to each go their own way and Rafa had gone home with Mari. They hadn't had sex that day. They had simply sat together on the bed, half cuddling, half leaning onto one another for support and after a long moment of silence and simply basking in the warmth of the other person, Rafa had opened up to Roger just a little and had spoken to him about one of his worries, which turned out to be the next time they would all meet again... or at least be in the same place at the same time again. 

“We will all be in Mexico at the same time late February...”

“You make that sound like it's a bad thing...”

“Isn't it? All four of us in the same place, Mirka and Mari not on speaking terms, me and Mari not on speaking terms, because I refuse to do the one thing we have been doing together for weeks on end now and she has to drink on her own... It's a potent combination...”

“It'll be okay.”

Roger could kick himself for his words said back then right now. Because it is not okay, especially not when it comes to Maribel. Now that Rafa has reverted back to his old, more responsible self and Maribel is still drowning all of her sorrows in every and any bottle she can find, the sibling's relationship is at an all time low. Rafa is stressed and agitated and all he wants is to get away from his sister. But he can't. He has to take care of Mari because that is what he is supposed to do and he has to do his best to keep her on the straight and narrow because otherwise one of the concert organizers is bound to strangle them both.

Apart from the emotional turmoil and the constant fighting and hurling of angry and hurtful words between the siblings, it is a lot of sneaking around for Rafa. He can't simply go to Roger's room or invite the older man over without some sort of deflection or distraction. It means he has to lie to his sister whenever they meet. Of course he could try to simply not tell her. After all Maribel is more interested in the contents of the liquor bottles she gets her hands on than she is her brother. But her drinking makes her unpredictable... and it's better to let her know she can't come see him than to simply rely on chance. 

Today they have decided to have lunch together. They could have gone out but as there is no telling where Maribel might be traipsing around on her lookout for a liquor store or a bar, Rafa has suggested room service. It's as good an idea as any and Roger doesn't mind to stay in. Rafa looks tired and stressed and pale and like he has lost just a little bit of weight and Roger is more than happy to spend the time with him in the most relaxing and soothing way possible. Rafa needs it – it's the perfect remedy and antithesis to how his every day life with his sister is going right now. 

Unfortunately the younger man barely touches his food. He pokes at it for quite a while and shoves it around on his plate but in the end it's only a couple of mouthfuls the younger man actually eats. He seems to believe he is being clever and subtle and that Roger isn't aware of what he is doing. So when the Swiss finally calls him out on his behavior, the younger man actually winces and looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. He has only a vague and rather lame excuse to offer in explanation.

“Stop playing with your food, Rafa.”

“I'm not. I'm just not too hungry.”

“You have to eat. You look pale and just a bit gaunt already. You need sustenance.”

“I'm not about to starve, Roger.”

Rafa actually smiles at him in response but it's a strained smile and it never reaches the younger man's eyes. He tries to make the best of an impossible situation and above all else he tries to get the Swiss to not worry about him. That however is an attempt that ends up entirely in vain. Roger will never not worry about the Spaniard. And this is not about this one particular meal anyway. This is about the simple fact that Rafa seems to have forgotten how to take proper care of himself and isn't even aware that he is doing it... or maybe he is aware and has chosen to ignore it. Either way Roger feels the strong need to point the obvious out to the younger man. 

“No. But you're about to run yourself into the ground...”

“It's not my fault or intention. I tried, I tried so, so hard, but I cannot get Maribel to give up on that self-destructive path she is on. Every time I do, she yells... or she tries to pull me down with her. I can't do this anymore...”

“There are options.”

“I know. I actually talked to a rehab facility in Palma when we were home.”

That particular admission catches Roger by surprise. He has never – not in a million years – expected Rafa to actually listen to him and follow through on the, admittedly hurtful and hostile, suggestion Roger has made in regard to Maribel back in Melbourne. But not acting just like her, not burying himself in oblivion and trying to drown his sorrows in a bottle any more, Rafa is a lot more attentive to how much his sister is hurting... and to how desperately she is in need of proper care and help. Roger is curious to hear what has become of that conversation with the clinic representatives. As Mari and Rafa are both here it cannot exactly be a satisfying outcome. 

“And?”

“They say they are a private clinic and they can't force anyone to be their patient. Mari has to want to be there.”

“Did you talk to her about it?”

Rafa shakes his head and he looks very much defeated admitting to his fault. Though Roger cannot relate to the reaction. It's not like this is Rafa's fault or failure. As the younger man has just pointed out, it is his sister's decision to make. But he hasn't even given her the chance, because he has never actually told her about his conversation with the clinic. There is a very easy explanation for that and Roger can wholeheartedly relate and agree. He has seen very little of Maribel since January but from what little he knows, he can vividly imagine how telling her about a rehab facility would have ended for Rafa... 

“I didn't dare. I avoid fights with her when I can. I simply don't have the heart or the energy for them anymore. And this would have been one hell of a fight.”

“So... this is going to go on?”

“Until she hits rock bottom... I guess so.”

*#*

After lunch and their rather depressing conversation, Roger has proposed they retire to the bedroom for just a little while and Rafa has agreed almost eagerly. To him anything is better than to appease Roger's worry about his eating habits and general disposition or to talk about his sister for any extended period of time. It's supposed to be cuddling, just a chance for Rafa to relax and maybe forget about the horrors his every day life is made of at the moment. But it turns into more than that and it happens naturally. 

Unlike back in Dubai Rafa neither feels insecure nor unsure about the older man's intentions this time. They have had chances to talk, he has had time to think and even though their newly reformed relationship is still fresh and fragile, Rafa is in the process of learning to trust Roger again. Which is why he is very much happy with how things proceed. They fall back into rhythm so easily it is almost scary. Rafa feels sleepy afterwards and utterly relaxed. Roger has actually managed to make him forget about all the troubles he is dealing with right now.

The beautiful, intimate moment doesn't last for too long. Rafa never even hears the lock of his hotel room door or footsteps approaching through the main room. He is too damn tired and relaxed to pay much attention and it seems it's not much different for Roger. He only ever becomes aware that somebody else is inside his hotel room, when the door to the bedroom creaks open. But by this time it's too late. He is barely even turned around to actually get a look at the person standing in the doorway to his bedroom, when his sister's shrieking voice is already reaches his ear. Rafa feels like somebody has reached deeply into his chest and is squeezing hard at his heart. Mari is here... Mari has found them like this. Mari knows. They are screwed... 

“What the hell is this?!”

“Mari, I can explain...”

“You lied! You lied to me! You told me you two broke up, just like Mimi and I!”

“We did...”

Rafa tries, tries to explain, tries to make his sister understand, tries to get her to be patient and listen and show at least a hint of sympathy. But he is at a complete loss for words and Roger is no help either. The older man has done nothing but pull part of the bed sheets up to his chin in order to protect his modesty and is otherwise staring and blinking at Mari like he has seen a ghost. Rafa is on his own and he fails quite miserably in somehow resolving this fucked up situation. He wishes he could at least get up, walk up to his sister and have this conversation on eye level. But he isn't exactly dressed and Mari is already fully engaged in her fury and shock about what she has just walked in on. 

“Cuddling together in bed and hand holding is how a broken relationship looks to you?!”

“It's not like that!”

“You LIED!”

She is screaming now, her voice actually breaking as she hurls the reproach at him. She is not wrong. Actually she is entirely right and Rafa can't blame her for her anger. He hasn't liked the lying and the sneaking around and that makes it hard to try to convince Mari of his sincerity now. He truly is sorry. But still he manages to chooses the entirely wrong thing to say. All his words manage to do, is to send Maribel over that razor sharp edge on which her emotions have already been bordering before, causing them to spill over like in a flash flood. 

“I kept bits and pieces of the truth from you... This is all... very new.”

“I don't care! I don't care about him! I don't care about your lies! I DON'T CARE!”

She's yelling at full force now – so loud she actually manages to make Roger wince beside Rafa. She is unable to contain the physical side to her emotions either. She is crying now, tears freely spilling from her eyes. It's a messy, emotional, uncontrolled display of her feelings with big fat tears running down her face, actual snot forming at the tip of her nose, her features practically distorted into a grimace of emotional anguish and the look she gives them both spewing fire while showing icy coldness at the same time. She doesn't say anything else. Not a word. She simply stares and glares and breathes heavily before she turns and leaves, practically running from the scene she has never expect to find when she has entered this room.

Rafa knows it would be best to go after her, to stop her before she even has the chance to leave the room. But he still isn't dressed, Roger still isn't helping and quite frankly he has no fucking clue what else he could tell his sister to soothe her rage or even make her listen to him. What he does know without a doubt is that this is a godawful disaster – the one thing he has tried so desperately to keep from happening. But he has failed, yet again.

“Great... That's just fucking fantastic...”

*#*

_When we first met  
I never thought that I would fall   
I never thought that I'd find myself   
Lying in your arms   
And I want to pretend that it's not true   
Oh baby, that you're gone   
'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning   
And I'm not moving on _

_Don't wanna feel another touch  
Don't wanna start another fire   
Don't wanna know another kiss_

Mirka stops the video of one of Mari's concerts that she is playing the second she hears the door to their hotel room open. She doesn't want Roger to catch her like that. It's not like she is doing anything wrong, but she has told him time and again she is fine with how things went with Maribel back in Melbourne. She has told him she is over the younger woman and she is content with the new status quo. But she has been lying and she does not want Roger to know she hasn't trusted him enough to actually let him in on how she really feels about the whole mess that has happened with Mari. 

Unfortunately watching Mari perform like this – with so much passion and emotion – has taken a toll on Mirka as well. It's just a replay and she knows it's mostly hormones speaking but she has cried at all that desperate emotion pouring out of the younger woman's performance and even wiping her face clear of the evidence of her own feelings is not exactly helpful. Because the second Roger catches sight of her, a flash of worry crosses his face and he quickly closes the gap between them, placing a hand on her shoulder. 

“Are you crying, hon?”

“It's nothing. Just hormones. Stupid pregnancy...”

“You watched Maribel's performance again.”

“Yes... what do you mean again?”

“You're not exactly stealthy, hon. I was aware you have been doing this from time to time for a while now. It's okay.”

“I... This one was special. I had never heard it before.”

Mirka knows she should probably be more surprised she has been found out that easily. But quite frankly she is happy Roger finds her adorable more than he finds her irritating. Now that the cat is out of the back – and Roger is neither angry nor disappointed in her – Mirka starts the video again. They watch together in silence for a little over 30 seconds before Mirka pauses the video again as new tears threaten to fall. The last thing she wants is to look like an emotional mess because of a woman who has sworn to never come back to her again. Especially not in front of her fiance. 

“No wonder. As far as I know, she has never performed it again since then. Only that one night...”

“I get why. Just look at her... There is so much passion, so much hurt... It's like going through the emotional wringer. No wonder she didn't sing it again...”

“You think this is about you...”

“Who else? I told her about the baby and our wedding plans that day. We... broke up.”

Mirka's voice cracks at the mention of the break-up. Maybe his wife to be has pecked him as a less than perceptive guy but Roger has always been acutely aware of how much said break-up has hurt Mirka and how very much she is NOT over it, despite her contrary reassurances. He has never heard the whole story though. All he knows, is that Mirka's fight with Mari has been just as bad as Rafa's and his and unlike him and the Spaniard, she and the teenage girl have never even tried to make up. Roger isn't sure if Mirka actually wants to or is aware she is telling him things her doesn't even know yet but now that they talk about this, it seems like a damn has broken inside of her. 

“I told her she didn't know what love is...”

“Oh...”

“How could I say that to her?! I mean look at her? How can somebody who doesn't know love be that heartbroken over the loss of it... I wronged her... I hurt her.”

“Go talk to her then.”

Mirka's head practically flies up at the suggestion and Roger has expected nothing less of her. He knows this is a... surprising suggestion to come from him to say the least. He has actually been quite content with Maribel not being a part of Mirka's life anymore. But this is not about him or her. This is about the siblings and a chance for them to reconcile. Quite frankly Mirka is just an enabler... though she doesn't know that yet and Roger has no idea how to tell her. In the end he decides on honesty, because so far being honest has never failed him. 

“But... Why would you want me to do that?”

“It's not just for you I am doing this. Mari walked in on Rafa and me. I...”

“You hope Rafa bringing me along and me and Mari making up will put her on better terms with her brother again?”

“Kind of.”

Roger gives an answer with a reluctant almost apologetic tone of voice. He knows he is not even remotely fair or selfless. Mirka looks scared and anxious and Roger cannot blame her for that. This conversation he is trying to force on his future wife is most definitely putting a strain on Mirka's psyche before she ever even goes to try and talk to Maribel. Mirka's reply, however, is the last thing Roger expects from her. Still it manages to make him happy – especially because Rafa is waiting outside hoping for a positive outcome to this conversation. 

“I'll try.”

*#*

As per Roger's request Rafa is waiting outside the hotel room in the corridor and feeling very much stupid about his presence here. Luckily nobody has walked past as of yet and has asked any nosy questions. Rafa is looking at his watch for the umpteenth time now. He's aware Roger needs to talk to Mirka first, needs to convince her of their plan and even if she agrees – which is a big if – Mirka probably needs to get dressed and out here first. He has been waiting for less than 10 minutes. It's a time frame that shouldn't have him worried – not yet.

It's another four minutes – and then more looks at his watch – when the door to the hotel room opens. Rafa fully expects Roger to come back out with an apologetic look on his face, ready to tell him that Mirka had said no and that Rafa was on his own in trying to get his sister to talk to him... let alone forgive him. But it is not Roger who appears in the doorway. It is Mirka and she has a nervous and slightly uneasy smile on her face. Rafa can't help but voice his surprise.

“You agreed...”

“I did.”

Rafa nods softly and slowly and Mirka's smile seems just a little more genuine now. There is no need to express his surprise and disbelief any further. This is hard enough for Mirka already, Rafa is aware of that. Questioning her resolve will only make things more complicated for the older woman. Rafa however cannot stop himself from letting Mirka know what she will be walking into. She needs to be prepared... and Rafa hopes she will not get hurt. He has no particularly strong feeling towards the older woman. But right now he wants to protect both him and Mirka from his sister's wrath.

“This will not be easy or pleasant...”

“I know.”

They end their conversation and start walking towards the elevators, leading up to the floor where Mari has her room. They don't talk again. There is no need for it. They reach the door to Mari's room and Rafa uses his key card to let them in. He motions to Mirka to wait for a moment, give him a chance to talk to Mari first and prepare her as well. His sister is on the couch in the main room, bottle on the table and a glass of wine in her hand. She must have ordered the alcohol the second she has returned to her room. And she is already halfway through that first bottle... Rafa tries to give her a soft, apologetic smile. It doesn't manage to soothe his sister one bit. She immediately reacts defensively, pointing at the door with a trembling finger.

“Get out!”

“I brought you a visitor.”

“I don't want to talk to you and I don't want any visitors.”

Rafa turns half around and softly motions to Mirka again. The older woman steps into the room and up next to him and judging from the way Mari's face suddenly pales only to be covered with a soft redness seconds later, this is the last thing she has ever expected to happen. Despite the fact that she is fighting with her brother, that he has betrayed her and that she doesn't want him here, she smiles. It's a smile solely meant for Mirka and Mari ignores Rafa completely as she sets down her glass, gets up from the couch and takes two steps towards the Swiss, before stopping herself. Mirka is smiling that uneasy smile again and her voice trembles softly as she addresses the younger woman.

“Mari...”

“Mimi... You came.”

“I missed you.”

It could be the perfect beginning for them to achieve what Roger and Rafa have already managed and reconcile. Mirka has come here for exactly that and judging from her rosy complexion and the happy smile – the first one Rafa has seen in weeks – on his sister's face, there is a real chance for it. But then something suddenly shifts in Maribel's expression, a darker, more vicious note mars her face and Rafa knows they are in for a painful revelation and a fight before Mari ever opens her mouth. What she has to say, what she uses in order to regain Mirka's trust while simultaneously losing the trust in both her fiance and in Rafa, takes the younger man's breath away…

“Your fiance is sleeping with my brother.”

There's a triumphant tone to Mari's voice and she looks very much pleased with herself. She gives her brother the quickest of side glances and triumph turns into glee and just a bit of disdain. This is her punishment for her brother's betrayal and she hopes to not only achieve that but to weaken Mirka's resolve in starting a family with Roger at the same time. She hopes to regain Mirka's trust and affection by letting her in on a - presumably awful – truth. But Mari is wrong because there is no secret here. All she has managed to do is to disqualify herself from any kind of emotional bond or proper relationship. Mirka has paled, her hands trembling softly, Mari still has that triumphant smile on her face and Rafa winces. This is disaster bound to happen and it unfolds just as Rafa anticipates the seconds Mirka lets Mari in on the actual facts. 

“I know.”

“You... what?”

“I know. My fiance asked me for permission. He didn't simply go behind my back.”

“Oh...”

Maribel visibly... deflates the second she realizes what Mirka has been telling her. She takes a step back, putting distance between herself and her visitors and her facial muscles twitch as she tries to get her emotions back under control. She has been sure this would work – Mirka would be sad but pleased, Rafa would have been punished for his transgressions and Roger would have been hurt. But none of that has worked out in Mari's favor. Instead she has managed to do the one thing she has not wanted – she has hurt Mirka... and has made her very much angry and disappointed in the process. 

Mirka is stunned for a very long moment. Her mind is racing as it tries to grasp the enormity of what Maribel has just done here. The first few seconds, Mirka has not seen a big deal in the spiteful words the younger woman had thrown at her to hurt both the men in their lives... But that is because she has already known. Her mind comes up with a different scenario – one in which Roger actually would have decided to cheat on her and this would be the first time she hears about what her future husband and Maribel's brother have been up to for months on end now. 

She actually feels like somebody has shoved a red hot knife into her heart as the scene plays out in front of her inner eye. Of course it is a revelation she would have wanted to find out about. But not in this kind of a scene, where the only intention and drive behind Maribel being honest with her, is to hurt and discredit other people in the process. Had the younger woman been gentle, had she told her that maybe there was something Mirka needed to ask Roger about before marrying him... that would have been a sensible approach. Still painful but a lot more gentle. Mari however has chosen the most... destructive way for all of them. Mirka shakes her head, her voice still full of barely contained disbelief and shock. 

“You would have risked this... You would have risked my relationship with Roger, my planned marriage, my child having a father by it's side... You would have risked my entire future and happiness and for what? Spite?! Your own gain?!”

“I want you back!”

“You cannot honestly believe hurting me like this would have achieved that.”

“Wouldn't you have wanted to know the truth if things were different?!”

Maribel actually has the audacity to sound righteous. She doesn't seem to see any fault or failure in the way she has approached this delicate subject. She feels she has done Mirka a favor and that actually manages to make the older woman wince. Mari has risked everything Mirka has built with Roger. She has risked Mirka's future family, she has risked a relationship going on for almost a decade now... All of this because she has wanted her brother to get hurt and for Mirka to feel betrayed enough to finally give up on Roger and commit to Maribel. Mirka swallows hard, trying her utmost to keep her voice level... and cold. 

“But they aren't different. And you are the last person I would have wanted to hear the truth from. Because you didn't tell me for me, you did it for you. You used this as a bargaining chip.”

There is no denying the truth to Mirka's words and Mari is at an entire loss for words. She opens her mouth, tries to find the right words to counteract Mirka's statement but can't come up with anything. By now her face is pale again and Rafa – who has been watching this whole awful scene unfolding like it was a train wreck or plane crash – has to admit he feels good about the fact that his sister has hit a wall with her vicious approach to a truth she has learned less than an hour earlier. Mirka next to him is taking a deep breath and Rafa doesn't even need to look at her to see, that resolve is clearly showing on Mirka's face. She has made a decision... and it is not in Maribel's favor. It is the first time Rafa actually hears the Swiss curse at his sister. But she isn't wrong. 

„You're a selfish little bitch, you know that?!“

„Throw her out.“

Finally, after completely ignoring him for the better part of this conversation going on, Mari turns to face her brother and Rafa almost laughs at her sudden refocus of attention. She acts like nothing has changed, like she hasn't just betrayed his trust – admittedly to get back at him for his own lies, which he sort of deserves, like they are actually on speaking terms and like she can still get him to abide by her wishes and act as her little manservant. Rafa however is not willing to ever do anything for Maribel again – not until she apologizes... and not until she finally gives up on her addiction. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and shakes his head at her. 

„No.“

„What?“

„You would have hurt her, would have destroyed everything Roger and I have managed to rebuild just as much as you would have hurt Mirka's relationship with this... So I won't help you with anything. If you want her to leave, do your dirty work yourself. I'm done.“

Her brother's facial expression is void of any emotion but determination is clearly sounding in his voice. He has probably never been more serious about anything pertaining their sibling relationship than he is in this moment. It hurts to say the words, it hurts to... give up on Mari like this. But she has gone too far, she has crossed a line she never should have crossed and Rafa can no longer protect her or be a part of this kind of behavior any longer. She is on her own now. Rafa shakes his head. It has taken more than a month but he finally realizes that his sister is too far off the reservation to be saved and protected by him. She needs real help and Rafa can't provide that for her. What he can do is tell her what he truly thinks, how he truly feels about her. 

„She's right you know. You really are.“

„Are what?!“

„A selfish little bitch.“

Mari gasps at his choice of words but she doesn't react. Rafa doesn't want to hurt her like this but maybe, just maybe Mari will see the truth in both his and Mirka's words. Rafa doubts that though. What he needs to do however is get away from his sister right now. Mari is still blinking at him, mouth slightly hanging open. Her brother has never done something like this before. Not once. Not ever before. She simply stares at him, watches him as he turns to face Mirka, every last one of his movements measured and calculated.

„Come on, Mirka. Let's go. I'll buy you a drink.“


	35. Rock bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

*A couple of hours later – late evening*

Rafa has taken Mirka to the hotel bar where they have both had a soda and have simply sat together, have nursed their non-alcoholic drinks and have felt... content around one another. They have both gone through a very tough and difficult situation together and there is nothing to say about it anymore. They have both come to a bitter realization today and that is something they need to come to terms with. Sitting together like this, in silence, is helping.

They stay at the hotel bar for about 20 minutes before they part ways. It's not really very late yet but this has been an emotional roller coaster of a day so far. Rafa decides to order room service for dinner and takes a long hot shower after his meal. He takes another hour to watch some TV but as nothing really manages to catch his interest, he shuts off the TV and goes to bed. It takes a while – because his mind is still swirling with all the events and emotions of this day – but finally he falls asleep. 

Rafa wakes without really knowing why. He takes a look at the digital clock on the nightstand. It reads a couple of minutes past midnight. Rafa frowns at the clock. He isn't thirsty, doesn't need to pee and hasn't had a nightmare... He has no idea what has woken him up. He turns to the other side, hoping that a shift in position will make him fall asleep again. He stops mid-motion and gasps and winces. There is somebody standing at the food of his bed. Panic threatens to overwhelm him and he rushes for the switch of the lamp on the nightstand. 

The irrational feeling that there is some sort of vengeful spirit watching him, quickly dissipates as light hits the room. The actual sight is not exactly better, though a lot more real. His sister is standing there, face expressionless, holding two bottles with a clear liquid, one in each hand. It has to be Mescal, the disastrous alcoholic beverage that has caused Mari to end up in the hospital a few years back in this very same country. He is pretty sure she is doing this on purpose, to hurt him and make him feel bad. Rafa is too damn tired and too angry with her to actually care. All he wants is for his sister to go away. 

“Mari, what the hell...”

“Drink with me.”

“It's late, Mari and as you can see I have already gone to sleep. I suggest you do the same.”

Rafa lets himself drop back onto the pillow and is about to reach for the switch of the lamp, hoping that both his words and the action will penetrate through the haze his sister is dealing with after – undoubtedly – a night of heavy drinking. She is surprisingly clear with her speech for that though, but Rafa doesn't dwell on the thought. He has made it very clear he doesn't want Meri here. Before he ever reaches the lamp, his sister is talking to him again, more angry and insistent this time. Rafa sighs and sits up again, giving her a cold look, his voice all denial and determination

“Drink with me!”

“No.”

“You'll drink with me or so help me god I'll find the next tabloid fuck-up and tell him – all teary eyed and frantic – that you tried to force yourself on me.”

“You wouldn't dare!”

Rafa yells back at her this time, because the threat is so inconceivable and vicious and cruel, Rafa is sure he must have heard it wrong. He simply cannot fathom his sister actually doing something like this to him... But Maribel smiles at him – a vicious, scary smile – for just a second and then her facial expression changes to one of horror and disbelief, her voice breaking and her breathing shaky as she intones what she plans to say, if he refuses to drink with her. She is a damn fine actress... and there is no doubt in Rafa's mind she will actually go through with her threat if he refuses her again.

“My own brother... I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. I never thought he would be capable of doing something like this...”

“You're actually willing to ruin both our lives just so you will have a drinking buddy tonight?!”

“Yes! Come on now. I'm not going to drink while sitting on your bed like this is some fucking slumber party. Come into the main room with me.”

She never even waits for him to agree or move, knowing fully well that he will not deny her again. It's too much of a risk to lock the bedroom door, shut off the lights and try to go back to sleep again. Mari has sounded very much earnest in her godawful threat... Rafa gets up and puts on a pair of jogging pants and a different shirt before following Maribel into the main room. He certainly doesn't plan on being his sister's forced drinking buddy in his pajamas. 

Maribel has already opened both bottles and has poured a generous amount of the clear liquid into two bar glasses. She is seated on the armchair – leaving the couch for Rafa, which he is actually glad about as this way they don't have to sit close to one another – and is looking at him expectantly and just a little impatiently. Rafa takes his time in walking over to her. It's his last act of defiance and it means preciously little. Maribel has effectively forced him into compliance and she knows it. She grins at him when he finally sits down, pushing one of the half full glasses closer to him. 

“Now drink and drink up quick. There's more where that came from.”

Rafa picks up the glass – slowly, reluctantly – and even the smell of the damn booze is enough to make him gag. He doesn't show his displeasure, doesn't want to give his sister the satisfaction. He takes only a small sip of the clear liquid and as it hits his taste buds he is absolutely sure this is Mescal. It's almost like a gruesome reminiscence... One might think Maribel would know better than to try for a repeat. Obviously she doesn't. The alcohol is sharp and strong and it burns – first on his tongue, then down his throat and finally in his stomach. Rafa can't help but cough and Maribel gives a gleeful snort in response to his discomfort.

She is watching him closely, like a hawk watching it's prey, and Rafa has another, considerably larger gulp. He knows Maribel is not beyond changing her mind and making good on her threat if she feels her wishes aren't accommodated. Of course he could try to stop her, which would probably result in a physical altercation given how his sister feels at the moment. This way it is easier – still demeaning and humiliating, but easier. Rafa takes another sip. The burning sensation is not as pronounced this time. 

“So how was your date with Mirka?”

“It wasn't a date.”

Maribel's voice is dripping with both sarcasm and disdain and Rafa tries to kill the conversation before it even starts. The last thing he wants is to talk to Maribel during this farce of drinking together. He doesn't want to hear her imagined slights, doesn't want to listen to her paranoia. Given her current state and the fact that Rafa has invited Mirka to come with him, Mari probably believes he and Mirka have a similar agreement as he and Roger do. Right now Rafa puts almost nothing passed his sister and her fear and hate infused brain that tells her everybody around her is simply trying to wrong and hurt her. Mari tries again, tries to coax him into saying more, tries to hurt him in the process and this time Rafa retaliates. 

“I'm sure she liked it.”

“Anything is better than to be forced to spend time with you.”

Mari gives him a pointed look in response but doesn't otherwise react to the reproachful and hurtful words. She doesn't seem to care and Rafa forces another sip of the clear alcohol down his throat. It's disgusting but the one thing the alcohol will definitely manage is to make him oblivious for the cruelties his sister bestows on him. At least in that regard the drinking is a good thing. In the morning – Rafa promises himself that – they will go home and he and the rest of the family will make a combined effort to get Mari admitted to a rehab facility and finally get her back on track. It can't go on like this. Not for a day longer. He takes another sip of the way to strong alcoholic beverage and can't help but wince again. Opposite of him Mari grins a humorless grin and shrugs before taking a deep gulp form her own glass. 

“Tough luck.”

*#*

Roger has had a hard time falling asleep but having Mirka close – feeling her warmth, hearing her soft breathing and having her scent in his nose, all of that has helped to soothe him. Right now he is dreaming and there is a knocking – a frantic, loud, persistent knocking. Roger groans and turns, needing a moment to realize he is no longer sleeping and that the sound is not a part of his dream. There has to be somebody at the door, somebody knocking like they are possessed or something. He gets up and next to him Mirka mumbles – hopefully in her sleep but he is pretty sure she is waking up as well.

Roger hurries to get out of the bedroom and close the door behind him, hopefully the added buffer of the wooden door will help to keep Mirka asleep. Out here in the main room the knocking seems even louder and more desperate. Roger curses under his breath and then goes to open the door. When he comes face to face with his late night visitor, he is sure he is seeing an apparition. It is Maribel – who is pretty much the last person Roger has ever expected to show up here – and Roger feels a strong urge to throw the door in her face. But in the end curiosity wins over his disdain for the teenage girl. 

“Maribel. What the hell are you doing here?! It's the middle of the night!”

The younger woman has been pale and wide-eyed before but Roger's harsh words only seem to make it worse. He couldn't care any less though because Mari has hurt Mirka and if he gets a chance to give some of that back, he is happy for it. Hours earlier, Mirka has returned from her visit to Maribel's room with a stony expression on her face and the second Roger has stepped up to her to ask her how it has gone, his future wife has started to sob. Roger has taken her into his arms and the sobbing had only gotten worse and the crying had started. 

It has taken a while before Mirka has felt composed enough to tell him the whole story. She has done it in stages, holding back emotions and trying not to start crying again on occasion. She has told him about Mari using his and Rafa's relationship as a bargaining chip, has told him about the fight the two women had and has told him about Rafa taking her downstairs to the bar in the lobby for a quick drink and a chance to calm down. Roger has been furious for the major part of the evening but has tried hard not to let Mirka notice. He isn't sure he has managed and it has ruined his sleeping pattern but at least he has a chance to get back at Mari. Even though the younger woman doesn't seem to care, she is still frantic and short of grasping for him and yanking at his hand or clothes, she is trying very hard to make him comply with her demands. 

“I need you to come! I need you to help! Please!”

“Roger what is going on here...”

Roger hasn't heard his fiance approaching – probably because she doesn't have any shoes on – and he winces when he hears her voice behind her. He has truly hoped to keep Mirka asleep and he doesn't want her to be confronted with Maribel likes this again. But it is too late to keep it from happening now. True to Roger's expectations, Mirka pales at the sight of Maribel and steps up behind Roger, using him almost like a shield. Maribel however seems to preoccupied by whatever has her in such a frantic mood. She completely ignores Mirka's presence. 

“Please, there is no time... Help me!”

“Help? Why? With what?”

“It's my brother! He's barely breathing...”

A cold shiver runs down Roger's spine like somebody has poured a bucket of icy water over him and his stomach twists into knots while his heart clenches painfully. Behind him, Mirka is holding onto him just a little more tightly. Maybe Maribel is overreacting, maybe this is just some elaborate hoax so Maribel can mess with both him and Mirka again. But the younger woman seems genuinely worried and afraid and somehow Roger cannot imagine Mari would use her brother's very health to build an elaborate lie just to hurt the Swiss couple... Roger tries to gulp down the lump in his throat. He does NOT want Mari to think she has actually managed to get under his skin. But he cannot help a slightly nervous and concerned tone to slip into his voice either. 

“What do you mean 'barely breathing'?! Is he sick? Hurt? What the hell happened?!”

“We had a bit to drink...”

Roger tries hard not to sigh. He can imagine that Rafa's 'breathing' problem is actually a puking problem and his sister has no intention and desire to help her brother through it, even though she is probably the one who has shanghaied Rafa into drinking with her in the first place. Roger doesn't even want to know the whole story. He's sure it's one full of awkwardness, hurt and heartache. But he decides it is better to be safe than sorry and simply take the five to ten minutes it will take to make sure Rafa is indeed okay. It also gives him the opportunity to finally slam the door in Maribel's face after all.

“Give me a moment to get dressed. Wait here.”

“Please, hurry...”

Her words are cut short as the door falls close and only now does Roger allow himself the deep sigh that has been lingering at the back of his throat ever since Maribel has told him Rafa isn't well. Mirka has let go of him and watches him as he walks between the bedroom and the main room, putting on sweatpants, a washed out shirt and a proper pair of slippers. He doesn't plan on staying away from their bed for too long but he certainly doesn't want to wander around the hotel in his pajamas either. When he is done and ready, he faces his future wife, giving her an apologetic smile.

“Sorry for all this drama and commotion. You should go back to bed...”

“I'll stay up and wait for you.”

“You don't have to.” 

“I know I don't. But I want to. Let me know if you need any help.”

Roger smiles again, steps up to his fiance and places a quick kiss on Mirka's cheek. His future wife smiles at him fondly and Roger takes a deep breath before walking over to the door and joining Maribel outside in the corridor. She is moving on the spot, stepping from one feet to the other like the ground is too hot to stand on and has taken the first three steps towards the elevators while Roger is still in the door frame. As she turns to look for him her voice is more impatient than frantic this time. 

“Come on!”

They don't say a single word to one another while they walk and Maribel actually walks past the elevators and they have taken the stairs. Somehow this whole scene is kind of awkwardly gut-wrenching and when they reach the right floor and Roger realizes the door to Rafa's room is left ajar, his heart clenches painfully again. The second they step into the room, the first thing Roger notices is the sharp smell of booze. And then he catches a glimpse of Rafa on the couch, face pale and eyes closed. 

Roger steps up to the couch and upon closer inspection, he is sure his heart simply stops. Rafa isn't only pale, the color of his skin is almost translucent. His lips are tinged in a very soft blue as are his fingertips and his chest is moving only ever so slightly and softly. Maribel has not been lying to him. It does not make Roger feel even marginally better though. From everything he can see her, Maribel's frantic worry is actually justified. Rafa is in trouble… Roger reaches out a careful hand, shaking the younger man by the shoulder. But the younger man doesn't react to Roger addressing him, not even in the slightest. 

“Rafa?”

“I tried that already!”

“He's not waking up...”

“I told you!”

Despite Mari telling him so and Roger already having tried, he grasps for the younger man's shoulder again and squeezes – hard. Rafa doesn't react and Roger feels a soft amount of panic trying to wash over him. He fights it down or tries at least but he doesn't quite manage. It's disconcerting that Rafa is not reacting to Roger trying to talk to him or raise him in any capacity. But at least the younger man is breathing, even though Rafa definitely isn't getting enough air. There is nothing Roger can do for the younger man. He is not a medical professional after all. But he can however try to find out what happened here. 

“What did you do to him?!”

“Nothing. We just drank a little...”

“A little?! A little drinking wouldn't do this! Look at him. Look at his lips, his fingertips.”

“What the hell is happening to him?!”

Maribel only seems to realize now that there is something wrong with her brother's complexion. She has been aware of the breathing problem, but that obviously is the extent of it. She probably hasn't taken the time to properly look. She has simply come running to the Swiss couple's room... Roger feels almost flattered that Maribel has thought of him and Mirka first but that thought only last for a second. The situation is way too grave for anything else. He is not a doctor or an EMT but he knows Rafa is in a lot of trouble and he needs a proper medical professional to take care of him. 

“He's not getting enough oxygen. We have to call an ambulance! Right now!”

“We can't!”

“What?!”

“I... I was angry and jealous and I wanted him to feel just as hurt as I did and maybe I...”

Maribel stops herself mid-sentence and casts her eyes down. Roger feels the cold, hard feeling of dread to settle in the pit of his stomach. She is not awkward or embarrassed. This is something else, something way darker. She looks... guilty. Roger's grip on Rafa's shoulder – his lifeline to make sure the younger man is still marginally alright – tightens and his voice gets a razor sharp edge as he tries to get Maribel to admit to whatever it is she has done to her brother. 

“What, Maribel?! What did you do?!”

“I... I might have slipped something into his drink...”

“Something? What does that mean?!”

“I... might have snatched Mimi's pills from her purse back in Melbourne... And I might have still had them lying around...”

Roger feels a sudden bout of nausea grabbing a hold of him and the world seems to tilt on it's axis. Maribel has just admitted to poisoning her brother... Roger distinctly remembers a scene back in Melbourne way into the second week of the tournament where Mirka had frantically been in search of her pill bottle and had never found it. Mirka's search in vain back then, Rafa barely getting enough oxygen to his lungs to keep on breathing right now... It all makes sense... and still Roger has a very hard time to actually believe the facts. He simply cannot fathom Maribel has done this. As far off the reservation as she might be, but this is simply too much. She has hurt her brother, has risked his health and – had she not realized it and had come for his help right here and now – actually risked his life in the process as well. Roger blinks a couple of times before he finds his voice again. It sounds hollow even to his own ears. 

“You snatched Mirka's anti anxiety meds from her purse, mixed them with alcohol and gave them to your bother?!”

“Maybe...”

“How many?”

“I don't know, okay! I ground them up to dissolve them...”

Maribel is mumbling now and it is the first time Roger actually hears any kind of accent to the younger woman's voice. He can't bring himself to question why that is and he certainly can't bring himself to care about Mari in any way. The stupid kid has been out of her mind, has been drinking like a hole and has allowed all of her negative emotions to be played out in a way thar hurts only other people. But this time... this time she has gone completely over the top and has lost all sense for moral, decency and half a dozen other things. There is no forgiving her for what she has done – not ever. Roger is yelling at her now and even his yelling does nothing to rise Rafa from his drug induced slumber that seems to slowly but gradually stop the proper functions of his lungs... 

“How many?!”

“Half the bottle?”

“Oh my god...”

*#*

Roger doesn't listen to any more of Maribel's interjections, complaints, objections and finally curses as he goes for the phone in Rafa's bedroom, calls down to reception and tells them to call an ambulance and send the EMTs up to Rafa's room as soon as they arrive. He also asks if there is a doctor on call but they have no luck in that department. It is anxious waiting after that and mercifully Maribel finally falls silent now that the decision to get her brother help has been made over her head. Roger is still debating asking reception to send the police in as well. But this isn't his decision to make. He is neither Maribel's family nor the person she has hurt. This is Rafa's decision to make... once he is better. 

Luckily Acapulco is a large city and it takes about ten minutes from his call to the reception to the EMTs arriving. They are effective in their actions, long years of experience making them the most useful and fast acting people around ever since Maribel has come to get Roger and get him to help her. They check Rafa's vitals, place an IV and an oxygen mask and then they whisk the younger man away, telling them which hospital and the next second they are gone, leaving Mari and Roger to find a way to get to the medical facility Rafa will be taken to.

Right now they are in the waiting area of said hospital's emergency room, anxiously waiting for any news on Rafa's condition. So far nobody has come to talk to them, but a less than helpful nurse has practically barked at them in incomprehensible Spanish before shoving a clipboard holding a sheet of paper into Roger's hands. These are legal documents – all of them in Spanish – and Roger barely even knows half of the stuff that is being asked of him. 

Maribel is no help either. While Roger tries to battle his way through the paperwork, Maribel is settled in one of the uncomfortable, hideously colored plastic chairs with both feet drawn up and her arms wrapped around her lower legs and staring off into space. Roger is glad she doesn't talk to him. If she would even try, he has no idea what he would do. Finally giving up on the damn form, he leaves it half finished and walks back up to the reception desk again, bringing back the paperwork, returning it to a different nurse this time and ask about any progress while he is there. She is nicer than the first one but unfortunately she has no news for him as of yet. Upon Roger's return, Maribel looks up at him for the first time – wide-eyed, pale and a little shaky, just like back at his and Mirka's hotel room – and this time she does not keep her thoughts and questions to herself.

“What... what did the doctor say?”

“It didn't talk to a doctor. It was a nurse and all she could tell me as of now is that your brother is having treatment right now and that a doctor will come to speak with us shortly.”

“Will he be okay?”

“Like you actually care...”

Roger mumbles under his breath but his tone of voice really isn't low enough for Maribel not to hear him. He could care less about her though. All he cares about is Rafa and his well-being. He wants for the younger man to be okay and to finally cut all ties with that psycho sister of his, who very well could have killed him tonight. Mari however seems to have an entirely different opinion and she actually has the audacity to defend that opinion towards Roger. Even that shrieking tone of her voice and the very fact that she dares to speak back to him, rubs Roger the wrong way and he snaps, feeling he has every right and reason to it. 

“Of course I care! He's my brother!”

“That fact means nothing to you, you stupid little brat! Never has, never will. You don't deserve all that love and patience he manages to bring up for you time and again. You don't deserve any of it!”

“Don't talk to me like that!”

Of course Maribel is unable to simply listen and accept that she has done something wrong and deserves both disdain and punishment for it. She has to be righteous, she has to have the last word and Roger feels about ready to strangle her. He knows this is a special situation, but he has no idea how Rafa has put up with this for years and years on end. And now the younger man is paying the price for the simple fact that his sister has neither her feelings nor her scattered mind under control. Roger can't help but tell Maribel that she is still in for a load of trouble. Especially if she doesn't keep quiet right now. It works. His threat of having her criminal act – and that is exactly what it is – punished, shuts Maribel up efficiently. 

“I will talk to you whichever way I like! Maybe you'll finally see reason! Don't you understand?! You could have killed him! He's your brother and you almost killed him! And for what?! Jealousy?! Spite?! Your lucky I didn't call the fucking cops on you!”


	36. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Mari go to see Rafa.  
> Mari doesn't react well.  
> Roger is left with the task of calling the sibling's mother.

Roger has used the time they have had waiting for one of the damn medical professionals working in this hospital to come to them, and finally tell them that Rafa is okay and will be fine and ready to go back to the hotel and home from there on within a matter of hours, to call his fiance. He hasn't had the chance to talk to Mirka before and she is probably worried sick by now. Unfortunately he has nothing to tell her to soothe her worries. But as it turns out he gives Mirka too little credit. Of course she is worried but she offers to come to the hospital and wait with him, be there for him and make him feel better. Never once does she talk about Maribel or being there for her... 

Roger appreciates the offer quite a lot but he isn't sure if it is a good idea. After aall his fiance is pregnant and this is a hospital. It's bad enough she has only gotten a couple hours of sleep, but dragging her to a hospital and exposing her to all kinds of dangerous germs and infectious diseases seems like a really bad idea. Mirka doesn't want to hear any of it though. For every time Roger tells her there is no need for her to come and for her to go back to bed and go back to sleep, she tells him to finally shut up about her needing more sleep and to stay away from possible bacteria and then she asks him for the name of the hospital. So Roger finally gives in. 

It's 45 minutes after they have arrived at the E.R. when a doctor finally comes to speak to them. He addresses Roger first in a rapid bout of Spanish and all the older man manages to do is shake his head and smile. The doctor seems to realize rather quickly that the other man doesn't understand and switches to English – it's highly accentuated and he speaks a lot slower now but Roger understands him. Of course he could have let the doctor speak to Mari and rely on her to translate but that is the last thing he wants. 

If Mari has proven one thing in over abundance tonight, it is that she cannot be trusted. Not ever. Not with anything. Especially not with her brother's safety or well-being. But she does stand next to him listening and she actually looks anxious for the news the doctor has. One could almost believe she is actually, genuinely worried about her brother. Roger however is not fooled and he doesn't care anyway. All he cares is to find out how Rafa is doing. Unfortunately the doctor doesn't exactly have good news for them, but they aren't disastrous either. 

“I am Dr. Hernandez and I treated Señor Nadal.”

“Is he alright?”

Maribel asks the question first, before Roger ever gets to it and that urge to turn to her and wrap his hands around her little, tanned neck is getting overwhelming again. He decides to ignore her instead and focus on the doctor. He knows he will probably never stop hating Maribel for this but he can go back to ignoring her one he is sure Rafa will be fine after this... vicious attempt on his very life. The doctor is patient and helpful at least and he has some semi good news for them. There are bad parts to it too and Roger can't keep himself from focusing on exactly that. 

“Not yet, but he will be. It'll take a little time but once the overdose of medication is flushed from his system, he will make a full recovery.”

“So... he isn't fine yet?”

“No. As I said there is an overdose of medication compromising his system. It's a prescription medication meant for treating anxiety and we are currently in the process of flushing that out of the bloodstream using an IV saline solution.”

“And that will make him better?”

The doctor nods and smiles in response and that actually makes Roger feel better. That man is a medical professional after all and the Swiss is sure he wouldn't lie or sugarcoat things. All they are talking about here in terms of negative consequences to what Mari has done, is that Rafa needs a little time to recuperate. But he will and that is the main thing. As hard as Maribel has tried, she hasn't managed to ruin her brother's life. From the doctor's side, the really positive news end here though.

“Eventually. Unfortunately for the moment the level of medication compromises his respiratory system. He was already in need of additional oxygen when the EMTs arrived to take him to the hospital and he only deteriorated from there. We had to put him on a ventilator. But it is only temporary. Once the medication has started to dissipate his breathing will return to normal.”

“So he will be fine? 100 percent fine?”

“Yes.”

“How about a time frame here?”

Roger tries to focus on the good, on the positive, because even the thought of Rafa unable to breathe – although it is only temporary – and in need of a machine to help him with his breathing is simply to horrible to allow in. Roger knows it is only to help, to make sure Rafa will be fine again within a matter of days. Still it sounds awful. The Mexican doctor takes his time to answer that particular question, not wanting to give them too much hope for a speedy recovery. Obviously there is no exact science to the recovery process. Of course there is things the doctors can do, but it depends on Rafa for the most part.

“Well it's hard to say. It depends on the exact level of medication, on the body's ability to dissipate it and a couple of other factors, but I would estimate about 48 to 72 hours and at least another day of observation on top of that before he can be discharged.”

“That doesn't sound too bad... Can I... we see him?”

“Yes, of course, but please keep it a short visit. He is still unconscious and we will keep him that way until he is no longer in need of the ventilator. It's easier for him to tolerate it this way.”

Roger nods softly and ignores Maribel small sigh and gasp next to him. It is definitely better to focus on the physician. He can relate to Maribel's reaction though. Keeping Rafa in a drug induced sleep when he already has enough tranquilizers in his system to effectively stop his breathing, seems like a really bad idea to Roger. But these are medical professionals knowing what they are doing and the Spaniard is properly monitored here. Roger doesn't mean to question the hospital staff's decision making anyway, he simply tries to get all his facts straight.

“So he's asleep?”

“Drug induced, but yes.”

“But he'll wake up?”

“Definitely.”

Good.”

Roger feels relief wash over him and he keeps himself from looking over to Maribel. He is pretty sure she is smiling, because she is relieved as well. She has no right or reason to feel that way but Roger can't very well tell her that. Not without alerting the doctor to the problem at hand. All Roger cares about right now is a chance to see the younger man with his own eyes and make sure he is well taken care of. The doctor however is not yet done with this conversation, having one last – and very pressing – question of his own, one that is kind of hard to answer to – at least not without lying or telling only half of the truth.

“There is one last thing I need to ask you about. I checked Señor Nadal's medical records but I couldn't find any prescription pertaining to a medical condition that would explain him having that kind of medication at his disposal. What I am asking is... can either of you tell me how this happened?”

“We don't know. Probably a mix-up or an accident...”

He has no idea why the hell he is doing what he is doing. It's like it's happening on instinct. He doesn't have to keep Maribel's terrible secret, he doesn't need to shield her from repercussions, but telling the doctor this is all her fault and maybe getting the Mexican physician to call the police, because this is a crime committed after all, simply does not get across Roger's lips. Instead he quickly comes up with a version of the truth – a vague one to be honest – and that seems to be enough to satisfy the doctor. 

“You are sure he did not do this... to himself?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Okay. You can go see him then. Please ask for nurse Ruiz at admission. She will take you.”

“Thank you.”

The doctor leaves and it is only Roger and Maribel now. The Swiss wishes Mirka was here, although he cannot expect of her to act as a buffer. Her feelings towards Mari are just as dark and repellent as his own at the moment. But anything is better than to stand next to the repulsive girl while she is staring at him with wide eyes and something akin to gratefulness mixes with the utter surprise that shines in her eyes. Roger can barely even stand to look at her, but Maribel hardly seems to care. 

“You protected me...”

“Don't talk to me, Maribel. Don't even look at me. Just come along.”

The younger woman actually listens to him or at least she doesn't protest or comment. They proceed to the nurses' station and Maribel does the talking this time. The nurse is the same one as before – friendly, polite but speaking only Spanish. Roger has no idea what the conversation is about but she hears Rafa's name and Maribel calling him her brother and that is all the information he needs. The nurse nods and smiles and then makes an inviting gesture towards them, undoubtedly asking them to come along.

She leads them down a short corridor and comes to a stop in front of a closed door leading to one of the patient rooms. Another few words are exchanged between her and Maribel and the Spanish teenager doesn't show any intention or indication to actually let Roger in on the contents of the conversation. He doesn't really need it though. He can assumed. The nurse probably tells them not to stay for too long and for them to be prepared for the sight of Rafa's breathing being assisted by the ventilator. Quite frankly the one and only thing Roger wants right now is to go into that room and see Rafa with his own eyes. Ventilator or not, seeing the younger man will give Roger peace of mind. 

The nurse leaves and Roger is first to enter the room. Even with his eagerness to be here and knowing from the doctor's description that Rafa is unconscious and not breathing on his own, seeing the younger man unconscious in the hospital issued gown and unresponsive among the crisply white bed sheets of the hospital bed is... disconcerting to say the least. Rafa looks smaller than usual... and younger, so much younger. In one word – he looks vulnerable. Roger gulps down yet another lump forming in his throat and steps up to the bed. The forced way Rafa's chest moves in sync with the whooshing of the ventilator is hard to look at and listen to but the younger man's complexion is no longer tinged in blue and he feels warm to the touch. Apart from the IV and the breathing tube, one could almost be fooled into believing Rafa is just sleeping.

“I did this...”

“Yes, you did.”

Roger has not even realized Maribel has not followed him to the bed until he hears her voice behind him. The trembling in her voice does not go unnoticed but the Swiss has no sympathy for Maribel, not even a speck of it. At least not until the moment he hears that gut wrenching sob behind him coming somewhere from the depths of the younger woman's soul. When he turns, there are tears freely streaming down her face, both her hands tightly clamped across her lips. She looks so much younger than the 17 years she has to her person. She looks like a child, a lost little girl who only now realizes the near disaster she has brought upon herself and the people she loves... 

Roger still can't bring himself to step up to her and offer her any kind of support. The younger woman is staring at her unmoving brother, eyes even wider than before and her hands still tightly clasped on her face trembling in sync with the rest of her body now. Her breathing is erratic and it very much sounds like she is actually on the brink of hyperventilating. It is not that she doesn't deserve this kind of reaction to the horror she has brought upon her brother but still Roger feels just a hint of responsibility for her. He pushes the call button located next to Rafa's bed. 

He never steps up to the younger woman who's physical reaction to seeing her brother like this seems to get worse and worse with every passing second. The nurse that comes to answer the call is yet another one than the one before and this time Roger is in luck. When he addresses her it seems like she actually understands him and she even replies to him in English. Her main focus however is on Maribel, who looks about ready to keel over and pass out by now. 

“Could you give her something to calm her down?”

“Of course.”

*#*

Roger doesn't pay too much attention to what happens to Maribel but the nurse and the doctor see him again and tell him that they have decided to admit the younger woman after giving her a mild sedative to calm her fleeting nerves and her rather severe physical reaction. Roger acknowledges their efforts but doesn't comment on them. Maribel is neither his interest nor responsibility. This is simply information for him to stow away. By the time Maribel is admitted to her own room, Mirka arrives at the hospital, calls Roger's cell and they meet in the waiting area of the emergency room. 

Now with both siblings settled and taken care of, there really is no need for them to stay here any longer and Mirka has taken all this time and effort to come here pretty much in vain. There is however one, very important, thing Roger has yet to do and he is very much glad Mirka is here to advise and support him. Because in all this chaos and heartbreaking horror, Roger has completely forgotten about the fact, that the two siblings have a family waiting at home. A family who should not find out about this from some tabloid article or an online media post. They should find out from somebody who cares and right now that leaves only Roger to do it. Looking to Mirka for support, Roger addresses the obvious problem at hand.

“I need to call their parents...”

“What will you tell them?”

“I have no fucking idea...”

He uses Rafa's phone, that the younger man had on him when being brought to the hospital and that staff has handed to him along with the rest of Rafa's personal belongings, and Roger decides the most logical choice of a family member to call is the siblings mother. It is 2 am in the morning by now, which means it's 5 p.m. – nine hours earlier – in Spain. It's a decent enough time to place this kind of call – though that does not make it any easier. 

He truly has no idea how to explain this but he knows that he has to and that him feeling unsure or awkward is not enough of a reason not to do it. He finds the patient and sympathetic nurse that has taken care of Maribel and who speaks both English and Spanish fluently and asks her to translate for him. It's a little strange to place a phone call like this, because Ana can't understand what he is saying and he can't understand what Ana is saying and the poor nurse who offered to help is stuck in a very intimate and emotional situation without actually being a part of it. But still somehow it works... even though it is probably one of the hardest things Roger has ever had to do.

“Ana, this is Roger. We met in July last year when we visited your children?”

“I remember. Why do you have my son's phone?”

“I'm afraid there's been an incident...”

Roger knows he is beating around the bush here and he is not exactly doing too good a job of it. Mirka is watching him and the Mexican nurse from the sidelines and is giving him an encouraging smile but still that doesn't help Roger to find the right words to say. On the other end of the line Ana sounds very much frantic, though she is trying hard to compose herself and sound like she is having both herself and the situation Roger is forcing on her under control. She tries to get to the facts and that leaves her with the most important question of finding out why Roger is currently holding on to Rafa's phone. 

“Where is Rafael?”

“He's at the hospital. I... I need you to come to Acapulco, as soon as possible.”

“Is it... Will he be alright?!”

“Yes, god yes. It's not that serious. I mean it's serious but... not life threatening or anything. But it's complicated and I need you to come here.”

Roger knows he is mostly babbling. But he cannot tell Ana what has happened – not like this, not over the phone with her half a world away and without a chance to actually look one another in the eyes. But he also knows he cannot simply give these kind of vague answers. Roger is sure his assurance has done little to nothing to soothe and calm Ana. He can hear it in her tone of voice, in the soft tremble to it, but for the moment she tries to be content with Roger's answer about her son and moves on to her daughter. It angers Roger to some extent and it keeps him being vague, because he has no real good news for Ana on that front either. 

“What about Maribel? Can I talk to my daughter?”

“She's asleep right now. The doctors gave her something to help her relax. She was... very upset.”

“Oh. I understand... What exactly happened?”

“I really wouldn't want to tell you over the phone...”

Roger has expected Ana to ask directly, because there is no way in hell any mother would simply accept the fact of some stranger – or at least somebody she barely knows – telling her that both her children are in the hospital without telling her why. But Roger still doesn't want to do it, doesn't want to tell her about the disaster that has happened between her children only hours earlier. But Ana insists and manages to very much remind him of Maribel in her persistence

“What happened, Roger?!”

“Your daughter poisoned her brother and almost killed him.”

Roger knows he is being blunt and very much hurtful in his approach to answer Ana's question. Mirka's reaction tells him so, because his future wife actually gasps and shoots him a positively murderous look. On the other end of the line – from where Roger has expected a harsher and way more emotional reaction - there is a long silence drawing out for what feels like an eternity. Roger clears his throat, trying to coax a reaction but Ana still doesn't react. It is only when Roger actually addresses her that the older woman reacts. Her voice is hollow and softly trembling but despite the horror she has to feel, it is full of grim determination. 

“Ana?”

“I'll be on the next flight out.”


	37. Mea culpa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana talks to both her children.

Maribel is pretty sure somebody has stuffed a cotton ball into her mouth – a really very big one. The way she feels is similar to a hangover but it's not the same. She can definitely discern a hangover from any other kind of sickness or feeling unwell – she has a lot of practice and experience with it... This is not an alcohol induced haze. It is something else. Her last memory is of Roger talking down to her and blaming her and her brother unresponsive in a bed that has looked too large for him and with that light blue godawful plastic tube sticking from his mouth. 

Whatever tiredness and haziness Maribel feels is wiped away the second she remembers the fact that her brother has been in the hospital because he has been unable to breathe and she has been the one who has caused Rafa's medical condition in the first place. She tries to sit up – from wherever it is she is – but her body is not as responsive as she would like it to be. She manages to shuffle around a little and a groan escapes her lips at the realization how weak and uncoordinated she feels. 

Suddenly there is a warm hand on her lower left arm and for the briefest of seconds she believes it is her brother, who is miraculously fine all of a sudden and who does not hate her until the end of her days and has actually come to care and look out for her. But the hand on her arm is too small, too soft and Maribel blinks her eyes open against the harsh light – realizing only now they have been closed this entire time – and a face swims into view, a face that looks oh so familiar to her. 

“Mama?”

“I'm here, dear. Mama's here.”

“Rafa...”

Maribel barely even dares to ask – especially not her mother – but she needs to know, no matter the consequences. She has no idea why her mother is here for her in the first place. She is bound to hate and despise her for what Mari has done, just like everybody else. Maybe she doesn't know yet. Maybe Mari has to tell her. It would be proper punishment, she supposes. She rakes her brain trying to remember but there are only fragments of what the doctor has said still left in her memory.

The last thing she remembers is standing in Rafa's room, watching her brother in that damn hospital bed and feeling like the world around her is tilting and moving in and out of focus. She hadn't been able to think, hadn't been able to breathe and her whole body had felt stiff and tingly and a lot like it wasn't really hers. Blood has rushed in her ears, her vision had blurred and then there had been voices and somebody had taken a hold of her. A soft prick at the crook of her arm and a feeling of warmth and relaxation are her last conscious memories after that. Then there is only darkness. 

She can only assume she has had some sort of panic attack at the sight of her brother like that and despite the hatefulness he had thrown at her, Roger – because he had been the only one with her at the time – had made sure she was okay. Mari doesn't really care what has happened to her. All she wants is for somebody to tell her that her brother will be totally fine and that her despicable actions have not cost him anything. She doesn't even mind how she comes to be in a hospital bed feeling like a truck has run over her. She deserves that, so she takes it in stride. Luckily she never even has to ask any further. Her mother is answering to her inquiry freely. 

“He will be fine, dear. He just needs a little time to get better, but he will be fine.”

“You know...”

“I know.”

Maribel tries hard to read from her mother's facial expression to how she is feeling about the knowledge of what her daughter has done to her firstborn son... But the only feeling Mari can definitely detect on her mother's face is compassion. Maybe she doesn't know the entire truth... But she has just told Mari that Rafa will be fine given a decent amount of time. So she has to be in on the facts to some extent. It makes no sense to Mari but maybe her mother can shed some light on that. Through the haziness and stiffness and lack of coordination still lingering, Maribel tries to sit up again. This time she manages, albeit barely. At least now she is eye to eye with her mother, sitting next to her at the bed on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs the hospital provides. Mari can't help but stare at her, her voice soft and unsure as she finally finds enough courage to ask her mother why she has ever come to her in the first place. 

“Why would you sit here with me? Why would you care for me?”

“You're my daughter and I love you.”

“I did this... I could have...”

Mari tries, she really does, but she is unable to even form the words. She should. She needs to speak out loud the despicable thing she has done. She knows she has been emotional and drunk of her ass and not in her right mind when she had made the decisions she has made but if anything that only makes matters worse. It certainly doesn't qualify as an excuse. And they have been lucky – extremely lucky. Her brother could have died... and it would have been her fault. All her fault... Mari casts her eyes down, her mother's soft and soothing voice hurting her more than it is actually helping. But then again she deserves to be hurt. It's only fair, like kind of a balance. After all she has done a ton of hurting herself... But her mother doesn't seem to see it the same way, Mari does. She sees the positive in all this disaster that has happened... and that only manages to pull Mari down further.

“I know, Mari. I know. But you didn't...”

“I'm so sorry...”

“It's gonna be alright. My poor darling girl...”

The rustling of fabric is the only indication that her mother is moving but Mari never dares to look up. She feels the mattress tilt and before she can scoot or protest, her mother has leaned forward and is wrapping her arms around her, pulling her into a soft, gentle hug. It's too tempting an offer to pass up on and the teenage girl lets her head rest on her mother's shoulder and closes her eyes. The second she does it, her mind – her conscience – is screaming at her that she does not deserve this. No matter how good her mother's intentions may be, this is simply wrong. Sympathy and comfort are the last things Mari has a right to – she knows that. 

Still it is hard to give up on the close physical contact with a person she both loves and trust so much. She wants to linger, wants just a moment more of her mother so close to her. She would like to wrap her arms around her mother too, take a deep breath and take in the familiar scent of her, bask in the warmth of her and engage in the comfort her mother offers. But she can't. Mari pulls away and out of her mother's embrace, looking at her and shaking her head ever so softly.

“You should hate me.”

“I could never hate you.”

Her mother is smiling – a soft sad smile – and seeing her like this tugs at Maribel's heart. The feeling that is even more present and pronounced however is anger. Why won't their mother admit that Maribel has done something terrible and punish her accordingly?! Why won't she yell and curse and tell her that she is disappointed and can never forgive her?! Why won't she leave, turn her back and never come back?! Maribel cannot understand why her poor mother has not given up on her. In her mind there is only one logical explanation for it and as much as she hates to even say it out loud, she simply needs to know if she is right in her assumption.

“But you love me more than you do him...”

“That's not true.”

Their mother actually looks stricken and completely taken aback at the accusation and it is the first time her voice rises in both pitch and volume ever since they have started talking. Somehow the vehemence with which her mother denies any favoritism surprises Mari. She and Rafa have had so many fights and the vicious insult of their mother loving her more than him, because of the two of them she is the more successful, more special child, has been flying around a lot. He has never once denied it and somehow – over time – Mari has come to believe it... She believes it even know because no matter how enthusiastically her mother denies it, she has not yet explained her being here with her instead of with her ailing and sick son. Why, if not for favoritism, should their mother do something like that?

“Then why are you here? Why sit with your drug-addicted screw-up of a daughter, who almost killed her own brother?! Why be with me and not with him?! Why, if you feel the same about both of us?!”

“Because you need me more than Rafael does right now. He's unconscious, Maribel and he will be for at least another day or two until the last traces of both the drugs and the alcohol are out of his system and his breathing has normalized. There is nothing I can do for him right now. There is something I can do for you.”

That actually makes sense to Maribel. But hearing the barely contained pain in her mother's voice as she talks about her son and his current condition, sends both an icy shiver down the girls spine and a painful stab through her heart. She has done this – to herself, to her brother and to their mother. Everyone she has ever been close with has been hurt and betrayed by her. Everyone she has ever tried to make love and like her has gotten nothing but pain and disappointment from her in return. Tears are stinging her eyes but Mari refuses to let them fall. She does not get to cry. She is not the victim here, she is the culprit. Still she can't keep her voice from breaking when she shakes her head at her mother. 

“I don't deserve this. Any of it.”

“Why don't you let me be the judge of that?”

“This needs to stop... I need to stop it.”

The decision is there all of a sudden and it is final. Mari has no idea where it has come from all of a sudden but she has never felt more clear, has never been more determined about anything in her life. Maybe it's the fact that she is sober for the first time in weeks or maybe it is the fact how close she has come to cause an unspeakable disaster, risking and threatening her brother's very life in the process. She need to stop, needs to change, needs to be better. Otherwise she has no right to anything – not to being a singer and especially not to being a daughter or a sister. 

Her mother is smiling at her now, nodding her head in agreement any encouraging her ever so softly. Mari however has a hard time believing her. Knowing she has to change and actually doing it and not falling utterly short of the expectations set in her are two completely different things. She has no idea how her mother van believe in her like that – especially after everything Mari has done to prove her wrong. 

“You will, dear. You will both be fine.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know both my children. You're too stubborn for anything else, the both of you.”

*#*

*A day later*

Rafa's wake up process happens in stages, which is kind of disconcerting and something that has never happened to him before. His brain is foggy and hazy at first and his senses return to him gradually. First there is sound returning to him and somehow things sound a lot different like they should if this was his hotel bedroom. Then there is smell and the presence of a rather pronounced antiseptic smell makes him feel even more confused. Finally a sense for his own being returns to him and that is the worst of it all and actually makes him wish for the previous blissful oblivion to return. 

His head feels like it is stuffed full of cotton, his throat is dry and raspy and tastes like he has chewed on a piece of plastic for some reason and his whole body feels stiff and sore and generally weak. This has to be the worst hangover he has ever been subject to and it's all his sister's fault. Hadn't she forced this stupid night of drinking heavy alcohol on her just because she felt the dire need to punish him for being with both Roger and Mirka on the same day, he wouldn't feel like this now.

There is a strange sound and Rafa's foggy brain takes a moment to realize it is the sound of somebody moving in a chair. He is acutely aware of the presence of somebody else in the room with him all of a sudden and he tries for a groan. A pathetic squeaky sounds escapes his lips instead and the sounds of somebody moving increase. Now he can hear a breathing pattern as well. Rafa tries to blink his eyes open but harsh lights prevents him from doing so. He doesn't need to anyway. There is only one person he expects to be there, looking at him gleefully, enjoying the sight of him battling a massive hangover and feeling like crap. It has to be his sister. 

“Mari...”

“It's Roger.”

Rafa groans – more successfully managing the sound this time – and frowns in response to the fact that it is not his sister but his friend sitting here with him. Maybe Maribel has shown some mercy after all and has let Roger come visit him or maybe the Swiss has been worried about him and has bribed and convinced somebody at the reservation desk to let him in. Or maybe either Rafa or Maribel have forgotten to simply close the door to his room. Rafa has no idea. He has lost all sense of time and he has no idea if its morning or day or afternoon and how long Roger might have been sitting there, watching over him. He is however curious to find out how the Swiss has come to be here. He knows he is being rude but he still can't bring himself to open his eyes against the harshness of daylight. So he doesn't, only marginally moves to lie more on his side and talks to Roger in a mumbling tone of voice. 

“What are you doing in my room?”

“You are not in your room, Rafa. You're at the hospital.”

Roger's statement sounds matter-of-factly but there is a certain, uncomfortable edge to the older man's tone of voice. The actual content of his words however is what finally rises Rafa from his zombie-like state, makes him open his eyes – despite the pain it causes- and has him try to sit up. He doesn't get too far with it but at least Roger's face – and the unfamiliar room with the whitewashed wall identifying it as exactly what Roger has told him – swim into focus. Rafa stares and blinks, trying hard to shake his head in disbelief but only partially managing. 

“I don't.... I don't understand...”

“There was an incident on your forced drinking night with your sister.”

“Where is she? Is she okay?”

“She's fine, Rafa. She's back home.”

“What happened.”

Rafa is entirely confused now. He has no idea what could have happened that has him in the hospital and Maribel back home. They have been drinking a lot and it has been heavy booze but it shouldn't have had such disastrous consequences. The problem is that he simply cannot remember. He has to rely on Roger for the information he is lacking and the Swiss looks both awkward and reluctant. It seems there is much more to this than Rafa can even imagine

It's almost like deja vu for Roger as he feels transported back to two and a half days ago, talking to Ana on the phone, having to tell her what has happened. It's not really a surprise one of her children would just be as insistent as the older woman. The fact that he is eye to eye with Rafa- as he has wished to be when telling Ana – doesn't make matters any easier for Roger. There is no easy way to say this but it has to be done. The younger man needs to know and Roger decides to go about it like removing a band-aid, quick and hopefully painless. 

“Your sister... she spiked your drink, drinks...”

“She... what?”

“Maribel. She mixed the alcohol she forced on you with a whole bunch of Mirka's medication that she had snatched from her. You... you stopped breathing. She...”

Roger is about to tell the younger man about how Maribel has come to his and Mirka's room in a frenzy and has asked for his help, when Rafa interrupts him. Even through the weakness and dizziness he is bound to feel, he pushes himself into an upright position and Roger is simply glad both the IV and the breathing tube are gone. Otherwise Rafa would be about to get himself into trouble. This way he simply is a little out of breath by the time he sits and openly glares at Roger, denying any truth to what the older man is telling him. Unfortunately the only thing Roger can do is to burst that bubble.

“You're lying.”

“It's the truth, Rafa. She did this to you. She could have... killed you. You were lucky...”

Rafa scoffs at Roger's blatantly bad choice of words. He feels a lot of things but lucky is not one of them. Actually he doesn't feel even remotely lucky. Taking a closer look at the room – this anonymous hospital room he has no memory of ever getting to – and Rafa realizes that the relocation is not the only thing missing from his memories. He is missing time as well... and he has no idea how much time. He looks to Roger for an explanation and the establishment of a proper time line since that fateful evening on which Mari apparently has tried to poison him... 

“What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

“I have been here three days?”

“Yes.”

“And Mari? She left for home yesterday.”

The Swiss nods slowly in reply and all Rafa manages is to blink at Roger, having a hard time to process and make sense of the Swiss words yet again. Mari has gone... just like that and Rafa doesn't get it. Why wouldn't she wait for him to wake up, for him to be better and coherent enough to talk to her? Why wouldn't she wait to say goodbye to him. There is only one explanation really. His sister has truly done what Roger claims and has done it with the sole intent and purpose to hurt him. 

But even the though of it seems ridiculous to Rafa. They fight – viciously so sometimes – but his sister would never consciously endanger in life. Except for maybe that one time that had caused his chronic back injury. But she had been very emotional and drunk then. She has been very emotional and drunk this time too however... Rafa feels his head starting to hurt. There is only one person who can shed some light onto this whole mess and that is his sister. It isn't like there aren't any phones on Mallorca. Rafa gives Roger an almost pleading look, needing a confidante in his plan. 

“I need to talk to her.”

“You can't. She checked herself into rehab back home in Palma. She isn't allowed any visitors at the moment. She's going through detox and she has to do it on her own.”

“But...”

Rafa tries to interject, tries to protest but Roger stops him pretty much right away. That's probably a good idea, because he has no idea in hell what to say and how to react to this news. Initially he is very much confused, but giving it a second thought, this is actually a good thing. He and Roger have talked about Mari having to hit rock bottom before she will ever seek help not to long ago and it seems she has reached that point now. It's a shame it has taken her brother being hospitalized due to something she did to him to finally make her see that she has a problem. Still Roger trying to be supportive and asking him to keep his focus anywhere but on his sister right now is the last thing the Spaniard wants to hear. 

“You should focus on yourself right now. You can see her in a week or two, when the initial phase of getting all traces of alcohol out of her system is over and she is through the worst of the withdrawal symptoms.”

“No.”

“Your mother is here.”

The revelation Roger so blatantly throws in his face stops the younger man effectively in any further protest about to escape his lips. He actually finds himself gasping at the news. His mother... his mother has come all the way out here because he has managed to get himself admitted to hospital. He is pretty sure Roger has called her. Maribel wouldn't have done that, would have known this is something they can handle herself. But given Maribel's recent decisions it doesn't sound like she has been able to do much of anything on Rafa's behalf. Still he can't bring himself to be grateful for Roger's intervention. If at all he feels embarrassed... and very much confused as to why his mother has come. After all it isn't like he is deathly sick or has been in need of surgery. He is fine now and probably ready to leave the clinic in a day or two – there is no need for his mother to be here. 

“Why?”

“To see you of course! She's been here the whole last three days while you slept and got better.”

As if on cue, the door to his room opens and there is his mother, standing in the doorway, looking at him. Rafa's gaze quickly wanders in between her and Roger and the older man is no damn help whatsoever. He is actually getting up, freeing the chair beside Rafa's bed, making a gesture towards the door and indicating that he will be leaving them alone. Rafa is about ready to reach for Roger's arm and hold onto it for dear life. He does not want to be alone with his mother – especially not after she has taken this whole long exhausting trip just because her grown up children are unable to take proper care of themselves and seem unable to go to Mexico without ending up in the hospital. After all this is the second time already. 

But his mother is smiling at him and there is genuine concern flooding her face as she steps up to his bed. She and Roger exchange a quick but meaningful look and then the Swiss is by the door, pulls it closed and his mother is the only person in the room with Rafa. He feels the almost ravenous urge to shift and shimmy in bed until he feels more comfortable. That could turn into quite the exercise though. Because his discomfort is not of the physical variety. He looks at his mother, insecurity the major feature showing on his face and his mouth feeling dry and useless. Somehow he manages to at least address her and the concerned smile on his mother's face widens. 

“Mama...”

“My darling boy...”

She sounds so worried and there is so much love and fondness in her voice, it would be enough already to make Rafa feel better. But his mother doesn't stop at that. She bridges what little gap is left between them, settles on the edge of the bed and pulls him into a warm, tight hug – a hug Rafa immediately engages in, wrapping his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes. He feels the tears stinging behind his now closed eyes, trying so desperately to fall, but Rafa fights them down. His mother is going through enough already with him failing to protect Mari, her daughter in a rehab facility and him in a hospital. He doesn't need to add any emotional baggage to that. What he does – however – need to do, is to apologize – right now and profoundly. His mother has been disappointed already when he hasn't been there for Maribel back home on Mallorca where she had never been in any trouble other than feeling alone. How much more disappointed in him must his mother be this time? He has practically done everything wrong. 

“I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.”

“None of this is your fault. You did what you could.”

“And it wasn't enough. I failed her, I failed you... I'm sorry...”

He is still mumbling into her shoulder, still holding onto her tightly and Rafa is very much happy he doesn't have to look at her while he apologizes. He is afraid what he is going to see on her face if he is forced to look. In that regard however, his mother seems to have little consideration towards him. She lets go of him, reaches for his shoulders and pushes him back gently to force im to look at her as she answers him. What he sees however when he reluctantly looks at his mother's face, is not remotely what Rafa has expected. There is love there – love and pride and encouragement. Above all she looks determined and Rafa can't remember having seen such an open and honest expression on his mother's face ever since the day he had been forced out of tennis by the stupid injury and she had told him that no matter the circumstances this loss would not stop making her proud of him, it would not stop him being special. He had believed her back then – if only for a little while – and he believes her now. 

“You, my beautiful boy, are a lot of things, but a failure is not one of them! Do you understand?”


	38. Ready for change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari's first phase of rehab goes by.  
> The siblings finally have a chance to meet and talk things through.  
> Mari makes a decision.

*Mallorca – March 2009*

It has been another day and a half before the doctors in Acapulco had cleared Rafa to leave the hospital and he and his mother had taken the next available flight home. Both Roger and Mirka have been at the lobby of the hotel when Rafa had left and both of them have offered him a hug and a smile and the heartfelt wishes for a speedy and full recovery. Roger has only wished it to him, Mirka has wished it to both him and Maribel. Other than that the older woman has been very... reluctant in regard to his sister though. Roger on the other hand has told him to stay in contact and frequently tell him how he is doing – he and only he... 

His mother has insisted he stay with her upon their arrival on the island and that has been okay for all of three days, before Rafa had practically fled to the beach house he and Mari live at. His mother has been constantly hovering and worrying and as much as Rafa knows that she means well, it is simply too much to take. Of course he hasn't told her that. What he has told her is that he needs a quiet place to himself for a couple of days. His mother has accepted his reasoning only begrudgingly but she has let him be. 

Rafa has tried to make the best of those 10 days - where all he can do is wait for the first stage of Mari's rehab program to finish – and has done a lot of internet research on the facility, their program and some general information about alcohol addiction and the post-rehab routine that will be best for Mari once she will be back home again. The very first thing he has done after reading up on the facts, is to get rid of every last drop of booze available or stashed away at the house somewhere, down to bottles of mouth wash and even cleaning products and perfumes. Everything and anything can be a trigger... and the last thing Rafa wants, is for Mari to be triggered and fall right back into her old habits the second she steps over the threshold of her very own home. 

He has not been allowed to see his sister for more than two weeks now and with every day of radio silence, of no contact, of not knowing, of not getting and word from Mari whatsoever, he feels more and more restless. This whole awful situation has been wearing on Rafa's nerves and has made him more and more irritable. The first couple of days, he has been too preoccupied with himself and his own recovery to actually care much for what is happening to his sister. After that he has been busy with research and getting the house ready for his sister's return. But now time seems to be dragging on and on and on and Rafa isn't sure if he can take another day of this.

Now – with the close proximity to the rehab facility his sister is locked away in – it is increasingly more difficult to keep both his calm and composure. Rafa needs to see Mari, needs to talk to her, needs to tell her he doesn't blame her. But he can't. Or at least he couldn't. Because now – as today marks the first day on which Mari is actually allowed visitors – that he can go and see her, he feels scared and unsure of the whole idea of going here. It's mostly their mother's doing because she has insisted Rafa visit Mari first and do it on his own. She feels there is much the siblings have to talk about.

There is – no doubt about that. But who is to say Mari actually wants to talk about any of it? Who is to say his sister even wants to see him? Who is to say she will appreciate his visit? Nobody can tell him anything for sure. All he can do is dive right in and hope for the best. In a worst case scenario she yells at him to leave and that is what he will do – feeling miserable and very much like an idiot... He is being mean and sarcastic even for thinking it, but at least this way it will be better than the last time they have seen each other. Nobody will end up in the hospital in need of a breathing aid this way... It's probably a joke he should not make in Maribel's presence. 

The rehab center is a lot like a private clinic and even though it looks fancy and they have nurses in multicolored scrubs and nice pictures on their white washed walls, it never stops feeling like a hospital. There is a reception desk and Rafa actually has to sign in and prove his ID before he is allowed into the facility. The nurse at reception details the way to his sisters room for him and tells him to make sure to come by reception again on his way out in order to sign out. It feels very much restricted, the way this place is organized. Almost like a minimum security prison... 

Rafa does not cross paths with anyone on staff or any other patients as he walks the length of the corridors. The whole place seems eerily quiet, almost like it is deserted. It is midday though and maybe the majority of people are at lunch of something. Or maybe they have some sort of therapy sessions. After all this is a rehab facility... Rafa tries not to dwell on the silence and lack of people. After all he is only here to see one person. When he reaches the room he has been told, the door to it is left slightly ajar and he can hear soft music playing inside. He knocks, carefully, and then calls out to make his presence known.

“Mari? Can I come in?”

“Rafa... I did not expect you to come.”

His sister must have bolted from wherever she has been in the room to get to the door and she practically rips it open. She is smiling but she looks very much unsure of herself. Bottom line however is that his sister is happy to see him. Happy but confused or at least surprised and the last thing Rafa has meant to do is to come here to impose on her or make her feel bad. She is probably feeling bad enough already with the physical ramifications of going through detox. Because it shows...

His sister looks paler than he has ever seen here and thinner, up to the point of looking gaunt. She probably hasn't eaten much in this first phase of her rehab, which explains it up to some point. He is sure the people here know what they are doing, but still it hurts to see her like that. Quite frankly she doesn't exactly look healthy to him and that was the whole point of her stay here – for her to get healthy again. He obviously has been silent for too long because Mari's smile is slowly dissipating. Rafa doesn't mean for that to happen. He simply wants this to be her decision.

“I can leave if you don't want me here...”

“Of course I want you here! I don't deserve it, but I want it.”

He gives her a nervous smile in response. Admittedly Rafa has not expected his sister to get to the point so quickly or bluntly. He has expected her to avoid talking about what has happened in Acapulco. Though she has been rather vague until now. All she has done is admit to a fault and to him having every right and reason not to see her. She has – however – not yet apologized to him. Rafa doubts that is rudeness though. It seems to him more like his sister is testing where they are standing in terms of their relationships before engaging in any further conversation. Rafa can definitely calm her down in that regard. He is not mad. Disappointed and still a little shocked but not mad... and certainly not vindictive. 

“Of course you deserve it. This was a brave thing to do.”

“Just like forcing you to drink with me and adding Mirka's meds to your bottle was a vicious, horrible and potentially life threatening thing to do. I'm so, so sorry.”

There it is – the apology Rafa has neither expected or has been waiting for. But he gets it anyway and that has to be a first for Maribel. Maybe that is a little over the top, but her apologizing definitely has only happened few and far times in between. What is also new and unexpected, is the fact that she crosses the little bit of distance left between them and puts her arms around him, pulling Raga into a hug. She isn't usually as touchy-feely as this but Rafa lets her be. He actually feels a little embarrassed at all that insight from her and that much attention, which is why his reply is sort of a clipped one.

“I'm fine now.”

“No thanks to me. I can never make this up to you.”

“You don't have to. I forgive you.”

“You shouldn't... not ever.”

“Maybe, but I want to.”

Rafa grins softly at his sister, trying to take the sting out of his careful cheekiness. Having her own words thrown back in her face like that manages to make Maribel smile instead of have her react with irritation. It's surprising to see a reaction like that from her. Usually Mari is easily insulted, easily sulking because she feels treated wrongly. It is why Rafa has been reluctant with his attempt at a joke, but his sister manages to make him feel a little better about the changes that seem to have happened to her in these last few weeks. It's not just an alarming physical appearance, there is a change in demeanor and - unlike his sister's appearance - that is a good one. Rafa takes his sister's smile as a chance to change the subject. So far all he has done is to assume, but he is right at the source. He can ask his sister how she feels. 

“How are you?”

“Nauseous, weak, twitchy and half a dozen other things that are kind of bad. But I'm clear... I guess it's the first time in weeks I can actually think straight.”

“So these first two weeks of detox... not fun I assume?”

“Imagine somebody putting you in a tub full of acid while sticking red hot needles into your skin. That is about how much fun it was.”

Rafa nods softly, an emphatic expression showing on his face but he doesn't say anything. A show or display of sympathy feels utterly stupid because there is no way in hell Rafa can relate to what Maribel has been going through. He has read about it of course, blogs and personal accounts of other people going through the same thing as Mari. But that only makes it marginally more real for him and quite frankly he doesn't want it to be. Detox is not an experience he ever needs to have and he hopes this will be the one - and only - time for Maribel as well. Better to focus on the future than to dwell on the past, he decides. 

“And how do you feel now?”

“I feel... ready.”

“For what?”

“For a change.”

It's a vague reply, a less than helpful one and Rafa has a hard time to decipher whether his sister doesn't want to talk about her plans or isn't exactly sure what that change is supposed to entail herself yet. She mainly talks about the addiction, about not ever falling back into that deep black whole that is her excessive drinking or at least that is what Rafa assumes. But Mari probably has more and more sophisticated plans. He doesn't want to force her into any kind of discussion though, so he doesn't try to coax her into a more detailed answer. 

“Is that good?”

“I hope so.”

His sister smiles again and Rafa nods, deciding not to engage in any talk about future plans further. Mari is still at the very beginning of getting better, of learning to fight her addiction. Future plans are a topic for a later time. Right now they need to focus on other things – like their sibling relationship. Rafa still feels a little awkward, a little unsure about being here. His sister is nice and friendly and hospitable, she seems to have her emotions under control, she has her thoughts collected and she has apologized to him. But still it feels a little like meeting a stranger or a friend Rafa hasn't seen in quite a while. They still need to find their rhythm in dealing with one another again. Before he ever even comes to a decision as to how to achieve exactly that, his sister has already taken the first step.

“Walk with me? I'm finally allowed into the stupid facility garden. I can use some sun and a breath of fresh air.”

“You could have gone already, but you waited for me?”

“I need somebody to accompany me. That's the deal. It's fine if you don't want to. I can ask one of the nurses later...”

“No! No, it's fine. I'd like to go outside with you.”

Mari hugs him again – a show of gratefulness and yet again more physical contact that feels so strange and unfamiliar to Rafa – and slips out of her slippers and into a different pair of shoes. Rafa lets her lead the way through the corridors and out into the small garden right in the middle of the facility. It is calm and peaceful here and the weather is perfect for a stroll through the lush green garden with it's small waterways and stone garden patches. Everything in here is meant to soothe the people admitted to the clinic. They have probably never spend that much time together without either one of them saying a word. But it's nice to just walk and breathe and take in the sun. 

Mari is mostly silent because she is thinking hard about how to proceed in this visit. She wants to make the most of it, wants to show her brother that she has truly changed. She knows she will be forcing something on her brother he probably feels less than comfortable with. But if she has learned one thing over the course of the last weeks, it is that some truth need to be spoken abut, no matter how painful. Because keeping them in and bottling them up is not only wrong but actually harmful. 

It is one of the reasons she is here, because all of her bottled up bad memories and feelings have driven her onto a clearly self-destructive path. She is supposed to break that vicious cycle and to do that, she needs to talk – especially with her brother. Her knows best after all, he is closest to her trauma and she has decided to start with that fateful turning point in their lives, a turning point for the both of them, one that is ingrained into them and has shaped them into the people they are today. She gives no indication, no warning and – as expected – her brother reacts rather defensively to the mention of previous trauma. 

“I wonder how our lives had turned out if our lovely uncle hadn't decided to touch both of us in inappropriate places for the better part of our childhood.”

“Don't. Please, Mari. I can't...”

“You can't what?”

“Talk about this. Be reminded of it. Some memories are better left buried.”

Her brother has a pained expression on his face and barely even manages to look at her. It's a difficult moment and still Mari can't help but smile – a small, sad smile. It only goes to show how close, how similar they really are. She has used this exact same words the first time her therapist has asked about the matter. Mostly Mari has been angry because she has no idea how the therapist could probably know. In the end, all the woman had done was to ask her to explain in her own words what the reasons for her addiction are. Mari had been vague, citing childhood trauma, and the therapist had probed excessively. Mari has felt offended and vulnerable. She has learned since then and she wants her brother to be part of that learning process as well. It certainly can't hurt him. 

“I'm quoting here, but somebody who has been getting on my fucking nerves constantly these last couple of weeks told me it's better to talk then to bottle shit up and keep it contained inside. She said it does more harm than good.”

“And who would that person be?”

“My therapist.”

“Doesn't sound like something you would listen to.”

“I don't really have a choice here. I'm an addict and I need to learn to handle my addiction. If that means listening to people who feel entitled to safe a broken soul, so be it. And I puked on her shoes the first time we met, so I owe her one, I guess...”

Rafa chuckles softly at the imagery of Mari in a therapist's office, spilling the contents of her breakfast or lunch or whatever on a pair of expensive shoes. He can't help the spiteful thought that the therapist deserves nothing less for probing his sister about her past and her inner workings like that. Then again that is what a therapist is supposed to do and it's not like his sister has asked him to see her as well. She is simply offering him perspective and from everything Rafa has witnessed of his sister since coming here, therapy is actually helping her. 

They have never talked about this before, not even as a bargaining chip or as a useful tool to hurt one another in even their most vicious fights. It's a taboo for both of them or at least it has been up until now. His research has taught Rafa that it is best to be open and honest with his sister, because she needs support and if she feels talking about the past will help her, he doesn't want to stand in the way of that. However he cannot simply open up and speak freely about the past either. It's simply too painful. He does however manage to find a middle ground, his tone of voice barely above a whisper and his eyes focused on one of the stretches of the stone garden instead of on his sister. 

“He never did.”

“I don't... Who did what?”

“Touch me in inappropriate places.”

“Oh...”

Mari has needed a moment to realize and understand, actually taken by surprise about the fact, that her brother has decided to talk to her about this. It has only been an attempt from her side and of course she would have respected her brother's decision to simply keep quiet. Rafa doesn't say much of anything actually but he does allow the thought to sink in and now that his mind has wandered back to those fateful moments in their childhood, Rafa has a hard time to simply fight down the memories again. He says little more, but what he says is mostly meant as an apology. Thinking about this only manages to remind him how long him failing his sister as a big brother, failing to make sure she is happy and healthy and protected has already been going on. 

“Not like he did with you. He simply didn't like it when I got in the way and tried to protect you from him. As if I ever could...”

“You tried. You tried your hardest. I know it. I was there. And I know you got hurt in the process... because I was there for that, too.”

His sister tries to sound sympathetic and calm but she doesn't quite manage. There is a soft trembling to her voice and that painful sound to her voice actually makes Rafa look at her. Mari seems to have paled just a little more and tears are swimming in her eyes, but she neither looks pained nor overwhelmed by her emotions. She simply looks sad and seeing her like that tugs at Rafa's heart. They have both been so young, they both were so overcome by what was happening to them and they have never quite found a way to deal with it. Rafa still isn't sure if talking will help them. It does however give him the unique chance to do something he never has the chance to do before – he can apologize for his shortcomings, as little as that means to Mari.

“I'm so sorry...”

“What on earth for?!”

“Letting you down... Betraying your trust in me... I tried so hard, Mari. I tried time and again for years and years. I tried to save you... But I failed.”

Rafa closes his eyes for just a moment, trying to force his emotions back under control. That short moment of not paying attention to his sister's actions, leaves him unaware of Mari moving in his path. He almost winces and abruptly opens his eyes again when his sisters' hands land on both his lower arms and she looks up at him, a deeply sincere expression on her face. She is serious – probably more serious than she has been in years – and she wants him to look at her and listen closely. She doesn't even need to say it. The expression on her face says it all. 

“But you didn't. You never failed. You saved me, time and again, in every way a person can be saved. You protected me with all your strength and courage, you kept me off the ledge, you kept me from simply giving up, closing my eyes on it all and letting go. Your love, your patience, your worry and your fierce protectiveness... It kept me going. I know it never seemed that way and I know I was never grateful or nice to you. But this is what you did for me. You saved my life... Now it's my turn.”


	39. Wedding plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mirka and Roger plan their wedding...  
> and who to invite.

*Basel – March 2009*

Roger catches himself grinning yet again and he quickly tries to relax his face and wipe the expression off of it. It is less than four weeks until the wedding now and Mirka is finally doing what Roger has expected her to do quite a while earlier – she is starting to panic. He is pretty sure everything is planned and happening according to plan but Mirka is questioning everything from the flower arrangements down to the catering service. And she is quite entertaining to watch doing it... though Roger tries hard not to let it show. They are bound for a fight if Mirka actually realizes how amused Roger is at her display of nervousness.

There is a sad note to it all though. Mirka acting like this has been delayed due to the fact that they have been preoccupied with other stuff before, which is probably why Mirka has needed until now to start being emotional about the wedding preparations. Their part in all the family drama between the siblings - with Ana arriving and needing their help to get picked up and get accommodated and informed about the details of what has happened, with Mari leaving without so much as a word of goodbye and with Rafa in the hospital, slowly recuperating, needing to relearn what has happened as well and then leaving as well – has been kind of draining on the Swiss couple, both emotionally and physically. 

Mirka has lost her second round match in Indian Wells after they had traveled to California and she had decided to skip the tournament in Florida and go back home after that. She simply hadn't felt up to the competition, her mind otherwise occupied. It hadn't been wedding stuff bothering her then. It had mainly been the fact that – despite all her harshness and selfishness – she wanted to know how Mari was doing. She had eagerly been waiting for any updates Roger could tell her through his contact with Rafa and had been disappointed every time their phone calls had not produced any new information. It had taken time, but by now these thoughts were not on the forefront an more for Mirka. 

Right now way more mundane things are on her mind. It is the wedding dress that has her worked up beyond belief. Roger isn't exactly happy about that particular fact. Maybe he is being overly old-fashioned but he feels it is bad luck for the groom to see the wedding dress before the big day. Then again he is not seeing the bride wear the dress. Mirka is simply holding the dress up for him to look at and she has been excessively complaining about it for the major part of the last fifteen minutes now. It's a circle starting up again in irregular intervals and she goes back to complaining about aspects of the dress she has complained about a couple of times before. By now Roger is loosing a bit of his patience... and he can't bring himself to show sympathy for Mirka's bickering yet again. 

“This thing is the size of a tent... We can hold the wedding ceremony underneath it and accommodate all of our guests after and still have a little room left for a band and a gift table.”

“You are being dramatic.”

“I am not! This dress is huge!”

“Well... You're carrying two new lives inside yourself. What did you expect?”

Mirka is glaring at him but even that is amusing and somewhat endearing to Roger. Mirka has that glow about herself that seems to be particular to pregnant woman and pretty much every thing she does these days is endearing to him. The matter of the fact does little to nothing to soothe her anxiety and mild irritation though. It has been not too long ago that they found out they won't be having one, but two kids at the same time. Mirka is pregnant with twins and that is – albeit somewhat scary and unexpected – the first good news they have had since the drama that has been Acapulco. At least for Roger it is good news. Mirka is swaying between being excited and happy and being excited and scared at the prospect. Right now she is neither of those things – she is simply angered by the wedding dress... and by him. 

“You are not remotely helpful! Or polite for that matter.”

“I'm sorry...”

“Whatever possessed me to say yes to this insanity, I will never know...”

“To marry me?”

“To marry you while I'm still pregnant!”

Mirka's voice has risen in pitch and volume, but even her mild shrieking is endearing to Roger. Mirka seems more desperate than actually irritated anyway. Roger doubts she truly has second thoughts about the wedding. She has simply started double checking everything that has been planned and arranged and has found minor flaws that she feels destined to fix now. Unfortunately for Mirka, there is no fixing the problem with the size of her wedding dress – not without pushing back their wedding date. 

“I told you we could wait...”

“I KNOW that. And you're still not helpful.”

“Look at it this way – afterwards you can use the dress as a nice canopy for the twins' baby beds.”

Roger can't help but tease and of course Mirka doesn't appreciate it one bit. She's glaring at him again, crossing her arms in front of her chest which looks all but darling with her swelling belly. Of course grinning at her is not appreciated either and even though she doesn't sound furious or venomous when she reacts, Roger is pretty sure he is in real trouble if he doesn't reign in his enthusiasm for teasing his future wife. He raises both hands in a show of defeat. 

“I'm going to throw something at you!”

“Sorry, I'm sorry... I didn't mean it... You're just so damn adorable when you get worked up about all this. There's no need to fret and worry. The wedding will be perfect, you will be perfect, the babies will be perfect. Everything will be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Mirka seems appeased for the moment and Roger decides not to irritate her again – as much fun as that is. He watches her as she takes another scowling look at her wedding dress, the 'tent' as she has labeled it, before putting it away again. Her next course of action is a look at the seating chart for a wedding – which gets a scowl from her as well before being put back on the shelf where she picked it up from – and finally she seems done with her second guessing and drops down carefully in one of the armchairs. The look she gives Roger is hard to read. It's a mixture of determination and insecurity. As it turns out, she has grave decision to discuss with him. 

“I don't think I want to go back.”

“On the tour? I wouldn't have thought so. After the wedding, it's only two and a half months to the birth. You shouldn't travel like that, let alone play...”

“That's not what I meant.”

“To tennis afterwards, then? I didn't think you would. Traveling with two small kids would be a lot to deal with. Maybe in a year or so.”

“I didn't mean for a while either. I meant at all...”

Instead of a reply Roger simply stares at her. Mirka sounds surprisingly sure of herself – despite her initial insecurity – and she never once tries to break eye contact. Roger however can't help but feel a little left out. Of course this is Mirka's career and therefor it is her decision what to do with it. But he is a part of that career, a part of the sport and he would have wished to at least be considered or consulted in her decision making process. His ongoing silence seems to make her nervous and Mirka hurries to explain her reasoning to him in more detail.

“I'm 31 years old and a soon to be mother of two. I'm soon to be married, I won a Grand Slam title and an Olympic bronze medal. I have achieved a lot. It's time to shift focus.”

“Is this your decision?”

“No. It's my opinion. I won't decide this on my own. We are a team, we are husband and wife... well almost. This is a decision we make together. So... what do you think?”

Roger takes his time to answer. He doesn't hide the soft smile spreading on his lips though. The one thing he has been so sour about just a couple of minutes earlier, has now happened. Mirka has not made any decision as of yet. She is telling him what he thinks and is asking for his opinion, his input right here and now. This is a really important decision though and it is one he feels they should take their time to make. But Mirka hasn't asked him to decide anything for her, she simply asks what is on his mind. In the end Roger decides not to over think the mater. He listens to his gut feeling instead and the smile on his lips intensifies. 

“I think concentrating on our family is a great idea.”

“Aren't you scared?”

Roger can't hide back a small laugh as Mirka asks him about any fears or worries, eyes wide and face suddenly pale. Obviously she has expected him to list all his doubts, giving her a chance to rethink her current plans and blame it all on him if need be and she isn't happy with the way things turn out. But he can't do that for her, because he is definitely okay with the way Mirka wants their future to be. He has always wanted a family and a family while constantly traveling and the kids barely ever seeing their mother is not what he wants. They will settle, they will concentrate on one another as well, as the kids. They will be happy. In his opinion there is nothing in that future plan to be even remotely worried about. He shrugs his shoulders at Mirka. 

“Of what?”

“The change!”

“No.”

“Why not?!”

“I don't have to. You're scared enough for the both of us.”

“You're not funny.”

He is teasing her again, despite his decision not to do that, but this time Mirka is neither irritated nor offended. She sounds a little defeated instead but she is smiling. It's not like Roger is wrong. She is definitely worrying way too much. After all him agreeing with her plans is what she has wanted. Mirka simply wishes there would be any guarantees for a happy future. But she knows that is a silly wish and in vain… As a professional athlete, she knows there is an element of chance to life – always. She simply has to deal with that.

Before she can tell Roger any of that, her fiance's phone rings. He gives her an apologetic smile, looks down at the display and his face lights up. It's enough of an indication for Mirka. She knows it has to be Rafa. Roger has always been grinning like an idiot whenever the Spaniard has called in the last few days. She understands it though, both of them are happy and glad Rafa has come out of the drama in Acapulco unscathed, and of course Roger is happy for any chance to talk to the younger man.

What she doesn't like is that feeling of secrecy surrounding their conversations. But that is more her sentiment than actual fact. After all she has told Roger she is okay with him and Rafa and their relationship and she has never revoked that opinion, not even after getting pregnant or accepting his marriage proposal. She knows she can trust him and if he wants to be alone to talk to the Spaniard that is his right. 

What she doesn't like is that feeling of secrecy surrounding their conversations. But that is more her sentiment than actual fact. After all she has told Roger she is okay with him and Rafa and their relationship and she has never revoked that opinion, not even after getting pregnant or accepting his marriage proposal. She knows she can trust him and if he wants to be alone to talk to the Spaniard that is his right.  
   
The call isn't too long, maybe 10 minutes and Roger looks sort of troubled when he returns. He has taken the call out of the room, has been out on the patio – and effectively out of earshot – and Mirka has no idea what the sour expression is about. She has a certain suspicion though that it has to do with Maribel, the one topic she has been dying to hear news about and that Roger has been trying to avoid at all costs. So she tries to tread lightly, but she is pretty sure she is way too obvious, her over eagerness showing in every last syllable of her words.  
   
“Rafa?”  
   
“Yep.”  
   
“Anything of interest in your conversation?”  
   
Roger gives her a long pointed look and that is the last clue Mirka needs, to know she is not being exactly subtle. As long as looking at her like that is all she gets, she doesn’t mind though. She can practically see the inner debate going on whether Roger wants to talk about the sore subject that is Maribel or not. In the end he volunteers the information before his fiancé can even ask.  
   
“Of interest to you, you mean? He has been to see her. She is... better.”  
   
“Better how?”  
   
“He didn't really say and I didn't ask. I have no idea why he went to see her in the first place. After what she did...”  
   
Roger still sounds more disbelieving and horrified that actually angry. It has been that way ever since he had first called her from the hospital back in Acapulco to let her know how things had proceeded since Mari had come to get him. Mirka feels very much the same way. She still has a hard time to even grasp whatever possessed Mari to do such a thing. But in the end the answer is easy – it was the alcohol, combined with a potent mix of very negative feelings – and Mirka can understand how that could have affected Mari to such extremes. She is no stranger to addiction after all. In the end she has decided to focus on the positives. It’s easier this way – easier to still like Mari, easier to deal with her own shortcomings when it comes to her dependencies that she has to fight on a daily basis in order to protect her unborn children.  
   
“I know, hon. But Rafa is fine now and as awful as all this has been, Mari has finally hit rock bottom and has been willing to accept her problem and do something about it. And from everything you just told me, therapy and rehab are actually helping her.”  
   
“Yes, but for how long? She is shielded now and there are people to look out for her and make sure she stays on track. And when she is allowed to leave? How long before she drinks again? How long before she hurts her brother again?”  
   
“Everybody deserves a second chance.”  
   
Roger’s facial expression suddenly darkens and Mirka can see him stiffen, his whole posture suddenly rigid and radiating his barely contained anger. She has a hard time understanding. It’s not like what she says is wrong in any way and Roger usually is a strong believer in second chances. He and Rafa wouldn’t have gotten back together if Roger’s belief system would be a different one. But it seems his willingness for leniency does not extent to both siblings.  
   
“This is her millionth chance! You of all people should know better. She tried to ruin your future marriage and family all for her personal gain!”  
   
“She was drunk and very much hurt and confused at the time.”  
   
“You are dead set on finding an excuse for her behavior, aren't you?”  
   
It sounds like an accusation more than a question and Mirka feels anger bubbling up inside her. It’s the mixture of too many hormones cursing through her bloodstream, making her more easily emotional and the fact that Roger is being very much condescending towards her. She feels she doesn’t deserve being treated this way just because they have a difference of opinion. Admittedly it’s a huge difference, but that shouldn’t be playing a role. She tries to stay calm though. Engaging in this conversation with even more emotions than are already involved will definitely lead them nowhere fast.  
   
“All I'm saying is that she deserves a chance. I know she has had many of them before but she has never committed to rehab before. She is trying to change. It should be rewarded, not looked down upon. She is making a real effort and belittling her for it and shutting her out with no chance of ever redeeming herself will not help her. She needs to be encouraged, not disheartened.”  
   
“How about a compromise? You still blindly and stubbornly believe in her and I simply ignore her and focus on Rafa. How does that sound?”  
   
“Sounds like a plan. You can start with that at our wedding.”  
   
There is little venom to Roger’s voice, which is why Mirka doesn’t tell him not to talk to her this way. There is however enough sarcasm that she feels entitled to blindside him with this idea that has been on her mind for quite some time now. She isn’t sure if it will even be possible. After all Mari is going through rehab and that is time consuming and something that she needs to fully focus on and commit to. An event where people will definitely be drinking, is probably not the best place for her. But Mirka at least wants to offer her the chance. It is up to Mari – and Rafa of course – to make that decision. Roger looks pretty much stunned at her suggestion and Mirka doesn’t even try to hide the smirk from her face or the amusement from her voice.  
   
“Excuse me?”  
   
“Our wedding, hon. The one we were just talking about?”  
   
“You want to invite Maribel?!”  
   
“I want to invite both of them.”  
   
That manages to soothe Roger somewhat and Mirka can practically watch as his facial expression softens a bit. He might not like the idea of having Maribel at their wedding, but he does very much enjoy the thought of having Rafa there. It’s only fair and right. This is an important day in their lives and the siblings have become very much dear to them – or at least one sibling to each of them. Why shouldn’t they be there? But as appealing as the thought is – in part – to Roger, the other part definitely still bothers him. Mirka can see it all too clearly shining on his face. She smiles at him, grabs for his hand and tries her best to reassure him. It seems to be working.  
   
“It will be fine, hon. They will be fine, we will be fine and in the end there will be cake. And hopefully we will all be happy.”  
   
“Are you sure about this?”  
   
“Absolutely.”


	40. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafa picks up Mari from the rehab facility.  
> Both of them make a decision regarding their professional life.

*Mallorca – late February 2009*  
   
It is Maribel's last day at the clinic and Rafa is running late. He doesn’t mean to and has been constantly cursing at himself on the whole drive to Palma. This is his sister’s first day back home – an important day, an emotional day – and he is too late to come and pick her up. She is relying on him, needs him, trust him and he is letting her down. Compared to other things he has done wrong in the past, this is a minor thing, but still it bothers him – a lot.  
   
It would all be a little easier to accept if his tardiness would be due to circumstances under his control. But they are not. In the end it's all Tomeu's fault. Tomeu who has managed to completely catch him completely off guard... and who has talked and talked and talked like there will be no tomorrow. Tomeu who has kept him despite knowing Rafa is supposed to pick up Maribel from the clinic and take her home…  
   
It has been a very interesting and unexpected conversation, which leaves Rafa feeling at fault as well. Because he has allowed himself to be engrossed and hasn’t even been aware of the time passing until Tomeu had suddenly asked him if it wasn’t time for him to go. He hasn’T even been aware of what his friend means at first, only to practically flee from the other man’s home seconds later.  
   
Miraculously, Rafa finds an open parking spot right near the clinic – thank the higher powers for small mercies – but still he is about half an hour late when he finally steps into the reception hall of the clinic’s main building. As he expects, his sister is there in the lobby, sitting in one of the stiff and uncomfortable looking armchairs, nursing a cup of coffee. She smiles when he approaches and that is a good sign all by itself. His sister isn't angry or impatient or pissed off and not even irritated – which is the least Rafa has expected her to be. She’s not even in a foul mood. This new, improved and more patient and friendly version of his sister still needs some getting used to…  
   
“Maybe my watch broke or time runs differently out there in the real world, but... didn't we say 12:30? It's almost 1:00 pm...”  
   
“I'm sorry. I tried to get away on time but Tomeu talked and talked and talked.”  
   
“It’s okay. There was no need for you to come all the way here and pick me up anyway. I do own money you know. I could have taken a cab.”  
   
“Nonsense.”  
   
The smile on Mari’s face widens at the vehemence with which her brother denies even the idea of her trying to get home on her own. It is not that he distrust her or sees her as somehow helpless, she knows that. Maybe there is a hint of that playing into his decision to pick her up as well. But for the most part, he is dead set on protecting her and making sure she is okay – as he has always done. After all this is her biggest test, being out there in the real word, instead of in this protected bubble the clinic provides, and trying to deal with her addiction on a daily basis. She has been very much nervous about that fact, has only just talked with her therapist about it. But the older woman had assured her and calmed her. The most important thing – she has told Maribel – was support right now and she knew she had that, more than she would ever deserve or could repay.  
   
“I really wished you would be on time. My therapist was here, waiting with me. I would have loved for you to meet her.  
   
Rafa has a hard time hiding back a sigh of relief. He is very much glad he hasn’t run into Mari’s therapist. Whenever he has come to visit, his sister has always talked about the woman and how much she was helping her. She has also always expressed the wish for the two of them to meet and for Rafa to maybe even join her for a session. After all she was talking about their childhood and their traveling together a lot. So far, he has always managed to avoid that and that is exactly how he wants it. Of course he doesn’t tell Mari any of that. What he says out loud is something entirely different though.  
   
“Maybe next time.”  
   
“Yeah, maybe… It’s not like I won’t be seeing here anymore. I’m sort of like an outpatient now.”  
   
“You sound almost sad?”  
   
“For leaving this place and going back to my own home? No. For having to come here once a week and drive all the way from one end of the island to the other for a one hour counseling session? Yes.”  
   
Rafa finds himself surprised at Mari’s rather pragmatic reasoning. She has been a lot of things over the years – selfish and enthusiastic, vicious and surprisingly kind at time, childish to the point of silly and deeply, debilitatingly sad and self-destructive. But he has never once seen her pragmatic. It’s a nice change and he actually has to admit that Mari has a point. The clinic being in Palma and with her having a weekly appointment here, means a lot of driving. And he certainly isn’t willing to play escort for his sister once a week, every week. The most logical solution is one his sister once to hear nothing about though.  
   
“She could come to you…”  
   
“I’m just another patient to her. And that’s the way it should be. I don’t want preferential treatment and I don’t deserve it either.”  
   
“Then stop moping about the drive.”

His rather sardonic response makes Mari laugh, a free, happy, almost innocent sound that Rafa hasn’t heard coming from her mouth in so long, even the realization already hurts. If Mari notices the quick display of emotional pain flashing across his face she doesn’t let it show. She shrugs instead and grabs for the small backpack holding all the belonging she was allowed to bring here, ready to leave.  
   
“Fair enough.”  
   
It isn’t until they are settled in the car and on their way to the highway, that Mari picks up on Rafa’s excuse for his tardiness again. Rafa has hoped she has forgotten all about it already, because he knows for a fact that Mari will ask curious questions. The problem with that is, that he has no answers for her. At least not as of yet. The things he and Tomeu have discussed and made plans about are for a rather long term future… and that is a decision Rafa doesn’t want to make lightly.  
   
“You met with Tomeu? Why?”  
   
“I thought for breakfast.”  
   
“You thought?”  
   
“Well, Tomeu had other plans.”  
   
“So you didn't have breakfast? We can go for breakfast now...”  
   
“No, we did have breakfast. But not exclusively.”  
   
“I don't get it.”  
   
Rafa sighs softly and wishes for a chance to actually look at Mari while he tells her what he has to tell her. But he can’t very well stop. They are on a highway after all. But this is a serious topic, one with grave consequences and one he wants his sister’s input on because his decision could affect both their futures. But he has to make do with the circumstances given to him and he decides it’s no use to keep beating around the bush her. So he cuts straight to the point.  
   
“He offered me a job.”  
   
“On his team?”  
   
“No, not exactly.”  
   
Rafa has 40 minutes of the drive back in to Manacor to explain the whole contents of his conversation with Tomeu to his sister, which should be enough time. It’s not the time that bothers him though, it’s not being able to give his entire focus to Maribel while he does so. A quick side glance shows both curiosity and just a hint of impatience on her face. He can’t ask her to wait until they have reached the beach house. Mari wants to know and she wants to know now. So Rafa tells her.  
   
*#*  
   
*Earlier that same morning*  
   
The invitation for breakfast has been a surprise, but a welcome one for Rafa. He knows Tomeu’s year – which is still pretty young tennis season vise – has been injury riddled and it is why he is home now. The timing of it all has seemed a little suspicious to Rafa though. Tomeu inviting him on the very day he picks up Mari from rehab cannot be a coincidence – at least that is how Rafa sees it. Maybe he is wrong though, maybe Tomeu being home by force of his injury has felt the need for some company, for a long time friend to share his time, thoughts and feelings with. Still Rafa isn't convinced of that idea. He is pretty sure his childhood friend has invited him for a chance to pry.   
   
Tomeu has only a vague understanding of what has happened in Acapulco. Luckily neither Rafa's nor Maribel's hospital stay have made it to any of the tabloids. It is kind of a miracle it hasn't happened but then again Rafa has been the one admitted to hospital and he is not an internationally recognized superstar. He doesn't matter enough... And Mari has only been there as a visitor, as a concerned family member and has been there to see him initially. Her being admitted overnight for her bit of a breakdown has only happened after she has already been at the clinic. So it hasn't caused much of a ruckus.

Tomeu knowing about it at all has nothing to do with the press. It is mainly due to the fact that Roger – in a situation he never should have been in in the first place – has panicked and has called their mother. Of course their mother has panicked in turn as well and has asked people she trusts for advice and support and somebody to take her to the airport to catch her flight taking her to Mexico to sort out the trouble her children have gotten themselves into. One of his aunts has taken his mother, that aunt is a friend of a friend of Tomeu's mother and with a couple of twists and turns that news have reached Tomeu as well.  
   
They haven't really talked about it, haven't had the chance. They have seen each other once – a chance meeting in the town of Manacor to be exact – and that has been both short and not under the right circumstances as such a delicate topic is not one to be discussed in the street. Tomeu has simply asked how Rafa is doing then and he has told his friend that he is fine. That is the extent of it though. Rafa is pretty sure Tomeu is looking out to remedy that today. Or maybe his friend simply wants to spend time with him. 

There is a spread worthy to feed at least four times their number when Tomeu lets Rafa into the house and leads him to the kitchen and Rafa is pretty sure they will not be the only ones here this morning. Tomeu and he have a lot of mutual friends. But as it turns out his childhood friend is simply happy to have him and has gone a little over the top due to that enthusiasm. There is a special reason why it is just the two of them as Rafa realizes when he takes a closer look at the table. The farthest quarter of it is neither covered by breakfast food nor by plates or cups or cutlery. There are papers there, a whole stack of oversized papers that cause Rafa to give Tomeu a confused look.

“What are those? I thought we were having a late breakfast.”  
   
“We are.”  
   
“I hate to break it to you, but I don't eat blueprints or architectural drawings.”  
   
Rafa doesn't need to take more than a second look to know what the papers are. What he cannot tell however is what exactly they are for. Maybe Tomeu plans on some changes on the house, maybe he has made a significant investment in some sort of property – either way it is probably nothing Rafa can help him with. He tries with a grin and a tease but Tomeu doesn't exactly seem to be in the mood. Actually his friend seems just a tiny bit... nervous. 

“You can have coffee and pastry and eggs and fruit or whatever else you feel in the mood for. The drawings are simply for you to look at.“  
   
“Like entertainment? I thought that is what I have you for?”  
   
“You having extended time off from traveling with Mari does not become you, you know that? You're way too cheerful and snappy for my taste.”  
   
“Tough luck. So what is all this?”  
   
Not wanting to give Tomeu an opening to ask about the reasons for Rafs's extended stay at home and the whereabouts and state of his sister, Rafa asks about the papers and their use and function. Tomeu's nervousness mixes with excitement now and Rafa decides to pour himself a cup of coffee. He has the distinct feeling he is going to need it. Tomeu flips through the pieces of paper until he finds the one he is looking for. It's the architectural drawing and it shows a complex of structures that looks a lot like a sports center. As it turns out, Rafa is not too far off from the truth. 

“I have plans for a tennis academy – here at home in Manacor. A place for kids to train and learn and simply have fun and of course it's for me as well.”  
   
“Why would you show that to me? I don't play tennis any more.”  
   
“I know that. But you still could, at least at a non-competitive level. I would like for you to do just that. I would like for you to manage it and act as a teacher for the kids. If you're interested of course.”  
   
*#*  
   
Mari is staring at him, Rafa can feel it and it is making him uncomfortable. He can't very well look because they are still on the road and there is traffic, but he is sure his sister hasn't even blinked once in almost a minute. Rafa would really appreciate it if his sister would say something. Then again her asking questions will be a problem. He has only told her half the story as of yet but that is because there is nothing more to tell as of right now. He has decisions yet to make. Of course his sister asks exactly about that.

“What did you tell him?”  
   
“That I have to think about it.”  
   
“Why?!”  
   
There is so much vehemence and disbelief in his sister's voice, Rafa has a hard time from keeping himself from actually looking over and staring back at her. He feels just a tiny bit insulted. After all he has a job – a calling really – and that is to make sure she is okay and well taken care of when they travel. Admittedly he hasn't done too great a job of it as of late and they are sort fo on hiatus right now, but that doesn't mean they will never go back to the way things were. They just need time. Rafa has been sure Mari would be aware of that just the same, but apparently he has to spell it out for her. 

“Because of you.”  
   
“I almost got you killed because I forced both alcohol and drugs on you, I had to check myself into rehab and I am fighting an alcohol addiction. I will never be on a stage ever again. Nobody will want me.”  
   
“Then why are the rest of your shows all booked solid? You're a fallen angel to them, a star who faltered, fell and is now picking himself up again. They adore you.”

They pull into the driveway of the house and Rafa stops the car, the very moment he tells Mari about the way the pre-sales for her concerts has been going. He hasn't meant to tell her, because Mari is supposed to focus on her self and her getting better at the moment and concerts are low on the list she should think about. But he wants her to know – despite her having dropped off the radar, canceled concerts and admitted herself to rehab – people are going pretty much nuts over the chance to see her perform. Rafa expects his sister to be happy to hear about this and feel encouraged by it. But he is in for a surprise. Mari looks very much troubled instead.   
   
“I don't want their attention or their admiration. All I want is to get better.”  
   
“What does that mean?”

“I want to cancel the tour.”


	41. Fare thee well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mari gives a farewell concert.  
> Mirka follows the invitation to the show.  
> Rafa, his sister and his mother have a past event to talk and reconcile about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's todays [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCkOlbL_WVs).
> 
> Hopefully more people will be interested in these three installments than there were in the last three.  
> Final chapters will be up next Friday.  
> After that I will be on an indefinite hiatus, until writing and posting is fun again. Right now, it's really not. 
> 
> Anyway, enough with the ramblings.  
> Enjoy!
> 
> <>°O°<>

*Mallorca – a week later*

There has been an outcry at the cancellation of Mari's further concert dates and it seems she actually feels a little guilty because of it. But deep down she knows it's the right thing to do. Being this person, this larger than life stage persona... it has almost ruined her life... as well as her brothers. She is done with all that and she doesn't want to go back to it. It doesn't mean she will never write a song or even produce an album again because even now with the first stages of rehab behind her, she has never lost her love and passion for melodies and lyrics and songwriting. Music will always be a part of here life. Touring however is in the past for her – from now on until forever.

She has taken time to make her decision but she knows it's the right one. Being back home, being around the temptation of supermarkets and restaurants and bars all willing to sell alcohol to her without a second thought has been difficult to say the least. Any additional stress on top of that is not what Mari needs and her therapist has agreed with her on that one. The one major thing the young girl is focusing on right now, is trying to relearn to be herself. She has to find herself somewhere inside and behind that on stage persona and has to find out how to be a sister and a daughter and a friend again. She has to learn to be Mari again, not Isabel, the internationally known singer. 

It's hard, almost as hard as being abstinent and it takes a lot of time and careful consideration. She spends a lot of time with her brother, with her mother and other family members and even some old friends she hasn't talked to in a while, her own as well as some of Rafa's. She has lunch with Tomeu at his house – and tells him to be patient with her brother and coax him a little if need be. But mostly she spends time with her brother. They take Tomeu's yacht out, they spent time at the house, they even go for an ill fated half hour of tennis on a practice court and Mari feels really... content with her life. 

But she gets restless. It's been only two weeks since she has been home and she already misses a chance to sing and write and play the piano. The piano is not a problem, the rest of it not exactly either. After all she has a small recording studio at her house. What really turns into a problem is the fact that she feels robbed. It's a stupid feeling but it doesn't go away. She feels like she needs to wrap up that career she has so suddenly left behind. She feels the need for closure and with every day that passes by, more and more of her time is occupied by those thoughts. Finally Mari decides to be adult about this, she decides to not keep her feelings bottled up and she decides to ask for advice. She talks to her brother about it at dinner one night... and as it turns out he really seems to like the idea.  
   
“I should do a farewell concert, I guess...”  
   
“That's not a bad idea... Are you sure you're up to it?”  
   
“I'm not really sure about anything these days. I have to talk to my therapist about this.”  
   
“Okay...”  
   
There is reluctance to her brother’s voice and a mildly hurt expression on his face. It’s barely detectable and he tries hard to hide it. Mari – pre rehab – wouldn’t have picked up on it. Quite frankly there are a lot of things her former self would never have picked up on, especially when it comes to her brother. Right now she manages to surprise him, not only because she picks up on his discomfort, but because she immediately realizes what the problem is. In turn her brother being open-hearted and honest about it, instead of deflecting, takes Mari by surprise as well. She smiles softly. It seems they are both starting to learn to be better…  
   
“You're disappointed.”  
   
“I might not be a specialist in psychology or a certified therapist but I am your brother, your family. You can trust me.”  
   
“I know that.”  
   
“Talk to me then.”  
   
Mari takes her time with an answer. It is not that she doesn’t want to talk about this with her brother or is somehow uncomfortable with what his opinion about the whole matter will be. It is simply that she has very mixed feelings about anything career related these days. She doesn’t want to say too much, doesn’t want to say too little and she certainly doesn’t want to end up feeling like she has made a decision based on somebody else’s opinion or anybody trying to steer her into a certain direction.  
   
“This is... difficult. I'm... ambivalent. Me and my therapist talked about this a lot already and we agreed that the pressure of the high profile shows, the traveling, the constant running from place to place to place... It's part of the reason I have the addiction. Along with other, more deeper stuff of course, but it definitely isn't helping. But the music, the song writing, the chance to pour my heart and soul into a set of lyrics, that is actually good for me. So I don't want to give up on music. But I do want to give up on performing.”  
   
“Sounds completely reasonable to me. And like you actually don’t feel up for a concert.”  
   
“It’s not just the problem of deciding or the torn feelings. I mainly think I should do it so this part of my life is officially over. I want a chance at closure. Not many people get that.”  
   
Rafa nods slowly and carefully without ever actually looking at her, his focus suddenly a million miles away… or a couple of years in the past to be exact. Mari feels her heart go out to him, seeing that forlorn expression on his face. Rafa knows all too well what she is talking about. With the doctors telling him there was no chance for him to return to tennis and the professional circuit, he had stopped – right away. No chance for a farewell, a last salute, a chance at wrapping up that part of his life… She half expects him to comment on that, but her brother’s focus returns to the here and now and he looks at her, a soft, mildly pained smile on his face.  
   
“How about this – we chose a small venue, make it a low key affair with not too many spectators and we keep the show simple and… intimate. I think that would suit you.”  
   
“I think so, too.”  
   
*#*  
   
*A few days later*  
   
It’s almost scary how easily everything seems to fall into place from there on out. They find a spot that is perfect for Mari’s plans and of course the tickets for the even are sold out in no time. Apart from that there isn’t much of any preparation needed. Mari knows all her songs by heart and as she will perform them with only the piano for support – much like she did back in New York - there is no need for rehearsal as there will be no band she has to be in sync with. The chance for a farewell show, for closure actually gives Mari the enthusiasm and inspiration she has been lacking ever since she has admitted herself into rehab. Now she writes a song – a very personal, very painful song… and just like always, she asks for her brother’s opinion, not breaking the routine she is so used to in song writing.  
   
Before ever handing the notepad to him, Mari knows this will be a difficult discussion. She could have simply performed the song without asking for her brother’s input, sparing him any pain and the two of them any discussion. But it does hardly seem fair to her. Granted she is writing about her childhood, her past, her trauma but there is no denying that her brother is a big part of all that too. He is just as affected by it… and he deserves a chance to state his opinion and his concerns.  
   
She watches him closely, watches ever last twitch of his facial muscles. Rafa takes his time, reads through the lyrics carefully at least three times and she knows he is having a hard time. She never really gets explicit with anything but there are a lot of barely veiled hints as to what has happened to her when she was younger – as has happened to him. He hands the notepad back to her without a word but at least he doesn’t look angry or appalled. Only sad – deeply, heartbreakingly so.  
   
“What do you think?”  
   
“You cannot perform this song.”  
   
“Why not? It's the truth...”  
   
“That's exactly why you shouldn't do this.”  
   
Mari finds herself frowning at that. Being truthful and honest and open is what her life is all about these days. Her therapist has encouraged her to act this way, he friends and family have encouraged her and up to this point, her brother has been the same. Apparently she has managed to cross an invisible line all of a sudden that has made him change his mind. His monosyllabic replies are no help with getting to the bottom of this, so she asks him for his reasons. As it turns out they have nothing to do with him or her, but with a certain member of the audience there that day of the concert.  
   
“Why?”  
   
“Because of Mama. She will know. You can't do this to her. She did so much for us all our lives, did more than she ever should for her grown up children these last couple of weeks. This will break her heart.”  
   
“She already knows.”  
   
The words are out of Mari’s mouth in an attempt to soothe both the sorrow and the heartache in her brother’s voice and she realizes way too late, that she is making a gigantic mistake. The expression on her brother’s face darkens and he has that scary look on his face she has only ever seen when she has concerts in Paris. It’s almost like before, back on tour, back when she was still drinking and all she and Rafa have ever done is to fight. He looks very much furious now… and completely heartbroken. His voice however is surprisingly calm – calm and so cold Mari actually feels a shiver run down her spine.  
   
“What?”  
   
“I... I talked to her. My therapist suggested it and we invited her to sit in on one of my sessions. She... knows.”  
   
“How could you?! How could you do this without even telling me?! Without asking me if I was okay with it first?!”  
   
Obviously some part of her selfish former version still lingers because it is only now that her brother confronts her, that Mari realizes she has only ever made that about herself. It’s not exactly an appealing character trait, but in this particular case it is a blessing in disguise. And she hasn’t done it out of selfishness but out of respect. Rafa has told her he doesn’t want to talk, doesn’t want a therapeutic approach, wants to deal with it on his own. Mari has respected that, but of course Rafa doesn’t know that. She hurries to tell him, not being able to keep herself from adding a bit of a push in to his direction.  
   
“I never told her about you, only about me. Doing that... it's your choice and responsibility.”  
   
*#*  
   
*The evening of the concert*  
   
Mirka is nervous and it seems that has sort of an impact on the two little ones growing inside of her. They are… restless today. But they all have reason – Mirka wholeheartedly believes in that. She still can’t quite explain what has possessed her to force her fiancé into something he felt very reluctant about, board a plane and go out to an evening show, all of that six months pregnant and less than a month before her wedding. The answer is simple enough – Mari has asked for her.  
   
Mari has send her an invitation to the farewell concert... and a very long letter detailing how selfish and awful and out of line and half a dozen other really bad things she has been. She has apologized, even though she has made it clear words alone can never undo what she has done and she has offered Mirka this chance to see her – and Roger a chance to see Rafa again in person by extension.  
   
Their opinions about whether or not to come here couldn’t have been any more different. Even the chance to see Rafa again, be face to face with the younger man and see for himself that there have been no lasting effects from his hospital stay in Mexico has barely been enough to sway Roger. He simply is too angry with Maribel. He pretty much despises the younger woman and he doesn’t trust her – not even a little.  
   
In the end they have settled on a compromise. Mirka goes to the concert alone and they are staying the entire weekend so that Roger gets a chance to spent some time with Rafa after all and not have to endure the presence of Maribel in the process. Right now Mirka is backstage, waiting for the younger woman to show up. Both Rafa and Ana have come to pick her up from her designated seat, both of them a tiny bit uncomfortable but doing their best to be hospitable around her, telling her Mari wanted to see her before the show starts and leaving her to wait.  
   
“Hi…”  
   
The voice behind her rips Mirka from her thoughts and her nervousness only increases. She hasn't seen Mari since that night in Acapulco when she had stood in front of their hotel room floor, completely frantic and bagging for Roger's help. A lot has happened since then... and she isn't sure they will ever be okay again. But they can try. The moment she turns, Mari’s eyes widen and Mirka has a hard time hiding back a groan. She doesn't even have to worry about them finding a common ground again. Mari is otherwise interested and distracted and Mirka doesn't exactly like it. She is well aware that her pregnancy is very much showing. She doesn’t need every last person who meets her to point that out.  
   
“You are... very pregnant. It's only March. Aren't you like... only five months along?”  
   
“Six actually. And that's the way it is when you're having twins. They need quite a bit of space in there...”  
   
“Twins?”  
   
Mari sounds completely surprised and the look on her face is gold. She looks completely dumbfounded. Mirka however sees no humor in her reaction. Somehow, in all this chaos and commotion that have been the last couple of weeks, she has completely forgotten to share these particular news with either of the siblings. She has assumed Roger has told Rafa in some capacity during one of their phone calls but obviously the two men had other things to talk about… or Rafa has decided it is not a necessary information his sister needs right now.  
   
“You didn't know... How could I forget you didn't know...”  
   
“It's okay, Mimi. I was... definitely otherwise occupied. I'm happy for you though. Two kids to love and cherish. That's wonderful.”  
   
“Not for my back or ankles.”  
   
“You'll be all the happier once you hold them in your arms.”  
   
“You have changed...”  
   
Mirka knows her words can be construed as an insult, though maybe just a mild one. It’s more her tone than the actual words, because she realizes she sounds surprised. She sounds like she never believed Mari actually could change for the better. But she has. Maribel pre rehab would have made some stupid and probably crude and even hurtful joke about Mirka’s swollen belly… and feet. She would have been childish… But now Mari seems to be more capable of looking at the larger picture, of appreciating… It’s a good change. It’s not like the old version of Mari is entirely gone though. She grins back at Mirka in response to her statement and shrugs her shoulders, allowing herself a moment of cheekiness before she turns serious again.  
   
“It's funny what therapy and not getting wasted almost every night can do for you. Seriously, though. I know I said it in the letter and I mean it – there is nothing I can ever say or do to make up for all the hurt I inflicted. But I am truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me one day…”  
   
“I already did, Mari.”  
   
“You shouldn’t be too quick about it.”  
   
It’s feels strange to not see and hear Mari jump at the chance of forgiveness and reconciliation. That is what the younger woman would have done before. But the old version of Mari has been a lot more self-centered than this one. She truly seems to mean what she has written in her letter – this is not about her feeling better, it’s about Mirka taking all the time she needs to decide whether or not Mari is worth her forgiveness. To Mirka however – despite everything – there isn’t much of a thought process here. She has never stopped adoring the younger woman, not really. And she is not willing to give up on her. She wholeheartedly believes in the warranty of that second chance for Mari.  
   
“Maybe not. Maybe I’m putting too much faith and trust in you. But I believe in you. And if at all possible I’d still like us to be friends.”  
   
“I would love that.”  
   
They are both smiling at each other, a somewhat awkward smile after the grave discussion. A member on staff saves them, as he steps up to Maribel letting her know it is time to get started. Mirka is looking for somebody to show her the way back, when Mari smiles at her and makes a vague gesture to the backstage area right here next to the stage. She seems a little unsure of herself, the short inner debate reflecting clearly on her face, but then she offers.  
   
“Would you like to stay stage side? You can walk around backstage a little if you need to and I have a private bathroom at my changing room. I guess sitting in one spot for too long isn't exactly comfortable for you?”  
   
“No, it really isn’t. Are you sure that’s okay? I don’t want to disrupt anything…”  
   
“You won’t. And I’d love you here.”  
   
Mari smiles widely and with that the decision is final or so it seems. The younger woman is about ready to leave, go out there on stage and perform her songs in front of an audience for one last time. It’s a grave realization and a feeling of… providence seems to hang in the air all of a sudden. It’s a special moment, a once in a life time moment and Mirka simply feels the need to use it. She stops the younger woman once again, smiling softly at her.  
   
“Mari?”  
   
“Mh?”  
   
“I missed you.”  
   
“I missed you, too. I’m so glad you came.”  
   
“Me too.”  
   
Mirka experiences the concert in an almost trancelike state. Mari plays all of her favorite songs and every last one she has written in these last couple of months – most of them for or at least about Mirka in some capacity. They send Mirka down memory lane, allowing some really positive memories and feelings to return… and some really sad and crushing ones. Mari even performs the two songs she has written after their major fights.  
   
There is something pure and almost magical about the way she sings – only her and the piano out on the small stage with just a single spotlight for company. There is no added band, no light show, no other structures on the stage, no choreographies, no silly effects. It’s just Mari and the heart and soul and passion that goes into every syllable of her lyrics and every note of her melodies. It’s perfect.  
   
*#*  
   
Rafa has been fidgeting more and more the closer they get to the final of Mari’s concert. He is sitting with his mother and that only manages to make his nervousness worse. Because no matter the changes his sister is going through and that have definitely made her better, she is still a very stubborn person to deal with. Of course she has insisted on performing her soul bearing song about past trauma and quite frankly Rafa fears their mother’s reaction to it. Mari is safe and sound on that stage after all, but he is sitting right here with their mother and he will be the first one to deal with any fallout…  
   
Mari announces her final song – causing a hushed whisper to go through the audience as even after more than two and a half hours they seem to feel they haven’t heard enough yet – and calls it a very personal and emotional song, but doesn’t reveal any further details. Even at the mention of the word ‘personal’ Rafa stiffens. He doesn’t even dare to so much as glance to his mother next to him.  
   
_I will not make_  
_The same mistakes that you did_  
_I will not let myself_  
_Cause my heart so much misery_  
_I will not break_  
_The way you did, you fell so hard_  
_I've learned the hard way_  
_To never let it get that far_  
   
_Because of you_  
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you_  
_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you_  
_I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you_  
_I am afraid_  
   
_I lose my way_  
_And it's not too long before you point it out_  
_I cannot cry_  
_Because I know that's weakness in your eyes_  
_I'm forced to fake_  
_A smile, a laugh everyday of my life_  
_My heart can't possibly break_  
_When it wasn't even whole to start with_  
   
_Because of you_  
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you_  
_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you_  
_I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_  
_Because of you_  
_I am afraid_  
   
_I watched you try_  
_You made me cry every night in my sleep_  
_I was so young_  
_You should have known_  
_Better than to lean on me_  
_You never thought of anyone else_  
_You just saw your gain_  
_And I still cry in the middle of the night_  
_For the same damn thing_  
   
_Because of you_  
_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
_Because of you_  
_I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
_Because of you_  
_I try my hardest just to forget everything_  
_Because of you_  
_I don't know how to let anyone else in_  
_Because of you_  
_I'm ashamed of my life_  
_Because it's empty_  
_Because of you_  
_I am afraid_  
_Because of you_  
   
When the song finishes and soft lights go on again, illuminating the concert hall, there are at least a full 10 seconds of complete silence. Then the applause begins. Mari is still sitting at her piano and even from a distance Rafa can see the moisture shining in her eyes. His sister is fighting back tears. His mother – as he finds out as soon as he finally comes up with the courage to turn and face her – has already last that fight and the sight of the streaks of tears running down her cheek tugs at Rafa’s hard. He has to clear his voice.  
   
“Mama? Are you crying?”  
   
“Don't worry about me, dear. I'm just a little emotional.”  
   
His mother is deflecting and even a blind man would be able to tell. She is trying very hard to give him a reassuring smile, but failing miserably at it. Rafa knows he shouldn’t be angry. Mari has warned him about the song, their mother knows about the background of it all to some extent and it is indeed a sad melody that makes not only his mother but a lot of other people in the concert hall emotional. Still he can’t help the anger. He has told Mari not to do this and now their mother is hurt because of his sister’s stubbornness. It feels remarkably like old times… and it makes him snap.  
   
“I told her not to perform this song...”  
   
“It's not about the song, dear. It's about what the song represents.”  
   
Rafa has no idea how to respond to that. He could tell his mother that he feels Mari has been wrong there too, that she never should have told their mother the truth about the past… But even in his mind saying something like that sounds very much condescending. It’s his mother after all – the woman who raised him, cared for him and telling her how to feel or depriving her of the right to know the truth about the trauma her children have gone through is simply wrong. Unfortunately his mother seems to take his silence as some sort of invitation, wrongfully assuming that because her daughter has wanted to talk to her about all this, her son wants it too. She couldn’t be any farther from the truth...  
   
“When you were 12 and you told me you fell from the jungle gym while playing with your friends and that was how you broke your arm and collarbone... You lied to me, didn't you?”  
   
“Yes.”  
   
It’s probably the hardest one syllable word he ever has to utter, because there is so much meaning behind it, so much severity. It’s an admission he never wanted to make, but now he is forced to… and he can’t bring himself to look his mother in the eyes when he does. A soft sound – very much close to a whimper – escapes his mother’s lips and that makes Rafa look despite himself. Unlike before - during Mari’s song -  this time his mother doesn’t allow more tears to fall. She is trying to be strong – for him. Her voice however betrays her emotions clearer than any tears ever could.  
   
“My darling boy... I'm so sorry.”  
   
“It wasn't your fault. You didn't know.”  
   
“That is exactly what your sister said. How can it not be my fault though? I am your mother. It was my job to keep you safe... and I failed.”  
   
His mother is not wrong and that is exactly the problem. Maybe – one day when he actually feels able to do this – they need to have a proper long talk. But this is neither the time nor the place. This is a discussion they could probably have for the rest of their lives without ever finding a common ground. Maybe there is fault in their mother’s actions. Maybe she could have been more observant, could have read the signs better, could have questioned when her children had turned up with injuries they had explained away without ever looking at her properly. But it’s not like she was right there to actually witness any kind of abuse going on. Unlike so many other families where parents are aware of the other’s atrocities and still stand idly by and do nothing, this is not what has happened to them…  
   
It is why Rafa would never blame his mother for what happened. It isn’t her fault, it isn’t even her shortcoming. She’s not the one who has done the hurting… But it seems their mother will never stop taking the blame now that she is aware of the truth and probably second guessing every last action and uncaringly accepted lie from her children throughout their entire childhood. She shouldn’t but it’s not like Rafa can simply tell her to stop feeling how she feels… The only prudent decision in Rafa’s eyes is to simply not discuss the matter at all – at least for the time being.  
   
“So we’re all failures then. Nice of you to fit in with your children like that.”  
   
“My dear boy, your perspective couldn’t be any more wrong.”  
   
He gives her a curious look ever so mildly nervous and just a tad afraid of what it is his mother means. She seems to realize rather quickly that further explanations are in order and the softest of smiles finds it’s way onto her lips. It’s the first smile Rafa sees since the concert has ended. Surprisingly enough his mother admits that – even though she feels guilt and shame and mostly sadness and sympathy for her children – she does not see herself as completely incapable or unworthy of their love, be it in the past or future. At least that is what Rafa takes away from her explanation and it is a way of looking at things he can very much agree with.  
   
“We all made mistakes, I wholeheartedly agree with you there. But neither one of us is a failure. We’re simply… human and that makes us flawed.”  
   
“I can live with that.”


	42. Terms of endearment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Rafa talk.  
> Maribel eavesdrops.

*Mallorca – the next day*

Rafa feels like he should be hungover. It has been a long night after Mari's concert, he has been out with her and a couple of both her and his friends and they have celebrated Mari's very last concert ever. Partying with Maribel these days is exceedingly boring. It's more like a children's birthday party. It's not just the lack of booze but it's a factor. Mostly it's the awkwardness still lingering among the group of people that are both their friends about what has happened in Mexico and afterwards back home here at the rehab clinic. 

Their friends have barely asked any questions and if they do, they are very reluctant ones. Rafa isn't sure why that is, at least in Mari's case he doesn't know. She has been very open and honest whenever anyone has asked her. Rafa on the other hand is less forthcoming with his personal life. Maybe it's the mixture of the two of them sending out mixed signals. Either way it has made for a kind of strange evening and maybe it's the tension of it all but Rafa is sporting a headache this morning and so far neither coffee nor water has helped. 

He debates lying down again or taking a pain pill for it but it's not that big of a deal. It's more of a nuisance and a bother but he knows it's not the perfect circumstances for his planned lunch meeting with Roger. Having lunch with a headache is not something Rafa wants to do. Though he doubts they will be having lunch. Roger has asked for it, but they probably will sit down and talk and reminisce and in the end they will probably end up in the bedroom. At least that is what Rafa expects of this meeting. Why else would Roger want to meet with him in private. He is about to get married after all and Rafa can't shake the feeling of this being a last hooray to their relationship – especially the physical part of it. Almost like a bachelor party... for just the two of them.

Maybe he is being bitter and spiteful and vindictive. He definitely isn't in the right mood for their planned... date. Rafa blames it on the headache... and decides to take an aspirin after all. Maybe getting rid of that stupid pressure that seems to be working it's way through his skull and causing dull pain at irregular intervals will help lighten his mood. He sure hopes so. He actually does both things – takes the pill and goes to lie down again – and obviously must have dozed off at some point. Because the next thing he is aware of is the doorbell ringing, waking him from a rather deep slumber. 

His headache is gone, and that is a plus, but he doesn't exactly feel refreshed. Sleeping for just a little while under the influence of medication – though a mild one at that – has helped but not as much as Rafa would have wanted it to. Right now however is not the time to dwell on it. Roger is waiting for him at the door and having him wait is probably not the best way to start their date. So Rafa hurries to get up and to the door. Roger is indeed standing there, smiling at him when Rafa opens the door. He looks a little concerned though.

“Are you okay? You took a while... And you look a little... bleary.”

“I tried to sleep off a headache.”

“A headache? Long term effects?”

Of course Roger is immediately worried and he immediately assumes it has something to do with Mexico and Rafa's hospital stay. Roger immediately assumes it's Maribel's fault. Rafa knows he can't blame the older man. He has been right there when Maribel had been in a frenzy and Rafa unconscious and in need of medical attention. Roger had taken care of him... and he despised Maribel for what she had done. Not forgiving her for it is Roger's right. Not discussing the matter with him any further however, is Rafa's. Either way - Rafa can soothe the older man's concerns.

“No. Just a long night.”

Roger nods without prying any further. He knows about the concert of course and he also knows it is – most definitely – the last one Maribel will ever give. Rafa doesn't want to tell him about the night anyway. Avoiding the subject of his sister – even if it is just in the capacity of having spent time with her – seems to be the safest course of action. It leaves them at sort of an impasse though but Rafa has yet to ask Roger to come inside and that leaves them with something to say to one another that is not Maribel after all.

“Come on in. I know we agreed on lunch, but I haven't prepared...”

Rafa never gets to finish he sentence. The second the door closes behind them and they are alone in the privacy of Rafa's home, the older man grabs for his hand and uses gentle force to get Rafa to turn back around to face him. The second he does, Roger pulls him into a tight, bone-crushing hug that takes Rafa completely by surprise. Roger squeezes quite hard and Rafa needs a moment to catch his breath. When the Swiss lets go of him, looking a little embarrassed and has just a tiny tinge of red to his cheeks, Rafa gives him a confused look. 

“What was that for?”

“I missed you. And I’m glad your healthy again.”  
   
“There was never any doubt about that.”  
   
“I know.”  
   
They fall silent again – that same awkward silence as before. It seems Roger is dead set on taking this conversation back to the events in Mexico and that is the last thing Rafa wants. Talking about Acapulco is hard and for Rafa it is a virtual impossibility because he barely remembers anything from that fateful night. The last thing he can fully recall is feeling extremely tired and a little dizzy after drinking with Mari, telling her that he will lie down for a while. The next thing he can remember is waking up in the hospital to Roger's voice. There's two and a half days in between that he is completely missing. And being reminded of that is not something Rafa appreciates. Roger seems to be able to tell from the sour expression on Rafa's face so he focuses on the here and now instead.   
   
“Is your sister here?”  
   
“No. She’s with my mother.”  
   
“Will she be back?”  
   
“Eventually. But not for another 4 to 6 hours.”  
   
Roger nods and there is something to his demeanor that speaks of an inner drive and nervousness that Rafa can’t quite place. They are still standing in the hallway right at the door and have yet to make it to the living room or kitchen or any place where they can sit down comfortably. Rafa has tried to tell Roger about lunch but even that hasn't worked out. Maybe the Swiss is antsy because he is hungry... The realization hits all of a sudden and Rafa could quick himself for his slow-wittedness. The answer is simple enough. Rafa gives Roger a pointed glance, crossing his arms in front of his chest. His tone of voice as he assesses Roger's behavior is somewhere between amusement and reproach and of course the Swiss backpaddles immediately.   
   
“You want sex.”  
   
“What?! No! I didn’t come here for that. I came here to see you, talk to you, have a chance to…”  
   
“Have sex?”  
   
“Stop that.”  
   
“So you don’t want sex?”  
   
“Stop saying sex.”  
   
“Okay…”  
   
Roger has actually managed to almost convince Rafa that his intentions are indeed innocent by vehemently and repeatedly denying the intentions Rafa has assumed the older man as based on his behavior. Maybe he has been reading too much into it all and Roger is just nervous because they haven't come face to face with each other since Mexico. But then Roger proves himself wrong, because the second Rafa finally shows defeat, Roger seems unable to reign in his feelings any longer. The Swiss suddenly takes a step closer to him and then the older man practically crashes into him as he kisses him.

It feels remarkably like the first time they have done this – back in an elevator in Key Biscane, Florida almost a year back. It's a passionate but somehow sloppy kiss, full of urge and need and just a tiny bit of desperation. Rafa doesn't fight it, lets Roger take the lead and allows the older man to pull him closer, kiss him even more urgently and hold onto him like his life depended on it. They are both breathless when they pull apart and that shade of pink is a more pronounced red on Roger's face now. Rafa can't help but grin.   
   
“Didn’t you just say…”  
   
“Oh, shut up.”  
   
Roger does get his bachelor party gift after all because - after that first kiss and the passion arising from it they - do end up in Rafa's bedroom of course. It's different this time somehow though. More intimate, more intense, but still passionate. It seems Roger feels a strong need to take Rafa in with every last fiber of his being. Because they both know this may be the last time in a long time they will get a chance for this. Mirka is pregnant after all. She won't return to the WTA circuit for quite a while and Mari will no longer travel for her shows. There will be less chances for them to meet and other things in their life occupying their time. This is a lot like farewell...

Even their post sex routine is a different one this time. The fact that they have taken it slower this time, means no utter exhaustion and no desperate need of a shower afterwards. So they clean up, Rafa provides Roger with a fresh shirt and a pair of swim shorts and they end up out on the patio. It's actually too cold for the pool as of yet, but it's a sunny spring day and sitting out in the sun while both of them nurse a bottle of beer is actually a nice change to their usual routine. Rafa sure likes it and he feels about ready to doze off again, when Roger's voice pulls him back to the here and now.   
   
“So… Mirka told me about the concert. Showed me the lyrics to that new song your sister wrote for the farewell show…”  
   
Rafa keeps silent, tries hard not to show any emotion or even look at Roger, wishing very much he had indeed dozed off. He wouldn't be having this conversation right now then... He is hoping his silence will be enough for Roger to get the hint and realize that it is definitely not the right topic, especially not now. Rafa hopes for this conversation to magically go away. It does not. Roger makes it worse instead. He pries. And he puts two and two together rather effectively, forcing Rafa into a reply and into eye contact as well.   
   
“That is what the faded scar on your collarbone is all about, isn’t it?”  
   
“Don’t Roger. Please. Mari may be ready to deal with this and share her pain with the world, but I am not.”  
   
“You should…”  
   
“That’s what she said. But as I told her – I will deal with this in my own way.”  
   
“I can respect that.”  
   
Rafa is actually surprised by Roger's response. Not too long ago the Swiss has told him Rafa sometimes doesn't know what is best for him and that Roger knows better. Somehow the Spaniard has expected this to be one of those times Roger will play that card again and try to force him into something Rafa definitely doesn't want. But this isn't like sharing a kiss or admitting to the feelings they have for one another. This is about a deep rooted, long term trauma and that is not something either of them take lightly. So Roger leaves Rafa his decision and his independence on the matter and talks about something else instead, much to the younger man's gratitude.   
   
“Things seem to be good…”  
   
“They are. I still don’t trust it all though – I wait for that fateful moment I wake up and find Mari drunk of her ass next to her bed again like so many times before… But that’s probably very unfair towards her.”  
   
“She’s an addict, she will always be an addict. It can’t hurt to be prepared.”  
   
Roger tries – Rafa can tell by the somewhat strained expression on his face and tone of his voice – but he doesn't quite manage not to sound spiteful and dismissive. Maybe one day, when enough time has passed, there will be a chance for both Roger and Mari to find a way to deal with one another again without hating each other, but that moment is not right now. It's not like he and Roger feel entirely different about Mari anyway. They both distrust her, Roger more than Rafa, and they both fear she might return to her old ways. But unlike Roger, Rafa is willing to have faith in his sister.   
   
“Maybe. But my skepticism and lack of trust in her ability to both commit and change isn’t helping her.”  
   
“As long as you don’t flaunt them, they aren’t hurting her either. Better safe than sorry.”  
   
“I guess. It is a very bitter approach though, don’t you think? Always expecting the worst?”  
   
“Isn’t that your usual M.O.?”  
   
Roger grins when he says it, but Rafa still feels a soft sting to his heart anyway. The problem is, that Roger is not exactly wrong. Everything that has happened to him in his life so far – especially the bad things, the things he has never had any control over – have lead Rafa to be the person he is today. And he is definitely someone who is wary of other people's intentions and not somebody to easily trust. That – however – doesn't mean he can't change. Especially when it comes to his sister and the support she needs right now. 

“Yeah… Maybe I should take Mari up on her offer to see her therapist as well. I sound pretty messed up.”  
   
“You are not messed up. You’re just…”  
   
“Flawed?”  
   
“You have gone through a lot. Dealing with that is hard. I think you’ve done pretty well without a therapist so far. But it’s just like with your skepticism. It definitely can’t hurt.”  
   
Rafa nods in response and focuses his gaze away from Roger and out on the ocean glistening in the sun. The older man is both very much right and reasonable in his assessment. But Rafa doesn’t want to discuss the topic of his past, the trauma he has been forced through and the way he has been dealing with it all so far any more and he certainly doesn’t want to make the decision to see a therapist - a decision this big and important - right here and now. Instead Rafa changes the subject, satisfying his own curiosity in the process.  
   
“How about you? How are you with the wedding less than a month away? Cold feet yet?”  
   
“No. Toasty warm.”  
   
Roger grins at the admission and even though Rafa is happy for him of course, he can't help but feel a sting of jealousy. They have been able to reestablish their relationship – even after the fact of Mirka's pregnancy and the two of them getting married – and apparently they are back to some semblance of normal. But that doesn't change the fact that Rafa will always only be second choice to Roger. It would be half as bad if he himself had somebody to love and cherish and commit to. But all he has in terms of a live life is Roger... and that makes him jealous. Rafa doesn't tell Roger that of course, at least not as harshly as he thinks it. But he does admit to his feelings.   
   
“I envy you, did I ever tell you that?”  
   
“Why?”  
   
“Because you have somebody to love and who loves you back. That must be nice.”  
   
“You can have all that, Rafa. You’re an amazing person. Any girl – or guy for that matter – would be lucky to have you.”  
   
Roger means what he says with every fiber of his heart, Rafa can tell. The Swiss is smiling fondly at him, having that look of admiration on his face that always manages to make Rafa feel uncomfortable. He has never thought quite as highly of himself as Roger does. But that is only half of the problem. Roger doesn't want any guy or girl... But neither one of the two men addresses the rather obvious elephant in the room, that what Rafa and Roger have and share could never be even close to what Mirka and Roger have and share.

Committing to somebody else is not exactly something Rafa wants to get on any time soon. He hates the whole process of dating and he can't hope to have another chance encounter like the one with Roger in Australia a year ago. They are... sort of a couple and even their relationship has its ups and downs... and it has flaws. Trying to find somebody else when he is quite happy – or at least content - with the way things are, is all Rafa wants for the moment. Anything else is simply too far out of his comfort zone. He gives Roger a small smile.

“Maybe one day.”  
   
Inside the house, right behind them, a soft groan can be heard but neither of the two men pick up on it. Just as well neither of them is aware of the fact, that they are no longer alone and that their conversation has been eavesdropped on. Mari has returned early from the visit to their mother's house, not on purpose and not to intrude. She has tried to be quite, has planned to go directly to her room and not come back out again until Roger is gone in order not to cause any problems or animosities, but she has heard voices out on the patio and curiosity has won the better of her. 

She hasn't been standing close to the slightly opened glass sliding door leading out to the patio for long, but long enough to hear Roger talk about how Rafa could easily find a girlfriend and would make one special girl very much happy if he did. Hearing the Swiss say that, Mari is smiling. An idea has just popped into her head – an idea of how to repay her brother for everything he has ever done for her...


	43. Happily ever after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vR32XI3Sr4)

*Basel – April 2009*  
   
Mirka is positively glowing – with pride, with happiness, with joy and at least half a dozen other feelings she can't quite place at the moment. It's a whirlwind of emotion. Next to her, Roger is grinning like an idiot. She certainly cannot blame him for that. Actually she is very much happy about it. It means he is feeling the same way she does. As he should. After all this is their day – their wedding day. 

They are husband and wife now and somehow – even with the engagement lasting for months and all that planning and preparation that has Mirka thinking about little else but the wedding in these last few weeks – she can't quite grasp the facts yet. She is a married woman... They have been boyfriend and girlfriend for so long and now they are a family and in a little while they will have two kids to complete the setup. It all seems almost too perfect to actually be true. But it is. And to top it all of everybody Mirka has wanted here today is actually there...

*#*

*Mallorca – a couple weeks earlier*

The stupid card with it's calligraphy writing and the stenciled flowers and butterflies on it has been sitting in between them on the kitchen table for quite a while now. Rafa is sure Mirka has picked the design. Somehow flowers and butterflies are not something he would ever associate with Roger... Then again that is what a wedding is all about – the bride and what she wants. He and Mari were supposed to have coffee when the mail came and brought this wedding invitation for them. The coffee is cold by now. 

It's a decision to ponder and a difficult one to make. For starters neither he or Mari think much of weddings. The whole concept of marriage is one they are very much reluctant about. Their own parents are divorced and it has completely taken them by surprise back in the day when the two had announced the matter of the fact to the two siblings. They had never witnessed any fighting or animosities... Their parents had fought about their differences in hushed tones and in secrecy and it had only added to an already battered childhood for the both of them. So weddings hold nothing romantic or desirable for either Rafa or Maribel.

But this is not about them, as no wedding is ever about the guests who are invited. This is Mirka's and Roger's big day and they want them there. Or at least Mirka wants Mari there and Roger wants Rafa there. Either way they have been invited, they are expected and not going would be rude at least. But there is more to think about. Mari has not been home from the clinic and rehab for too long and she is still seeing her therapist on a weekly basis. Going to a function where alcohol is served is a huge test of endurance for her to say the least. 

Rafa is mostly vindictive and he feels he has every right and reason to be. He feels he has been lied to... or avoided at least. After all Mirka and Roger have been on the island not too long ago. It has only been six days and now they have the invitation in the mail. It means they pretty much must have mailed out the invitations the day after their return home. Rafa feels they could have told them and asked them if either he or Mari or both of them want to be there. After all they have talked about the wedding. But neither of the two Swiss have decided to do so. Mari manages to rip him from his thoughts.   
   
“I never, not in a million years, thought they would want us there...”  
   
“We are their friends.”  
   
“We are their nightmares. We tried very hard to ruin their engagement...”  
   
“It wasn't that bad...”

Rafa knows the second he says the words that he is being anything but realistic. Because it has been bad and even two months time and a hospital stay in between can't change the fact that the fight both of them have had with Roger and Mirka back in Melbourne has been awful and that is a rather mild way to describe it. Mari gives him a pointed and almost accusing look before she shakes her head at him and of course his little sister cannot simply leave it at that. She has to correct him – and she has to be blunt doing it.   
   
“Were you actually there for any of it? You yelled at him, I yelled at her and then they had to go through all our drama with you in the hospital unable to breathe on your own and me in rehab puking my guts out... How and why would anyone want another part of that?”  
   
“Because despite everything... they love us.”  
   
“The things we do for love...”  
   
“Do you want to cancel?”  
   
There it is, the one, important question neither one of them has actually had the courage to ask yet. They have both taken a look at the invitation, Mari has placed it on the kitchen table and they have proceeded to stare at it for quite a while now, but they haven't really talked about it. Rafa is glad he is the one to ask. Because this way he doesn't have to come up with a decision of his own. He wouldn't be able to anyway. He has no idea what he wants when it comes to Roger's and Mirka's wedding. He does know what the Swiss couple wants – otherwise the invitation wouldn't be sitting their on the table – but he himself is very much... torn. Mari however has already made up her mind. 

“No. I want to be selfish. I want to go there.”  
   
“Then we will.”  
   
“You could bring Meri.”  
   
Rafa actually groans at the suggestion even though he knew – with 100 percent certainty – that Mari would bring it up. After all the card states 'plus one' for both of them, though he is pretty sure that is just a courtesy, probably towards their mother. Roger and Mirka know all too well that neither Mari nor Rafa are involved. Though that fact doesn't ring entirely true anymore. But then again those are news Rafa has yet to tell either of the two Swiss. And in the end it should be Mari who tells them. Because it has been all her doing – despite her denying it every time Rafa tries to ask her about it. 

It has been the day after Roger and Mirka had left – a Monday afternoon – when he had run into Meri, seemingly by chance. Of course it hasn't been chance, because there is no reason whatsoever his former girlfriend and his sister had anything to talk about that would have made it necessary for Meri to show up at their mother's house where Rafa had gone to pick up his sister and take her home. But yet, that is what both his mother and his sister claim and they are sticking to their story stubbornly. 

It doesn't really matter. What matters to Rafa is the result and quite frankly he is still a little surprised how things have turned out. He has expected Meri to be angry or vindictive. He at least has expected seeing her again almost four years after breaking up with her to be awkward. But it hasn't been. It has been nice. They have talked, laughed, flirted just a little and it seems to have taken no effort whatsoever to simply pick up where they have left off. Their mother has asked Meri to stay for dinner and afterwards has shanghaied Rafa into walking her home because it was late and already dark outside... That walk had turned into an invitation for another dinner – just the two of them – and that was two days ago. 

They aren't exactly a couple and Rafa isn't quite sure they are actually dating. It's a little weird – seeing a girl again he has been with before. The whole process of getting to know one another, of having to find out what the other person likes, it's simply not there, because they already know all that. So it's not exactly like dating. But it is nice. And it's definitely too soon for an invite to a wedding in Switzerland – no matter the fact that they know each other so well. It has only been one date after all and it seems that is a fact Rafa actually needs to point out to his sister.

“We have been out for one date, Mari. One. I can’t ask her to go to a wedding with me, especially not to the wedding of my male friend… with benefits.”  
   
“Why not?”  
   
“Because I LIKE her and I actually want a SECOND date with her. I don’t want to scare her away.”  
   
Mari is grinning now and Rafa is all too aware of the fact, that his sister is making fun of him. She is teasing mercilessly and even though he doesn't like it, he is in too good a mood about the way things are going with Meri – even though this has not been chance or fate or him actually making a move but all his mother and especially his sister trying to make him happy – to actually be angry or even annoyed with his sister. He simply lets her tease and gives her a smile. It's the least he can do in thanks for her reintroducing Meri to his life... 

“She has known you since forever and she’s been with you before. She knows you are both crazy and difficult to please.”  
   
“Thanks a lot.”  
   
“Any time, big brother. Any time.”  
   
*#*  
   
It's not until the reception that Mirka actually gets a chance to talk to Mari and tell her thank you and how happy she is that the younger woman and her brother have decided to come to the wedding. She never even gets a word in though because Mari pulls her into a hug. She is enthusiastic but careful at the same time, mindful of both the dress and the state of Mirka's stomach that has only gotten bigger in the last few weeks. She is smiling widely when she pulls back and Mirka can't help but feel relieved. Judging from the way Mari acts, it has been a good idea to invite her. 

“Congratulations.”

“And with a straight face you say that.”

Mirka doesn't even try to hide her little bit of sarcasm away but she says it with fondness in her voice to take out the sting of it. They both know Mari doesn't like Roger too much and that she is being polite more than anything else in congratulating the older woman. Mari grins back at her – enthusiasm and genuine happiness written all over her face – and shrugs her shoulder in response. If she is in any way offended by Mirka's cynicism, she doesn't let it show. 

“Hey, I have no problem with your boy... your husband. It's he who despises me and he has every right to that. I don't blame him, I don't hate him. I don't like him very much, but I don't have to. He's your problem to deal with for the rest of your life anyway.”

“How very romantic of you.”

“Sorry. Could have worked on my delivery there, couldn't I.”

“Just a tad.”

They have ended up in an endearing bickering match somehow and Mirka isn't quite sure how they have gotten there. She hasn't been able to get her thanks in yet, but hopefully Mari knows from her smile and the way she is teasing the younger woman, that she is very much happy to have her here. Yet again Mirka doesn't get the chance to get the acknowledgment out, because Mari interjects. She has something else on her mind, something that actually manages to surprise Mirka, especially with the enthusiasm Mari shows. 

“But I have something for you. A wedding gift.”

“You didn't have to...”

“Of course I had to. You get married, you get a gift. That's the rules. And remember I've always been shitty at gift giving. I know you're supposed to give proper gifts to the newlyweds. But instead of buying a blender or something, I wrote a song for you two...and I would like to sing it for you.”

Mirka simply looks and blinks at Mari for a long moment. She knows she shouldn't be surprised. She knows Mari writing a song and wanting to perform it is something that comes naturally to the younger woman and is a lot like the gift she has given Mirka for Christmas. But Mari has just given a farewell concert and somehow Mirka has expected her not to ever want to perform again... not even in a small venue. Apparently she has been wrong about that – not only does the younger woman want to do it, she actually looks excited at the prospect. But then again this is a special occasion. 

It's at the reception that – among other guests who step up to the small stage to congratulate them – Mari sings the song for them. Mirka understand now why Mari has asked her beforehand if she has arranged for a band to play at the wedding and what kind of instruments they would be bringing. Of course her song needs a piano and that is provided for her. It's not the melody though that gets to Mirka and tugs at her heart. The lyrics are what get her to almost smudge her mascara and ruin her perfectly arranged wedding day make-up.   
   
 _Life is so simple  
A little boy a little girl  
Laughing and loving  
Tryin' to figure out the world  
   
It felt like summer when I kissed you in the rain  
And I know your story but tell me again  
Nothing you say wouldn't interest me  
All of your words are like poems to me  
I would be honored if you would take me as I am  
   
I want you to look right in my eyes  
To tell me you love me  
To be by my side  
I want you at the end of my life  
Wanna see your face when I fall with grace  
At the moment I die  
Is that alright? Is that alright?  
   
I hope you’re still with me when I’m not quite myself  
And I pray that you’ll lift me  
When you know I need help  
   
It’s a warm celebration of all of our years  
I dream of our story of our fairy tale  
Family dinners and family trees  
Teachin' the kids to say thank you and please  
Knowing if we stay together that things will be right  
   
I want you to look right in my eyes  
To tell me you love me  
To be by my side  
I want you at the end of my life  
Wanna see your face when I fall with grace  
At the moment I die  
Is that alright? Is that alright?  
Is that alright?_

*#*

Rafa has been avoiding him, Roger is almost sure of that. He has been sitting through their guests giving toasts to them, – and Maribel singing her song for them – he has had his first dance with his newly wed wife, he has had cake, but he has not yet had a chance to speak to the Spaniard at all. So when he sees Rafa slip outside for a breath of fresh, Roger decides to take his chance and follows the younger man. He hopes to sneak up on Rafa – just for the fun of it – but the younger man seems to be expecting him. At least he doesn't look surprised when Roger shows up outside next to him. Not wanting to end up having chit-chat or exchanging pleasantries, Roger cuts right to the point – which is pretty much trying to gauge Rafa's mood. As so many times before – Roger uses a tease for that. It's always a fair bet. Rafa tends to be annoyed at teasing when he is in a bad mood.

“I might have little to no positive feelings for your sister, but she does know how to write a gut-wrechingly beautiful song. I give her that. Will be hard to top that...”

“Are you implying anything?”

“No. I'm asking what you got us?”

“For what?”

Rafa is playing dumb and Roger is very much sure he is doing it on purpose. He is smiling – which is a good indicator for both his mood and the fact that this is more of a game to him than actual oblivion to what Roger is referring to – and there is amusement to his tone of voice. Roger decides to play along, adding a little reproach to his own tone, but still smiling back at the younger man. It seems this special day has both of them in a relaxed and happy mood and Roger is very much glad about that. He would have hated for Rafa to come to the wedding and feel bad about it. The last thing Roger would have wanted, is for the Spaniard to feel obligated to be here. It doesn't seem to be the case. 

“As a wedding present of course!”  
   
“I actually got you a blender.”  
   
“Seriously?!”

Rafa starts to laugh and Roger needs a moment to realize he is being mocked rather mercilessly. Apart from the teasing however, Rafa has yet to tell him what it is he has come up with as a wedding gift for him and Mirka. Of course Roger could simply wait for him and Mirka to sift through the gift table at a later hour but he is curious now. The answer Rafa has for him actually manages to surprise the Swiss and – if at all possible – manages to make him even more curious.   
   
“No! I was joking. I... don't have a present of my own. Maribel already gave it to you. The song – it was sort of a joined piece of gift giving.”  
   
“You helped her with the lyrics?”  
   
“I wrote them... Which is why they are so bleak here and there. Maribel found the perfect melody to go along with them and of course she had to perform, because – as you know – I couldn't hit a note if my life depended on it. But it was a combined effort...”  
   
Rafa actually blushes – though just a little bit – and he does not manage to look Roger in the eyes. He is embarrassed and Roger is completely floored by the admission. It's not that he wouldn't have put it past Rafa to actually come up with a decent set of lyrics for a song. After all he is the first person Maribel turns to when she finishes up drafts for her lyrics, Roger knows as much. But having the younger man actually sit down and come up with a piece of prose for him and Mirka to gift them for their wedding, that is actually amazing... and both thoughtful and special. Roger smiles, fondly, still a little in disbelief and he does not even try to hide either his amazement or his gratitude. 

“Thank you. Both of you.”  
   
“You are both very welcome. And we are happy for you. Both of us.”

They share a look and a smile and fall silent, perfectly happy just standing there with no need to say anything else. They both know how they feel – about the wedding, about the gift and about each other. The silence doesn't last for long and Roger actually flinches when the rather pervading sound of a phone ringing breaks that comfortable silence between them. It's Rafa's cell phone and the younger man gives him an apologetic look before he proceeds to pick up on the call. 

It's not a long call but there is something... unique about it. Roger has no idea what it is about of course, as the whole conversation happens in Mallorquin – which is sort of strange to listen in on because he has rarely ever heard Rafa speak in his native tongue. But it's not just the foreign language that throws Roger of. It's the tone to Rafa's voice and the way his whole face seems to light up during the conversation. There is fondness and appreciation to the younger man's tone in a way Roger has only ever heard when it comes to... well himself. 

The realization hits Roger like a ton of bricks and he actually stares at Rafa like the younger man has suddenly grown a second head. Luckily Rafa is to preoccupied by the phone call and the conversation still going on to notice. Roger has a hard time to get his emotions back under control for a moment. He knows what this call means, knows what Rafa's reaction means. The younger man has found somebody... somebody to love. 

When the all ends and Rafa puts the phone away, he is still smiling and Roger is dying to find out what this is all about and especially who the person on the other end of the line is. He wants to know who has managed to capture Rafa's heart, he wants to know how it happened and he wants to know where Rafa and his mystery caller stand in terms of a relationship. Basically Roger wants to know everything. Because he is curious... and very much happy for his friend. He grins at Rafa, not even trying to hide how he feels.   
   
“Who was that?”  
   
“A friend.”  
   
“A lady friend?”

Roger sounds like a teenage girl gossiping about a crush with one of her friends. Rafa appreciates the other man's interest but he feels reluctant about it as well. This whole thing with Meri is still new and they haven't exactly put down any terms to their relationship yet. As of now they are dating and Rafa likes that arrangement. If they actually decide to be together again, there is a lot for him to figure out. What to tell Meri about Roger, how to proceed in both those relationships from there on out... and so on. Talking to Roger about any of this without having figured out where things are going simply seems wrong to Rafa. He isn't ready – not yet. But that never stops the Swiss from simply assuming.   
   
“Stop prying.”  
   
“You have a girlfriend… That is great! See I told you any girl would be lucky to have you. Will you introduce us sometime?”  
   
“Yes. Sometime.”  
 


	44. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it - the end of the story.  
> Thanks to anyone who read, reviewed or left kudos.  
> Any effort made to tell me how you feel about the story is grately appreciated.
> 
> It's hiatus for now for me. See you around sometime.
> 
> <>°O°<>

*Epilogue – August 2009*  
   
The invitation Mirka and Roger have given to them has been sort of out of the blue – very much like the one to the wedding – but yet again the siblings have decided to go. This time it is sort of a house warming party... and a chance for them to see the newly born twin girls. This time Rafa has decided to bring Meri along – of course only after asking her about it, hearing her opinion, making sure she feels comfortable... and telling her the whole truth about the special character of his and Roger's relationship in the past, up until about a month before the wedding.

She has been more understanding than Rafa has ever expected her to be and it seems he has given her way too little credit for her tolerance. She isn't angry with him, only mildly curious and confused about his sexual orientation. He has been able to soothe both her worries and her curiosity, telling her he feels no particular inclination to either sex – meaning he likes both boys and girls as Meri has put it with a mischievous smile on her face – and telling her he hasn't been with Roger in that way ever since him and her have been dating again. 

She has believed him – at least Rafa hopes and thinks she does – and she has actually been excited for the chance to meet the Swiss couple. Roger in turn has been enthusiastic about a chance to finally meet the girl Rafa has been dating since March in person. The only reason for Rafa – who has been the most reluctant out of the three of them – to even ask Meri along, is that they are no longer dating, but have decided as of three months ago to be a couple again. They are together, they are serious about it and Meri knows the whole truth about him and Roger. It's time for all factions to meet. 

In his mind it's a little like peace talks or something. Rafa expects the atmosphere to be stiff and strained and awkward. But it never happens. Meri is her usual charming self and both Mirka and Roger receive her warmly, being a perfect set of hosts. They are invited in, are given a quick tour of the house, drop in on the twin girls sleeping in the nursery and relocate out on the patio of the garden. It's all very informal and straightforward and judging from the soft, content smile playing on her lips, Meri feels perfectly happy with these new people she has met and allowed into her life. 

She and Roger and Rafa have been standing together for a couple of minutes, exchanging mostly pleasantries and polite chitchat, when Meri excuses herself to the bathroom for a chance to freshen up. Rafa is pretty sure she doesn't need to go. She simply wants to give him and Roger a moment of privacy... and of course the Swiss pounces at the chance the moment Meri leaves them, wearing a cheeky, boyish grin on his face that Rafa knows all too well. It always means Roger is up to nothing good. This time however it mostly means he is happy for his younger friend. 

“So that is the girlfriend...”

“Yes.”

Rafa sounds nervous and just a tiny bit defensive, like he expects Roger to say something negative or even hurtful. So far the Swiss has been perfectly polite but now that Meri is out of earshot, Rafa is bound to hear whatever it is Roger truly things of his choice of girlfriend. As it turns out, there is no need to worry though. Just as she has done with him – or more precisely has done to him again – Meri has been easily able to charm Roger and convince him she is the perfect choice for Rafa. Roger actually grins at him in approval. 

“I like her. You two seem good together.”

“We are.”

“Where did you meet?”

“School.”

Roger frowns at him and Rafa feels a hint of glee wash over him at the fact that he has managed to catch Roger off guard and confuse him. The expression on the older man's face is gold and Rafa has to laugh. Roger doesn't appreciate being mocked and teased – especially as he can make no sense of Rafa's answer whatsoever. There is a hint of annoyance to his tone of voice when he asks for clarification. 

“Excuse me?”

“I've known her a long time, Roger. We've actually been together before... before I had to stop with tennis. Mari and my mother shanghaied her into coming over for dinner one evening. They... reintroduced us.”

“Are you happy?”

“Very.”

There is so much fondness, so much openness and honesty to Rafa's voice, Roger feels his heart warm at the way the younger man admits to the love he has found – or found again – with the woman of his choice. Roger is happy for the Spaniard, he truly is. But it leaves them with a rather unique problem and decision to make – the decision how to proceed from here. Maybe it is selfish and maybe it means some sort of... dilution of their feelings for one another, but honestly Roger doesn't think so. They have simply moved on in their lives, changes have happened and that means they have to adjust. He is willing to do that. He hopes Rafa is as well. 

“So...”

“I know what you are going to ask but I have no answer for you. This thing with me and Meri, it's still very fresh. I have told her about our past, but I haven't asked her about... permission for us yet.”

“You don't have to.”

“I... What?”

This time it is Roger's turn to manage to surprise and confuse the other man. He tries to hide back a grind but there is no denying he could very well gloat at the fact that he has managed to get back at Rafa like that. But it's the wrong moment for glee. This is a serious topic and an important decision to make. He doesn't want Rafa to get the wrong impression and of course – being the person he is – Rafa immediately thinks he has done something wrong, something to lose Roger's trust and affection. It is exactly the opposite though. Roger's feelings for Rafa are as strong as ever. Ad because of them he wants the younger man to be one thing above all else - happy. 

“You don't have to tell her about us and you don't have to ask her for permission or anything.”

“You... you don't want me anymore?”

“I don't want to get you into any kind of trouble. This thing you have going for you? It is good. It is what you deserve. I told you you deserve it. I want you to be happy and I will not stand in the way of that.”

Rafa nods softly but that mildly confused expression never quite leaves his face. Roger however is sure he has managed to get his point across, which is that he still very much likes Rafa, still wants him as a part of his life but never, ever would risk the younger man's relationship with his new girlfriend. He will not be the one to cause Rafa pain. He has managed to do that in the past on occasion and he never wants to do it again. Maybe they cannot be lovers or partners but they can be something equally as important and precious and that is exactly what Roger tells the younger man upon his question for clarification. And Rafa is okay with it. Roger is sure. Because the younger man smiles. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means from now on we are friends. We can be friends, right? Just friends?”

“I would like that very much.”

*#*

While the two men stand and talk, Mari and Mirka have settled at the large wooden table dominating the patio. Mari would never ever say it out loud, but Mirka looks exhausted. Then again she has given birth to two baby girls not two months ago and the first few months with two newborns demanding attention cannot have been easy for the couple. It's no wonder the older woman looks tired and exhausted. Instead of focusing on Mirka's condition, Mari tries t find something nice, something positive to say. It's not exactly difficult. 

“It's lovely here. You picked a great house. I'm glad we have a chance to see it.”

“We did owe you an invite to our home.”  
   
“We're here because you owe it to us?”

Mari means to be teasing and adds a grin to her slightly reproachful tone of voice to take the sting right back out of it. She knows what Mirka has meant after all. This is her repaying the courtesy of Mari and Rafa inviting the Swiss couple to stay with them over the summer break after Wimbledon last year, spending their holidays on Mallorca. Mari, Rafa and Meri will only be staying the weekend though but still, Mari is sure they will have a great time together. Still Mirka seems to feel the need to clarify... and add a bit of a joke of her own.  
   
“You're here because we want you here. And because I wanna show off like in those cheesy TV commercials – my house, my husband, my kids.”  
   
“You're missing a car and a boat.”  
   
“Actually...”  
   
Both women laugh before Mirka can even produce her phone for pictures or ask Mari to follow her to the garage. It's just a bit of light hearted bickering anyway. They fall silent after that moment of fun they have shared and Mirka's gaze wanders over to her husband and Mari's brother, where the woman standing with them – the woman Rafa has brought – is just excusing herself and walking over to the house. It's not really any of her business and of course she could get up and ask Rafa directly, but Mari is right here and Mirka is curious. .  
   
“So who is the girl your brother brought?”  
   
“Is this not okay? You did say we could bring someone if we wanted to...”

“No, it's not that. It's okay of course. I'm just curious.”  
   
“Well... This is Meri.”  
   
“Meri?”  
   
“Actually her name is Francisca but she doesn't like being called that... They've known each other for ages... Actually they were a couple when he still played tennis. They broke up when the doctors told him his chance at a promising career was over and they haven't seen each other since. But with all the time he spent at home while I was going through rehab and therapy in Palma, I guess they caught sight of each other again. But that is his story to tell.”

Mari doesn't tell Mirka she has been playing matchmaker for her brother. Somehow she doesn't feel comfortable telling the older woman about that. After all her own hand at relationships and love and affection hasn't always been the best. The fights and some of the ugliness in the shared path she and Mirka have gone through proves that. Mari is simply glad it seems to have worked out this time. That – however – is mostly Meri's doing. It's no surprise to Mari though. After all she has known Rafa since forever. Getting him back has not been all that difficult... But Mirka doesn't need to know that either. Mari doubts that she cares anyway. She is however curious enough to come up with a follow up question.  
   
“So they are friends?”  
   
“No. They got back together. She's his girlfriend... again. And she's good for him. Just like you were for me.”  
   
“Maribel...”

Changing the subject and talking about the two of them instead, almost immediately manages to make Mirka uncomfortable. Mari doesn't blame her. She is a wife now, a mother of two and she certainly doesn't need any added responsibility to that. Especially not the responsibility for a recovering drug addict still barely even old enough to make legal decisions on her own. Mari hasn't meant to put that on her though. She gives Mirka a reassuring smile and quickly hurries to explain, that all she has meant to do is to reminisce.  
   
“It's okay, Mirka. I don't mean to pressure you or make you feel guilty. I'm just saying... you were good for me. And I'm happy about that.”  
   
“I know. So am I. So... how about you? How have you been since...”  
   
“Rehab?”  
   
“Yes.”  
   
“You can say it, it's not like it's a bad word or anything.”

Mirka smiles a slightly strained smile in response, feeling just a little bit silly. Mari is right of course, but Mirka has tried to tread carefully, not wanting to hurt Mari's feelings. Then again the younger woman has been surprisingly open and honest about the whole process of trying to overcome her addiction. There never should have been any doubt as to whether Mirka can ask her about it. Now she knows and she tries again, sounding more sure of herself this time.  
   
“How have you been since rehab?”  
   
“I never really stopped. I’m still seeing my therapist and all. It's a daily struggle really, but I knew that from the start. I've been... good so far. I even met someone...”  
   
“You have a boyfriend?”

“No. Not yet. We're just dating for now. We're taking things slow.”

Mirka nods, not exactly sure how she feels about Mari's revelation. She is happy for the younger woman of course, but she can't help a sting of jealousy. It's an irrational thought, but then that is what feelings are all about. They fall silent and Mirka isn't sure whether to pry or not and ask some more about this new man in Mari's life. Before she ever has a chance to decide, Mari's change of topic comes out of the blue and Mirka isn't quite sure what to make of it.  
   
“My very unmusical brother, who cannot keep a single note, who doesn't even know how to read them and who needs sheet music spelled out for him and a chance at about a hundred repetitions before he feels he has gotten it right, you know what he said to me?”  
   
“No...”  
   
“He said this. He said music is a curious thing. Music is essentially twelve notes between any octave. Twelve notes and the octave repeats. It's the same story told over and over. All the artist can offer the world is how they see those twelve notes. He said that is my gift. That is what I owe the world to do. Even if it's just a small part of the word.”  
   
“Why are you telling me this?”

Mirka truly has no idea what Mari is getting at. She likes the analogy Rafa has used, wholeheartedly agrees with his assessment that Mari is special when it comes to her music and that it is a gift she should not keep to herself. It sounds a lot like the younger woman is about to ask her for her opinion about returning to touring and performing her songs despite already having made a different decision. As it turns out, she couldn't be further from the truth. Mari isn't asking for her advice or opinion. She is trying to compliment her.  
   
“Because he told me this before we accepted the invite to your wedding. He told me and then we wrote that song for you together...”  
   
“I'm not sure I understand...”  
   
“You are the world to me, as Roger is for my brother. You two are the world we offer our gifts to. You two are the one thing we offer and bare our souls too. I thought you should know that. You stepped into our lives at a turning point and neither one of us was aware of it at the time. But that's what you did. You swooped in, you changed how we felt and essentially... you saved us. You made us better.”

Mirka has to swallow hard at the overwhelming compliment Mari has just made her – and Roger as well on her brother's behalf of course. It's a lot to take it and she isn't quite sure if it is really justified. After all, all they have ever done is to be friends with the Spanish siblings. But this is the way Mari feels and Mirka certainly will not deny her that. There is however one aspect of what Mari tells her, Mirka simply cannot agree on and has to interject. She does it gently, fondly and with a smile filled with affection, appreciation and utter humility.  
   
“You're wrong.”  
   
“Excuse me?”  
   
“You were perfect from the start. Both of you.”  
 

\- FIN-  
 


End file.
